The HMS STFU

I'm Sick of all these god damn L/OC Fics

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 17:23:54 GMT

Fandom:Death Note
~~Culprit~~Author's Name:Mel1983

Full Name (plus titles if any):Rylie
Full Species(es):Human
Hair Color (include adjectives):”Long and chestnut”
Eye Color (include adjectives):”Glorious green eyes”

Annoying Origin:Apparently a suspect in a case that is not the Kira case and is beaten shitless by pursuing police officers (?!) and L saves her. Yes the L.

Annoying Connections To Canon Characters:Highly improbable Kira suspect

Annoying Special Abilities: Makes L act wildly OOC and like he has all the analytical skill of a fifth grader.

Other Annoying Traits:“Her voice was sweet and small, reflecting her appearance perfectly.”

Also why a European or American (probably American) girl is doing in Japan and going to nursing school is never sufficiently explained

~~[B]Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:[/B]~~

I think instead I would to have Beyond Birthday, the star of DN spin off novel “Another Note”, give his impressions of the fic. After all no one has ever hated L more. (Naturally, spoilers for “Another Note” follow along with mild Death Note spoilers.)

In a California state prison a very badly burned man sits in front of a laptop with a distinct knee hug. He is prisoner “B.B. 4” or “The Wara Ningyo Killer” or “The Locked Room Murderer”, the man calls himself “Beyond Birthday”. He was a child in Wammy’s House, the second child there. As he is rather an expert on the subject of “L” he has been asked to read this story and give us his impressions.

This really is insipid you know. Quite a flight of fancy here, having this…”female” being saved by L, of all people. L never goes out into public, much less to save woeful maidens. He is such an anti-social freak namely because nearly all of his life is spent in a room with only a laptop as company. L is the kind of man who sends a female FBI agent to work with someone he knows is a serial murder who has already killed two women; one of whom was a fourteen year old girl and the other was killed by strangling and then her arm and leg chopped off. Not that this is an insult to Miss Misora, but L has about as much a concept of chivalry as a horny dog does.

Amusing she calls him “Ryuzaki”, that was my own alias at one time.

Anyway, L would send her to a hospital even if he did come across an injured person. L spends 78% of the time working on cases, 20% eating, and the other 2% is spent doing minor things like breathing and shitting. The man does not sleep much less have any time for anyone else. Does this author not even have a concept of L’s selfish nature?

Another chapter, forty-eight chapters total? Intriguing in its possibility for pain and suffering.

Oh, this is an amusing passage:

She had gloriously green eyes that actually had a hint of sparkle in them, something his own eyes never had, probably since he lacked so much sleep. Her lips were the epitome of perfection in his own opinion, being not too thin, not too plump. And her button nose flared slightly when she was in deep thought. Instead of studying her reactions he found himself trying to think of the perfect word to describe her appearance. Cute came to mind a few times, also adorable, and beautiful...-From the second chapter.

Kya ha ha ha ha! Oh, as if L could ever be impressed by physical appearances alone. No, one needs to challenge him if you ever hope to turn him away from his damn “justice”. I had to murder three people before he ever noticed me and that’s because I was inviting him to a “detective war”. A pretty face stirs nothing in a man who might as well be dead from the brain down.

“Why am I staying here? I don’t even know who you people are!” She exclaimed, letting her shyness fall into the background, but only momentarily.
“Obviously, because you’ve seen my face.” Ryuzaki told her.-Second Chapter

Now, I may hate L with a consuming passion but I also respect his cunning and intellect. This, this makes me angry. To suggest I matched wits with someone who working on a case where the killer can kill anyone whose face he’s seen would show his face to an unknown stranger…maddening. L would never do something half as foolish even if he had a concussion and was drunk at the time. Has the author seriously ever watched L in action?

”Kira wants to kill me, and suddenly I see you outside on the monitors needing help. I assume that Kira would want to get close to me, and this seems like the perfect little scenario.” He paused again, watching as her eyes widened.-Second chapter

“…”

I will not repeat myself on how L would never be so stupid as it would be a pointless waste of time, but I am skipping ahead now before I go on another killing spree. I may hate him, but L is my equal. To say my equal is such a fool is an insult to myself.

Just know it's not going to be just all lovey dovey and lemons. BIG SURPRISES COMING! Enjoy!-Author’s note third chapter.

I really so hope the big surprise is Kira decides to kill you for being a waste of oxygen. Also, what is this lemon you’re referring to?

