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	evilsqueakers 2010-07-23 04:24 am UTC (link)
	Makes me want to grab dudes and shake them and shout at them that JUST BECAUSE A WOMAN IS DATING YOU, DOES NOT MEAN SHE IS OBLIGATED TO FUCK YOUR SORRY COCK. You know, I should have remembered this lesson on the last guy I ~~dated~~fucked because it was expected. But. Never again. And now I'm completely uninterested in dating. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	rosehiptea 2010-07-23 05:00 am UTC (link)
	I haven't really dated since my divorce years ago. And while I can picture dating, I can't picture having sex right now. I always figured, hey, if I meet someone I can see where it goes from there, but based on a) stories like this and b) a few of the guys on OKCupid (not all, to be fair), I'm not sure I want to put myself out there after all. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	evilsqueakers 2010-07-23 05:09 am UTC (link)
	Ha! I met the guy from OKC. I'm like "Noooope. Fuck no. Not after the people I attract." I've had sex with two guys and the last one made me go "you know, not for me, thanks." I have my account open on the off chance, but my ballbusting ways seem to attract the fuck-and-run types or the "I'm man enough to handle you" types. Neither one is appealing. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

rosehiptea
2010-07-23 05:13 am UTC (link)

I'm man enough to handle you

Ewww, ick.

I had a guy use OKCupid's instant messaging system to almost immediately start asking me questions about sex. And I felt like I had to answer him, because I didn't want to seem like a prude or a bitch.

Then finally I said to him "I'm sorry, but I don't want to talk about sex," and he didn't bother me anymore. I feel so much better now.

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	rosehiptea 2010-07-23 05:17 am UTC (link)
	(Note: I obviously don't like the words "prude" or "bitch" but that was what was going on in my head.) (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	evilsqueakers 2010-07-23 05:49 am UTC (link)
	No, I understood since you were looking at the specific example's view point, not your own, and how you were relating. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	evilsqueakers 2010-07-23 05:29 am UTC (link)
	I have a lot of those guys, too. Or they'll have no profile but want to talk about sex instantly. Why would I want to talk to a stranger about it? But like you, I do. And feel like kicking myself for it, but that damned ingrained politeness. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	windex_junkie 2010-07-23 03:33 pm UTC (link)
	Being rude to assholes is a joyous experience. Don't deny it to yourself. They have it coming. They deserve to be told to fuck off. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	evilsqueakers 2010-07-24 03:06 am UTC (link)
	Oh, I'm naturally a bitch. But I feel bad for the people. Damn empathy. Always getting me in trouble. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	windex_junkie 2010-07-23 03:29 pm UTC (link)
	But you didn't owe that person any sort of response at all. What he thought of you doesn't matter. This is what I don't get: Even women who know what their rights are, where their boundaries should be, keep trying to be polite instead of telling asshats to fuck off and die in a fire. :\ (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	moljn 2010-07-23 05:49 pm UTC (link)
	You don't get that there's no way to know if an asshat might become violent or otherwise abusive, or even "just" complain to management and get you in trouble? (Reply to this)(Parent)

rosehiptea
2010-07-23 07:03 pm UTC (link)

Well, he got on and asked if he could ask me some questions, and I thought he meant questions about my profile, and when it turned out to be about whether I spit or swallow I felt like "Oh, I'm so stupid. I should have realized it was those types of questions. Now I kind of have to answer them, since I should have known."

I realize that is not at all an explanation for why I felt that what he thought of me mattered.

And the thing is, I really would never date him because obviously he'd be expecting sex right away. So I was wasting both our time. (Well, maybe he puts a chalkmark up on the wall every time he gets a woman to answer his questions. I don't know.)

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cleolinda
2010-07-23 07:10 pm UTC (link)

Now I kind of have to answer them, since I should have known."

I realize that is not at all an explanation for why I felt that what he thought of me mattered.

