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rageful tl;dr

esorlehcar
2011-07-31 07:49 pm UTC (link)

The more I think about the "I believe Jack is a rape victim, but that doesn't make Kynn a rapist" narrative, the more pissed off I get. It's just so mealy mouthed and... cowardly, is the best word I can think of.

Let's say, for the sake of argument, that Kynn's intentions were 1,000% pure. She honestly thought Jack saying no was part of the scene, that Jack had implicitly consented to everything she did by not using a safe word or whatever, and the encounter was consensual and mutually enjoyable. Even if that's exactly the way it went down (which after reading those chat logs and that travesty of "Can't we talk about my trauma, being accused of rape by mean liars?" post, I sincerely fucking doubt, but again, for the sake of argument), THAT MAKES KYNN A RAPIST.

"Jack was raped by Kynn, but it's not fair to say Kynn raped Jack!" isn't just ridiculous, it's fucking offensive, especially coming from people who speak out about rape culture and know exactly how much they're perpetuating and spreading it by pretending rape is passive act that just "happens" to people without a perpetrator involved.

If Jack was raped by Kynn, then Kynn raped Jack. Even if she honestly had no idea she was forcing herself on him without his consent, she raped him, because it sure as hell isn't the assailant who gets to decide whether a sexual encounter is voluntary. And trying to remove Kynn from the picture is as good as saying, "Jack got himself raped." Remove the perpetrator, and all you have left is blaming the victim, no matter how much you try to dance around it.

I'm guessing the whole "Jack was raped, but Kynn's not a rapist" thing is meant to suggest that she's not a terrible person, that misunderstanding consent (a stretch, but whatever) doesn't mean she's never done anything good in her life or ever will again, and that may well all be true. But none of it means she isn't, or can't be, a rapist.

If Kynn isn't a rapist, that means she didn't rape anyone, and that means Jack wasn't raped. If you don't believe Kynn is a rapist, you believe Jack is a liar (or, if you want to be really charitable, just confused about the fact the sex he didn't want was actually consensual). It's really not difficult. And fucking EVERYONE trying to weasel their way out of condemning a friend's behavior is plenty smart enough to know that, which just makes the whole thing that much grosser.

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	Re: rageful tl;dr harrylovesron 2011-07-31 08:12 pm UTC (link)
	This. So much THIS. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	Re: rageful tl;dr gmth 2011-07-31 08:52 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you for saying this. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	Re: rageful tl;dr juliansinger 2011-07-31 09:49 pm UTC (link)
	FYI: http://sparkymonster.dreamwidth.org/411490.html?thread=6699106#cmt6699106. In general, I agree with you, and well said. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	Re: rageful tl;dr cereta 2011-08-01 02:10 am UTC (link)
	Yeah, I pride myself on being able to hold some pretty damn complex things in my head, and I can't work out a way in which you can reconcile those two ideas at ALL. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: rageful tl;dr lab 2011-08-01 01:11 pm UTC (link)
	You know, it makes me feel infinitely better that a rhetorician is saying that, because I was seriously trying to make sense of that particular line of argument. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	Re: rageful tl;dr snacky 2011-08-01 02:59 am UTC (link)
	All I can think of is how people always say "intent doesn't matter" but evidently in cases of "oh shit my friend raped someone" intent DOES matter because Kynn didn't INTEND to rape anyone. Or some fucking bullshit like that. Jesus fucking christ. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: rageful tl;dr fernmonkey 2011-08-01 11:04 am UTC (link)
	I think I'm going to look out my graph paper and cross-stitch stuff, and rework a popular phrase into a sampler. CONSENT - IT'S FUCKING MAGIC. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	Re: rageful tl;dr franzen 2011-08-01 03:21 am UTC (link)
	My thoughts exactly. +1. (Reply to this)(Parent)

Re: rageful tl;dr

fernmonkey
2011-08-01 11:02 am UTC (link)

I think that "Jack was raped, but Kynn is not a rapist" also comes from people having a mental image of a "rapist" as a stranger lurking in the bushes with a big knife.

It's similar to the way that racefails frequently start out with a white person being called racist and then flailing defensively (or their friends flailing defensively on their behalf) because their mental image of a "racist" involves swastikas and white hoods and the N-word.

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Re: rageful tl;dr

dere
2011-08-01 02:10 pm UTC (link)

I think it comes from people who are still in relationships with their rapists, or who haven't gotten free of the manipulation that often surrounds sexually abusive relationships. It's very hard to look at a situation that mirrors your own and say "X is a rapist" where in your case, X is your spouse/parent/friend/relative/parent of your child/boss/defender/etc. and you still have contact with them and they may even be sitting across the room from you. The issue may even be resolved between you, restitution made and forgiveness given, but the fact remains—people are pushing into your head again that you must label someone entangled in your life as a rapist.

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