The HMS STFU - Rose Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban--new scripted chapters. View: Recent Entries. View: Archive. View: Friends. View: User Info. View: Website (JF-less sailor? Suggest a topic here!).

February 17th, 2006

[das_mervin] Subject: Rose Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban--new scripted chapters. Time: 10:34 pm

Ah, two new chapters of “Rose Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.” It’s really going to crap now, folks. I know, I know. You’re thinking, “Oh, it wasn’t before?” Compared to this? No. It wasn’t. However, Hyde and I embarked on an interesting study. While Hyde was poking on her new pet, Wikipedia, in search of the diagnostic information on antisocial/sociopathic/psychopathic disorders. Voldemort’s definitely a psychopath. Big surprise. Bellatrix? Probably. Interestingly enough, Sirius is at least antisocial, if not sociopathic. The Gaunts? Definitely. Rose Potter? She seems to be in possession of Narcissistic and Histronic Personality Disorders, and is a borderline psychopath. I’m serious. They have the tests, scoring criteria, etc. etc. This confirms what we’ve thought all along. She’s a nutcase, and needs to be put down. And people think that this behavior is normal and healthy? I went on a rant today. Ignoring the super powers, unrealistic love, the canon denial, and the overall Sue-ness of it all… THIS PERSON IS CRAZY!!!! HOW in the HELL do her readers not see that… Breaking her cousin’s arm (and, later, her uncle’s) and obviously threatening him not to tell anyone at age eleven… Threatening grievous bodily harm against all those who annoy her by age twelve… Wanting to commit genocide at age thirteen… Punching, throwing around the room with magic (after disarming him, so he can’t fight back), and then carving words into his forehead—doing all this to the person who is supposed to be her best friend by age fourteen… And torturing and attempting to murder and not succeeding—but maiming and destroying body parts all the same—simply by chance by age fifteen… ALL OF THIS IS NOT HEALTHY BEHAVIOR??!!!! Hyde joined in my rant today. Ignoring the super powers, unrealistic love, the canon denial, and the overall Sue-ness of it all… How can these people not see that she is rude, arrogant, spiteful, petty, bullying, conceited, snobbish, bratty, disrespectful, and self-absorbed? Seriously! She treats EVERYBODY LIKE CRAP, and expects them to LIKE it!!! And her readers actually LIKE this! They LAUD her for it! Best I can figure, they were bullied as children, and are now getting off on vicariously experiencing the other end of the spectrum. Enough ranting. Now let’s you rant. On with the show. Chapter Five: The Dementor Ron: *barges in on Ginny and Rose* Me: *shudders at the implication* Ginny: Knock before entering! Ron: Don’t worry, I didn’t see you playing with yourselves again—wait, wrong fandom. Uh, we’re going to be late. Hurry up. Molly: *regales them with the Love Potion tale* Rose: I will not laugh, for I am thinking about Sirius. Me: What the hell does that have to do with anything? Oh, yeah, that’s right—humor is for plebes, too. Percy: *storms in* Me: I felt it necessary to add that, because the three words “Percy stormed in” get their own paragraph break and everything. So it must be significant… Arthur: We’ll be taking the Ministry cars. All: *drive to the station* Arthur: In you go. Rose: *keeps calling Ginny’s owl “Cleodna”* Canon: *weakly proceeds for a few pages—it’s still smarting after that horrible encounter with Movie!Canon, you know* Hermione: Remus J. Lupin. Rose and Ginny: Ooo! Lupin! We sense the wolf in him. Me: You’re just getting horny thinking about it, aren’t you? Oh, wait—you’re a lesbian. Never mind. Sneakoscope: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Rose: It’s because of Pettigrew. Ron and Hermione: *babble about Hogsmeade* Rose: Enjoy without me. Hermione: Why? Rose: Even though Professor McGonagall is my guardian, she did sign my permission form before Sirius Black escaped. She will revoke it. I know her, she’ll see it just as protecting me. Me: Okay, that first sentence makes no sense. In fact, none of it makes any sense. Rose: *has another conversation with Crookshanks* Me: *is irritated* Canon: *gets a page* Ron: The train’s stopping, and why’d the lights go out? Rose: *wandlessly conjures blue fire* Remus: *does the same* Rose and Ginny: *gasp in unison as both feel an icy cold sensation of foulness and perversion resonating through the natural magic they sense constantly* Me: They’re just sensing each other. Dementor: *comes in* Rose: Abomination. Me: There can be no such union between lycan and vampire! Wait a second… Rose: To my druidic senses it is like looking into a void of lifelessness. Me: The drama. Canon: *gets the effects* Rose: *wakes up* Why the bloody hell was a Dementor here? Ron: *is bawling* Me: *is disgusted* RON—IS—NOT—A—GIRL!!!! I DON’T CARE WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM IN YOUR STUPID FANDOM!!!!! Now, something weird happens. “We’ll be at Hogwarts in ten minutes,” said Professor Lupin. “Are you all right Rosey?” I didn’t need to ask how Professor Lupin knew my name. “I’m all right, thanks,” I said looking up at him. I could once again feel the wolf within the Professor, it was almost as if I could touch it, speak to it, and see it. I snapped out of my trance and too my chagrin saw that Professor Lupin was looking at me in a rather alarmed fashion, his eyes also flitted to Ginny on occasion. But he calmed and said nothing about what he surely must have sensed from me. What, exactly, were they sensing? Rose: Oh no, more Dementors! I must distance myself from my emotions. *does so, and is immediately not affected by the Dementors* Me: Well, there goes one more source of conflict, right out the window. What do you bet this little moment is forgotten next time she comes in contact with them? Draco: You fainted! Rose: I didn’t care how the prick found out, but he was going to pay. I was rather thankful it had rained and there were puddles of water everywhere. *flicks wand and sends a splash of water right into his groin* I wouldn’t talk Malfoy. At least I didn’t wet myself because of the Dementor! Everyone: *naturally, didn’t see her splash him and roar with laughter* Remus: *is perfectly fine with this* McGonagall: Potter, Granger, come here. Me: I need to show you the exact changes she made to the hospital wing scene. “It was a Dementor, Poppy,” said Minnie. They exchanged a dark look and Madam Pomfrey clucked disapprovingly. “Setting Dementors around a school,” she muttered, pushing my hair back and feeling my forehead. “She won’t be the first one who collapses. Yes, she’s all clammy. Terrible things, they are, and the effect they have on people who are already delicate…” “I’m not delicate!” I said crossly. “Of course you’re not,” said Madam Pomfrey absent-mindedly, now taking my pulse. “What does she need?” said Minnie crisply. “Bedrest? Should she perhaps stay a night in the hospital wing?” I sighed and let them at it. Madam Pomfrey would not be denied in terms of medical matters. “Well, she should have some chocolate, at the very least,” said Madam Pomfrey, who was now peering into my eyes. “I’ve already had some,” I said. “Professor Lupin gave me some. He gave it to all of us.” “Did he, now?” said Madam Pomfrey approvingly. “So we’ve finally got a Defence against the Dark Arts teacher who knows his remedies.” “Are you sure you feel all right, Rosey?” said Minnie sharply. “Yes, though I suppose you don’t have a school psychologist on staff, do you?” I said with a sigh. I saw everyone looked alarmed at each other, at my question. “No, we do not,” said Minnie in confusion. “But Madam Pomfrey is a trained Healer and she can handle such matters.” I nodded. “Then you won’t mind if I visit you soon Madam Pomfrey?” I asked lightly. “Certainly not,” said the Matron astonished. “My door is always open.” McGonagall: *gives out Time Turners* Rose: *is very smug that she already knows how to use it* McGonagall: Granger, leave, I wanna talk to my widdle smoochy-poo. Rose: *is encircled from behind by McGonagall* Me: OH, DAMMIT!!!!!!! Rose: *immediately starts bawling her bloody eyes out* Canon: *sighs and goes forth and finishes the chapter, allowing itself to be poked and prodded by Rose’s occasional insightful comment* Chapter 6: Talons and Tea Leaves Slytherins: *are mocking* Rose: I didn’t bother to deign these ignoramuses with a response. It didn’t stop