What infuriates me is that so many people come to believe that our anger or discomfort is not important. I have found myself not wanting to upset people--"I'm really angry/indignant/offended that this person said this to me, but of course he'll get angry/indignant/offended if I say so and call me a bitch." So what? If someone hits me with their car, why am I apologizing for denting their bumper? It's so hard to (re)learn that someone else's anger at being called on what they did is not more important that yours at having it done to you.

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mochibuni
2010-07-23 05:26 am UTC (link)

I get a lot of those nerd "nice guys" because I list myself as a girl gamer. In a way it's probably my own fault, but I don't see the point of not being honest about my hobbies just because I'm going to get several messages a day for the basements dwellers that want a "kawaii Asian gamer chick *^^*!" This would be fine if I wasn't the type of girl that also goes out partying and clubbing and keeps a social agenda that would make them uncomfortable...and also doesn't want to date someone satisfied with working part time and living in their parents' basement.

...but it would be really damn nice if I didn't have to wade through them. Especially the ones that keep sending me messages asking why I haven't replied back and how they're going to 1337 my world and want to smell my hair, and then finally call me a bitch via the whole nice guy "it's their fault, not mine!"

On a side note, I do find it interesting that these guys definitely feel more empowered over the internet as they've never dared to approach me or make conversation with me in person, even after being formally introduced by mutual friends. I'm glad that at least the net helps them feel more confident, which is why I feel a little guilty every time I turn them down.

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evilsqueakers
2010-07-23 05:46 am UTC (link)

See, I don't get those. Which is odd because I'm a nerd/geek, and we know how many of those are on OKC. Then again, don't game so I'm not that elusive. One of my better guy friends I met on OKC, and while I love the dude, he's the one that gets linked to Heartless Bitches for a reason. I joined in an effort to have a social life, but I'm learning I don't want to socialize with the people that are attracted. Ick. No.

It's the wading to find one gem that is definitely annoying me. One guy, a student at UGA, asked me about his 4-inch tongue and eating me out. Uhhhhh. I don't know you, you're groddy for asking that when I don't have casual sex checked, and just NO. None. Do Not Want. And those guys that make it more and more desiring of just not bothering. I've already blocked at least six people.

I'm glad that at least the net helps them feel more confident, which is why I feel a little guilty every time I turn them down.

Exactly why I feel bad, too. I feel like it's being mean to harsh down their confidence. Because I know how it feels to be that way.

(I also added that I don't need mansplainers after having encountered quite a few. Full up on my internet quota, guys, sorry.)

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mochibuni
2010-07-23 06:24 am UTC (link)

I think it's a combination of "OMG SHE'S ASIAN" and "OMG SHE GAMES" that puts me in that predicament. I do have a group of those really nerdy guys that I'm friends with, and they've made it fairly clear how they feel about Asian girls. I'm just glad they have the sense to not proposition me or take my friendship the wrong way.

Uggggh the mansplainers. I had one guy on that site who was continually misogynist in how we were going to run a lemonade stand together and he'd make me employee of the month. Or how he'd have a submarine and I'd be his second in command. Or how he'd watch after me like because I'd be the cute little sister.

Not only was it corny and weird as hell, but extremely insulting that he felt I wanted my existence validate by him. Or be a fucking "little sister," I'm a God damn woman! I'm not sure if it was also parts cultural because he immigrated from an Asian country and I know they tend think Asian women want to be protected and be cute and blahblahblah.

One of my friends received the most horrific OkCupid message I've seen. He wanted her to relocate to Flordia, be his house bitch, asking her about her medical and dental health and history because he wants to make sure they spawn perfect children, and just paragraphs upon paragraphs of shit. Her and I just laughed over it because it was just so obscenely absurd. Reported the guy, too, of course, but I think the dude was more of a troll than being serious. I hope, anyway.

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	snarkhunter 2010-07-23 01:13 pm UTC (link)
	Whaaaaaat? I mean to pretty much everyone you've encountered, but it was the last guy in particular. Damn. Now I really don't want to try internet dating. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)