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Friday, July 3rd, 2009
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4:21 pm
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| Wednesday, June 10th, 2009
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9:40 am - Special: Two wankitywanks for the price of one!
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jkefka
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Hello Wankas! It's been a busy week for wanking inside the house, and it's only Wednesday! The two latest F_W posts (as of this writing) have led to all kinds of fappery, so lets get this party started.
In this corner we have ![[info]](http://www.journalfen.net/img/userinfo.gif) twinno stepping into her sister's shoes and posting about someone trying to sell their Twilight fanfic. Due to deliberate misdirection on the part of the wanker, it was unclear whether they were of a sufficient age to be wanked. In the end, the mods ruled that they were not. The post, and _goblin_'s creepy mod-love, were promptly erased from this mortal plane. All well and good in the land of wankaville, until catchester questions the age rule and then proceeds to be a sarcastic, passive-aggressive twit for a while. Good times and fappery are had by all.
And now for something completely different, we got some lovely guest wankers giving their two cents on the sinking of the Torchtanic. First comment and we already have a winner! It gets even better later, when someone shows up to fap and then deletes their comment like a bitch. Luckily, some clever wankas think to preserve the fappery so we can all point and laugh. And yes, that's me in there being a snippy little bastard.
And it's only Wednesday! It can only get better from here.
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(72 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, May 19th, 2009
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8:48 pm - How to Derail a Wank
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reeve
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Step One: Post a lengthy comment—anonymously, of course—about how your previously wanked friend recently committed suicide, and how Fandom Wank is to blame. This can be done in any wank report, but preferably an entertaining one; for example, one about a 27 year old Trekkie complaining about n00bs mussing up his fandom. Make sure your friend isn't named and that you don't sign the post, but go into detail, drop some unfounded accusations, and leave hints that you yourself are the dead wanker.
Step Two: When wankas and/or other mice start asking for evidence in the form of F_W, F_W Wiki, and/or other links, angrily deny the proof and tell them that they should be ashamed of themselves. Do the same (or just sit back and watch) when others call bullshit.
Step Three: If Step One went well enough, it should've inspired some internet detectives, of which there are quite a few on F_W, to take on the case. Confirm the identity of the allegedly dead party when a wanka makes an accurate guess, but continue to hold back any concrete evidence.
Step Four: If the allegedly dead party is a particularly notable wanker, make no apologies for their past behavior on F_W, and continue to claim that it is all the fault of the wankas, especially the rule-enforcing mods.
Step Five: Remain silent when allegations of sockpuppetry are made and further holes in your story are poked.
Step Six: Continue stirring the pot every so often, even though you claimed earlier that you were done trying to argue with the wankas and other mice. Ignore earth logic and leave them all doubtful as to your story's veracity for maximum effect.
Step ETA (Revised Edition): Cleaning this up a bit, and will continue to update this step as necessary. If something new and exciting happens, I'll ETA again.
( SOMEBODY has a lot of time on his hands... )
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(647 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, April 25th, 2009
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10:03 pm - HP wank: Tastier with Meta
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| Friday, February 27th, 2009
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9:18 pm
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| Wednesday, January 21st, 2009
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3:01 pm - Law & Order: Wank Report Unit
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caito
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In the community ![[info]](http://www.journalfen.net/img/community.gif) wank_report, the wanks are reported by two separate, yet equally important groups. The mice who post about wank and the wankas who look through to find wanks worth posting to the proper wank comms.
These are their stories.
Although inspired by a true incident, the following story is fictionalized and does not attempt to emulate reality.
( Dong dong. )
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(75 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, December 16th, 2008
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1:44 pm - I've been putting off grading essays
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caito
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In the community wank_report the wanks are reported by two separate, yet equally important groups. The mice who post about wank and the wankas who look through to find wanks worth posting to the proper wank comms.
These are their stories.
Although inspired by a true incident, the following story is fictionalized and does not attempt to emulate reality.
( FADE IN... )
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(67 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, July 31st, 2008
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11:55 am - A side exhibit at the Sparkledammerung
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| Tuesday, June 10th, 2008
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12:26 pm - Bandom Wank: The Musical!
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| Monday, June 2nd, 2008
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2:50 pm - "Always leave 'em wanting more" does not apply to everything.
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| Friday, May 30th, 2008
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4:40 pm - And good times were had by all!
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rotten_fish
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So, misery loves company. That's exactly why I'm sharing this with you lovely folks.
( summation of Wiscon business )
And then all of this is reported by PyrateJenni on Unfunnybusiness (modded by PJ), except with a whole lot less detail. The post immediately goes downhill, as many disagree with PJ's summation or take offense to her seemingly random, yet specific, inclusion of Coffeeandink, and she responds to. every. single. comment. angrily, even if they don't disagree with her! Soon enough people who are in the know-how join the discussion, and everything explodes in schlicking (or fapping) fury.
( Highlights include! )
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(189 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, May 21st, 2008
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11:26 pm - That Supernatural Wank, or Our Collective Soul Looked Back and Said, "LOLL!"
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loki
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...but not until the crazies showed up on Page 3. More on them in a bit.
The first two pages are pretty much people hashing out the argument, clarifying what's going on, and telling the OP that her html is jacked to hell. Observe: Irrationality! On F_W! WHY I NEVER.
(Protip: When you see comments like these, chances are good this wasn't a good F_W topic.)
