Ron: ….

Hermione: …

Harry: Welcome to our happy Spork Room, guys!

Hermione: I can’t believe I couldn’t make this illegal.

Ron: I can’t believe any of this is happening.

Hannah: Oh, but it’s not just Ron and Hermione who will be popping in for the next chapters! EVERYONE WHO DIES in this fic will get a comment on their demise.

Luna: We may even try to contact Snape from beyond the grave!

Neville: W-why would we do that? Let’s please not do that.

Ginny: We’ll get his portrait in here. You can burn it or something if he upsets you.

Harry: No, he can’t! I worked really hard to get that blasted thing put upand it was really annoying so I won’t have that-

Ginny: MOVING ON.

<The DA doubles up on their workouts! THEY ARE HARDENED SOLDIERS NOW. Plus AGGRESSIVE MUSIC which gets cut off by static oh noes>

Jack drew his wand at the tall wooden cabinet, but before he could even properly threaten it,

Hermione: So they’ll even solve their problems with inanimate objects by threatening violence. How very sensible.

a familiar voice broke in, breathless with excitement. "- got it, Fred! We've broken through, I'm sure of it!"

"Code names, code names, you idiot! How long can you hold the signal, River?"

<F, G, and Lee break the news about the Trio escaping on a Dragon>

"FRED, GEORGE…RUN! They're - " The rest of Lee's shout was lost in three loud, rapid cracks, then there was the muffled sound of angry voices, a sharp bang, and static filled the air once more.

Hannah: Thank goodness reality is going to have to intervene, if the author had his way the three of them would have come back maimed or dead from that experience.

Neville tapped the wireless with his wand, turning it off it as the music resumed,

Everyone: …what?

and there were a few seconds stunned silence before the room erupted. Shouts and exclamations tumbled over one another, and he was forced to stand on his chair, waving his hands as he yelled, "QUIET!"

The outburst subsided, and he pointed to his Lieutenants. "Seamus, Terry, Ernie, this is huge. We need to talk about it now. Come with me."

Ginny: TIME FOR THE MAN SQUAD TO MEET!

The four young wizards hurried to the farthest corner of the room, and Neville glanced around the shining, excited faces – Seamus' beaming even through the still-impressive remains of the terrible bruising – with a broad smile of his own before he began. "So, I think we all know what he was doing in there, even if I can't for the life of me figure out how he could have possibly managed it."

Ginny: Not the least concern expressed over any danger Fred, George and Lee may be in, I see. Par for the course, they’re too manly to think of others.

The conversation that happens next is very long and very boring:

Neville: Harry’s going to come here!

Seamus: Is not!

Neville: Is too

Seamus: Is not!
Neville: Is too because I read the book! ALSO I CAN SENSE THE FUTURE.

"Almost all magical individuals have a certain degree of precognition," Terry said knowingly. "

Seamus: Avalanche Metaphor! Also IS NOT. Also also I am Irish.

Neville: Whatever, Seamus.

Seamus: Listen, Harry’s following orders from Dumbledore and Dumbledore sucks, so he’s not coming, so there.

Ernie: I AGREE WITH BOTH OF YOU. AT THE SAME TIME. AREN'T I THE BEST SUCK UP?

Terry: We need to tell the whole school about this. I propose…

"I'll go down at dinner and make an announcement in the Great Hall."

"That's insane!" Neville blurted.

Neville: And has anyone in this fic demonstrated any measure of sanity so far?

"If you're tryin' to prove somethin'," Seamus said bemusedly, "there's no need, mate. I ain't called you a Library Lily in weeks, and I never meant it but affectionately in the first place."

Luna: Should I I get a heliopath to attack you, you bullheaded leprechaun monster?

Ginny: I rather like Luna’s Ravenclaw pride.

"Oh, I have absolutely no heroic impulses," Terry admitted freely. "Personally, I'd be very happy if I had graduated a year earlier so that I could sit back and write a book about this when it was all over, but there's no one else for it.

