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another reason to hate people, it's about fucking time, tee hee!

Media Watch highlights why we call him Vile Kyle
Some people may have noticed that many of us Australians appear overly gleeful at the sacking of Kyle Sandilands when there is child rape to consider. Last night, Australian time, our TV version of fandom_wank/unfunnybusiness, a show called Media Watch, spent the evening highlighting why this is far from Kyle and Jackie O's first case of utter fail in the unfunny department.

You can read the first part of the transcript here (and trust me, the second part, when they say that Vile is worse than John Laws? Given John Laws history with the program, that is saying something) and is available to download here in MP4 format or here in WAV format. I don't know how well these will go outside of Australia so I am currently downloading it myself (ah, Australian internet speeds, how I love you) and will have the .mp4 format on YouTube and Mediafire ASAP in an edit. (YouTube has priority, but the video is 15min long and I need to cut it in half)

EDITED Sorry, all, fell back asleep.
YouTube part 1
YouTube part 2

In the meantime, however, the transcript of the 15min program: (I am copy-pasta'ing their HTML because it is 2.30am and I have had very little sleep, so there may be some broken links I've missed)

Kyle Sandilands: Apparently Media Watch has got all their little knickers in a twist, their big granny undies in a twist because they can’t believe over at the ABC, where they’re all wearing the fawn cardigans, that we’re over here having fun flashing around some boobs and willies.

— Radio 2DayFM, The Kyle and Jackie O Show, 4th July, 2008

Revisit Media Watch's 2008 story on Kyle and Jackie O


That was how we started Media Watch one year and one month ago. Last week, the nation learned just how much fun Kyle and Jackie O can have. Flashing around the sex life of a 14 year-old kid.

Welcome to Media Watch. I'm Jonathan Holmes.

It's the Kyle and Jackie No Show

— The Daily Telegraph, 3rd August, 2009

Kyle, Jackie O suspended indefinitely

— ABC news online, 3rd August, 2009

Those headlines are wrong, said the owners of 2DayFM, Austereo, this morning. The Kyle and Jackie O Show hasn't been suspended. It's "in recess". Makes all the difference, doesn't it? And it will stay "in recess"...

...until we have completed an across-the-networks review of the principals[sic] and protocols of our interaction with our audience.

— Austereo statement, 2nd August, 2009

Read Media Watch's questions to Austereo

Read Austereo's statement regarding The Kyle and Jackie O Show


Apparently there are 'principles and protocols' that apply to Kyle and Jackie O. Well you certainly wouldn't have guessed that from last Wednesday's performance.

It's worth reminding ourselves of how the show led up to the now-notorious lie detector test. Kyle and Jackie discussed the 14-year-old extensively, behind her back, with her extraordinary mother.

To protect the child's identity, we've distorted the voices of both mother and daughter.

Jackie O: What's your worst fear? Is it the sex? Is it the lying? Is it possibly doing drugs, smoking? What do you think?

Mother: Drugs and sex and older boys. Yeah.

Jackie O: Has she told you she's had sex before? Do you think she's a virgin?

Mother: I think she might have had sex before.

Jackie O: Right but she hasn't said anything?

Mother: No.

Kyle Sandilands: Have you guys, yeah have you discussed it?

Mother: We've discussed it and she doesn't want to go there.

Kyle Sandilands: Is she happy about being here?

Mother: No, let me tell you, no she's not. I think she's nervous about the questions.

— Radio 2DayFM, The Kyle and Jackie O Show, 29th July, 2009

She's nervous. She doesn't want to discuss her sex life. Even with her own mother. Chortle chortle.

So that makes it a great idea to force her to discuss it, strapped to a lie detector, in front of one of the biggest radio audiences in Australia. In fact, it'll be fun.

Jackie O: We have her hooked up to the lie detector. She's not happy. I just saw her listening to that replay.

Kyle Sandilands: How are you (NAME)?

Daughter: I'm scared. It's not fair.

Jackie O: It wouldn't be fair on any kid, I tell you...

Kyle Sandilands: Is that true? Is that true Charles? Is that true?

Charles Rahim: That is true, yes...

Kyle Sandilands: She is scared everyone. Yeah.

— Radio 2DayFM, The Kyle and Jackie O Show, 29th July, 2009

She's scared. Ho ho ho.

And so, despite all the flashing red lights and screaming alarms, Kyle and Jackie, and the mother, steam on towards the train wreck.

Jackie O: Okay, what's your next question, mum?

Mother: Okay. Have you have sex?

Daughter: I've already told you the story of this and don't look at me and smile because it's not funny. Oh, okay. I got raped when I was 12 years old.

Kyle Sandilands: Right. And is that, is that the only experience you've had?

— Radio 2DayFM, The Kyle and Jackie O Show, 29th July, 2009

Astonishingly, last week, Austereo could see nothing wrong with the behaviour of Kyle and Jackie O.

Its apparent change of attitude over the weekend might owe something to the way its major sponsors have reacted.

We know that Optus has told the station that it's appalled.

Qantas today told Media Watch:

Qantas has withdrawn our advertising from the Kyle and Jackie O timeslot. We will wait for Austereo's final response on the program before making any further decisions.