So yeah, pages 1&2 are unfunny. Well, page 2's saving grace is probably the the recipe thread. If you want the good shit, you go to page 3.
First up, we have this chick, here to tell us about...something. I'm not real clear as to what, but I know it's definitely not about how manly the guys in the show are. Also, F_W and everyone on it are INSANE.
Oooh, look! Now we can ask people for their thoughts on statistics instead of yaoi!
ETA: And in case any of you were wondering, the hive vagina is alive and well or something (Thanks, mindset).
In closing, have an icon: THE SQUEE MUST FLOW!
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(275 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, May 4th, 2008
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2:15 am
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| Tuesday, April 29th, 2008
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9:31 pm - The hat trick of fail!
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panthea
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Meet anyamarcos:
Hello! First post from me. I just joined here, and honestly, I only joined because I HAD to share this wank with someone who would appreciate it.
She's a living (supposedly), breathing (probably) illustration of the finer principles of LURK MOAR.
fools_game enumerates her many sins:
You post a wank report starting with "First wank, please be gentle" or something similar? FAIL.
Your wank is unfunny and to do with racism, which is not funny? FAIL
You are heavily, unashamedly involved in beginning and perpetuating the wank? FAIL.
When people point out your fail, you get defensive and snippy, insinuate that everybody else is WRONG in their interpreation or knowledge of the rules, and post an annoyed, passive-aggressive comment about how they are WRONG? FAIL FAIL FAIL.
ghostmaster is similarly unimpressed by the overuse of passive-aggressive smiley faces.
Frankly, no one cares what the actual wank is about. The few hardy souls who do click on the link discover an extra-special bonus dimension of fail: anyamarcos has provided the real first name, location, and other identifying information of the target of her ire. And apparently also reported his Internet Shenanigans to his parents. OR SO SHE SAYS.
Mods delete the original otf_wank post, as well as the subsequent i_wank redux, a) for linking to personal info and b) because said target of said ire is still in high school, and so might be underage. anyamarcos says he's over 18, but then anyamarcos is demonstrably a dumbass, so draw your own conclusions.
But all is not lost! Behold (with judicious editing):
The original post on otf_wank.
The first collapsed thread, in which loopywafflehead politely inquires about the whole name-and-address thing.
The second thread, in which t_boy questions the purpose of the OP's, ahem, dedication, and she gets defensive. With smileys in.
Thread the third, in which we are collectively deemed to be rabid Rottweilers. Somewhere, a hyena weeps and wonders where she went wrong. And then eats a baby.
The fourth glorious thread, where tez breaks out the SEAL OF FAIL.
The link has been removed from all the files, as well as the original wanker's (wankee's?) nickname. Please DO NOT repost this information here. It's for your own good. There are no small parts, only small actors. We have always been at war with Oceania. And you in the back, that'll never heal if you keep picking at it.
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(137 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, April 7th, 2008
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1:17 pm - This is awesome! I mean full of fail. I keep getting those two things confused.
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caito
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hibari accidentally reveals that she's committed a mortal wanka sin, and has been trolling the wank.
Journalfen hero bemysty cottons on and calls her out on it.
At this point, hibari vanishes from the thread mysteriously (you can't see it, but I'm wiggling my fingers and speaking in a spooky voice!).But it's okay, because her buddy zee comes to her defense, calling bemysty bitchy and wanky with a stick in her ass.
Then puipui and aristaea hop into the mudpit, ostensibly to up the sexy quotient of this girlfight, as at least one brought boobies. There are calls to lurk moar, there are assertations of some kind of seniority, there are reminders of FW etiquette (we eat our own (but on real bread, or the demonspawn kind?), we don't comment to wank-in-progress no-matter-fucking-what).
And in the end, it turns out we all hate freedom. Or something.
current mood: *drool*
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(96 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, February 23rd, 2008
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4:04 pm - Achewood. Serious business. Film at 11.
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harrylovesron
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Tsk.
A wank report about the webcomic Achewood has devolved speedily into Your Thoughts On Achewood- and as of this writing, it hasn't even broken 90 comments yet! and it's barely begun!
Observe:
http://www.journalfen.net/community/fandom_wank/1141594.html?thread=172816730#t172816730
http://www.journalfen.net/community/fandom_wank/1141594.html?thread=172817754#t172817754
http://www.journalfen.net/community/fandom_wank/1141594.html?thread=172833114#t172833114
And one final comment from hooverdam to let us know why being an ass about people having different tastes is acceptable:
Think of it this way: When was the last time someone pointed out how Smallville, Supernatural, Torchwood, or any of the other mediocre sci-fi/fantasy shows that turn up here so frequently are, in fact, awful? Think of it as "other fandoms, other rooms" day here.
ETA: More from hooverdam, who this time invokes the "GOD YOU PEOPLE ARE SO OLD MEME AND YOU'RE NOT FUNNY" defense for being a condescending ass!
I freely admit Achewood isn't for everyone; it really doesn't bug me all that much to see people who don't get it. What does bug me is claims of "it's not funny" from people who think that tired-ass catchphrases and worn-out memes ("your thoughts on yaoi," "boobies!", etc.) are high-larious.
current mood: *sporfle!*
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(278 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, November 16th, 2007
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3:41 pm - If vaginas could talk...
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| Sunday, October 7th, 2007
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6:51 pm
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| Monday, September 17th, 2007
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1:29 pm
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| Friday, September 7th, 2007
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11:27 am
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