The HMS STFU
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November 4th, 2009
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I give you The Dog that Didn’t Get Exonerated in the Night in which the usual Manip!Dumbledore paradigm is once again trotted out for display. For bonus lulz, ![[info]](http://www.journalfen.net/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} marionros got good and wound up and blasted a few screeds about how that horrible fucktard Harry Potter is NEVER WRONG AT ALL NO SIR THE BOOKS NEVER SHOWED THIS (never mind that, uh, we do indeed read that in the "big reveal" scenes at the end of the books, that the gaps in Harry's (and therefore our) knowledge are filled in); she also doesn't seem to grasp the concept of a POV character who introduces us to the world in which he or she inhabits.As seems to be par for the course, trying to find ways to prove that the Death Eaters weren't really all THAT bad and such, we get this bald-faced assertion: So Grindlewald was the Dark Lord of his time, and Voldemort did a bid to the title a couple of decades later. Bagged it too (although I still don't get why everybody was so afraid of him. All that talk of 'he did great things.. Terrible, but great' and what do we get? A few murders of muggles and old women! A two-bit muggle crook can do better than that! The DE's would faint at seeing 'Silence of the Lambs'!). *coughBULLSHITcough* Voldemort did a hell of a lot more than "A few murders of muggles and old women", Ms Ros. He founded a terrorist organization devoted to overthrowing the lawfully constituted government of his nation. He counselled the commission of murder, torture, vandalism and property destruction by the members of his organization. Every action proved that power for its own sake no matter how convoluted the pathway was his basic justification. Else why greedily snatch at all elements of immortality? Even though he had his Horcruxes he wanted a Philosopher's Stone and had no compunction about drinking Unicorn blood. But hey, why let the books speak for themselves when you can make stuff up? Example by means of this detour: Sirius loathes Snape and calls him 'Greasy Git'. Harry loathes Snape and calls him 'Greasy Git'. We might assume that Neville also loathes Snape, but as far as I know, he never referred to him as 'Greasy Git'. Just because Neville loathes Snape but doesn't call him Greasy Git doesn't mean that those who do call him Greasy Git don't loathe him. It's amazing how these fen can make it all about Snape amid meta about Dumbledore. The making stuff up is that the words 'greasy' and 'git' never occur together once in the books. Chew on that, Ms Ros, and quit substituting fanon for logical analysis. Then The Corruption of the House System in which terri_testing takes a little sideswipe or three at James by insinuating he didn't respect his mother, and then goes on to basically portray Dumbledore in a manipulative light again. The actual logistical underpinnings of her assertions seem quite weak. How would, as she claims, a mass Obliviate work on twenty some thousand people? (Since that is, in effect, what she's proposing as the reason why nobody remembers what House Dumbledore happened to be in; she says (paraphrased) 'the spell works on books and memories')My spork is in storage at the moment so I can't do more than take a few feeble stabs at these meta-pieces which probably have grains of truth, but which seem to be built on a helluva lot of speculation and more than a bit of fanon. ETA: Oh for chrissakes mary_j_59 came along and managed to bring in some of that ridiculous Four Elements of Nature theory as well as demonstrate just how badly she excels at Missing The Point.Her comment is here and I'll be over in my corner of the universe, karate headdesking at the ridiculousness of her ability to ignore what the Sorting Hat and Dumbledore both said about Slytherin traits. | ||||||
comments: 103 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper   |
October 31st, 2009
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| PSA: Snippets taken from the wank report. Old Portkey had a forum, and on this forum they had a thread. And with a self-righteous bleat here and some srs bsns there, the Harmoanians had their say. PJLikesAUfanfic: I even got little one trained to say 'ron is icky and yucky and mean to Hermione' and she is so adorable when she says it too. At school they play the HP movies *1 and 2 only since the movies 3 & 4 and up would scare little kids in her Special Needs class* sometimes and she stands up and points at the TV and says it in the middle of her class and her teachers smile and nod and give her a sticker. I guess they have read the books too and know which couple is the right choice rather than the 'easier' choice. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS I DON'T EVEN-- *stares* I think my face looks like that dog that's trying to comprehend the sheer level of stupid up close he's witnessing. What kind of person uses their children to validate their world of batshit? I mean, that's just a million degrees of Fucking Creepy, in my book. I don't even want to try and wade through the rest of it but I imagine some of you will be more than ready to take out your sporks and apply some deserved ego reduction to these folks. Meanwhile, I'll be over here. *karate headdesks* ETA: I want to point out that this icon from littleshebear is so very appropriate. | ||||||
