Perez Hilton: now starring in "House of WHUT."
I know this is all over the mainstream media, but damn it, some of it's funny.
Except for the bits that really, really aren't.
Perez Hilton, gossip-purveyor and celebrity-dirt-disher to the internet, got punched in the face in Toronto after the Much Music Video Awards.
That's assault, and what do you do when someone assaults you? You contact the police.
And, of course, it's completely rational to think the police follow you on Twitter.
Perez Hilton's Twitter log, as reported by The Superficial and The Daily Mail
For those of you lucky enough to not know who this guy is, here's a quick-and-admittedly-grudge-wanky history of Perez Hilton: He is kind to children. All children. He is respectful of those with whom he disagrees. He is gracious.
Now, you'll note in the Twitter log that Perez names his attacker: Will.I.Am from the Black-Eyed Peas.
Will.I.Am takes exception to this. Via video-blog.
Perez takes exception to Will.I.Am's exception, also via video-blog, but he takes a lot longer to do so--about 12 minutes. There's some good lulz to be had at the wankiness in there, but whoa embarrassment squick. He cries and swears a lot at the end.
(The video is NOT SAFE FOR WORK due to language.) Will.I.Am Lies!
Note: Perez Hilton is himself openly gay and has been very vocal in the fight to overturn Proposition 8 in California. I don't know about you, but I'm having a big ol' WHUT over his choice of insults.
(Note: Fergie is the lead singer of the Black-Eyed Peas. She's not every girl-appreciater's cup of tea, but she's still hella hot.)
If you actually watched the video, you'll note that--Perez's ire toward Will.I.Am notwithstanding--he is now blaming the Black-Eyed Peas' manager, Polo Molina, for the actual fist in the face. The police seem to agree with this, in that Polo is the man they've charged with assault.
No word yet on whether Will.I.Am will be getting an apology.
Now, about that "faggot" remark...
You can view a herky-jerky video recording of the altercation here. The conversation is not exactly as Perez Hilton reported, but close-ish, and he actually says, "You're not a fucking artist; you're a fucking faggot."
The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation is not impressed.
"We have reached out to Hilton and asked him to apologize for promoting this anti-gay slur, and we would ask media outlets to avoid repetition of the slur in their coverage of this story.
This gets Perez feeling all victimized again:
"I am saddened GLAAD chose to victimize me further by criticizing me for how I non-violently dealt with a very scary situation that, unfortunately, turned violent. While I doubt I will get an apology from GLAAD, nor do I expect one, I would just hope people know how difficult it is to intellectualize a situation and think rationally when a thug disguised as a musician is screaming at your face and intimidating you. I am just very fortunate and grateful that nothing more serious happened to me."
Dude. How hard is it to "intellectualize" things enough to refrain from calling someone a "fucking faggot"?
Well, never fear. Perez has now issued The Great Passive-Aggressive Apology of Martyrdom in the form of this teal
Perez, I agree you shouldn't have been the victim of violence. But what I don't get is why you're surprised by it, 'cause dude? You're an asshole. All those times you were picking on sixteen-year-old girls, you didn't consider you might get your lights punched out for it someday? Like, really?
But let's end on a high note with some bonus lulz! John Mayer twitters also.
John Mayer's Twitter log, as reported by The Superficial
Edit 1, June 24, 15:30PST:
Perez is now suing Polo Molina for "battery and intentional infliction of emotional distress" and seeking damages in excess of $25,000. (Yahoo News)
His lawyer Bryan Freedman wants you to know he's keen about his job:
"Rest assured that anyone who physically assaults Perez Hilton or encourages others to do so because they cannot handle a little criticism will be sued as quickly as I can type."(Emphasis mine.)
Edit 2, June 25, 18:30PST:
Perez provides more teal deer, this time with paragraph breaks and a surprising title: I'm Sorry.
Highlights:Edit 3, June 26, 16:00PST:
But wait! The Matthew Shepard Foundation doesn't want your steeeeeenking money,Perez.
"We do not know the details of the lawsuit, whether it has been filed, the nature of his claims or the likely outcome. But because the lawsuit presumably involves the physical attack prompted by Mr. Hilton's admitted use of an anti-gay slur, the Foundation will be unable to accept any funds obtained in such a manner."
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