— Statement from Qantas, 3rd August, 2009

Read Qantas' response to Media Watch's questions

Read Optus' response to Media Watch's questions


Or perhaps the network has acted because the regulator, the Australian Communications and Media Authority, ACMA put out this statement last Friday:

The ACMA will consider very carefully the actions taken by the licensee to address the concerns of the community about this incident, before considering formally whether to launch its own investigation...

— ACMA statement, 31st July, 2009

Read ACMA's response to Media Watch's questions


It's very rare that ACMA even threatens to investigate a licensee on its own initiative.

The most obvious line of inquiry, it says, is to ask whether the program met this clause of the Commercial Radio Codes of Practice:

All program content must meet contemporary standards of decency, having regard to the likely characteristics of the audience of the licensee's service.

— Commercial Radio Codes of Practice & Guidelines, 23rd September, 2004 - clause 1.5(a)

The Commercial Radio Codes of Practice & Guidelines can be found on our Resources page.


Well that's exactly what Media Watch asked last year.

More 10 to 17 year-olds, by far, listen to 2DayFM than to any other Sydney station.

Yet up to now ACMA has done nothing about Kyle and Jackie's obsession with boobs and willies, their parade of vaginas and penises, their discussions of anal sex, and oral sex, and faeces-eating during sex, and other such breakfast-time delights.

And then there's the program's routine humiliation and emotional manipulation of its 'guests'.

Tonight, while Austereo reviews its 'principles and protocols', we're going to look at a particularly sickening example. It wasn't about sex, or juveniles.

It was about heartless exploitation:

Jackie O: Okay we're doing this competition. It's called 'Home or Away' where we bring out a loved one that you just haven't seen in a very long time. They live overseas. You haven't been able to afford to see each other...
So, we have Sally in the studio this morning who has a loved one she's desperate to meet up with. Hi Sally.

Saveth Chorn: Hi Jackie. Hi Kyle.

Kyle Sandilands: Hi darl, how are you?

Saveth Chorn: I'm good.

Jackie O: So who is this family member that you really want to see?

Saveth Chorn: My niece, Dana.

— Radio 2DayFM, The Kyle and Jackie O Show, 17th July, 2009

Sally's real name is Saveth Chorn.

2DayFM said that name was too complicated for their listeners, so they foisted the name Sally on her.

Saveth and her parents were refugees from Pol Pot's vicious regime in Cambodia. Back in 1986 her older, married sister was granted permission to go to the United States.

They haven't seen each other since.

Desperate to meet her sister's kids for the first time, Saveth entered the 'Home or Away' competition.

2DayFM agreed to fly her 19 year-old niece Dana from California.

But on the day before she was due to board her flight, Dana and Saveth were told, on-air, about the "twist" that Kyle and Jackie O had built into the competition.

Kyle Sandilands: So, you are going to be flown over Dana. That's, that's the good news right?

Jackie O: The twist here is when Dana flies over, Sally, we're going to put her on Monday morning behind a door but there are going to be two other doors.

— Radio 2DayFM, The Kyle and Jackie O Show, 17th July, 2009

Behind the second door will be Geoff the newsreader.

Behind the third, Joey - an Amercian actor pretending to be a sex-mad backpacker.

Jackie O: Now, if you don't pick the right door, if Dana's not the door you pick, Dana flies straight home. No meeting.

Kyle Sandilands: So she flies over here, 15 hours. She stands behind the door. If you pick the wrong door Dana gets back on the plane, flies home, 15 hours.

— Radio 2DayFM, The Kyle and Jackie O Show, 17th July, 2009

Good twist eh?

On air they asked Dana if she wanted to pull out. Off-air, beforehand, Dana says she was told:

Once we've booked the flight you can't back out. If you agree to this your name's on the ticket. It's a commitment.

— Statement from Dana Vann to Media Watch, 31st July, 2009

So Dana boarded her plane, and Saveth stewed all weekend in a fever of anxiety. Even after Dana landed in Sydney, Saveth was told she couldn't contact her.

A producer told Saveth that:

...they had ways to find out if I did..."and if you do we'll pull the plug on this straight away and you won't be able to see her."

— Statement from Saveth Chorn to Media Watch, 29th July, 2009

These are real people, with real emotions.

Which is why, on the following Monday morning, when Saveth picked the wrong door, it all went so deliciously well for 2DayFM.

Jackie O: You picked door number two? On the count of three: 1, 2, 3...

Saveth Chorn: Oh no!

— Radio 2DayFM, The Kyle and Jackie O Show, 20th July, 2009

Dana was distraught.

As well as a brief video, 2DayFM provides a gallery on its website where you can revel in the womens' desperation. They're separated by a soundproof glass screen.

Dana Vann: Flying back to America, not even seeing you at all.

Kyle Sandilands: You can see each other through the glass!

Saveth Chorn: That's terrible.

Geoff: This is really bad, Kyle and Jackie...

Dana Vann: I'm not going back to America, I'm not going until I see you.

Geoff: She's so upset.

Dana Vann: I'm not going back...

