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March 3rd, 2011

[dontgiveahoot] Subject: Posted Here Because The Batshit Has A Shippy Slant Time: 03:58 am Current Mood: enraged

Not Snape related! Not even the same fandom! Yay! If this is inappropriate I will apologise and remove, but... Dear Specific Fanfic Author, You are the friend of an online friend, and have always been friendly to me, and I will remember this. I am not going to bash the author I am not going to bash the author I am not OH FUCK IT YES I AM. You. YOU. Oh so very much you. Your writing is crap, you put things in dialogue that sound clunky and clumsy because they belong in thoughts. Every single character, no matter their level of education or way of speaking in canon, speaks in exactly the same clumsy, clunky, overly-expositionish way. You write a character who is canonically PANSEXUAL, very sexually adventurous and insanely sexually experienced (to the point where it's a bit of a canonical running joke - Him: "Hello..." Main Character: "STOP it!" Object of Attention: "I'm not complaining!") as being startled when his male lover grabs their erections and manually stimulates them both together during lovemaking, because supposedly nobody has ever done that for him before. Considering that according to where you've placed this fic in the canon timeline, this canonically pansexual promiscuous character has been alive for OVER A CENTURY AND A HALF at this point? If he has never done that before I will eat my DVD collection. Your ongoing slash epic fic started with these four words: "The bratty (name of female canon love interest)" - and I don't like the character at all either and have been guilty of bashing her myself in the past, but that still doesn't help your case with me. All of this? I could overlook as simply being thoughtless, or lacking a beta, or ESL, or somesuch. But this? Induces capslock of rage. In this fic, Canon Protagonist D and Canon Important Secondary Character With His Own Spinoff J are having a deep and meaningful soul-bonded relationship. Cool, it's my favourite pairing, and it's awfully rare, so I can ignore any relatively minor writing issues. Canonical Villian M (who is also canonically obsessed with D) is a villian who pops up every now and then to cause J and D trouble and win D for himself? Cool, he's the sort of bloke who'd do that. M has taken D and J prisoner and is slowly brainwashing D to be his willing sex slave, including a forced soul bond, with the help of Previous Friend Of D's T, (who is actually a mole trying to save D and J?) Yes, he'd do that too, and you're not the first writer to tackle the idea, and just like the other writers, you make it clear that the dubcon is hot because it's wrong. T is also an interesting inclusion and his views on it might be interesting. But, author, when you write that M also brainfucks J six ways from Sunday (with the brainwashed D's permission) to the point where J and D don't remember each other at all (let alone remember what they once meant to each other) and can't act like themselves, and J rapes D while in this state? IT'S KIND OF NOT J'S FAULT. IT'S ACTUALLY KIND OF M'S FAULT. AND BY 'KIND OF' I MEAN COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY. J is not suddenly the evil bastard rapist villian trying to destroy D and M's pure soulbonded lurve that goes on for another gazillion chapters and has always been so. Telling your readers that we are and have always been at war with Eurasia is pointless because we know we started by watching Eurasia and Airstrip One getting it on, thanks. And even though the mindcontrolled D and insane M have a good excuse to blame J and think he's trying to destroy said true lurve, T does not. This is where it goes beyond "The characters do this because D is messed up and M is a bastard who can't take responsibility for the results of his own bastardry and it makes sense" and straight into "The characters do this because the author needs a new Designated Villian and can't just finish or abandon the fic the way it started (J/D) and start a new fic, they have to shovel in their new wank fantasy no matter how much it contradicts what they previously wrote". Now, for your fic-reviewing habits. So, this female love interest character R we both don't like much? She's written in one uber-long fanfic you and I are both reading, reviewing and loving as having previously suffered from a psychotic break where she exhibited disturbing levels of violence, due to trauma that can reasonably be extrapolated from a certain canon event. This is written by this author as a decent exploration of the issues of mental health, and R has recovered, rebuilt her life and become a loving wife and mother. Good for her! I don't like the canon character, but I can really feel for and admire this fic's version. Eight years later she breaks again due to circumstances out of her or anyone else's control. It happens, yanno? And yet again she's displaying behaviour that's downright cruel and sadistic, because she's in a psychotic delusion and can't access her conscience or fondness for people, and unfortunately among her targets are her own deeply loved young sons. There are several ways to respond to this sad but dramatic plot twist, and some of them, from various readers, are as follows - A) Oh, how terrible! She's going to feel so guilty when she finally comes to her senses! She needs to be stopped for her own sake! (paraphrase) B) This is awful. She's really violent, and needs to be stopped because she's causing serious and potentially permanent damage to people, plus she'll have to deal with it and that sucks for her. (paraphrase) C) While I sympathise with the fact that she's ill, I feel that a willingness to take extreme measures to stop her is going to be necessary here, and if she were sane she'd be the first to say so herself, because it isn't fair to make her deal with the guilt afterwards either (paraphrase) D) I hate you R! I hope J shoots you in your dumb head! Right between your nutter eyes!!! One of these things is not like the other! One of these things just doesn't belong! That is not a paraphrase. Actual words. And in another review we get this gem: Oh, how I wish M were there and would take out R, she's needs to go down-hard! (The M you so love is canonically a psychotic mass murderer. >_< But he is sexy and has FoeYay with D so...) And when you get called on it? Instead of apologising straight off and saying 'no, sorry, I was just exaggerating and not thinking and I was wrong to say it' you complain that the person that called you out is being condescending (ORLY? I wonder why!) and try to weasel out of it by saying your brother is mentally ill and violent and abuses you so you actually do know What You're Talkin' 'Bout, Willis. What the ACTUAL FUCK? I get that this might have triggered bad shit for you, really I do, but you should KNOW BETTER. TL;DR - Your habit of blaming the victim is giving me SO MUCH CAPSLOCK RAGE.

