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Wednesday, August 2nd, 2006
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2:11p - Sometimes he's almost normal.
Cat: Hey! Hey, why are you making that wretched noise, puny human?
Me: continues sobbing because the bank is run by bastards
Cat: jumps on bed Hey, puny human! Why are you sad, puny human?
Me: continues sobbing because life is so utterly fucked
Cat: No, no, everything is OK! Because I have food! gimps over to arm So, you see, all is OK!
Me: continues sobbing
Cat: insinuates, as cats do, in my armpit Maybe you would feel better if I had some catnip.
Me: continues sobbing
Cat: Catnipcatnipcatnipcatnipcatnipcatnipcatnipcatnip!
Me: continues sobbing
Cat: uses very large, furry head as battering ram I could beat up the dog. That's always fun. Would that make you happy?
Me: getting headbutted, but still in the Pit of Despair OK maybe I'll pet you a little, but just because you're bigger than me.
Cat: See? Isn't that better, puny human?
Me: No, life still sucks emo dick.
Cat: purrs, kneads claws
Me: That won't work.
Cat: sniffs face, starts licking face
Me: envisions being eaten by her cat If you're just tenderizing the meat, I'm going to be upset.
Cat: No, puny human, this is guaranteed to make you feel better. Really. See? You aren't even making that noise any more.
Me: ... Shut up. pets cat
Cat: whips around head, bites arm
Me: Hey!
Cat: Just reminding you that no matter how badly you're screwed over, I'll never, ever change.
Me: Thanks. I think.
(comment on this)
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