Oh, I know... but in the end, how am I supposed to tell the difference? How do I tell the difference between the_ferret who is allegedly harmless, Mr Terrific & co who are awesome, and the guy who goes to the Con, participates in the so-called harmless fun and then pushes it way too far?

When women are told "well, you shouldn't have let him DANCE WITH YOU if you didn't want to sleep with him", how much is "well, you shouldn't have let him grope your breasts!" that much of a leap?

I know better, I know that men are, for the most part, really great. I know that when I go to Cons I'm surrounded by incredibly awesome men. I know this.

But when I know women are told "you shouldn't have done X" all the bloody time to justify rape, when I know that some folks still judge rape as a bloody compliment ("don't flatter yourself, honey - who would want to rape you!"), when I'm supposed to feel *attractive* after some jerk in the street grabs my ass and squeezes because "hey, it's just a compliment, lady, can't you take a compliment?" When I think about that, when I think about it all, I just want to give up.