I think, to some of us, the dichotomy in Lily's character that's most jarring is how she went from an outspoken, fiery young girl to a passive, terrified young woman.

The most seriously evil wizard of all time has just shown up at your front door, killed your husband, and then entered your child's room to kill you next. I wouldn't say that Lily's fear in that scene is part of a character art that has her become a "passive, terrified young woman".

Also, are we really interpreting Lily's pleas to kill her instead of Harry as passive?