Ginny: Honestly, every time he talks it just comes out “blablabla I’m attempting to sound like a scholar blablabla I’m not a hero I’m a bookworm blablabla but let me do this bullheaded idiotic machismo driven thing for some contrived reason because really mindless attempts at looking macho are what drives everyone in this fic.

It has to be one of the four of us, or it won't carry the authority. The Commander there just has too much of a price on his head. Wouldn't get a word out before he'd be fighting for his life. Seamus, I actually really like you, but you're too well known for your mouth."

Neville: or your IRISHNESS. Same old song, let’s go on about what a plucky little leprechaun Seamus is.

The swollen face flushed through the bruises. "I'm no liar!"

"I never said that," Terry amended quickly. "You just have a reputation for shooting off a bit, and it's so incredible as it is, people might think you were just trying to provoke the Carrows. Look me in the eye and tell me you'd never even consider exaggerating something to make them angry."

Ron: In other words… “Mate, you’re a liar.”

There was a long pause, then the sandy head nodded reluctantly, and he shrugged. "Got me there, you do. But why not Ernie? Hufflepuff's got a reputation too, and it's for being honest as the day is long."

"He's got a wife and a kid,

Ron: Wait…WHAT?

Ginny: Don’t even ask.

Hermione: *sniffs disapprovingly*

and Terry's talking about something that could very easily be a suicide mission," Neville said, then turned towards the Ravenclaw.

Ron: From what Ginny tells me, everything they bloody do is a suicide mission. It must get tiring.

"For someone with no heroic impulses, that's a really brave thing you've volunteered to do."

"Stupid, illogical heroics seem to be the most logical thing to do rather frequently lately," he chuckled. "Really shows you how much You-Know-Who has messed up this world."

Hermione: Or rather, how much the author has.

"Still," Neville said slowly, "I don't want you to just throw yourself on their mercy, Terry, because you're the closest thing to a walking library we have,

Ron: So basically, they’ve found a way to have a Hermione without Hermione actually being there.

Ginny: Right, only ten times better than Hermione, because he and Micheal can do these bizarre things like teleport people with their Patronuses and make them forget utensils.

Neville: And “Neville” is Harry without Harry actually being there, only a hundred times better, because as everyone constantly reminds him, he’s so much cooler than Harry.

Ron: …Is anyone me?

Harry: Seamus, I guess. He’s you as a plucky Irishman.

Ron: Brilliant.

and their mercy isn't their strongest feature. We're taking precautions. I want you to take Padma with you."

"Why Padma?" Seamus asked curiously, "He and Mike are…."

"Expected and come with a lot of baggage.

Ron: So I take it Mike and Terry are shagging like rabbits in this bilge?

Luna: Yes, but no one will admit it. It’s very sad, the repression.

No offense, but we know that even though you two work amazingly together when things are going right, you're also really prone to coming unglued if something goes wrong…

Luna: Just go ahead and tack “in bed” to that, honestly.

and there's a lot of potential for that in what you're wanting to do." Neville smiled apologetically at Terry. "You're so used to leading with your heads, you're not prepared when your hearts get involved in things."

Luna: And your hearts are eternally connected and filled with lust!

"Fair enough," Terry nodded. "But still, why Padma?"

Luna: Because there’s no chance Terry would be interested in her.

"She's a tiny little thing," Neville explained,

Ginny: What else is new? Every single girl in this excuse for a story is a “tiny little thing”.


"She'll fit completely under Susan's cloak, plus she's got a good Disillusionment Charm on top of It, and she's really level-headed, so she's not going to act unless she needs to. She'll be your backup, and she'll have your wand."

Terry gasped, horrified. "I'm supposed to go wandless?"

Hernione: Yes, because we need to make this as pointlessly dramatic as possible.

The other two looked equally aghast. "Do you want it to be suicide?" Seamus blurted.

"What's the first thing you do to an enemy, guys?" Neville sighed. "I have a lot of faith in Terry's Protego, but not against three Death Eaters trying simultaneously to disarm him, plus half of Slytherin, most likely. We can duplicate the wand, and it won't be any good for magic, but it'll look right and give him something to hold.

