Because Spanx are deceptive, you see. You know, you trick some guy into thinking you're not fat, and perhaps he agrees to date you and/or have sex with you, only to learn The Awful Truth that you're not a stick figure/glamour model/person with a high metabolism. Or whatever.

That's my guess, anyway, but (perhaps fortunately) I can't read Scott Adams's mind. And trying to think like a douchebag is giving me a headache, so I'm not even going to try to fathom the Koran comment.