The HMS STFU
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October 24th, 2009
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| I give you, first of all, The Secret Riddle: Albus's Collusion in Tom's Dirty Secret. ( Delicious Teal Deer here ) I suppose har articles aren't too facepalm-worthy at the moment, but I think this picture is a fine riposte to ![[info]](http://www.journalfen.net/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} terri_testing. :PETA: Even more pompous bullshit here: Accessory after the Fact: Albus and the Invention of Lord Voldemort and oh look for the lulz she has another Pride and Prejudice reference with, of course, that Mr. Darcy featuring prominently. God I could just roll my eyes forever at this. (and ooh look, oryx_leucoryx fails by referring to a fan fic by duj as 'proof' of whatever point she was making.)ETA2: marionros won't shut up about narcissism. Please excuse me while I facepalm. | ||||||
comments: 54 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper   |
October 22nd, 2009
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| Whoever that mouse is on the wank report, they deserve a medal for wading through this crap. Seems Jayne1955 decided to share her thoughts on She's in fine form acting like a clone of the Snapefen with her ability to interrogate the text from the batshit perspective and spew a ton of blather about the books. Apparently there is wank in the rest of the thread too but I'm kind of iffy about poking through all that. :O ETA: I did look at the first page, and this defence of Harry Potter by zzz Epans is quite endearing in its simplicity: I just don't understand it. He's so sweet, he's brave, he's cares so much about everyone...I mean, he even risked his life to save Malfoy! He's had a horrible life, he grew up way too fast, but he doesn't let that turn him into a bad person. I just really don't get it... Psst, zzz Epans? Don't let marionros hear you say that. XD ETA 2: It has since been noted that Darth Gojira has been unutterably rude and condescending towards zzz Epans and others. Classy. Too bad Twilight hasn't drawn away all the people who ingest crazy cakes on a cracker for a living. | ||||||
| comments: 194 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
October 19th, 2009
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| PSA: Grabbed this one off the Wank Report as well. I'm just agog at the sheer venomous viciousness with which these ... people? (assuming they are, and not just horrible facsimiles thereof) ... are venting on the vivacious Ginny Weasley. Let's start off with this thread on Portkey. Most of the text is pasted unexpurgated from the wank report, but my commentary is in italics. ( Lots of Ginny hate under the cut ) The OP says there's more of this crazy cakes on a cracker but I'm just like WTF I don't ever want to see this again. This picture says it all. My face is going to be frozen in the D: shape for a while now. *facepalms* | ||||||
| comments: 189 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
October 13th, 2009
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| PSA: I grabbed this off the wank report. Have inserted my own commentary throughout. So apparently, over on Portkey, a thread has been created: Most Disappointing Scene in Book 7, What scene was the hardest for you to read? Well, heaven forbid it be about Hedwig dying (I was shocked, TBH) or Harry finding out he had to die. Oh no, it has to be about the shipping! pink.drea: 'Hermione and Harry's lack of communication and "need" of Ron' I guess a guy and a girl can't be just friends at all. Not at all. As angakkuq has pointed out in some previous meta, Ron has been included by JK Rowling as the heart of a trio. Just as a three-legged stool stands very poorly on just two legs, so too have Harry, Ron and Hermione found that they don't get along as well without all three of them to complement each other.Midnghtr72: Don't you just love the fact, that JKR had to completely destroy Harry and Hermione's friendship just to make OBHWF sail? Honestly its completely awful. I detect large quantities of butthurt in this sector, Captain. pink.drea: Totally, I mean if OBHWF was her intention from the beginning she should have had at least written the story accordingly to it. But, I guess Harry and Hermione's love and strengh as characters went beyond her imagination, which is weird since she created the story but still, it's the only way it makes sense (at least to me). Well, aren't you just the leet literary critic there, pinky. You have a lot of nerve assuming you know more than JK Rowling does about her desired plot structure and evolution of the characters. scout: Everything from the first chapter to the