It's Saturday Night And SPN fandom Brings the Unfunny
Note: Much of the conversation about this event has turned in to a discussion of rape culture, consent issues both sexual and non-sexual, victim blaming, and sexual assault. Please be aware before following links.
Unfunny Business, I bring you a story, a story that has consumed my Saturday:
Wincon, 2008. Baltimore. Fangirls gather, fun is had, but not quite by all. Some con attendees are made to feel unsafe by actions taken by thenyxie, thenyxie's husband and their guests at the con.
During 2008 Wincon the staff fields complaints and warns thenyxie, et al, about their bad behavior. It is considered by Wincon that when thenyxie's group and Wincon part company, it will be for good. Over, done, and quiet about it.
After Wincon 2008, sparkymonster makes a post. http://sparkymonster.livejournal.com/288
An LJ anonmeme (spnpermanon) exists to serve as all anonmemes do: a place for SPN fen to bitch, meta, discuss the show and their fellow fen. It isn't always a kind, fact-filled place, but it also isn't only hateful lies. But mixed into the traditional pairing fights and discussions of Misha Collins is some serious stuff. Stuff a lot more important than an actors fan service photography.
Recently, an anon brought to the meme that thenyxie was complaining about a "mass defriending" and wanted the dish.
This thread was apparently brought to thenyxie's attention, and she discovered that some of the things being said about her on the meme were less than savory, and perhaps some people were defriending her over what was being discussed.
The topic of course was her behavior at Wincon, 2008. All posts directly referencing the incidents and thenyxie have been deleted from the anonmeme, but one of the original threads lives on as a screencap. See here http://img689.imageshack.us/img689/488/n
thenyxie registers for Wincon 2010 and announces it on her LJ.
The meme wonders what to make of this development.
Wincon organizers contact thenyxie directly to inform her she is not welcome and refunds her attendance fee. They do not make a public announcement
thenyxie reacts. Very publically.
Which leads us to the current events:
thenyxie erroneously conflates events at the anonmene with the actions of the Wincon organizers,concluding that everything discussed at the anonmeme influenced the Wincon organizers' decision.
She presents the anonmene and being banned from Wincon as a single intertwined event; however, Wincon organizers had already explained in private correspondence with thenyxie that she was being banned because of firsthand accounts of her unsafe behavior as reported by staff and attendees. thenyxie then resorts to victim-blame, bullying and obfuscation to smokescreen the germane points that led to her being banned that hinge on her, her husband's, and their guests' actions and nothing else.
Still avoiding airing specific dirty laundry, Wincon updates and clarifies their policies.
thenyxie threatens legal action and has her lawyer on a retainer.
And be warned, both thenxyie and her husband work for the government and have national security clearances.
Wincon reiterates their stance and policies but again does not directly reference thenyxie or any specific events.
thenyxie responds, one more time.
thenyxie, fearing government contacts and lawyers, seal up tight with frozen threads and deletions.
Fans who have posted in support of Wincon:
Fans who have posted about the issues at large:
Fans have started to question thenyxie directly:
Mice at spnpermanon won't be silenced.
Updates as it goes down. Screen caps appreciated, as I wasn't able to get them for everything.
ETAI: Full screencap, the anon meme: http://yfrog.com/4rspnpermanontheny
ETAII: Anonmeme, with bullet points: http://img88.imageshack.us/img88/3474/s
ETAIII: The roommates speak: http://balefully.livejournal.com/64
ETAIV: Nyxie apologizes: http://thenyxie.livejournal.com/632
I've upset some people with my word/phrase choices regarding victims. Know that this was not my intention at all. My feeling at the time of the posting was that I was 100% sure nothing physically non consensual took place--that this was all being fueled by anon rumors--and this, added to my anger, made me careless with my words. This was thoughtless of me. I'm not going to make any excuses. That's as far as my thinking went, and I do apologize for being so narrowly focused and not being more considerate. I in no way meant to perpetuate victim hate or blame. I'm sorry that's how it came out.
The incident in question was only just explained to me late last night (and I've been too busy with real life to respond much until now). As explained, two guys were hitting on some women in the lobby and trying to get them to come back to my room. Con mods were concerned the women had had enough to drink that they may not have been capable of deciding for themselves whether or not they wanted to go back to the room and intervened. This all happened in the lobby. I was not there so I cannot attest to anything, but if this did happen and people were upset, I do apologize.
If this had been explained to me in the beginning, rather than the just the use of the words "non consensual" this all would have turned out a lot differently. Non consensual, in the world we live in, translates in most people's minds to forced sexual activity against someone's consent; in other words, rape. I think it's understandable why I was upset by this accusation. Since it has been clarified that this is not what was meant, this will likely be my last post on the subject of Wincon. That is the only thing I was ever angry about, and the reason I spoke up in the first place. It was never about being banned.
I simply do not/have not had the time to read/respond to everyone individually. I don't feel I did anything wrong by speaking up under the implications of an accusation like "non consensual". I do understand that the way I went about defending myself upset people and was thoughtless towards people who have been victimized, and that, I am sorry for. Thanks to everyone who's been supportive and to those who've been willing to stick around and guide me in a better direction when my words went awry. To those who may have left because of my ignorant victim blaming, I do sincerely apologize.
I still have no intention of leaving fandom. Although I do have a life I need to get back to at the moment.
Meta on the apology and safety in con space http://amazonziti.livejournal.com/4
TenaciousMeToo was there in 08: http://tenaciousmetoo.livejournal.com/2
Ginmar weighs in: http://ginmar.livejournal.com/1915055.h
Stoney321 rants: http://stoney321.livejournal.com/42
Harmonyfb - Doesn't get it, also Pagans? : http://harmonyfb.livejournal.com/87
The LEGENDARY penis hat makes an appearance on Julia Roberts circa 1992: http://img197.imageshack.us/img197/1
A variety of responses to HarmonyFB’s post http://harmonyfb.livejournal.com/87
All of these links are about sexual assault in some way. Trigger City. You are warned:
Breeding Ground: Excuses and Justifications"
Can’t Believe I Actually Have to Say This"
Even Supposed to Be Here Today"
Began With One Word"
calligrafiti – "One for the WTF Indeed"
Posts are starting to get flocked. Here are some caps
The apology: http://img175.imageshack.us/img175/8
Some deleted comments from the original post about being banned:
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