| Shamless Fic MST | [Apr. 4th, 2007|11:15 pm] |
This is mainly to make up to Kat, because I'm very talented at being oblivious and an asshole.
Title: A Timely Rescue
Characters: Deathstroke, Black Canary, Arsenal, Nightwing
Rating: R
Word Count: 750
Continuity: OTPoW AU, no Crisis of the latter sucky sorts
Disclaimer: DC Comics owns
Notes: Written for cero_ate's Cliché-a-thon
Normally, Slade paid only minimal attention to the lunatics of Arkham. They were, after all, only insane in extremely disturbing ways. But then, normally, they stayed in Gotham, a city he had left pretty much alone since the debacle that had been Vigilante.
It deserved what it got, letting a rich kid with issues dress up as a bat and tend its insanity. She loves it when I hit her!
This time, one of the lunatics had found her way to New York. American Airlines would take anyone these days. Worse, she had done so while he was waiting for his lover to finish dropping off Lian to Harper and Grayson, from a long vacation. Orphan comma without purpose in need of a good home. His plans to finally have her for a few hours were seriously hampered by the likelihood of her getting involved in rounding up the villainess behind the hostage situation in Central park. Poking your penis in a woman's vagina: Always more important than saving lives!
He made his way to the Park after suiting up, taking the precaution of filters for his nose and mouth; he had heard Poison Ivy liked to use strange pollen in her terrorism. Wikipedia also said she liked bunnies and was Harley Quinn's lover, but who trusted the internet anyway? As he went, he listened in on police bands, and cursed as it was confirmed that three heroes were on site. He wondered whom the trio had left Lian with just briefly, but Harper had to have contingency plans. When it takes me three tries to read the first half of your sentence and the construction is worse than a Gotham project, it is a clear warning that you shouldn't tackle topics above your talent. This is an author, I think, more suited to why kittens are better than puppies (or vice versa).
He did not figure he would be needed, but he was not a man for taking chances. Slade Wilson: Boy Scout. Dinah Lance and Dick Grayson had a strong pull on him, one as a friend and lover, the other as his student of sorts. Though he could not get them to see how impractical their methods were, he still had to admit to a fondness for them remaining healthy. If only we con finagle a way for it to contract ebola...
He arrived just as a very unconscious Poison Ivy was being loaded in a Hazmat van. Using very as an ironic descriptor: funnier than Lightbulb jokes? Video at ten! Along the way the various hostages had been released from their living wicker cages by sharp arrows, but of the three heroes, he saw nothing. Inverted sentence structure: when you just can't bother to be creative. That surprised him; Black Canary at least usually handled the police personally, and Arsenal was prone to it as well.
He began scanning the outer edges, expecting to see Nightwing discreetly observing to make sure things happened properly. Nightwing also enjoys discreetly observing from the tree next to the Drakes' second floor window when Kon visits. When he did not find the man, he eluded the police and headed into the roped off crime scene area. The further in he got, the more worried he became, seeing small animals in the midst of mad mating frenzies. Slade's so sexy, he makes rabbits spontaneously fuck like themselves. The cold feeling in his stomach grew as he approached the small creek, and heard unmistakable sounds coming from under its bridge.
The mercenary could have abandoned all pretenses of stealth and the three heroes never would have heard him, he was convinced. Slade's magic sexing powers can have that effect. The image before him was one he never would have wished to see, and he was pretty sure his lover would not want to remember it.
She was trapped between the two men, as their fingers alternated between stroking her very bare skin where her costume left her so revealed, the top part of her bodice pushed down, and trying to get their own costumes open. The redhead was standing behind her, moaning as she pressed back into his body, writhing as if already in the grips of a strong climax, while the brunette was leaning down to taste those bared breasts, white teeth flashing sharply in the filtered light. Slade wondered why everyone had suddenly grown frock coats, but felt it better not to ask.
Slade could neither keep his growl back nor stop from flashing forward. Stopped by the power of the Slade penis. A strong pull on Dinah was followed by a small scuffle, as the intoxicated men tried to keep her from Slade. They were partly trying to protect her from the new villain, and partly trying to keep their sex-partner. Sad, deformed, pointless sentence looking for good author to put it out of its misery.
He did not want to hurt Dick, and Dinah would have things to say if he hurt Harper too much. Because it is ironic and creative to use another overworked cliche. It remained that he could not let his woman be molested by the two, especially when it would lead to severe issues on her part, as Roy was…complicated…in her heart. But he fit cozily in her liver.
A solution did present itself when he saw that every time they managed to touch her or each other, it led to more caressing and less fighting him. I love how this sentence randomly reminds me of cheesy techno. I think that says everything. Dinah seemed just as content to press to his solid body, rubbing along the armor, so Slade maneuvered until he could trip one young man on top of the other. The full body contact sent the lovers off deeper into the intoxicated need to touch and be touched, letting Slade jerk Dinah very close and make an exit. All the other descriptors hated "need to touch and be touched." It was notorious for bringing cups to the party and then eating all the cheese dip.
Now he just had to get her somewhere a little more discreet to burn the effects out of her system…and somehow, that did not bother him in the least. So...unironically opportune.