crapilogue that had the idiot, the bicycle, or molly in it. Stay classy, Harmoanians. You just keep on thinking it's perfectly fine to cast aspersions on a female like that. In fact, here's a good jumping-off point for some meta, because what drives me nuts is how these people are adopting societal leftovers regarding how women can't feel free to date several people in succession and not be termed loose or easy. ( Begin Teal Deer Here ) --- Credit for various ideas and concepts in this meta is hereby given to all STFU-ians who have elucidated them in prior discussions over Harmoanian wank. I have added my own, but as apocryphally reported to have been said by Isaac Newton or Albert Einstein, "If I see far, it is because I stand on the shoulders of giants". | ||||||
| comments: 203 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
October 8th, 2009
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| "Sum Harry Potter characters up with one word". This one by mary_j_59.And this one by her friend anne_arthur. | ||||||
| comments: 83 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
October 6th, 2009
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| Specifically, theorclair, CallMeBeat, and SimpleFaith - You three have been shining examples of mice by signing your names and not trolling. Providing you are eighteen years of age or older (which you ought to be to be commenting here anyway), if you leave your email address - don't worry, they're screened - and preferred name in a comment I will get you three accounts. ETA: After multiple years of creating accounts, it just hit me that "important registration information has been emailed ... containing further instructions" quite possibly/probably means that the password I give you will be sent, in which case you don't have to give me a password and I don't have to arduously write an email. If it doesn't, comment here and I'll tell it to you/send it to you. | ||||||
| comments: 4 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
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| terri_testing wrote Second Chance - a fanfic that explaines what "really" happened to Ariana (canon explanation is, of couse, wrong). Snapefen in the comments decided that Dumbledore was in Slytherin or Ravenclaw, not Gryffindor, and terri_testing made an obligatory comment about evil Marauders. Then marionros arrived and gave us something very special. At first she tried to justify pureblood prejudice. Later she made several tl;dr comments, where she diagnosed Dumbledore, Harry, Hermione and JKR herself as narcissists and Snape as the victim of narcissist (scroll down to see those comments), and concluded all that with "my issues, let me show you them": Y'know, my eldest sister is a narcissist. She's never seen the inside of a psychologist or psychiatrist's office, but when I came across the term, fifteen years ago, the description was so eerily spot-on, I decided to read everything about narcissism that I could lay my hand on. I used to call my sister a 'walking black hole'; whatever love you threw at her, it was never enough. I'm not getting into detail, but surviving the clutches of a narcissist is difficult and it always leaves scars. *** It just struck me that one of the reasons why I'm so immersed into Potter fandom when I hate those ruddy books, might be because, as the sister - and victim - of a narcissist, I'm subconsiously pulled to characters who remind me of my childhood. Who needs therapy, eh? Fandom is just as good and much cheaper. lol! Shine on, crazy diamond. | ||||||
| comments: 86 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
October 4th, 2009
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| Because the fellow needs some defending after seeing what some of the Internet trolls are getting up to over R/Hr and so on. First off, this is a Ron-POV fic I came across which presents him as an ordinary, level-headed person. Mind, it's humorous as hell, but still, it doesn't present him as a complete blockhead: Harry's Little Army of Psychos Second off, I dug up zoepaleologa's entry in which she writes a stirring defence of Ron.Come one, come all - present your fic (or fic you've seen) and meta which shows Ron as a gentleman and ETA: Modified some sentences to clarify that the fic I saw isn't mine, but was one of the first that came to mind when I wrote this entry. | ||||||
| comments: 24 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
October 3rd, 2009