Rylie didn’t really know what to do with herself. She had been so used to being on her own for the past four years. Her parents had died in a car accident on her sixteenth birthday. Instead of being sent to live with long distant relatives, she chose to go off on her own. At the time, that seemed like a much better idea than living with strangers, even if they were ‘family.’-Third chapter

Highly improbable a sixteen year old could manage on their own. Also if this is supposed to stir sympathy for yourself, I suggest you try harder. Nothing quite tops knowing when everyone around you is going to die and being totally unable to prevent it. Shinigami eyes are quite useful however if you decide to become a killer. You can always be assured your victims are going to die.

I’d happily kill you if I could see your time was up.

Instead, he opted for coffee with a pound of sugar cubes, and an unending selection of various sweets that Watari would bring in for him every hour on the hour. Rylie simply could not wrap her mind around him staying as thin as he was while eating that way. It didn’t seem possible.-Third chapter

Oh it is quite possible if you have the enormous brain power geniuses like us have. Not that I imagine you could even contemplate such a thing.

Especially since your writing wants to make me go kill a kitten. Honestly I can’t tell if this is before or after L knows Kira needs only a face to kill instead of a name as well. Nevertheless as you do not know his true name nor has he died within eight days if this is the earlier case; why is he keeping you there? Especially since you’re so boring! You aren’t witty, don’t seem terribly clever, and all we’ve seen you do is grasp at straws and whine. If I had to be locked up with you I’d have to start asking you questions like “when did you first become aware of death?” or, “have you ever seen a cat after its been run over by ten cars?” before I could have any fun. Not that I expect your answers be terribly insightful or amusing.

“Distract you? I’ve barely said a word!” She exclaimed. She swore he was the only one who made her angry like this. Did he have to be so blunt?
“Mmmm yes. However, in light of my infatuation with you, I find that simply your presence here is a distraction to the investigation.”-third chapter

“…”

Why exactly would L be attracted to a nursing student that, while apparently attractive, has yet to say one insightful or amusing thing? L is a lying manipulator who must win at any cost. I’m almost certain he has never touched his dick for fear his reasoning ability will go down if he dares to think of anything but “justice”.

Of course I have also long suspected that’s what he actually gets off on; that smug sense of satisfaction when he solves a case and the criminal(s) go to jail and everyone kisses his ass.

“If you don’t stop treating me like an idiot I’m going to punch you so hard you’ll actually be able to see the black eye left behind.”
Ryuzaki’s eyes widened. That was actually pretty cleaver. His whole life he had been around geniuses, but this girl was quite impressive to him. -third chapter

Yes, “cleaver”, as it certainly wasn’t “clever”. And when I was about your age I was able to concoct murders that stumped the LAPD and nearly created the case L could not solve. He is not impressed by your threat of physical harm, little girl.

Ryuzaki’s comment lingered in her head: “Let’s value our lives shall we?” Even though he was very blunt, almost rude even, he clearly showed how much he really did valued their lives.-Fourth Chapter

Yes L values other lives very much. Which is exactly why he felt so guilty about A killing himself when he couldn’t live up to expectations; or myself, his little sin he like to sweep under the rug.

“This is my assistant, Miss Eiko.”
Rylie turned to look at Ryuzaki confusingly. Assistant? Eiko?-Fourth Chapter

I could seriously tie a garrote and strangle you right now. I, Beyond Birthday, a genius child with an unusual ability wasn’t good enough to be “L’s assistant”. I was only ever good enough to be “Back-up” and never an equal or an heir. So if you believe Miss. Only-ability-is-to-cook-chicken-spaghetti-and-whine-and-get-beat-up is even worth being in the same room as L you’re stupider than a mentally retarded bovine.

“Lind L Taylor was my uncle.”
Ryuzaki nodded, not at all surprised by her statement.
“Ah yes, your uncle by marriage, I know.”
…
“I’m not mad that you used him. That son of a bitch deserved what he got! Even the most merciful person could see that. You would have even had my blessing in using him. I just wish it could have been more painful, and I wish you would have told me what you had planned Ryuzaki.”-Fourth Chapter

Lovely. She just supported an action of Kira. So how does L react to this?

Her statement made everyone a little uneasy, including Ryuzaki, who was now biting the hell out of his thumb. He suddenly felt like a child who was being reprimanded, but Rylie was definitely not his mother.
“I understand. I’m sorry.”