| comments: 211 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
October 29th, 2009
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| (Sorry if this has been posted before :P) I was curious about why people at Portkey have Draco/Ginny as one of their "official" ships, so I went looking for their D/G forums, and found this list. I've selected the most lulzy reasons out of the lot to avoid the tl;dr. ( LOLWAT ) | ||||||
| comments: 133 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
October 25th, 2009
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| Over on LJ in Fandom Secrets, last night's post provided us with this secret and its ensuing comments. A completely harmless secret that is in NO WAY poking the bear (the part calling people idiots is especially non-confrontational). As soon as I read it last night, I wanted to almost call troll, but I let it slide because I felt things really could turn interesting with it. When I checked back this morning, I was right... People answer the OP's question ("What is it about Harry and Hermione that pisses you guys off so much?"), and you get all sorts of responses, from the rational explanations to the kneejerk, to the "BECAUSE THEY'RE ANNOYING", to the H/Hr shippers adding their two cents. | ||||||
| comments: 116 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
October 24th, 2009
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| I give you, first of all, The Secret Riddle: Albus's Collusion in Tom's Dirty Secret. ( Delicious Teal Deer here ) I suppose har articles aren't too facepalm-worthy at the moment, but I think this picture is a fine riposte to terri_testing. :PETA: Even more pompous bullshit here: Accessory after the Fact: Albus and the Invention of Lord Voldemort and oh look for the lulz she has another Pride and Prejudice reference with, of course, that Mr. Darcy featuring prominently. God I could just roll my eyes forever at this. (and ooh look, oryx_leucoryx fails by referring to a fan fic by duj as 'proof' of whatever point she was making.)ETA2: marionros won't shut up about narcissism. Please excuse me while I facepalm. | ||||||
| comments: 54 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
October 22nd, 2009
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| Whoever that mouse is on the wank report, they deserve a medal for wading through this crap. Seems Jayne1955 decided to share her thoughts on She's in fine form acting like a clone of the Snapefen with her ability to interrogate the text from the batshit perspective and spew a ton of blather about the books. Apparently there is wank in the rest of the thread too but I'm kind of iffy about poking through all that. :O ETA: I did look at the first page, and this defence of Harry Potter by zzz Epans is quite endearing in its simplicity: I just don't understand it. He's so sweet, he's brave, he's cares so much about everyone...I mean, he even risked his life to save Malfoy! He's had a horrible life, he grew up way too fast, but he doesn't let that turn him into a bad person. I just really don't get it... Psst, zzz Epans? Don't let marionros hear you say that. XD ETA 2: It has since been noted that Darth Gojira has been unutterably rude and condescending towards zzz Epans and others. Classy. Too bad Twilight hasn't drawn away all the people who ingest crazy cakes on a cracker for a living. | ||||||
| comments: 194 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
October 19th, 2009
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| PSA: Grabbed this one off the Wank Report as well. I'm just agog at the sheer venomous viciousness with which these ... people? (assuming they are, and not just horrible facsimiles thereof) ... are venting on the vivacious Ginny Weasley. Let's start off with this thread on Portkey. Most of the text is pasted unexpurgated from the wank report, but my commentary is in italics. ( Lots of Ginny hate under the cut ) The OP says there's more of this crazy cakes on a cracker but I'm just like WTF I don't ever want to see this again. This picture says it all. My face is going to be frozen in the D: shape for a while now. *facepalms* | ||||||
| comments: 189 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
October 13th, 2009
