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Eleutheria (![[info]](http://www.journalfen.net/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} eleutheria) wrote in ![[info]](http://www.journalfen.net/img/community.gif){kind=small} unfunny_fandom, |
IDK what she means, but I can relate to the phrase of it and was tempted for a while some time ago to try to figure out some way of saying more or less the same thing on my journal and couldn't figure out how to word it so that people wouldn't think it meant "don't disagree with me", so I just gave up.
I wrote a very personal, flocked post about my experiences of fatphobia and ableism and how I felt about it, and a friend posted "I don't think you're fat at all". Dude, I'm a size 24. And then he said something to the effect of "well, I was just going off the last time I saw you, maybe you've gotten fatter since then" (I was a size 20 when I last saw him, so still fat) and then started saying why he disagrees with fat acceptance and thinks fat men get it just as bad as fat women. I was pissed and I was hurt but I swallowed it and tried to explain to him why his posts were upsetting, and he went away angry that I wouldn't cite scientific sources about fat acceptance and debate with him. Y'know, maybe a personal post about having dealt with oppression isn't the place to start that shit, especially when your opener is to deny part of my identity.
Up until that point, locked posts on my own journal were my safe space, and I really did feel like he was "non-consentually debating" with me because he put me in a position where if I didn't defend what I believed in with proper debate, what I said was not to be taken seriously. I didn't want a debate there, I'm not really open to debating there especially if pushed into a corner and forced into it, I don't have the spoons for it especially on a post where I'm putting my vulnerability out there. I do feel that some things I post about should either be accepted by commenters or they should take their ball and go somewhere else because I'm not going to sit there and debate whether privilege of various kinds exists. And I can't come up with a way of saying that that wouldn't read like what n_p's friend up there did.
I wrote a very personal, flocked post about my experiences of fatphobia and ableism and how I felt about it, and a friend posted "I don't think you're fat at all". Dude, I'm a size 24. And then he said something to the effect of "well, I was just going off the last time I saw you, maybe you've gotten fatter since then" (I was a size 20 when I last saw him, so still fat) and then started saying why he disagrees with fat acceptance and thinks fat men get it just as bad as fat women. I was pissed and I was hurt but I swallowed it and tried to explain to him why his posts were upsetting, and he went away angry that I wouldn't cite scientific sources about fat acceptance and debate with him. Y'know, maybe a personal post about having dealt with oppression isn't the place to start that shit, especially when your opener is to deny part of my identity.
Up until that point, locked posts on my own journal were my safe space, and I really did feel like he was "non-consentually debating" with me because he put me in a position where if I didn't defend what I believed in with proper debate, what I said was not to be taken seriously. I didn't want a debate there, I'm not really open to debating there especially if pushed into a corner and forced into it, I don't have the spoons for it especially on a post where I'm putting my vulnerability out there. I do feel that some things I post about should either be accepted by commenters or they should take their ball and go somewhere else because I'm not going to sit there and debate whether privilege of various kinds exists. And I can't come up with a way of saying that that wouldn't read like what n_p's friend up there did.
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