Not, “you support Kira’s actions even though he’s a criminal? Don’t you believe your uncle should have been killed within the confines of the law and not be the hand of some psychopath on a power trip? There is now a 93% chance you support Kira.”?

I am beginning to believe this person has mistaken another series for Death Note. I can also tell you L has never felt guilty for his actions ever, as I have never felt guilt or remorse for my actions. He believes as I do that while it’s unfortunate people innocent or guilty get in the way of the game, the game is the objective and the end to the means.

Rylie had been in charge of watching the bathroom monitors whenever Chief Yagami’s wife or daughter was in there. She agreed to that without even thinking about it. What a horrible experience for Chief Yagami to go through. It was the least she could do.-Fourth Chapter

…so, lesbians don’t exist in your world?

Rylie was so upset with his eating patterns that she asked Watari if it was okay to hide vegetables in his sweets, something she had seen on TV once before. Watari laughed intensely at the suggestion, but concluded that it would be okay if Ryuzaki didn’t find out. Therefore, from then on she liquified the healthy food, sneakily hiding them in his cakes and pastries everyday before baking them herself. To her surprise, he never questioned the taste at all. The victory was hers at last!-Fourth Chapter

I have a feeling that if I were a woman I would be offended by this but as I am a male I cannot say for sure. I am also tempted to correct all the spelling errors.

“Tomorrow I will invite him to play a game of tennis with me. That way I can observe how he thinks.”
“I’m coming with you.”
Ryuzaki almost spit out his coffee before turning to look at her.
“No, you’re not.”
“And why’s that?” She asked irritatingly.

Given what I know of Yagami Light he’s about ten times more interesting than you when he’s asleep so my guess if L would not like you bringing down the collective I.Q.. Hopefully he believes in not having useless people in his utopia.

It was obvious to him that she cared about him, but why?-Fourth Chapter

L I would say having an insipid and stupid female attached to you for the rest of your life is the perfect punishment for your arrogant squandering of lives.

Please excuse me, this is hurting worse than my burns right now. I’m going to have some jam and re-read my “Akazukin Cha Cha” manga before I’ll even think of returning to this dreck.

Yes, Virginia, there really are people this stupid

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 21:26:00 GMT

After seeing dduane's recent LJ post, I got curious and took a look at the Leaky Lounge. And, through some scrolling back, I found some news that --- if it had hit LJ -- would have fans howling for blood.

G. Norman Lippert,who freaked people out last year with his website James Potter and the Hall of Elders' Crossing. apparently got a C&D from Warner Bros. after his fanfic was found on Lulu.com. A Leakylounge regular starts talking about it here.

There's headdesk-worthy similarities between Lippert and SVA: the same sense of entitlement, the same shock that omg! the law applies to them! ~~And why don't you love me, Jo, you ungrateful bitch?!?~~

This is the first I'd heard of Son of ~~Elvendork~~ SVA. It's something watch, I think.

Why draw a character if you don't RESPECT him?

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 02:25:20 GMT

Yes, I know it's redundant to refer to Snape-fen as crazy, but I thought this one was a special case. :D

It starts when Hillary-CW posts a drawing of Harry and Snape post-Worst Memory. Here are the original comments she posted as an explanation for the drawing:

That lovely moment after Harry snooped in Snape's pensieve.

I can just picture Harry sitting little Al down and telling him of the great times he had with Snape.

"And there was this one time that Snape shook me violently then threw things at my face and screamed- I had just seen one of the most shattering moments of my life, seeing my parents in a horrible way. Snape was really sympathetic and acted like a real adult about it."

Snape is such a lovely person- I don't know why Lily went for James when there was Snape around. Sure, he was a <s>racist</s> bloor-purist Deatheater jerkface who was ugly, but James picked on Snape, so that makes Snape super great, and James super evil for being cocky at the age of 15.

Well, you know that the average Snape fan isn't gonna let that pass!

dancingcarrot21 is the first to weigh in:
Not so fond of the Anti-Snape, pro-James commentary. To me, they were both jerks that didn't deserve Lily. :/

But he/she turns out to be completely sane compared to what follows.

lilyhbp:

Sorry hun, but I agree with Dancingcarrot21. Snape did sacrifice and devoted his life to Harry, like it or not, in his own way. He didn`t have to protect him, yet he did and died for it....

You are of course entitled to your own opinion.

This is of course mine.... it`s just sad you being so ironic about Snape.... even when you say you like him.... it seems not. Its your right to mock him and make fun of him... its jus sad...