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| PSA: I grabbed this off the wank report. Have inserted my own commentary throughout. So apparently, over on Portkey, a thread has been created: Most Disappointing Scene in Book 7, What scene was the hardest for you to read? Well, heaven forbid it be about Hedwig dying (I was shocked, TBH) or Harry finding out he had to die. Oh no, it has to be about the shipping! pink.drea: 'Hermione and Harry's lack of communication and "need" of Ron' I guess a guy and a girl can't be just friends at all. Not at all. As angakkuq has pointed out in some previous meta, Ron has been included by JK Rowling as the heart of a trio. Just as a three-legged stool stands very poorly on just two legs, so too have Harry, Ron and Hermione found that they don't get along as well without all three of them to complement each other.Midnghtr72: Don't you just love the fact, that JKR had to completely destroy Harry and Hermione's friendship just to make OBHWF sail? Honestly its completely awful. I detect large quantities of butthurt in this sector, Captain. pink.drea: Totally, I mean if OBHWF was her intention from the beginning she should have had at least written the story accordingly to it. But, I guess Harry and Hermione's love and strengh as characters went beyond her imagination, which is weird since she created the story but still, it's the only way it makes sense (at least to me). Well, aren't you just the leet literary critic there, pinky. You have a lot of nerve assuming you know more than JK Rowling does about her desired plot structure and evolution of the characters. scout: Everything from the first chapter to the crapilogue that had the idiot, the bicycle, or molly in it. Stay classy, Harmoanians. You just keep on thinking it's perfectly fine to cast aspersions on a female like that. In fact, here's a good jumping-off point for some meta, because what drives me nuts is how these people are adopting societal leftovers regarding how women can't feel free to date several people in succession and not be termed loose or easy. ( Begin Teal Deer Here ) --- Credit for various ideas and concepts in this meta is hereby given to all STFU-ians who have elucidated them in prior discussions over Harmoanian wank. I have added my own, but as apocryphally reported to have been said by Isaac Newton or Albert Einstein, "If I see far, it is because I stand on the shoulders of giants". | ||||||
| comments: 203 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
October 8th, 2009
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| "Sum Harry Potter characters up with one word". This one by mary_j_59.And this one by her friend anne_arthur. | ||||||
| comments: 83 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
October 6th, 2009
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| Specifically, theorclair, CallMeBeat, and SimpleFaith - You three have been shining examples of mice by signing your names and not trolling. Providing you are eighteen years of age or older (which you ought to be to be commenting here anyway), if you leave your email address - don't worry, they're screened - and preferred name in a comment I will get you three accounts. ETA: After multiple years of creating accounts, it just hit me that "important registration information has been emailed ... containing further instructions" quite possibly/probably means that the password I give you will be sent, in which case you don't have to give me a password and I don't have to arduously write an email. If it doesn't, comment here and I'll tell it to you/send it to you. | ||||||
| comments: 4 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
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| terri_testing wrote Second Chance - a fanfic that explaines what "really" happened to Ariana (canon explanation is, of couse, wrong). Snapefen in the comments decided that Dumbledore was in Slytherin or Ravenclaw, not Gryffindor, and terri_testing made an obligatory comment about evil Marauders. Then marionros arrived and gave us something very special. At first she tried to justify pureblood prejudice. Later she made several tl;dr comments, where she diagnosed Dumbledore, Harry, Hermione and JKR herself as narcissists and Snape as the victim of narcissist (scroll down to see those comments), and concluded all that with "my issues, let me show you them": Y'know, my eldest sister is a narcissist. She's never seen the inside of a psychologist or psychiatrist's office, but when I came across the term, fifteen years ago, the description was so eerily spot-on, I decided to read everything about narcissism that I could lay my hand on. I used to call my sister a 'walking black hole'; whatever love you threw at her, it was never enough. I'm not getting into detail, but surviving the clutches of a narcissist is difficult and it always leaves scars. *** It just struck me that one of the reasons why I'm so immersed into Potter fandom when I hate those ruddy books, might be because, as the sister - and victim - of a narcissist, I'm subconsiously pulled to characters who remind me of my childhood. Who needs therapy, eh? Fandom is just as good and much cheaper. lol! Shine on, crazy diamond. | ||||||