them from trying though. Me: *mocking her in very arrogant voice* You are not WORTHY of even the slightest bit of my attentions. Canon: *is pushed into the scene for a page* Hermione: I have three subjects. Rose: That means you jump back three times. I have to twice. Canon: *gets in quite a bit* Neville: *drops his cup in Divination* Me: I thought Neville wasn’t like that anymore… Rose: *naturally gets the hang of Divination and talks about Void and her sensei just to remind us all that she is that much better than Harry* Trelawney: The Grim! Rose: *smug smile* One man’s curse is another’s blessing. *mysterious* Me: Rose, on the other hand, is everyone’s curse. Trelawney: Class dismissed. Rose: We’ll Teleport to Arithmancy, because that’s just so much cooler than walking, and it makes me look good. Vector: Morning, all. I’m somewhat Stu-ish, you notice? Pythagorean Theorum, I’m knowledgeable. Me: I’m knowledgeable too—Vector’s female, idiot! I’m amazed you let slip another opportunity for GIRL POWAH!!! Rose: I am enthusiastic. Now we go to Transfiguration. McGonagall: *canon* Rose: *is just so much more amused and smug and gets off on mocking all of those who are concerned for her* Neville: But you haven’t actually seen a Grim, have you? Rose: Yeah, I have. I found a stray black dog during the summer. Poor thing, he was so underfed and I just had to take him in. I wish I could have brought him to school, but then we’re only allowed one pet. Neville: *stutter* Rose: Relax, Neville. The future is not something that can be easily divined, Professor Trelawney said so herself, imagine I had not saved Ron from the Chamber last year, and Riddle had managed to leave the diary completely, what would have happened? But it didn’t happen. The future can take many roads, how much do I bet you even a proper Seer can only see at best a mere chance of what might happen. Me: I’m going to remind you of these words later in the fic when you do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to try and stop Pettigrew from escaping. Later… Hagrid: *is completely OOC and only shrugs at Malfoy’s derision* Me: Geez. Rose: *is brave in the face of hippogriffs and immediately volunteers* Me: You all gotta see this. It’s….disgusting. “Easy now, Rosey…” Hagrid trailed off, rather startled. I met Buckbeak’s fierce yellow eye as he turned his head to me, and bowed. The Hippogriff suddenly bent his scaly front knees, and sank into what was an unmistakeable bow. “It’s an honour to meet you, mistress,” I heard Buckbeak say in Beastspeak. “The honour is mine,” I thought with a smile. And walked nearer to the Hippogriff and started to stroke him along his great flanks and on his beak. “Well done, Rosey!” said Hagrid, ecstatic. Buckbeak closed his eyes lazily, enjoying the attention. The class broke into applause, all except for Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle, who were looking deeply disappointed. “Righ’ then, Rosey,” said Hagrid, “I reckon he migh’ let yeh ride him!” “You think?” I asked excitedly. “Sure,” said Hagrid. “Yeh climb up there, jus’ behind the wing joint,” said Hagrid, “an’ mind yeh don’ pull any of his feathers out, he won’ thank yeh fer tha’.” I put my foot on top of Buckbeak’s wing and hoisted myself onto his back. Buckbeak stood up. I wrapped my arms around the huge neck of the Hippogriff. “That is fine, mistress,” said Buckbeak. “Go on, then!” roared Hagrid, slapping Buckbeak’s hindquarters. Twelve-foot wings flapped open on either side of me and Buckbeak took a running start before we both were soaring upwards. It was nothing like a broomstick, merely different, I still felt the same exhilaration of flight though; the Hippogriff’s wings were beating on either side of me, they were catching me under the legs initially, I solved that by moving more slightly backwards, almost lying on my stomach. Buckbeak flew me once in a circuit of the castle and lake and then headed back to the ground in the paddock; this was the bit that I wasn’t sure about, the landing. “I will not let you fall, mistress,” said Buckbeak. Sure enough to his word, I felt a heavy thud as the four ill-assorted feet hit the ground, and I pushed myself straight again. “Good work, Rosey!” roared Hagrid, as everyone except Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle cheered. “OK, who else wants a go?” Emboldened by my success, the rest of the class climbed cautiously into the paddock, I remained sitting on Buckbeak, patting the Hippogriff on the neck. Hagrid untied the Hipppogriffs one by one, and soon people were bowing nervously, all over the paddock. Neville managed to get his right on the first try as well. Ron and Hermione practiced on the chestnut, while I watched. Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle approached me on Buckbeak. “Get off, of there, Potter,” drawled Malfoy. “It’s our turn.” “Oh, really,” I said lazily. “Did you even listen to what Hagrid was saying? Tell me, what’s the first thing you should do after getting eye contact with a Hippogriff?” “Bow,” said Malfoy sneering. “And what should you never do to a Hippogriff?” I shot again. I could see that I had stumped him on that. He looked to Crabbe and Goyle and they just shrugged stupidly. “What do I care, Potter? Get off!” said Malfoy. His demonstrable anger to me caused Buckbeak to respond and squawk dangerously at Malfoy. “You should care,” I said sneering. “Because your usual abrasive personality would cause Buckbeak here to take offense, and you see those talons…” Buckbeak scraped his razor sharp talons into the earth, causing a deep furrow easily, “…could scrape through you like a hot knife through butter!” My eyes narrowed maliciously at Malfoy as I stared down at him from my high vantage on Buckbeak’s back. Malfoy sneered lamely at me, and climbed out of the paddock, followed by Crabbe and Goyle. “Rosey, what you do that fer?” asked Hagrid suddenly from my elbow. I had the strange experience of looking Hagrid in the eye for the first time. “He was trying to mess up your class Hagrid,” I said with a glare in the Slytherin’s direction. “He wasn’t listening to your lecture on Hippogriffs at all. He would sooner or later have said something insulting to Buckbeak, and well…you know what would have happened.” “I would have killed the pathetic being,” said Buckbeak. The tone that Buckbeak used caused me to give a brief laugh. “And that’s the problem,” I thought back in Beastspeak. “The pathetic being’s ilk, are very influential in the wizard world and they would cause a lot of problems for all. If you had killed him, they would have killed you.” “Blimey,” said Hagrid suddenly. I looked to Hagrid who wearing a startled look on his face, he looked at me, and then back at Buckbeak. “Can you…” he stopped and in a hushed voice went on, “…Rosey, can you speak to Buckbeak? It sure looked like it just now. Yeh, were staring at Beaky and he…” I smiled at Hagrid and couldn’t find anything wrong with telling Hagrid about this particular ability, I just put a finger of silence to my mouth. I then leaned over to whisper in his hear, “I’m not just a Parselmouth, but a Beastspeaker as well.” Hagrid looked at me with some awe. “There hasn’t been one of those around fer centuries,” whispered Hagrid somewhat reverently. “I know, but don’t go spreading it around Hagrid,” I said earnestly. “That means no drinking at the pub, Hagrid,” I teased him with a twinkle in my eye. So much for a hippogriff being proud…calling her “mistress” and acting like a common donkey…and the whole Hagrid looking at her as if she were God pisses me off so badly I can’t discuss it. Moving on. Later… Rose: Well, time to duel with Ginny in the forest and do some serious showing off. Ginny: Yay! Rose: *is perfectly casual about everything she does and makes sure that the audience knows she’s that much better than Ginny* Me: And now, let’s turn our thoughts back to Sirius… “Sirius isn’t going anywhere, and I doubt he is in any hurry at the moment.” Ginny snorted in humour. “He’s a man who hasn’t seen a woman in twelve years, and now he’s surrounded by mostly druidesses who don’t wear a stitch of clothing,” said Ginny shaking her head. “I’m sure Cerelian will keep him in line, and will advise him on the proper course of action, with regards to such things,” I said airily, but couldn’t stop my mouth from twitching into a smile. We both spent the rest of our evening in fits of laughter and giggles imagining all the uncomfortable situations poor Sirius would find himself in. Ah. So funny. Onward!

