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Sunday, November 26th, 2006
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6:05p - Tara Reid
Tom has turned my "I saw Tara Reid and Carson Daly in Estes Park" story into: Carson Daly once got kicked out of the ENTIRE TOWN of Estes Park for beating up an 80-year-old lady. Tara Reid would have been kicked out, except they wouldn't allow her in in the first place, and even constructed gates to keep her out.
And that's what started the Tara Reid jokes.
They're a lot like Chuck Norris/Vin Deisel/Jack Bauer jokes, except those guys? Are superheroes, and Tara Reid's just a drunken ho, so all of our Tara Reid jokes involve some outlandish version of evil. And Amy Smart is Tara Reid's virtuous, saintly doppelganger. Tara Reid constantly foils her plans for stardom and feeding the starving children and whatnot. It's fun because most of them aren't true.
Tara Reid mainlines taffy, and once mugged an 80-year-old lady to get it.
Tara Reid introduced Britney to K-Fed.
Amy Smart was going to win an Oscar for "Million Dollar Baby," but then Tara Reid started acting and they hired Hilary Swank instead so people wouldn't be reminded of Tara Reid.
Black holes are where God divided by zero. Tara Reid divided by zero and made Commerce City.
Tara Reid told everyone Victoria's Secret.
Tara Reid bought ALL the PS3s. ALL OF THEM.
E! used to stand for Erudite! Network, but then they hired Tara Reid.
Tara Reid told Michael Richards that he doesn't have to take any shit from hecklers.
Tara Reid was supposed to throw The One Ring into the fires of Mordor, but then got distracted by an orc's codpiece and a pitcher of Elven Jagermeister.
Tara Reid is trolling my mom's Livejournal.
Amy Smart discovered the cure for cancer. Then she wrote it down and gave it to Tara Reid for safekeeping. Right before Mardi Gras.
Tara Reid discovered 4Chan, and now she wants to make Tubgirl: The Movie.
Tara Reid encouraged Paris Hilton to do her own TV show - just so she wouldn't be the dumbest drunken ho on TV anymore.
Bush was gonna give body armor to the troops, but then he saw Tara Reid on TV and mailed it all to her so she can put some damn clothes on for a change.
All chemical weapons are synthesized from a single compound produced from Tara Reid's tequila vomit.
Tara Reid told Ralph Wiggum to burn things.
(comment on this)
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