Hillary tries to restore normality by explaining her viewpoint in more detail:
I think he's a very interesting character- but I openly mock how people paint him as a saint- he was a very immature bastard, who happened to do some good things. He was a brave man- but a total a-hole. He mistreated children all the time, was severely immature, and a cruel person-

That's what makes him so interesting- he's done so many great things, but is never a nice person. He never give s flip about Harry, really. I mean we saw that in some of the scenes with him and Dumbledore- he just cared about Lily, and took care of Harry out of duty. He was horribly cruel to Harry, Ron, Hermione, and, of all people, NEVILLE. This guy is a very interesting jerkface.

Lost cause. . .
I am sad because You don`t undestant Snape, being lonely, suffering child abuse, hunger, not being taken cared of... bullied and having to live with guilt is something I wouldnt want anyone to suffer. I undestand the character from a personal point of view.

I really think you are entitled to your opinion. I am pretty much used to this hate-Snape rant... specially from young teens and young people. I hate to say it, but you aren`t the only one who dislikes him... but many many more like him even more than even Harry...

And you forget he saved like people like Draco, Katie Bell, Dumbledore and protected Hogwarts. And Harry of course, like quite a lot of times, I am sure you read the books.

He did all of this for Lily???? Maybe. But she was dead already.... He did it for love .... for love....

And writing that he was bastard and an asshole, jerkface, ugly, inmature etc. etc. just makes me wonder why draw him in the first place... Don`t. Of course you are free do whatever you want, but with some respect for those of us who RESPECT the character. I am honestly tired of seeing people mock Snape, saying stupid things like he was a virgin etc. It just show how inmature people are...

Me ironic??? No. I would write I am angry, but I am not, just feel you don`t undestand the character... at all.

And Being that said I have nothing more to say to you. Unless of course you want to start an open discussion, which I won`t mind... we are already discussing.

Right???

You don't understand him! ONLY I DO!

It never ends, does it?

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 06:17:52 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UuBm0dvIzcc&feature=related

That is all.

Tales of Beedle the Bard

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 11:16:59 GMT

It's coming out! My god, Amazon's publishing TALES OF BEEDLE THE BARD, those wonderful, wonderful people!

Comes in both Standard and Luxury Amazon-only editions.

Canon will soon return to us once more!

James = Abusive, Snape = Misunderstood

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 18:20:50 GMT

Title sounds like the normal vitriol, right? Well, this one was a little more speshul.

smallpotato over on snapedom makes a post about how James was an abusive asshole, and everybody knows he was an abusive asshole, and they wonder just how damaged Harry would've been had he grown up in such a terrible environment.

Yeah, yeah, we all say. More of the same. Never mind the pretty sucky environment he DID grow up in.

But then, later on, our favorite Snapedom poster bohemianspirit makes a post that had me laughing my butt off.

"I think a case can be made, as terri_testing has suggested elsewhere, that he did not see his emotional abuse as "really bad." That doesn't mean it wasn't; just that he might have been blind to how damaging it could be."

That makes Snape's abuse okay! Because he thought it was okay!

Both links are full of little gems where the whole point of Snape's story arc sails completely over their heads in favor of defending Snapie-Poo. Enjoy!

Just for the 4th of July!

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 19:06:09 GMT

Psychotic Snapefan Fireworks!

Scroll down to June 19th. It starts from there.

Bring popcorn.

ETA: Better link, courtesy of rhsoulmates

Ok, this I have to share

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 16:27:00 GMT

Buttfacemakani draws a HP funeral

Too good not to!

Is Snape gonna hafta Crucio a bitch?

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 20:26:03 GMT

Well, I thought I’d crawl out of the woodwork and offer my little sample of Slytherfen wank. Specifically, the work of one bohemianspirit, the Slytherfen most recently featured by pyratejenni. You know, the one that the metaphor of “blood-prejudice = racism in HP” sailed right over her head? The one who can’t figure out how on earth the wonderful, saintly, brilliant, and magnificent Severus Snape could love for so long the ungrateful Sue who threw him off over such a trivial slip of the tongue?