comments: Poke a delusional shipper

Comments:

das_mervin Link: (Link) Time: 2006-02-18 06:49 am (UTC)

It's like writing Mrs. Black's portrait OOC... *cheerfully* Which she does. You were saying?

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agent_hyatt Link: (Link) Time: 2006-02-18 07:25 am (UTC)

...how bad is it? And who else does she manage to write OOC? The Hogwarts portraits? The one-liner wizards? The flobberworms?

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das_mervin Link: (Link) Time: 2006-02-18 07:31 am (UTC)

Hogwarts Portraits? Yes. I'll sum it up with this. She warps everyone OOC. Everyone and everything.

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amxjm Link: (Link) Time: 2006-02-18 07:51 am (UTC)

How do you manage to stare at the pixels that are supposed to make up this so-called story long enough to do these summaries anyway?

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gloria_mundi Link: (Link) Time: 2006-02-18 07:27 pm (UTC)

I suspect booze and copius amounts of drugs are involved.

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maegwin_of_hern Link: (Link) Time: 2006-02-18 10:40 am (UTC)

This is so disturbing and making me feel uncomfortable like nothing else I've ever read in this fandom o_O And she's SERIOUS about all this!!!!!

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dontgiveahoot Link: (Link) Time: 2006-02-18 02:28 pm (UTC)

I went on a rant today. Ignoring the super powers, unrealistic love, the canon denial, and the overall Sue-ness of it all… THIS PERSON IS CRAZY!!!! HOW in the HELL do her readers not see that… Breaking her cousin’s arm (and, later, her uncle’s) and obviously threatening him not to tell anyone at age eleven… Threatening grievous bodily harm against all those who annoy her by age twelve… Wanting to commit genocide at age thirteen… Punching, throwing around the room with magic (after disarming him, so he can’t fight back), and then carving words into his forehead—doing all this to the person who is supposed to be her best friend by age fourteen… And torturing and attempting to murder and not succeeding—but maiming and destroying body parts all the same—simply by chance by age fifteen… ALL OF THIS IS NOT HEALTHY BEHAVIOR??!!!! I have no idea how they miss it either. In fact, one reader left her Yahoo Group, but for a worrying reason... I've read up through chapter 4 of your version of GoF and do not intend to read further. The stories are very well written, the concept is intresting and you did a nice job of working in the Druids. This is why it's a real shame you wasted all this writing ability by forcing the story to stick as close as you could to the mold set by JKR's books. The Unicorn I saw this post (because I went looking for the post that claimed she was a Mary Sue) and all i could do was stare at the screen for about five minutes, making pained "muh?" noises. It still hurts, dammit.

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gloria_mundi Link: (Link) Time: 2006-02-18 07:25 pm (UTC)

. . . buh? . . .

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twiggy Link: (Link) Time: 2006-02-19 11:29 pm (UTC)

... Well-written?!

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esclaramonde Link: (Link) Time: 2006-02-18 05:07 pm (UTC)

We both spent the rest of our evening in fits of laughter and giggles imagining all the uncomfortable situations poor Sirius would find himself in. Oh yes! What hijinks these girls do get up to! Oh my! What is up with her and commas? She keeps abusing the poor things.

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baranduyn Link: (Link) Time: 2006-02-18 06:15 pm (UTC)

**reads** **blinks** Dear Mother Goddess, now that's a Sue. No, that's not just "a" Sue, that's the mother and father...hell, that's the entire nuclear family of Sues. The uber Sue. The Sue to end all Sues. The Alpha and Omega of Sues. That's Sueness to the tenth power. Every decent character adores her. She is smarter and more talented and undoubtedly more beautiful than any character ever written. She is superpowered. No wonder the typist has everyone around her look at her and tremble at the utter magnificence contained in one toned and tan teen-aged body. Of course, she's an utter bint, but I suppose when you're perfect that just comes naturally. And of course Rose's perfection defeats every attempt at tension or genuine drama in the plot. Why the hell she doesn't just go whomp Voldemort right bloody now is beyond me. So, ultimately, the typist has concocted one mother of a boring story unless like me you are endlessly amused by the crack-like attraction of slavering descriptions of female nudity followed by quick assurances that Rose isn't, you know, gay.

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farmercuerden Link: (Link) Time: 2006-02-18 07:56 pm (UTC)

I had a look at the chapter "The Only One He Ever Feared from OotP. She changed "One" to "Wizard", presumably to indicate he still feared her as well, and had Rose do better than Dumbledore in the fight. Evidently that pucturing charm she killed Quirrell with that she got out of a joke book works great against shields.

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bremencitygirl Link: (Link) Time: 2006-02-18 06:24 pm (UTC)

Hey, that's interesting. Let's analyze other HP characters. I think that Dudley is an obvious case of Conduct Disorder and Lockhart has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (big surprise here).

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influencethis Link: (Link) Time: 2006-02-18 07:58 pm (UTC)

Voldemort’s definitely a psychopath. Big surprise. One of my favorite editorials on Mugglenet EVER talks about Voldemort's pychopathy here. I have convinced myself in my Mugglenet fangirlishness that Rowling read it and then stuck all the early-childhood symptoms in HBP just to be safe.

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pyratejenni Link: (Link) Time: 2006-02-18 10:07 pm (UTC)

She wouldn't have to. There are books out there on psychopathy. Hell, she could have even done research into serial killers.

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The HMS STFU - Rose Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban--new scripted chapters. View: Recent Entries. View: Archive. View: Friends. View: User Info. View: Website (JF-less sailor? Suggest a topic here!).