Luna: Terry knows all about holding wands.

<inventory blablabla>

he fought to keep his hand from shaking – he didn't even know if it was fear or excitement or adrenaline or something else or all of it together – as he thrust it into the center of the little group. The other men clasped theirs atop his, and his eyes scanned over cobalt, azure, and hazel as he nodded.

Ron: How the hell are someone’s eyes cobalt and azure?

Hermione: Ugh, purple prose.

"Harry's got the Sword. We have an army. Let's make this happen."

Hermione: Do they seriously think Harry’s plan is to go roaring off at the head of some machine gun toting brigade and stab Voldemort with a sword?

Hannah: Yes, because it’s what the author would have liked to happen.

OOO

"Oh, Merlin, I hate pain," Terry moaned,

Luna: Blatant lies. He’s in this story after all, they all love some roughness here.

leaning heavily against Padma's shoulder, one arm clenched tightly at his side and his jaw darkly swollen as the much smaller witch helped him through the door.

"TERRY!" Michael was at his “friend”’s side in an instant, frowning deeply.

Harry: Did you put those quotes, Luna?

Luna: I felt they were needed.

Ginny: I’m impressed you’re even paying so much attention, Harry.

(So, Padma was apparently just totally floored when the Carrows charmed some pots and pans to hit Terry, as dastardly villains do, instead of going for Crucio or something. Anyway, they got away)

"But there's nothing here we can't fix, and you did it, Terry. That was incredible of you." Michael glanced up from where he was kneeling beside the cushion, looking gratefully at Padma. "Thanks for getting him out of there. I've been – "

"A nervous wreck is the nicest way to put it," Jack laughed, nodding his head towards Terry. "You should know, that bloke's been pacing a rut in the floor in here.

Luna: Or looking to rut on the floor, rather. Poor boy’s so repressed. *sighs*

Hermione: Oooh, nice wordplay!

*Everyone stares at her*

Hermione: I mean…that was just completely vulgar. For shame. Yes.

If you'd been another five minutes, we were going to have to tie him to something

Luna: And he prefers to have Terry do that.

to keep him going after you, and none of us were looking forward to trying to find a spell to do it that he couldn't bounce right back at us."

Luna: Wow, he must practice that with Terry a LOT.

(Snape turned GREEN when he realized the DA knew about Harry’s Great Escape because it’s not like he’s on Harry’s side or anything and Colin Creevey is TOUGH)

Andrew and Jack exchanged a look of relief, then Andrew grinned, shaking his head. "I'd never have thought Creevey could turn into such a tough little son of a Bludger, did you?"

"Harry! Harry! Can I have your picture, Harry! Can I have a bit of your pocket lint to build a shrine by my bed, Harry? Oh, please, Harry, look at me so I can talk about it for the next week and a half!" Jack's voice was high and mocking in a rather viciously accurate imitation of his young friend, but there was no malice to it, and several people laughed.

Harry: If there’s no malice in it, why does he sound exactly like Malfoy imitating Colin in second year?

Hermione: Lovely way to treat your friends, mocking them behind their back and laughing at them.

"Yeah, well, let's not count on anything until Harry actually shows up again, then we'll find out if this whole grown-up bit is really just a phase," Anthony smirked.

Hannah: Also doubting them constantly behind their backs!

"Neville just doesn't seem to have the same awe-inspiring quality to him."

Ginny: Then why does everyone bow and scrape before him more than they ever did Harry?

"Downside of everyone watching you trip over your own feet for the first couple years, Fearless Leader," Seamus slung an arm affectionately over Neville's shoulders with a lopsided grin.

Neville: Haha, yes, I’m such a loser, play that tune again.

"We'll love you,

Neville: Oh, will we love you!

we'll follow you,

Neville: Like lemmings!

but I'm afraid you'll never quite get us to worship you."

Neville: Could have fooled me!

