*jumps up and down, pointing at your comment* I have a friend, who, while usually pretty decent about being an ally, SUCKS when 'It's obvious he didn't mean it like *that*, so it's no big deal!' and 'No one's perfect, since he wasn't actually attacking you, cut him some slack!'

I fuck up too. I say things that sometimes are hurtful when I certainly didn't intend it to be. And I own that when someone tells me what I'm doing and apologize and am not an asshole about it. >.<

(Sorry for the rant, I'm more upset about my friend than I thought, and just had a conversation with him about something very similar to this situation).