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Monday, June 19th, 2006
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12:25a
Recap of tonight's karaoke contest:
Prelim rounds: I sing "Black Velvet." Now, I have sung this song fifty thousand times before at this very bar. It's my "easy" song. It also kicks ass. I know this.
What I do not know is that Drunken Bitch has also submitted this song to sing for her prelim, and now must change it. There is no way to know what another contestant has submitted unless you are there when they write it down. Drunken Bitch proceeds to shriek two feet from my ear about how I am fat and ugly and butchering the song and I shouldn't be allowed to sing it. (n.b. The only people who should be allowed to sing "Black Velvet," if you come right down to it, are Alannah Myles and portly leather dykes. I have this on good authority. Peroxided whores are nowhere on that list.) Drunken Bitch is at that stage of drunk where she does not realize how audible she is, and trashes on me through the entire song, heard by everyone. She shouts her way through her prelims, pretty much. I sing Janis Joplin's "A Piece of My Heart." Drunken Bitch is heard by some bar patrons again calling me fat and ugly, and criticizing me for not staying on tempo. (OK. Dude. Criticizing someone singing a Janis Joplin song and saying they're fat, ugly, and have no tempo? That's like criticizing someone at a photography exhibit for using a camera.) The Joplin fans at the bar, for the record, fucking adore it and said I "did the lady justice."
Finals: I sing "I Can't Stand The Rain," which is risky 'cause it's not a familiar song to a lot of people, and it's very low-key... but, if sung correctly, displays nearly every fundamental vocal talent one can have. Including control most of all, because the song is easily wrecked by vocal pyrotechnics. Drunken Bitch shouts two feet from my ear the entire time, and not even holding my hand to my right ear can drown it out. Still, I think I nailed the song. Drunken Bitch sings "You Oughta Know," which I sang earlier in the night, and glares at me during a few lines. She's too drunk to sing the chorus, but she grinds on the judges.
Did I mention she was friends with the judges? Yeah. Three people cheered their asses off for her; ten people cheered their asses off for Amy and I.
So I don't have to tell you who won.
It's not that I care that she won. Dude, it's karaoke. It's that she was a total whore about it, to the extent that, since she is friends with the manager, the manager stood there while she shouted practically in my ear and did nothing, the manager heard her trash me... I don't know that I care to spend my prize there. I may switch to the Rover, if the Auld Dubliner is the place where that sort of thing is allowed to happen. I was thinking about hyping them during the Irish festival, but I don't think I'll be doing that now. Nobody at the Rover or Fado has ever been allowed to trash me so thoroughly within earshot of management, let alone friends of the management; and the only thing the Dub had going for it in a professional, musical sense is that I drank there. They won't have session, they won't hire the bands I'm in; I think I'll concentrate on the pubs who enjoy my company, support my music, and best of all, don't have friends who turn a fucking karaoke contest as an excuse to break out one's not-so-inner bitch.
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