"I like it better that way," Neville laughed, "I honestly don't know how Harry puts up with it,

Harry: Well, Colin and Dennis are the only ones who ever worshipped me, others will alternately fawn over me or turn on me at the drop of a hat. You happen to have a cadre of blind followers who treat you like a God, and I don’t know how you put up with THAT- oh wait, you bask in it.

and I'm the first one to admit that I'm not worshiping material. I screw up way too often, even now."

Ginny: Hurray for false modesty!

"For example, it is generally inadvisable for a leader to confess his own tendency for error immediately prior to instigating combat," Ernie teased. "This is where you are supposed to make bold and inspiring speeches telling us that Terry's brave sacrifice shall not be the last, and that we have yet only to wait for our turn at glory,

Neville: Yeah, but didn’t he already do that? Make it sound like death, torture and battle are wonderful and glorious instead of stupid, painful and senseless?

making it sound as though getting beaten by serving dishes is something we should all aspire towards."

Ginny: No, being WHIPPED is what they should all aspire towards. Hasn’t Ernie been reading?

Neville shrugged, spreading his hands self-depricatingly.

Hermione: Hello there, unnecessary and awkward adverb.

"I don't do speeches.

Ginny: This fic says otherwise.

How about I just say that Terry did a really good job, that I'm glad to see they've already gotten him all his teeth back and it looks like they're making headway on the broken bones, that I'm really proud of all of you, and I think whenever this thing goes down, you're all going to kick a lot of Death Eater butt?"

Neville: Excellent, he’s talking like an American twelve-year-old again.

Wayne grinned. "That'll do for me."

<snip>

"Your little friend's already here," Hannah pointed to the painting and smiled. "Careful, Neville. I think she likes you. I might have to get jealous."

Hannah: I like how she only ever speaks to remind us she’s still Neville’s girlfriend.

Neville chuckled, leaning over to kiss her lightly on the cheek. "I prefer my women in three dimensions and older than thirteen, thanks."

Hannah: The way you were calling her “pretty” like a complete creep says otherwise.

"Then I won't be worried."

(She should be, because Neville continues to call Ariana “love” and act like a creep, fortunately or unfortunately though, it’s time for canon to invade at last)

Neville's eyes widened, and he spun back to the painting, fighting to keep his voice quiet and soothing so as not to startle her. "Ariana, is there a boy there? About so tall –" he indicated with his hand at eye level, "

Harry: Oh right, because Neville is manly and tall now while I’m still a skinny runt.

—with black hair and glasses and a scar on his head that looks kind of like a lightning bolt?"

The girl nodded a third time (snip Neville goes Commander)

He took a deep breath, and he was astonished to realize that he felt no fear, only a deep thrill at the realization that what they had been waiting for all year was finally upon them. "It's tonight, people. Harry's back. We're going to set things right."

Harry: *miserably* If only.
OOO

(Here it is guys! Time for the bizarre juxtaposistion of canon lines in this fic. Believe me, it is really bizarre. Neville SPRINTS to Harry and twists his ankle while doing so, in either and effort to make it more dramatic or a vain attempt to remember Neville’s supposed to be a bit clumsy)

They were there.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were there, and they were alive, and they were looking up at him as he threw the door all the way open and nearly flung himself into the little sitting room, coming within inches of falling as he scrambled over the mantelpiece. He wanted to laugh, to cry, to yell out in triumph, and the sound that came out of him was really a mixture of all three as he dropped to the floor, grabbing Harry in an enormous hug. "I knew you'd come! I knew it, Harry!"

Neville: It’s really weird to hear these words come out of this guy’s mouth..

Hannah: Seriously. When have we ever seen your doppelganger be as honestly affectionate and enthusiastic as you are here? It’s like he’s morphed into a different person. Which, of course, he has.

The other young wizard pulled back, adjusting his skewed glasses as he sputtered in shock, "Neville – what the – how – ?"

Harry: “Who is this leviathan you have been replaced with?”

