Title: The Power Lord Voldemort The Readers Know Not
Fandom: Common in Fanfic and the Not-So-Well-Written Canons. If I have to name one... How about Dominic Deegan where the heroes tend to gain new powers and lose old flaws with great rapidity? Pity, too: It was great in the early days, before all the flawscrubbing. Also, Superman, Terry Goodkind, etc, etc.
Prompt: #4, Insides
Summary: A treatise of sorts on the importance of choosing your hero's trousers.
Author's Note Special thanks to Reinder Dijkhuis, who took an expression I used when complaining about Dominic Deegan and briefly ran with it, before insisting I write a story around it. By the way, he's a lurker here and wants a journalfen account, if anyone can get him one.
Frederick Ungart was well on his way to becoming the greatest hero who ever lived. The Captain of the Guard, a hero in his own right and a legend to his troops1 had nonetheless been defeated by Frederick during his first training session. But nor was Frederick completely devoid of magical ability: with cunning weaving motions of his sword he had learned to draw the runes of summoning that bound the mystic powers to his sword, and slaughtered his opponents en masse, if at close-range.
His mission took him and his sidekick, Harold Clinkadagger, who was of no major importance, ever nearer the home of Dirk Laird. But the paths were perilous.... An arrow flew out of the trees at Frederick's head. Raising his sword in one hand, he sliced at it, setting the pieces on fire with his runes and sending them flying back at the one who shot them, killing him instantly.
"WAIT A MOMENT! When the bugger did you learn to do that?!" asked Harold.
"Eh, just pulled the power out of my arse. Got a bum-flap installed on my trousers, see, and..."
"...Doesn't that hurt?"
"...Only the first time. Er, and when you use the loo and all the unneeded powers end up making the privy explode underneath you. But the constipation's worth it." He grinned a bit wanly at Harold.
"I...see."
"...Don't suppose you have a towel or something I could wipe my hand off on?"
1 Not that the author bothered to write out any of the Captain's heroic deeds. The soldiers and townsfolk just kept praising him a lot in the lead up to his duel with Frederick. |