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| guardians_song posted a Snape/Hermione drinking game. harpsi_fizz arrived with "R/Hr or death? Death please" icon and shared her thoughts on Ron/Hermione and R/Hr shippers: The first time I read the books, I was like "Oh God... oh, God, she's going to be cliche and put those two together, isn't she? Oh, fuuuuck..." And from there on in, I felt as though I was pounded over the head with R/Hr. I mean, the thing that drove me bonkers was that they had nothing in common as far as interests went and that there is no way in hell they would be even remotely compatible in real life. What do they talk about after Harry and Hogwarts? If I were given one common interest, I'd accept it. I honestly would. Now, some fan tried to palm this one- "They both hate Voldemort". Rather than watch my blood trickle from my ear with that one, I'll move on to my next point- the fans. I hate to say it, but I also learned to hate R/Hr after watching how the R/Hr fans behaved. I tired to get answers from them as to why I ought to like the pairing (for I didn't want to hate it!) and all I got back was a endless stream of "It's so obvious!" and "Go re-read!" did not tell me what the appeal of that couple was other than "Hurp durp, I too stupud tuh think so I just like cuz it gon happen hurp durp". Then there was the cruelty. Watching them bully with their fingers in their ears and make fun of the H/Hr shippers who were clearly just the underdogs and the shat on made me sick. Watching them try to paint all H/Hr shippers as stupid for liking what they liked, taking uncalled for pot-shots and just behaving like assholes made me really hate the pairing. Especially on JournalFen. So the fans plus how unrealistic it was, plus the lack of variety, plus having it shoved in my face at every turn has got me literally saying Death Please. I'd rather Ron, my favorite character of all time, die than have to sit through R/Hr. And yet I find solace in Hugo, whom I am planning on torturing. No offense, by the way, if you are an R/Hr fan. I know on a practical level that not all of the fans are unreasonable or stupid, but it always gets in my mind just a bit. Like... a tiiiny sand grain sized idea of it. *** Yes, torturing Hugo. Drew a picture of him with a friend once and decided that I rather like the clueless idiot. Planning on a series called "Hugo Weasley's Diary" in which we see life through poor Hugo's eyes. He's so confused as to why daddy and Mr. Malfoy often visit with one-another at home and why they fish but never catch anything. | ||||||
| comments: 62 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
October 1st, 2009
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| The Serpent and the Songbird. There is a lot of wank in the comments. | ||||
| comments: 55 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
September 26th, 2009
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| ...has made TVTropes! You may remember the utterly batshit fic A Very Alternate Yule Ball. Well, we're not the only ones to notice how awful it is. The fic has actually made TV Tropes' So Bad It's Horrible Fanfic page. So do we congratulate him or what? | ||||||
| comments: 29 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
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| As noted in my previous entry, duj suddenly 'discovered' (or should I say rediscovered) book canon when it suited her purposes to do so. Behold: terri_testing's "less than rosy" view of Dumbledore. Comment by oryx_leucoryx:I love the Albus - Remus comparison. We really need to go over canon and compare how characters deal with serious guilt. Albus, Remus and Slughorn vs Regulus, Draco and Severus. And then there is Sirius. So for once they will actually go and look at the books instead of making stuff up; it's a marvel! :P ETA: by oryx_leucoryx again we have:In a different discussion I brought up Dumbledore's lack of concern for the safety of the hundreds of minors under his care I was 'reminded' that the early books are more cartoonish and childish in their approach whereas the later ones were more realistic. For them to take this long to realize what we all kind of already knew, that JKR likes to use a Roald Dahl-esque writing style in the first few books, really makes me wonder. It's why attempting to apply a buttload of srs bsns logic to the first couple of books in particular usually just makes one look like a pompous buffoon (esp when trying to make Snape look good and not just a giant bag of assbaggery). But at least oryx is acknowledging book canon exists :P | ||||||
| comments: 32 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
September 18th, 2009