He barely heard the half-formed questions. Neville was hugging Ron now, then Hermione, lifting the witch off her feet entirely, and he spun her in a full circle before setting her down again,

Hermione: Ugh, don’t touch me.

taking a step back to just drink in the sight of his friends that he had for so long worried about, hoped for, and too often feared dead.

Harry: Okay, so when did any of that happen? He never showed any honest signs of missing us throughout the damn fic.

"I knew you'd come!" he repeated, grinning stupidly at them. "Kept telling Seamus it was a matter of time!"

Surprisingly, Harry didn't seem to share his excitement,

Harry: Well, I’m probably just disgruntled to have finally been dragged into this fic.

but he supposed that it was fair enough. The Chosen One, the Boy Who Lived had certainly had much more on his plate the past year than worrying about his old roommate,

Harry: Yes, I never thought about Neville at all.

Neville: …you didn’t?

\Harry: That was sarcasm, mate. I thought about you many times.

Neville: Oh, okay. I mean, I didn’t think about you all the time, but you know, sometimes I’d be expecting you and Ron in the dorm and wondering about you, and then-

Ron: We love you too, Neville.

while every day for Neville had been focused on what he could do to help the man standing before him.

Neville: Except not at all, you’ve been more focused on showing off.


Harry was looking at him very oddly, and he frowned. "Neville, what's happened to you?"

Harry: I’m probably wondering if I’m in the wrong universe at this point.

He paused a moment, wondering how to answer that, then realized that all three of them were merely staring at the curse slashes on his cheeks that had still refused to even begin healing, and at the faded remains of the black eye Crabbe had given him

Neville: MERELY the curse marks, Clearly he’s surprise that Harry hasn’t noticed how the DEEP WOUNDS IN HIS SOUL.OR HIS BULGING MUSCLES.

Harry: Yeah, funny how I don’t recall thinking “Wow, Neville is a bulging hunk of a man now” when I first saw him.

Ron: Yeah, I think one of us would have asked when Neville has transformed into a giant if it had, well, actually happened,

. Neville gestured at his face, "What? This?" Their looks and Hermione's tiny nod were answer enough, and he dismissed it casually. "This is nothing. Seamus is worse. You'll see."

Neville: See, I actually said that, but coming from him is sounds condescending. And how out of character is it for him NOT to launch into the tale of how he got whipped that one time?

He nodded his head towards the portrait. "Shall we be going?"

<canon! Sweet canon!>

He nodded, "I know, that's why they'll be Apparating directly into the bar. Just send them down the passage when they get here, will you? Thanks a lot."

There was no time to worry about the old wizard's annoyed mutterings. If Harry was moving this quickly, he wasn't going to slow things up. He was a leader himself now, and he understood the necessity for haste.

Harry: YES I AM A LEADER. Of two people. Who mostly boss me around. Stop using this as an opportunity to brag, Commander.

Neville climbed back up onto the mantle and twisted at the waist, grabbing Hermione's hand and pulling her up after him, then Ron scrambled through, and Neville himself.

Hermione: My, that sentence was poorly constructed.

He stopped, looking back after Harry, and saw that he had lingered a moment to talk to Aberforth. "I don't know how to thank you," he said, "You've saved our lives twice."

"Look after 'em, then," Aberforth grumbled, "I might not be able to save them a third time."

Then Harry had followed them though, and Neville lead the way back down the passage as briskly as he dared without putting any more strain on his still-throbbing ankle before someone could take a look at it properly.

Neville: Wait, is this supposed to explain the limp I had at this moment in real life? Wow, Thanfiction sure threw that in awkwardly at the last minute.

Ron was looking around in fascination, taking in the smooth earthen walls that surrounded them. "How long's this been here?" he asked. "It isn't on the Marauder's Map, is it, Harry? I thought there were only seven passages in and out of school?"

"They sealed off all those before the start of the year," Neville informed them, frowning slightly. Hadn't Luna told them anything?

Luna: Hmmm? I was supposed to do something?

Neville: Luna, I’m sorry, looks like you’re a terrible soldier.