comments: Poke a delusional shipper

Comments:

notjo Link: (Link) Time: 2011-03-02 06:19 pm (UTC)

You may want Fandom_Rant.

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ikabod Link: (Link) Time: 2011-03-02 08:30 pm (UTC)

I'm not sure I followed all of that. So, thumbs down on that fic, yes?

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agent_hyatt Link: (Link) Time: 2011-03-02 09:03 pm (UTC)

I figured out who everyone is except T. So, who is T?

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phasmas Link: (Link) Time: 2011-03-02 09:25 pm (UTC)

This. I'm trying to remember who's had a "T" name that this could possibly be. I can think of one, the now-deceased computer whiz from J's spinoff, but that makes even less sense than the rest of what's being presented here. Unless it's a character from the classic series....

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agent_hyatt Link: (Link) Time: 2011-03-02 09:31 pm (UTC)

Tosh? Given the male pronouns used in the rant, it really wouldn't make much sense if she was T.

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ekaterinv Link: (Link) Time: 2011-03-02 09:43 pm (UTC)

I have no idea what show this rant is about, except that it's brought to us today by the letters D, M and R.

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agent_hyatt Link: (Link) Time: 2011-03-02 09:48 pm (UTC)

And J. We just need a K and a Zed, and then we'll be talking about the MIB!

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night_train_fm Link: (Link) Time: 2011-03-03 12:10 am (UTC)

Don't forget L and X (cartoon).

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agent_hyatt Link: (Link) Time: 2011-03-03 12:26 am (UTC)

And that crazy-awesome alien doctor whose name I can't remember. (Glad to see another cartoon fan!)

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night_train_fm Link: (Link) Time: 2011-03-03 12:56 am (UTC)

The blue guy with eye-stalks? I've been looking it up on YT lately, but I only saw it a couple of times when I was a kid - my main memories are of Alpha and the symbiote episode.

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agent_hyatt Link: (Link) Time: 2011-03-03 01:01 am (UTC)

I watched it allll the time as a kid, and recently found and rewatched it online. (And yes, all the episodes can be found on YT. Not all posted by the same person, but simple searching usually turns them up.)

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kylenne Link: (Link) Time: 2011-03-03 12:11 am (UTC)

With a helping of T, M, and I.

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yoritomo_reiko Link: (Link) Time: 2011-03-02 09:43 pm (UTC)

My bet's on Turlough.

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dontgiveahoot Link: (Link) Time: 2011-03-02 11:13 pm (UTC)

Yes, it's Turlough. I was originally going to post this to fandom_rant, but last time I posted a rant at a rant comm I got into trouble for author-bashing, so intead I copypata'ed the rant in fandom_rant format right here. On reflection, that was dumb. I'm beginning to think I need to stop ranting.

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viralmemory Link: (Link) Time: 2011-03-02 09:28 pm (UTC)

Sooo...as much as I enjoy guessing games, why the 'disguising' of the fandom? There aren't so many pansexual spinoff-series people out there. I don't watch either show and I figured it out, except for T.

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kylenne Link: (Link) Time: 2011-03-03 12:14 am (UTC)

Dude seriously, lol. If you're going to be all SUPER SEKRIT about trying to disguise which fandom you're talking about, using an icon from it probably isn't the brightest move. All my Doctor Who knowledge comes from internet osmosis and even I caught on. OP must have always been the first kid found during Hide and Seek.

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baranduyn Link: (Link) Time: 2011-03-02 09:28 pm (UTC)

This is definitely fandom_rant material, not STFU material. I'm not using my modly voice, mind.

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dontgiveahoot Link: (Link) Time: 2011-03-02 11:16 pm (UTC)

Fair enough. On reflection, and after a full night's sleep, I recognise that my reasoning for posting it here was shaky. I apologise, and I can delete the post if you'd prefer?

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baranduyn Link: (Link) Time: 2011-03-03 01:38 am (UTC)

No, deleting is Right Out. I'll see if my modly powers extend to locking down comments so it stays as is. I'm still practicing. And thank you.

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rhrsoulmates Link: (Link) Time: 2011-03-02 10:23 pm (UTC)

I'm confused. I see you belong to fanficrants here and was going to point you that way even though the most recent update was in November. If you have an LJ, fanficrants would be your best bet.

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The HMS STFU - Posted Here Because The Batshit Has A Shippy Slant View: Recent Entries. View: Archive. View: Friends. View: User Info. View: Website (JF-less sailor? Suggest a topic here!).