| comments: 86 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
October 4th, 2009
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| Because the fellow needs some defending after seeing what some of the Internet trolls are getting up to over R/Hr and so on. First off, this is a Ron-POV fic I came across which presents him as an ordinary, level-headed person. Mind, it's humorous as hell, but still, it doesn't present him as a complete blockhead: Harry's Little Army of Psychos Second off, I dug up zoepaleologa's entry in which she writes a stirring defence of Ron.Come one, come all - present your fic (or fic you've seen) and meta which shows Ron as a gentleman and ETA: Modified some sentences to clarify that the fic I saw isn't mine, but was one of the first that came to mind when I wrote this entry. | ||||||
| comments: 24 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
October 3rd, 2009
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| guardians_song posted a Snape/Hermione drinking game. harpsi_fizz arrived with "R/Hr or death? Death please" icon and shared her thoughts on Ron/Hermione and R/Hr shippers: The first time I read the books, I was like "Oh God... oh, God, she's going to be cliche and put those two together, isn't she? Oh, fuuuuck..." And from there on in, I felt as though I was pounded over the head with R/Hr. I mean, the thing that drove me bonkers was that they had nothing in common as far as interests went and that there is no way in hell they would be even remotely compatible in real life. What do they talk about after Harry and Hogwarts? If I were given one common interest, I'd accept it. I honestly would. Now, some fan tried to palm this one- "They both hate Voldemort". Rather than watch my blood trickle from my ear with that one, I'll move on to my next point- the fans. I hate to say it, but I also learned to hate R/Hr after watching how the R/Hr fans behaved. I tired to get answers from them as to why I ought to like the pairing (for I didn't want to hate it!) and all I got back was a endless stream of "It's so obvious!" and "Go re-read!" did not tell me what the appeal of that couple was other than "Hurp durp, I too stupud tuh think so I just like cuz it gon happen hurp durp". Then there was the cruelty. Watching them bully with their fingers in their ears and make fun of the H/Hr shippers who were clearly just the underdogs and the shat on made me sick. Watching them try to paint all H/Hr shippers as stupid for liking what they liked, taking uncalled for pot-shots and just behaving like assholes made me really hate the pairing. Especially on JournalFen. So the fans plus how unrealistic it was, plus the lack of variety, plus having it shoved in my face at every turn has got me literally saying Death Please. I'd rather Ron, my favorite character of all time, die than have to sit through R/Hr. And yet I find solace in Hugo, whom I am planning on torturing. No offense, by the way, if you are an R/Hr fan. I know on a practical level that not all of the fans are unreasonable or stupid, but it always gets in my mind just a bit. Like... a tiiiny sand grain sized idea of it. *** Yes, torturing Hugo. Drew a picture of him with a friend once and decided that I rather like the clueless idiot. Planning on a series called "Hugo Weasley's Diary" in which we see life through poor Hugo's eyes. He's so confused as to why daddy and Mr. Malfoy often visit with one-another at home and why they fish but never catch anything. | ||||||
| comments: 62 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
October 1st, 2009
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| The Serpent and the Songbird. There is a lot of wank in the comments. | ||||
| comments: 55 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
September 26th, 2009
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| ...has made TVTropes! You may remember the utterly batshit fic A Very Alternate Yule Ball. Well, we're not the only ones to notice how awful it is. The fic has actually made TV Tropes' So Bad It's Horrible Fanfic page. So do we congratulate him or what? | ||||||
| comments: 29 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