Saveth Chorn: It's horrible. You can't do this.

Dana Vann: I'm not leaving. I'm not going...

Saveth Chorn: You can't do this. Like, it's our first time we've ever met each other.

— Radio 2DayFM, The Kyle and Jackie O Show, 20th July, 2009

After another whole minute of tears and pleading, it's time for an ad break. And then the news. And then the traffic. And then the weather. And then some listeners' calls.

For the women, eight interminable minutes, during which, Dana told Media Watch, a producer called Chrissy was with her in her soundproof booth:

Chrissy said "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." I thought "This is real. I'm going to be sent home."
She said "Maybe if you beg more to Kyle and seem desperate, then maybe they'll let you stay..."

— Statement from Dana Vann to Media Watch, 31st July, 2009

And so, as the web gallery records, both women dutifully beg, on their knees...

Dana Vann: Please Kyle, I'm on my knees. Let me stay please...

Kyle Sandilands: There's no need to get on your knees. Why is everyone blaming me as if this is my whole brainchild?

Dana Vann: ...please 2DayFM let me stay, please.

— Radio 2DayFM, The Kyle and Jackie O Show, 20th July, 2009

And the begging did the trick...

Jackie O: I think you can stay...

Kyle Sandilands: I'm sorry crying women I can't handle, come on in...

Jackie O: ...Come in here. You're gonna to stay.

— Radio 2DayFM, The Kyle and Jackie O Show, 20th July, 2009

That's the bit they're still showing on their website. The happy ending.

Well, the women did get their week together. And they're grateful for that. But they both know they've been exploited.

Dana Vann really thought she was going to be flown straight home.

She told us:

It was a little bit cruel how they twisted the emotion and pretty much used me and my want to see my aunt for their radio show. I was a little shocked.

— Statement from Dana Vann to Media Watch, 31st July, 2009

A little bit cruel? Sheer sadism is closer to the mark.

But last week, when one of his nasty stunts finally unravelled on him, Kyle Sandilands whinged:

I've certainly pissed off a lot of journos over the years but I'm sad that they're using the rape of a 12-year-old girl to have a go at me.

— The Punch website, 29th July, 2009

Read Kyle Sandilands' full article published in The Punch

That mixture of overweening ego and nauseating self-pity reminds me of someone. Now who could it be?

Oh yes, I know. The Golden Tonsils:

John Laws: I'm telling you, you called me an idiot and you called Alan an idiot and you referred to grubby ways. I'm simply asking you a simple question. What right do you have and on what grounds do you call me an idiot?

— Radio 3AW, The Neil Mitchell Show, 30th July, 2009

The formerly-famous John Laws having a go at Neil Mitchell on Melbourne's 3AW last week.

Commenting on Kyle and Jackie O's adventures, Mitchell had taken a sideswipe at Lawsie and Alan Jones:

Neil Mitchell: You know, it does highlight one of the absurd inconsistencies of radio. The way, after and they were idiots, like John Laws and Alan Jones carried on with their grubby ways, it's now incumbent on all of us on talk radio to declare if a politician buys us a glass of water.

— Radio 3AW, The Neil Mitchell Show, 30th July, 2009

Well, Lawsie rang up and demanded to know what possible grounds Mitchell had for calling him and Jones idiots with grubby ways.

And Mitchell told him.

Neil Mitchell: In 1999, the banks. You would be a strong critic of the banks. You suddenly became a supporter of the banks after they paid you money. I think that's grubby. I think that's very grubby.

John Laws: It's not grubby. It was all declared.

Neil Mitchell: My opinion, it's grubby.

John Laws: It was quite public.

— Radio 3AW, The Neil Mitchell Show, 30th July, 2009

Gobsmacking.

The ABA inquiry into cash for comment found that John Laws's numerous, lucrative sponsorships were neither declared, nor public:

...the existence of relevant agreements between Mr Laws and his sponsors was withheld from his listeners, this nondisclosure was misleading and these broadcasts are in breach of... the Code.

— ABA Commercial Radio Inquiry, final report, February, 2000

Read the Commercial Radio Inquiry report published by the Australian Broadcasting Association


And yet all these years later, he's still denying it, still banging on...

Neil Mitchell: Do you object to the idiot or grubby ways?

John Laws: I object to both.

Neil Mitchell: OK, fair enough. Have you had your say?

John Laws: Will you apologise?

Neil Mitchell: No.

John Laws: Okay.

Neil Mitchell: Would you sue?

John Laws: Probably.

Neil Mitchell: What grounds?

John Laws: Defamatory statements

— Radio 3AW, The Neil Mitchell Show, 30th July, 2009

And so on.

Well, I agree with Neil Mitchell. Cash for comment was grubby. But Kyle Sandilands and Jackie O have set a whole new standard for grubbiness.

We'll wait in fascination to see if ACMA, finally, acts.

Until next week, goodnight.

Edited to improve HTML

EDIT I have added YouTube links above the transcript, and apparently Sack Kyle & Jackie O have reports on them "cleaning up" their website so watching said YouTube links might be the only way to get just how utterly obscene the second stunt actually was.