The simplest solution has always been "You're never allowed to be alone with a child." But that would mean the church suspected such things went on. Heaven forfend.

Interesting you say that. It's been a rule in our parish for years; but as soon as someone from the powers-that-be comes along for mass (eg, the arch - and I will not give that man his proper title, he's an arse), the atmosphere changes completely.

I WILL go in that little room off to the side where the kids get changed for altar serving, whether the arch likes it or not ... but fuck, the looks I've gotten.