One of these days, I'm going to build an iPhone/blackberry app called "My ethnic friend."

Got into an argument with a pesky member of a minority who doesn't think the way they should? Just log into "My ethnic friend!" Enter the ethnicity or sexual orientation you need and the world view that agrees with yours. Within 24 hours, we guarantee a REAL ETHNIC/SPECIFICALLY SEXUALLY ORIENTED PERSON will friend you on twitter, facebook, livejournal, myspace, whatever you need. Then your REAL ETHNIC/SPECIFIC SEXUALLY ORIENTED FRIEND will go wherever your argument is happening and tell that other pesky minority to shut up. And because they're your REAL ETHNIC/SPECIFIC SEXUALLY ORIENTED FRIEND, that other pesky minority will have no choice but to admit they have been pizz-owned. Remember, you're a person in the majority who has a friend in the minority who agrees with you. This means your opinion is not only 100% more valid than that pesky minority, but 300% MORE VALID!