Luna: Well, they were shut up with goblin the whole time, probably saving him from Fudge’s evil pie-plans. And I wasn’t actually expecting them to return to Hogwarts. But I think I would have informed them in Snape has been possessed by a Bloodthirsty Boorknook, Neville had turned into a terrible hulk and the entire school had become a torture outpost. Maybe I just wanted to protect their sanity…

"There's no chance of getting through any of them now, not with curses over the entrances and Death Eaters and Dementors waiting at the exits."

He turned and began walking backwards so that he could look at them as he spoke, smiling confidently now so that they wouldn't mistake his moment's concern for fear.

Hermione: Because it would be so terrible to show emotion in front of your friends.

"Never mind that stuff…Is it true? Did you break into Gringotts? Did you escape on a dragon? It's everywhere, everyone's talking about it, Terry Boot got beaten up by Carrow for yelling about it in the Great Hall at dinner!"

Neville: Notice how I say it like Terry was in the Great Hall and decided to tell everyone not “We sent Terry from our place of safety specifically to get beaten up or die..”

Even in the dimly flickering light, he could see Harry blush. "Yeah, it's true."

Neville laughed, aware that the sound was a little manic, but not caring

Harry: I certainly don’t remember Neville being a cackling madman.

. Oh, but if they only knew how much everyone had been hoping for and dreading this…. "What did you do with the dragon?"

Ron: They were hoping for a dragon?

(canon!)

Of course. Whatever Harry had been doing was not the issue, he needed information about the next step, and Neville changed gears quickly, the ebullience snapping out of his voice

Ginny: Ebulliwhatsis?

Hermione: He should really stop trying to sound clever.

as he dropped to a far more business-like tone.

Harry: Actually, his tone was more put out and sad. But of course, this Neville is an ALL BUSINESS SOLDIER.

"It's been…" he hesitated, wondering suddenly how exactly to break it to them, then finally deciding just to go for it. "

Harry: Yeah, I guess it would be difficult to break it to us that Hogwarts has turned into an over-the-top torture porn spread that’s like a parody of real war and every character has transformed into a macho idiot…

Ginny: …or dainty, subservient arm candy if we’re talking about the girls…

Neville: …and we’re all obsessed with our pretend army and thumbing our noses at the cardboard cutout maniac Snape has turned into.

Well, it's not really like Hogwarts anymore. Do you know about the Carrows?"

"Those two Death Eaters who teach here?"

"They do more than teach." He almost chuckled, but held it back.

Neville: Because it’s hilarious how idiotic this whole thing is when you contrast it with stuff I actually said? I didn’t remotely feel like laughing when I explained WHAT REALLY HAPPENED in real life.

"They're in charge of all discipline. They like punishment, the Carrows."

"Like Umbridge?" Ron queried.

"Nah, they make her look tame…." He continued to explain as they followed the passage towards the school, but to his own surprise, Neville found himself increasingly skating over the worst of it, never quite lying, but giving no details and glossing over exactly how bad things had been with a light, nonchalant tone.

Neville: Why on earth would he do that? He never missed an opportunity to brag before. Stop this desperate dance of trying to match this story up with reality.

It wasn't that he was trying to make it seem as though they hadn't been fighting or trying to hide his comrades' heroism, but he couldn't keep himself from…well, protecting the three of them.

Harry: Because it’s not like people have been trying to murder me since the day I was born or I’m destined to fight the madman behind all this or anything. Clearly I am not ready for people being MEAN in the REAL WORLD!

Hermione: And it’s not like Ron and I haven’t been nearly killed on a monthly basis. No, we’re just amateurs.

Harry seemed so much smaller than he remembered, so much younger –

Harry: And I don’t have bulging cartoon muscles, therefore I’m terrible.

Ginny: It’s just a sign of how you’re a CHILD, Harry! Don’t you know physical appearance represents outer strength!

Harry: You’re right! How dare I be short and skinny in the face of the mightiness that is Neville!

though they were the same age to the day – but he forced himself to dismiss that. After all, Ginny had said he was about two inches taller now that he stood up straight,

Ron: Blimey, yes, you’re the manliest man that ever manned, we get it.

