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Altoids Addict (![[info]](http://www.journalfen.net/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} altoidsaddict) wrote,@ 2008-06-27 15:49:00 |
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Being vivisected is intellectually stimulating.
Hey so I had the surgery. Well, part of it anyway. Things went better than they could have because my doctor is the fucking Van Gogh of surgeons, but if my veins were cooperating I would not be now having nightmares about the procedure.
Let me say that my doctor is in no way to blame for what happened. I consented to our plan B knowing that it would be extremely painful, perhaps the most pain I have ever had in my life. They drugged me up as much as they could, but it still cut through.
Bottom line, my veins weren't cooperating and after ten sticks I started going into shock, which is my circulatory system saying "fun time is over, quit poking me." They tried the wrist, but I put the kibosh on it after the second time they scraped a nerve. They even tried putting an IV into my foot, but the veins blew every time. You know it's bad when they give you a present for not hating them forever. I proposed I come back on another day, but the doctor said - and logically so - that, realistically, I'll probably just come back another day to have the same goddamn thing happen.
What happens when your doctor knows you have a high pain tolerance is this: he said I could either not have it done at all (which, well, I can barely even walk at this point), or I could have it under a local. Well, I said, how bad would that be, pain-wise? They began their answer by saying I would take two Valium (...uh-oh...) and then have a substantial dose of nitrous oxide. Then they would administer the local anesthetic. The anesthetic, see, would be the part that hurts the worst.
I must note that I think I was happier with this option than if I'd even been under the general. I'm very good at having horrible things done to one limb and still keeping it perfectly still - as I was screaming into the nitrous mask (which I think must have been partially for the doctors to not hear me) and having needles jammed into my bones, I wasn't, well, bothered by the fact that I hurt, if that makes any sense. They were amazed that the leg they were jabbing didn't so much as twitch and I think that's the only possible way this could have been done. I had a great anesthesiologist who was very comforting, and even as I screamed I'd still give her the thumbs-up. From a spartan point of view, all things said and done it's just pain and it will not kill me. Curiously, while being poked for an IV makes me shocky, this gross violation did nothing. In a way, it was kind of exhilarating - the knowledge that I was pushing my limits and knowing what I could withstand as a human being. Of course, the most important part of all this is that I was drugged out of my mind, and the Valium plus the nitrous meant that it takes the psychological edge out of it.
Once the local completely took effect, they took off the nitrous and while I wasn't in a position to watch, they gave me a play-by-play in between the lot of us telling dirty jokes. "Now we're slicing parts of the bone off," they'd say, and I found it so fascinating that I could feel them slicing it off, the release of tension and weight, but it didn't hurt one bit. And it helps that everyone had a great bedside manner and didn't mind my asking questions. The whole thing was very intellectually stimulating. Even without the plates and screws, a bunionectomy and resculpturing the fifth toe are not normally done on locals because they're so involved and hella painful, so there is a bit of pride in knowing that while it's not quite a bite the bullet surgery, it is very tough.
I went to sleep when I got back home, probably because it's exhausting to go through that. Then I had a nightmare about them administering the local, which isn't so much because of them but because I had a horrible experience when I was 4 with a needle, a cystoscopy, a nitrous mask, and a lot of screaming. This time, well, I agreed to go through this and call it off at any time so it's different. My foot is very unhappy at the moment, which is why I have more drugs.
We still have the left foot to go, the arthroscopy. I think they wanted to see how well I'd take to the bunionectomy on the local, and now I have the go-ahead to do the arthroscopy on the local if the IV doesn't take when we do all this again in two weeks. And then we'll see if I'm a big baby.
Hey so I had the surgery. Well, part of it anyway. Things went better than they could have because my doctor is the fucking Van Gogh of surgeons, but if my veins were cooperating I would not be now having nightmares about the procedure.
Let me say that my doctor is in no way to blame for what happened. I consented to our plan B knowing that it would be extremely painful, perhaps the most pain I have ever had in my life. They drugged me up as much as they could, but it still cut through.
Bottom line, my veins weren't cooperating and after ten sticks I started going into shock, which is my circulatory system saying "fun time is over, quit poking me." They tried the wrist, but I put the kibosh on it after the second time they scraped a nerve. They even tried putting an IV into my foot, but the veins blew every time. You know it's bad when they give you a present for not hating them forever. I proposed I come back on another day, but the doctor said - and logically so - that, realistically, I'll probably just come back another day to have the same goddamn thing happen.
What happens when your doctor knows you have a high pain tolerance is this: he said I could either not have it done at all (which, well, I can barely even walk at this point), or I could have it under a local. Well, I said, how bad would that be, pain-wise? They began their answer by saying I would take two Valium (...uh-oh...) and then have a substantial dose of nitrous oxide. Then they would administer the local anesthetic. The anesthetic, see, would be the part that hurts the worst.
I must note that I think I was happier with this option than if I'd even been under the general. I'm very good at having horrible things done to one limb and still keeping it perfectly still - as I was screaming into the nitrous mask (which I think must have been partially for the doctors to not hear me) and having needles jammed into my bones, I wasn't, well, bothered by the fact that I hurt, if that makes any sense. They were amazed that the leg they were jabbing didn't so much as twitch and I think that's the only possible way this could have been done. I had a great anesthesiologist who was very comforting, and even as I screamed I'd still give her the thumbs-up. From a spartan point of view, all things said and done it's just pain and it will not kill me. Curiously, while being poked for an IV makes me shocky, this gross violation did nothing. In a way, it was kind of exhilarating - the knowledge that I was pushing my limits and knowing what I could withstand as a human being. Of course, the most important part of all this is that I was drugged out of my mind, and the Valium plus the nitrous meant that it takes the psychological edge out of it.
Once the local completely took effect, they took off the nitrous and while I wasn't in a position to watch, they gave me a play-by-play in between the lot of us telling dirty jokes. "Now we're slicing parts of the bone off," they'd say, and I found it so fascinating that I could feel them slicing it off, the release of tension and weight, but it didn't hurt one bit. And it helps that everyone had a great bedside manner and didn't mind my asking questions. The whole thing was very intellectually stimulating. Even without the plates and screws, a bunionectomy and resculpturing the fifth toe are not normally done on locals because they're so involved and hella painful, so there is a bit of pride in knowing that while it's not quite a bite the bullet surgery, it is very tough.
I went to sleep when I got back home, probably because it's exhausting to go through that. Then I had a nightmare about them administering the local, which isn't so much because of them but because I had a horrible experience when I was 4 with a needle, a cystoscopy, a nitrous mask, and a lot of screaming. This time, well, I agreed to go through this and call it off at any time so it's different. My foot is very unhappy at the moment, which is why I have more drugs.
We still have the left foot to go, the arthroscopy. I think they wanted to see how well I'd take to the bunionectomy on the local, and now I have the go-ahead to do the arthroscopy on the local if the IV doesn't take when we do all this again in two weeks. And then we'll see if I'm a big baby.