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| oryx_leucoryx writes "If Rowling insists on equating blood-prejudice with race-based antisemitism..." The overall essay actually is quite well-reasoned and doesn't slip into Slytherfen apologia nor does it try to make the stupid equivalency between anti-Muggleborn prejudice and expressed dislike of Slytherin as somehow both being racist. However, the comments... Well, here's the gem from Lynn posting as Anonymous: I agree that the Slytherins seem more paralleled with Jews than Muggle(born)s. THIS PERSON FAILS SO EPICALLY A SUPERNOVA EXPLOSION IS A CANDLE COMPARED TO THIS FAIL. I am now facepalming to avoid divoting my desk with my head. ETA: Lynn cracked me up with this latest addition to the commentary: As for the last paragraph: the stereotypes exist, unfortunately. They are blatantly untrue. Are you genuinely suggesting that I wish to present them as true? Just in order to make a point in a discussion of the Harry Potter books -- or do you believe I have a more sinister agenda? Yes, we're just lying in wait 24/7 to leap upon deluded fen and claim that they're secretly plotting nefarious things. Please. Delusion of fen is enough of a mockable hobby in and of itself we don't need to believe people like marionros and pstibbons have sinister agendas. Though if I start seeing a pink Power Ranger that resembles Hermione Granger...ETA2: duj came along in the last comment on that entry and while she had a point about movie canon leaking in (shockingly for a Snapefen, considering how much they make stuff up generally) she got all superciliously smarmy about it near the end. | ||||||
| comments: 60 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
September 17th, 2009
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I'm sure most of you caught mariem_1's latest post on ![[info]](http://www.journalfen.net/img/community.gif){kind=small} fandom_wank about terri_testing, mary_j_59 and others conducting a group-wank on the topic Hermione Granger—Voldemort in the Making.If you didn't and you haven't just eaten, go check it out. The gist? That because Harry doesn't end the series by leaving the magical world behind, these stories were clearly intended to be either tragedy or, more particularly, horror, not fantasy. Oh, and Hermione is THE GREATEST EBIL THAT HAS EBER LIBED (fictionally). (Here's a link to the original post by terri_testing)In any case, thinking that the post was here on the_hms_stfu rather than in the more lulzy fandom_wank, I posted a Very Serious Response. ( Which I will now reproduce in its entirety here. Lucky you. ) | ||||||||
| comments: 73 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
September 14th, 2009
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| You know it's jumped the shark. WARNING: The fic has graphic descriptions of underage sex. Do not click the link to the fic unless you can live with "what has been seen cannot be unseen". I had to quit reading and hit the reviews just to see what others have said about it 'cause I didn't want to find out what else the author had in store. For those who don't want to read the fic (fully understandable), what I gleaned is that the amount of Weasley bashing seems excessive and OTT. The Real Us by Seel'vor has this review from pstibbons: Best line: globule of tubercolotic sputum I just died laughing. The link to that gem is here. | ||||||
| comments: 54 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
September 13th, 2009
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| The Wizarding World and the Otherworld ETA: marionros appeared in comments and is arguing that Harry, Hermione, Dumbledore, the Twins, James and Sirius are psychopaths.ETA 2: now on fandom_wank. | ||||||
| comments: 62 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
September 7th, 2009
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| I found vaudree's predictions for DH on hpana: ( Massive lulz ) | ||||
| comments: 97 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
September 6th, 2009
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| I'm pretty sure I've mentioned the Ron The Death Eater page on TV Tropes before. It's relatively new, and I've been keeping an eye on it. Thought you all might like to have a look at some examples of the sheer WTF typists can get up to. "No, you have fame fortune girls throwing themselves at you and best of all everywhere you go in this world people will know who you are and I am the sidekick," yelled Ron "And dam it you took the one thing I had that you didn't have Hermy was mine!" (A New Beginning) "...and he [Ron] apparently was promised Hermione as a reward for his manipulation of myself over the years, by none other that Dumbledore, in cahoots with Molly. They were going to dose me and Hermione, set me up to be killed in the battle with Tom, and take my estates to be divided up between their little coalition.. Ron was to get Puddlemere as a present,Ginny and Molly the Potter name and money.. this is something