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| As noted in my previous entry, duj suddenly 'discovered' (or should I say rediscovered) book canon when it suited her purposes to do so. Behold: terri_testing's "less than rosy" view of Dumbledore. Comment by oryx_leucoryx:I love the Albus - Remus comparison. We really need to go over canon and compare how characters deal with serious guilt. Albus, Remus and Slughorn vs Regulus, Draco and Severus. And then there is Sirius. So for once they will actually go and look at the books instead of making stuff up; it's a marvel! :P ETA: by oryx_leucoryx again we have:In a different discussion I brought up Dumbledore's lack of concern for the safety of the hundreds of minors under his care I was 'reminded' that the early books are more cartoonish and childish in their approach whereas the later ones were more realistic. For them to take this long to realize what we all kind of already knew, that JKR likes to use a Roald Dahl-esque writing style in the first few books, really makes me wonder. It's why attempting to apply a buttload of srs bsns logic to the first couple of books in particular usually just makes one look like a pompous buffoon (esp when trying to make Snape look good and not just a giant bag of assbaggery). But at least oryx is acknowledging book canon exists :P | ||||||
| comments: 32 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
September 18th, 2009
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| oryx_leucoryx writes "If Rowling insists on equating blood-prejudice with race-based antisemitism..." The overall essay actually is quite well-reasoned and doesn't slip into Slytherfen apologia nor does it try to make the stupid equivalency between anti-Muggleborn prejudice and expressed dislike of Slytherin as somehow both being racist. However, the comments... Well, here's the gem from Lynn posting as Anonymous: I agree that the Slytherins seem more paralleled with Jews than Muggle(born)s. THIS PERSON FAILS SO EPICALLY A SUPERNOVA EXPLOSION IS A CANDLE COMPARED TO THIS FAIL. I am now facepalming to avoid divoting my desk with my head. ETA: Lynn cracked me up with this latest addition to the commentary: As for the last paragraph: the stereotypes exist, unfortunately. They are blatantly untrue. Are you genuinely suggesting that I wish to present them as true? Just in order to make a point in a discussion of the Harry Potter books -- or do you believe I have a more sinister agenda? Yes, we're just lying in wait 24/7 to leap upon deluded fen and claim that they're secretly plotting nefarious things. Please. Delusion of fen is enough of a mockable hobby in and of itself we don't need to believe people like marionros and pstibbons have sinister agendas. Though if I start seeing a pink Power Ranger that resembles Hermione Granger...ETA2: duj came along in the last comment on that entry and while she had a point about movie canon leaking in (shockingly for a Snapefen, considering how much they make stuff up generally) she got all superciliously smarmy about it near the end. | ||||||
| comments: 60 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
September 17th, 2009
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I'm sure most of you caught mariem_1's latest post on ![[info]](http://www.journalfen.net/img/community.gif){kind=small} fandom_wank about terri_testing, mary_j_59 and others conducting a group-wank on the topic Hermione Granger—Voldemort in the Making.If you didn't and you haven't just eaten, go check it out. The gist? That because Harry doesn't end the series by leaving the magical world behind, these stories were clearly intended to be either tragedy or, more particularly, horror, not fantasy. Oh, and Hermione is THE GREATEST EBIL THAT HAS EBER LIBED (fictionally). (Here's a link to the original post by terri_testing)In any case, thinking that the post was here on the_hms_stfu rather than in the more lulzy fandom_wank, I posted a Very Serious Response. ( Which I will now reproduce in its entirety here. Lucky you. ) | ||||||||
| comments: 73 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
September 14th, 2009
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| You know it's jumped the shark. WARNING: The fic has graphic descriptions of underage sex. Do not click the link to the fic unless you can live with "what has been seen cannot be unseen". I had to quit reading and hit the reviews just to see what others have said about it 'cause I didn't want to find out what else the author had in store. For those who don't want to read the fic (fully understandable), what I gleaned is that the amount of Weasley bashing seems excessive and OTT. The Real Us by Seel'vor has this review from pstibbons: Best line: globule of tubercolotic sputum I just died laughing. The link to that gem is here. | ||||||
| comments: 54 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
September 13th, 2009
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| The Wizarding World and the Otherworld ETA: marionros appeared in comments and is arguing that Harry, Hermione, Dumbledore, the Twins, James and Sirius are psychopaths.ETA 2: now on fandom_wank. | ||||||
| comments: 62 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
The HMS STFU
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