I like (by which I mean, hate) how their talking about how Lily wasn't some victim (correct!) segues straight into zomg her mean mean meanness and beaten down like a puppy dog and how she took every opportunity to hurt Snape.
It implies not being a victim waiting around to be victimized is a BAD THING. You could write an entire sub-page for Unfortunate Implications on TVtropes using only quotes from these people.
It implies not being a victim waiting around to be victimized is a BAD THING
THIS. This, so much, thank you for this comment. That is exactly what bothers me the most about the whole thing, their entire problem with Lily is that she didn't let herself be a victim. She recognized attitudes and ideas that put her at risk both as a woman and a Muggleborn, and she took action before an overt threat could be made - she took a stand and stood up for herself, took responsibility for her own life and safety, took control of her environment as much as she could by choosing her own friends and associations.
She was active instead of passive, she didn't just go along with whatever the men in her life were telling her, she thought for herself, argued and defied on the points that were important to her when necessary, and she was assertive, maybe even aggressive about it. Everything they say, every complaint they have implies that THAT'S WRONG.
They frame it as an offense against friendship or selfishness or bullying or whatever, but what they really mean is that Lily being in charge of her own life and standing up for herself is the offense. Even the fact that she realises how dangerous the DE ideology is, the fact that Snape and his friends are playing with things that do, in fact, lead to herself and others like her being in literal, personal danger - even her being aware and intelligent enough to see that seems to offend them.
Saying that nobody wanted her dead at that age, that words like Mudblood don't have that implication isn't just disingenuous, it's stupid. There's no reason for racial slurs other than because you believe such people to be inferior if not actually subhuman, and that does imply that she is worthless, a waste of space/air/etc, that she shouldn't exist, should never have been born, has no reason to live. It means her mere presence is offensive and insulting, that she's dirt and effectively, should return to it. That is only a flip side of the coin away from Voldemort's 'kill them all' philosophy, it means the same thing.
Probably at the time, no, Snape's friends didn't actively want to kill her or anyone else. But they did think she had no right to exist, and that's just as bad. The fact that Lily realised this, and then actually took steps to protect herself, is what these people seem to be offended by - because she had some insight and perception, could see where something was leading and wasn't just passive and blind and stupid about it, and didn't allow herself to stay in a position that could put her at higher risk.
She was smart, in other words, and that seems to offend them just as much as her being 'zomg brash and assertive how dare she!' She didn't let herself become a victim, but apparently she was supposed to. Women just aren't smart enough to know when they're in danger, after all, they need to listen to the men, telling them what to think and who their friends should be.
If the men happen to be wrong, well, too bad - a good, decent, nice woman, it seems, would listen to them anyway, and not be so bold and defiant and questioning, or go running off to safer places and friends by herself. Ugh. Just the sheer depth of misogyny here is sickening. :/
...sorry, didn't mean for that comment to be so long!