I will not forgive." (Bring To Order) "It's not what I want, Potter, but what my sister wants. You see, when you married Hermione, Ginny was terribly jealous, she wanted you as her husband. So, she and I hatched this plan. If your family was killed, then she could comfort you and worm her way into your heart and eventually be your wife. Hermione was supposed to be mine too but you ruined that for me. I'm sad she had to die but I'm not about to have your leftovers as it were. So the deal is this: You agree to marry Ginny and you can have your children back. Ginny always wanted children and she doesn't particularly care that they're Hermione's either. An adoption potion can take care of that." (Erasing History—note that in addition to killing Hermione, Ron then goes on to MURDER HARRY’S CHILDREN IN FRONT OF HIM, even though Harry had pretended to yield to his demands. Harry manages to defeat Voldemort, and then is apparently thoroughly stymied by RON?) Molly: Ginny, you've got to calm down. Minerva has caught you four times with different boys. Ginny: That just goes to show that she's not as informed as she thinks. She missed five others, Mum. Look, with everything I'm doing for you, you can cut me some slack. That pathetic half blood upstairs must be a eunuch. I haven't managed to get a bit of action out of him. (Harry Potter and the Marriage Contracts—the author seems to utterly hate Ginny, I've noticed) More DosingHarryWithLovePotion!Ginny fics (because clearly there aren't tnough of those--seriously, it's a freaking subgenre!): The Pureblood Conspiracy, Harry Potter and The Acts of Betrayal, Antithesis, Summer of Independence... and a whole essay that tries to “prove” Ginny was doing this in canon. There’s one time-travel fic (post-Epilogue) that has Ginny (who is suddenly EEEVIL) poison all three of her children and then try to do the same to Harry, so she can “have the Potter fortune and fame” all to herself. Harry then kills her. After disassociating himself from the Weasleys, who he blames for the whole thing, Harry goes into the past and, among other things, sterilizes Molly Weasley after Ron is born. Check out the summary: “The Deathly Hallows Epilogue was truly unsatisfying. Here's the rest of the story that begins about two years after the DH Epilogue. Not for Ginny enthusiasts. Character Deaths. Time Travel. Avenging!Harry.” . . . The author (a guy, of course) not only loves the MustacheTwirling!Dumbledore trope but wants to have its babies. He seems to loathe all of Harry’s canon influences (save, strangely enough, for Sirius Black). Fortunately, he seems to have stopped writing character-derailing HP fic and is sticking with Naruto. Good freaking grief… Another from the FixFic page: "Ginny Returns", a time-travel fic that has Ginny go back after Harry is dead and the war lost, fix EVERYTHING... and still take the time to bash Ron every few minutes for being a twelve-year-old boy (even his own sister hates him!). The author has a hard-on for Ron-hate. Gah... Also, the Harry Potter section of the Alternatative Character Interpretation page is top-to-bottom wank, though to be fair it might just be listing said alternate interpretations. The Just Bugs Me page is definitely wanky. The Draco In Leather Pants page even links to STFU. (Edited because I utterly fail at HTML---sorry about that!) | ||||||
| comments: 70 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
September 3rd, 2009
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| Those fics aren't new, but I think they deserve to be posted here: The Interview of Dreams and Once In A Lifetime (4 chapters) by gluglug. | ||||||
| comments: 70 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
August 27th, 2009
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But he was home. Hogwarts was the first and best home he had known. He and Voldemort and Snape, the abandoned boys, had all found home here… XxXxX Of all the tales contained within The Tales of Beedle the Bard, the one most relevant to the plot of the Harry Potter series is, of course, “The Tale of the Three Brothers”, which was important to the plot of DH. In-universe, the tale is regarded as being that of the three Peverell brothers, Antioch, Cadmus, and Ignotus. It is unknown if the three items known as the Deathly Hallows—the Elder Wand, the Resurrection Stone, and the Cloak of Invisibility—were actually “artifacts of Death,” or if they were simply created by the brothers themselves and, to paraphrase Tolkien, history became legend, which in turn became myth. But that’s another essay. ( Read more... ) | ||||||||
| comments: 34 delusional shippers poked or Poke a delusional shipper |
The HMS STFU
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