Title: Lifting Bird to Wind
Characters: Slade Wilson, Dinah Lance
Rating: R
Word Count: 314
Continuity: HookerVerse
Disclaimer: DC Comics owns
Notes: Written for cero_ate's Cliché-a-thon
"She's not available," the man said one final time, and made his way back toward the others. Slade watched, a long moment, before he went elsewhere, to think about that. Poor commas. Always the most abused of punctuation, it got the backhanded slap when it asked for more. His last five trips to the city had found his accommodation with this man satisfactory. The petite brunette girl was just to Slade's tastes between brains and appetites, and the mercenary was disgruntled to have his routine broken. Slade's penis is so awesome it cries emo tears at being deprived.
It did not pay to make the tall man agitated or wonder about things that affected his life. Pronoun seeking antecedent. Likes to discuss subjects of all kinds, hates missed dates and being left hanging.
It was fairly easy for him to find the tenement the pimp kept his homeless girls in, and even easier to break the men keeping an eye on them. The Gotham city Tenement and Slum map put out by the tourism bureau came in handy. The one he was seeking was not drugged; she lived the life because it was a matter of survival, so he bypassed the room with the paraphernalia in it. He came to another room, this one locked from the outside. It was nothing for him to break the locks and get inside, where his blood turned ice cold. Victor Freeze later admitted it was a good, if overelaborate plan.
He knew the hooker he had been frequenting was young. She had been able to hide it better than most, but he was an old hand at reading people. He had a reputation for exorbitant late fees at the local people library. Seeing her like this, her face all but unrecognizable, and mostly non-responsive nearly enraged him past reasoning. He stopped at insanity briefly to purchase a soda.
When he knelt to pick her up, and she flinched violently despite being nearly unconscious, he vowed there would be one less pimp come morning. The poor commas. Never knew they had it coming. This woman had been his, on a cash and carry basis in the past. It's a slaughter, I tell you. Finding her like this had insured she would be his, one more piece of a network that stretched worldwide.
First, he had to make sure she lived. He was more of a BDSM guy, anyway. Then she would be set free of all but the ties binding her to him…and those, he thought, would lie as loosely as possible on her young shoulders. If the author thinks that constructing purposely confusing sentences so that I have to read them repeatedly will somehow make me enjoy them, I must warn her this clever ruse is failing miserably.
Title: A Selfless Wish
Characters: Deathstroke, Black Canary
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 441
Continuity: Total Crack OTPoW AU
Disclaimer: DC Comics owns
Notes: Written for cero_ate's Cliché-a-thon
Dinah wanted to pace. She needed to be up and moving, but she could not abandon the chair at the bedside of her lover. She watched him as he tried to remain calm, waiting for J'onn to arrive. Almost on instinct, they both moved their linked hands to his stomach, swollen and hard with the life they had created. Pro tip from someone who sucks: Describing a pregnant stomach with terms normally reserved for an erect penis? Not advisable.
"Our daughter is impatient," Dinah murmured. "Not that you won't be glad to have her out here…" Praise be for magically flexible anuses.
"I'd do it all over again, Dinah," he assured her as a single tear rolled happily down a cheek rosy with love. (The worst bit? I bet this was deleted while she was writing.)
`~`~`~`~`
'It' was the beginning of the strangest pregnancy, and the full-fledged reformation of her lover. I should really quit with the overdone cheesy comma jokes. They're as easy as pulling dead commas in an absolutely atrocious fic.
Dinah had been back with him for just a few weeks, following the exorcism of the corrupted Azarath spirits, when they discovered her hasty form of trying to help him over what he had done had led to her becoming pregnant, with his child. You see, when you read this sentence aloud it sounds utterly ridiculous. Read the entire thing aloud and brain cells die.
She had been excited, happy beyond belief. And Slade, looking over a past full of mistakes, and wrong paths had chosen to give up the hunting, to give up the paychecks in favor of just being a father. *comma joke*
Three weeks later, the doctor they found had told them Dinah's body would never survive bearing the child anywhere near term. Random inexplicable angst source lifted from a better work!
Slade had held his lover tight that night, listening to her near silent sobs. She had stubbornly refused to even consider the abortion the doctor was urging, not until they had talked, not until all options had been exhausted. I think I've found the source of everyones' issues: This is Grell!Dinah. He knew he needed to urge her to do it soon, before it was too late and he risked losing both mother and child.
It was tearing him apart to consider causing her that much grief, to see her trying to come to terms with the idea she could not have this baby. And, once she had fallen asleep in his arms, he remained awake well into the night, wishing with all his heart that just once, that something he had done would not bring so much pain to his loved ones. *another comma joke with a reference to cliche, tight jeans, and pine tree sap*
The next morning, to the complete confusion of them both, he was the one with the symptoms of pregnancy, and she had none. "Guys, I gotta bail. I'm in labor." Exhaustive tests proved the symptoms were correct; and all Dr. Fate would say was that some magical entity must have chosen to intervene. Magical entities: Advocates of anus babies.
`~`~`~`~`
It took J'onn most of an hour, but eventually he handed a perfectly formed little girl to Slade, and watched with amusement as the couple cooed over their newborn. I would adore a J'onn J'onzz: Martian Midwife miniseries. He quietly withdrew, knowing that the hero community would be set on its ear for years to come, for the way their Canary had captured Slade so fully. It took Batman a few weeks, but his utility belt kickstand worked perfectly. |
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