Yeah, her. Well, I wandered through some of her stuff. She’s the author of “Light Between the Cracks” and its subsequent sequels, a charming little series that tells us all that well, Snape never really loved Lily, it was just a stupid crush on a girl who didn’t deserve him—during the series he had a secret wife and family on the side who was much better than that Sue Lily ever was. See, she’s all plain and non-descript and stuff—obviously not a Sue, despite what I suspect to be a striking resemblance to the author herself. Really, the story itself, if you can detach it from canon, isn’t horrible—a little sappy for my tastes, but well-written enough—but therein lies the problem. The hero of her little tale bears absolutely no resemblance to Canon!Snape.

That’s because it was all an act, she says. Oh boy—right back to the usual Slytherfen staples. Snape was really just a misunderstood woobie who was faking the huge chip on his shoulder, was tough on students because he wanted to make them strong, and that he secretly really was kind to all children and woodland creatures, and just needed to be loved (but not by that Mary Sue Lily! Not when I could do so much better!). There is a conspicuous lack of any discussion of, you know, his remorse for killing Lily—which I always thought was the driving force behind his actions throughout the series. Eh, she probably deserved it.

Not surprisingly, the story is very popular with all the Slytherfen and Snape-apologists (and I rather unflatteringly suspect that part of that is because the wife is so average-looking and nondescript that they can all substitute themselves in her place).

So what? It’s just the usual tripe. But what got me into this is her latest post on snapedom. Specifically, Hyde’s reaction to it. I’ve warned her to stay out of snapedom—no good can come of it—but she never listens. See, Snape/Lily was probably her first HP ship ever, even before it was canonized, and since it’s such a small segment of fandom, even post-DH, she’s desperate for fanfic on it and so she’s lowered herself to reading some of their crap. And she made the mistake of reading bohemianspirits’s latest Snape defense and the accompanying fic post.

And she went ballistic.

Remember our little meme of sorts when we all posted bad reviews, bad sex, repetitive fics, and that sort of thing? Well, one of the topics that we lambasted that week was Cheating Slag Syndrome, wherein the author, in order to break up an established pair to make room for their OTP, writes the interloper off as a cheating slag, chucks them, and then gets his or her SI nicely into the desired canon character’s pants.

Yep. That’s what bohemianspirit did. She found a new angle for Snape-apologist-ing, and an all-new line of Lily-hate. Because Lily Evans broke up/is in the way of the authors OTP of Snape/herself, she has declared that Lily is/would have been, yes, a Low-Down, Rotten, Two-Timing, Dirty Cheating Slag.

She made a followup to her old post wherein she says that not only is it ridiculous to believe that Snape loved her for so long when she clearly didn’t deserve it, now she also says that well, it’s clear that Lily never really cared about him at all—even as a friend. And of course, if he’d have given up his Death Eater stuff for her, then they never would have worked out.

And then she presents her new AU fic “Childhood’s End”, wherein Snape did give it all up and he and Lily married and had kids. Snape and Lily as they REALLY would have been, she says (the phrases “if I had my way/if it had been done right/if JK really understood her own character/if I had been there for him” are implicit).

The fic opens up with Lily wanting a divorce. Cute, huh? And can you guess why? Because she’s a cheating slag, of course! She’s been stepping out on Snape with James Potter! Snape, of course, is utterly guiltless in regards to this crumbling marriage—he’s been good and true and faithful, as he is in all things—it’s all Lily’s fault they’re not working. He tries to salvage their relationship for the sake of their kids—she, of course, doesn’t care, and makes fun of their one kid who is like him (one of those who helped Neville-The-Boy-Who-Lived finish off Voldemort—in the author’s world, he didn’t need those creeps Ron and Hermione, but rather had a student from every house with him—subtle, huh?). Then Lily ditches him, after informing him THAT THEIR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP WAS NOTHING MORE THAN A SHAM TO KEEP HIM AWAY FROM THE DEATH EATERS. That’s right—she never really cared for him at all, but she married him because she felt sorry and responsible for him, like he was a pathetic lost dog, and their near-20 year marriage was nothing but an extended pity-f*ck.

What a dirty, cheating slag. Well, anyway, she leaves him (and their kids!), and good riddance to bad rubbish, and his son comes downstairs, and he’s perfectly fine with this—in fact, he seems to think good riddance too, and that dear old dad is better off without her. The whore.

And yes, thus far, the fen think it’s great. There was a particular gem of a comment, the closing line of which is “but at least they've finally admitted their mistake, and he has a chance to eventually find true happiness with someone who really loves him.” And to paraphrase pyratejenni, you can add on the implicit “like ME!!!”