Harry had always been a bit on the skinny side,

Harry: and therefore I am clearly not a REAL HERO.

and his memory had probably played tricks on him in the nearly a year apart, creating an idealized hero where there was just another youth.

Neville: It’s like this fic has forgotten I actually KNOW Harry. I’m not going to forget he’s just a kid my age, I GREW UP WITH HIM.

But it wasn't so easy to dismiss the look in the green eyes behind the familiar round glasses. It was the same look he had seen in Colin's those first few days at the Burrow; after the blood-spattered horror of the basement, but before he had fully understood how deeply his brother had retreated. Innocence terribly and recently cracked, but not quite shattered yet.

Harry: Okay, clearly I need to witness the rape and slaughter of millions before I’m on Neville’s level of maturity. Never mind that I’ve seen several people murdered in front of me, been nearly killed more times than I can count, been tortured, abused, kidnapped, nearly had my soulsucked out, possessed , had my mind and sanity violated and been forced to listen to REALLY BORING VILLIANOUS MONOLOGUES, I still don’t know that the world is a mean, mean place.

Ginny: But Harry! You were never WHIPPED in the middle of the Great Hall

Harry: If my innocence was recently cracked, when was that? Somewhere around Christmas of that year? I’D LIKE TO KNOW.
Hermione: I just want to know how Neville can gauge exactly how shattered someone’s innocence is by looking in their eyes.

Somehow, he had not expected Harry to have any innocence left.

Harry: Okay, what’s this “innocence” anyway? The ability to empathize with other people? To not want to kill everyone I meet? Because I’m pretty sure I’d try to retain those things no matter what happened, so I guess I’ll always be innocent.

The rest of them didn't. They had changed too much, seen too much. Yet Harry, Ron, and Hermione barely seemed altered at all.

Hermione: Yes, we retained our basic personalities and optimism! We didn’t allow adversity to transform us in psychotic, unrecognizable, military-obsessed bores! Fancy that!

Ron: Clearly we just didn’t suffer enough. How dare we.

They looked tired, certainly, they were a little thinner now that he looked at them, and their skin bore the pink patches of newly-healed injuries here and there, but overall, they looked...like Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

Ron: Yes, sorry we didn’t overdose on Skelo-gro and turn into battle hardened hulks. How many times can we say it?

No new scars that he could see.

Ginny: You can’t e a real man until you get whip scars like Neville has.

Harry: I’m pretty sure I got a scar on my chest from the Horcrux and another from the snake. Should I have shown them to him to make it feel better?

Ron: I had fingernails that never grew back…

Hermione: I was tortured, but I’d probably have to hack up my face to make this Neville happy.

No lines at their eyes. No gray in their hair. No bitterness in their gazes.

Harry: Clearly we are not adults until we hate the world and everyone in it.

Ron: I dunno about you lot, but I was kind of bitter at this point. I just tried not to dwell on it to much and look forward to a good future once we defeated Voldemort.

Ginny: Well, that’s where you went wrong, Ron, you were supposed to be convinced you were going to die for sure and look forward to the sweet release there, and also constantly think about how terrible everyone is.

Hermione: For the record, I’ve had gray in my hair since the second I met Harry and Ron.

They were nearing the school now, and Neville shook his head slightly, cutting off the worry that had begun to build. If the three of them had survived an entire year with every Dark Wizard in Britain hunting them, if they had escaped certain death at least four times that he knew of, broken into and out of the Ministry of Magic and Gringotts itself, then they – and certainly Harry – were more than capable of having and leading a battle plan.

Harry: Wow, how incredibly generous of you. Let’s see how well you stick to it once you realize we’re not overdramatic ponces.

Ron was asking now if they were, in fact, heading back to Hogwarts, and Neville could not help throwing him a rather exasperated glance.

Ron: What did I do?

Ginny: You dared speak in his presence, Ron.

Ron: Apparently I was supposed to psychically know where we were going.