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	juliansinger 2011-07-31 02:56 am UTC (link)
	reads Kynn's post May I just say, in measured tones, what the shit is this? Thank you. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	red_eft 2011-07-31 03:01 am UTC (link)
	I really, really don't think that post proves what she thinks it does. (Reply to this)(Parent)

wrenlet
2011-07-31 03:01 am UTC (link)

Dittoed. I just... it's like a blueprint, isn't it? "How to entirely dodge responsibility for your actions and also convince your victim to make excuses for you and offer sympathy."

She thinks socializing with her proves there was no rape? Right, tell that to people abused by family members who did holidays together for decades because sometimes people cling to tatters of normality in horrific situations.

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	wrenlet 2011-07-31 03:04 am UTC (link)
	Also, "Woe, now I'm suicidal!" makes me want to punch her in the teeth. I've had that threat used on me by an abusive partner and seen it done to others, it's a frighteningly common tactic. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	jackandahat 2011-07-31 03:14 am UTC (link)
	That one seriously pisses me off. My mother used it constantly - "I'll kill myself, and it'll be all your fault". It's an incredibly common tactic, and I have fuck-all sympathy for people who use it. Plus, there is something extra-evil about making your victim feel bad for the fact you raped them. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	the_con_cept 2011-07-31 03:21 am UTC (link)
	+1. My abuser did the same thing. Seems like she said it to emotionally manipulate Jack and then posted it to emotionally manipulate the rest of the people on the web. Seems like she doesn't realize there are a LOT of abuse survivors, and we've SEEN that one before. is disgusted (Reply to this)(Parent)

	ecchaniz0r 2011-08-01 11:21 pm UTC (link)
	This. I have had...many emotionally abusive disgusting people in my life because in the past I thought I deserved no better, and that fucking bullshit is as common as dirt. (Reply to this)(Parent)

juliansinger
2011-07-31 03:14 am UTC (link)

Yah, cling to normality... Or, don't realize that what happened could be interpreted as/could be/was rape. There's still an emotional step to take from saying, "I didn't want that," to calling it full on rape. And that's a hard step, often.

That very long AIM log from 6/18 has that in spades. (In addition to some spot on manipulative-depressive behavior from Kynn.) So really, Jack's progression makes perfect sense to me, and the last six paragraphs of Kynn's post make me want to spit.

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jackandahat
2011-07-31 03:19 am UTC (link)

Or realise it, but still be trying to rationalise it away.

I've seen people mention that he might not have been wanting to think of Kynn as a rapist, because she was his girlfriend, but also... maybe he didn't want to think of himself as a rape victim? (Especially if he was already a survivor, the sense of "not again...")

If you say to yourself "I was raped", you have to come to the terms with the fact that happened - someone did that to you and you couldn't stop it. If you can say to yourself "Well, it shouldn't have happened, but it was just bad sex..." then that has a very different effect, different headspace.

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	seiberwing 2011-07-31 07:41 am UTC (link)
	I don't know what she thought she'd accomplish--she's practically nailed herself to the wall regarding personal redemption. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	ickle_snowflake 2011-07-31 04:14 pm UTC (link)
	The thought that she probably picked out the IMs she felt put her in a good light and those were the best she could do makes me recoil, even before the rest of her post factors in. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	seiberwing 2011-07-31 06:07 pm UTC (link)
	shudders (Reply to this)(Parent)

	duraniedrama 2011-07-31 06:12 pm UTC (link)
	she's practically nailed herself to the wall Looks more to me like she nailed herself to a cross. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	dere 2011-07-31 03:34 am UTC (link)
	I've been contemplating feminist/rational/decent responses to being accused of rape. None of my options were quite like that. By not quite like that, I mean pretty much the opposite. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	sandglass 2011-08-01 12:56 am UTC (link)
	MTE. I keep putting myself in her shoes (missing out on someone's queues so badly it amounts to rape--which isn't what she is doing but she's claiming it--and having it brought into public) and imagining what I would do, and it's pretty much, "OH GOD NOT THAT." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

dere
2011-08-01 01:56 am UTC (link)

IKR? But I guess the whole point of rapists being dangerous is that if you could take care of things like that reasonably and responsibly and lovingly, you'd be less likely to rape someone at all.

Or less likely for the whole awful thing to implode like this because, in this case at least, you'd know that your partner felt that you'd raped them and you could have dealt with this a long time ago—even if you didn't manage not to rape them at all.

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