Ah, Snapefen. You’d think that by now I’d have learned that no matter what depths to which you sink, you’ll always find one lower in the name of deifying your beloved woobie. If you’re so anxious to get into poor Snape’s pants, why don’t you just write a Mary Sue so it can be appropriately lambasted on deleterius instead of bitching about Lily in the guise of shippage?

From the Grasping at Straws Dept

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 22:17:21 GMT

It's not really insulting if the circumstances are right!

Fav quote:

HOW COULD HE STILL LOVE HER AFTER WHAT SHE DID TO HIM?

Translation: WHEN HE COULD HAVE ME INSTEAD?!

The ex HP fan formerly known as itiswar.

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 01:54:09 GMT

....

Just read this.

Hypothetical "real" editons of DH. Praising a fan who's so butt-hurt her theories never panned out she refused to admit it, because she makes him feel better about his own ability to stop being butt-hurt his theories didn't pan out.

Someone ain't breathing the same air as the rest of us.

Okay, what is it with Snapefen?

Sun, 25 May 2008 20:21:56 GMT

Marionros is unclear on who the hero of the series is.

Fortunately, she got smacked down rather than cheered on.

But seriously, what is it with Snapefen and their desire to completely whitewash Snape? Especially way-older-than-the-target-audience Snapefen?*

*Actually, this could apply to Slytherfen and Malfoy apologists as well.

Thu, 22 May 2008 17:05:36 GMT

I found this link via a friend. It's mostly about the Lexicon lawsuit, but some of the commentary about Poor!Dead!Unforgiven!Snape are a hoot.

Some people really can't read. Now, if only they'd gone about about Not-Really-Eurotrash!Malfoys...

OMG! JKR wrote the character the way she wanted to! And she's still answering questions about him! W

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 10:10:46 GMT

In which sistermagpie pitches a hissyfit

Y'know, I'm thinking that petualantgod may have been onto something with fandom's obsessions with cock, given all the whining going on there.

ETA:And we got Godwin's.

'Hermione's Valentine's Night'

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 14:24:21 GMT

Harry Potter actor Daniel Radcliffe has enjoyed a secret Valentine's date... with co-star Emma Watson.

This is not going to be pretty, is it?

Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 20:37:22 GMT

I'm really excited - one of my favourite books is being filmed. Now, from the trailer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40X_XkmqGao), it does look like they've made some changes to the plot, but the changes, as far as I can tell from the trailer, which of course is not saying too much, seem to be just the necessary ones to make a book with a lot of internal monologuing work better on film. It won't be out here for a bit yet, but I'm excited =)

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 21:35:29 GMT

Entertainment Weekly has named Ron/Hermione one of its 26 best fictional couples.

I know EW isn't exactly the pinnacle of journalism, but I still think it's interesting, especially since it's ranked alongside the likes of Han/Leia and Lois/Superman.

175, Soul

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 22:55:42 GMT

Title: Who Wants to Live Forever?
Fandom: Harry Potter
Prompt: 175: Soul
Fan theory: "WHAT possessed Voldemort to make his Horcruxes significant objects and hide them in significant places in his past, rather than doing something smart with those pieces of soul, like: What if he'd made the Whomping Willow a Horcrux? How about a statue in a park that had no connection to him?"

It was one in the morning, and the last bus home had left the stop twenty minutes ago. Frank MacDougal came out of the pub, peered around, and blearily began his long stagger home through the streets of Aberdeen.

Aberdeen is a grey, ancient city, with tall granite buildings lining the sides of wide streets. Frank had grown up in it, and knew it well. Aye, it could be a wee bit bleak at times, but it had a beauty, and if the winter sun was rarely to be seen through the drizzle and snow, even in the brief hours allotted to it by the northerly latitude, he could cope.

However, tonight, his bladder began feeling fit to burst. Perhaps he had had a wee bit too much to drink? Nah... Just had to find somewhere to relieve himself...

He eyed about. Noone was in sight. He crept over to one of the statues that laced the city, unzipped his trousers, released his bladder...

...And was struck by a beam of green light.

* * *

He was the fifth person found dead, with his trousers down near that statue. Arthur Weasley was sent in, and soon, with Dumbledore's help, Voldemort's horcrux was destroyed.¹

¹Edvard Munch's Scream was also not a good choice for a horcrux location. One muggleborn taken on a trip to the museum by her family... Well, it's a little hard to conceal that much concentrated evil. And wasn't quite so unrelated to Voldemort as he had imagined. Indeed, with his bizarre "put the malevolent murdering objects out in plain sight" plan, Voldemort ran out pretty quick-like, and when he tried to attack Harry... well, he really was killed off for good. Oops!

amanuensis1 on H/G and the epilogue

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 02:12:17 GMT

The biggest steaming pile of canon denial I have seen in some time. Especially most of the comment threads.

*resists saying something catty about "it makes our sandbox tinier"*

I hope this is a reasonable place for this

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 04:16:50 GMT

About a month ago, I received a shiny new account (thank you hinoema) and now I need icons for it. After due consideration, I decided to go the shameless route. If there is someplace else this kind of request is supposed to be, I apologize.

Anyway, these are the icons I was thinking of, if someone could make them. Image selection within given parameters is enirely at the discretion of the iconeer; if you would prefer ungankability please say so and I will respect your wishes, but if no preference is stated I will assume you take the same permissive stance I agree with.

Picture ...................................................................... Accompanying text

1. Dobby ................................................................... Is Dobby having to maim a bitch?
2. Molly Weasley (Potterpuff) ................................ Molly Weasley looks remarkably like a saber-toothed tiger
3. Concorde jet ....................................................... O RLY?
4. Cycling images:
a. Severus Snape .................................................. All that is gold does not glitter
b. Sirius Black ........................................................ Not all those who wander are lost
c. Albus Dumbledore ............................................ The old that is strong does not wither
d. Remus Lupin ..................................................... Deep roots are not reached by the frost
e. Harry Potter ......................................................... From the ashes a fire shall be woken
f. Hermione Granger ............................................. A light from the shadows shall spring
g. Neville Longbottom ........................................... Renewed shall be blade that was broken
h. Ron Weasley ...................................................... The crownless again shall be king

Quick bit of help needed

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 03:21:23 GMT

Sorry to drop this on the STFU, HOWEVER this pertains to my glorious return. Part of the reason why I haven't been around all that much has to do with something that's been bugging me, and I think a paid user in the comm might be able to help me. Basically, if you haven't noticed, JournalFen's RSS capabilities DIED at some point and this has left me unable to utilise my feeds to keep up easily, thus I can only visit when I have the spare time to peruse the place.

Could a paid user post on the priority support bit for me and inquire as to what's happening with RSS? That would make things awesome once more. Just a favour.

Harmonian Film Conspiracy?

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 22:33:11 GMT

Over lunch today, a friend of mine suggested that the makers of the Harry Potter films are actively pushing Harmony over canon, and citied several situations in which scenes between Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson were "played up" in order to emphasize onscreen chemistry between the two actors. I've heard rumors to this effect before...could there perhaps be any substance to this?

(Also, if this is the wrong comm for this kind of speculation, I'll move this elsewhere. Thanks!)

Turning Ron/Lavender into Harry/Ginny?

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 17:37:58 GMT

Just rumor, of course but irritating nonetheless.

It's been reported that a scene in HBP has been filmed where Ron helped win the Quidditch Cup and Lavender runs up to kiss him while Hermione looks on with jealousy. That's a new scene written for the Film, because in the book we never see how the Quidditch Cup Final plays out since Harry is detention with Snape because he sliced up Draco Malfoy with that Sectumsepra spell. Also, they apparently put Lavender in GLASSES and she'll have her long hair CURLED and blonde.
This is the second confirmed kissing scene that Rupert has had to do for HBP. (late last month Emma confirmed that they'd filmed the first kissing scene between Ron and Lavender) How is that poor boy holding up? I hope he's having fun.

The character Katie Bell has been cut from HBP, a last minute decision by Director David Yates and Producer David Heyman. She is being replaced by Cho Chang when she gets cursed by that necklace and nearly killed.

Hmmm ...

Heraclitus

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 09:08:33 GMT

Found this while looking up "Harmonian" in Wikipedia (they don't have an article? How mildly odd) Still, given their penchant for quoting Heraclitus' "The hidden harmony is better than the obvious", this other quote by him is just hilarious:

ἐκ τῶν διαφερόντων καλλίστην ἁρμονίαν

ek tōn diapherontōn kallistēn harmonian

Which means...

"out of discord comes the fairest harmony."

Oh, no! Heraclitus is a dirty Heron, oppressing them!!!

Mon, 07 Jan 2008 05:30:02 GMT

Thought you all would find this amusing.

"That's The Life Of A Mary Sue", a song all about Harry Potter Sues. I LOLed.