Atalanta Pendragonne

Turtles!

2009-11-21T17:48:01Z

It's Saturday, right?

2009-11-21T16:51:07Z

I just finished Unseen Academicals. I love Pepe so very hard.

I have lunch plans with goddessgoddess, T., and their friend S. This is probably a good thing, as my food intake the past few days has consisted of a can of not at all good soup. A meal I can chew would be nice.

Am wearing The Bra That Fits. At present there is only one. I have taken steps to remedy this. It is a front-hook. It kind of has to be. There are eight rows of hooks. Also wearing The Jeans That Fit, courtesy of hcolleen, and a not bad tshirt courtesy of some thrift shop somewhere. Smelly of the day as yet to be decided. I'm thinking Hungry Ghost Moon.

Just sort of blankish

2009-11-20T17:02:51Z

Thankfully I am not tempted by BPAL's Naughty or Nice Inquisition. There are a few scents that sound nice but most don't appeal.

It's rainy and I'm stiff and kind of queasy. more sleep is called for.

Dealt with, for now.

2009-11-19T15:34:57Z

Thanks to doombuggie's indispensable and much appreciated aid yesterday, I was able to get the paperwork I needed. Bright and early this AM I took my quivering self to the office, where the manager made copies of everything to take to the caseworker (she said she was going in this afternoon) and put a "recieved" stamp on all of the originals.

Nothing I can do now until December 18th. My hands continue to shake.

The cats have been doing their job, though. Last night there was some contention between Anya and Molly as to who would curl up on my chest. Being Boss Cat, Molly won of course, and Anya snuggled up at my side.

Still stressing out

2009-11-18T16:07:33Z

doombuggie is helping me get the paperwork I need today. A new copy of my SSDI award letter, a printout of my prescriptions for the last year, and a fucking notarized affadavit that my ex-husband that I haven't seen for the past almost 10 years won't be living with me. Then I have to fucking catch someone in the office to fax it to the caseworker.

I'm losing it. It's like a week from Thanksgiving, which for those of you just joining us is the anniversary of my aunt's suicide. All this jumping through hoops to have a place to live is making me weak and frightened. I'm queasy (wouldn't mind throwing up the slimfast, but I need that Effexor), my back hurts, and I'm constipated. Weighing the benefits of taking a Valium or not; it'd make me a bit calmer, but it might make me less clearheaded as well.

But doombuggie is being fantastic, and goddessgoddess and all my net friends have been supportive, and my cats took turns sitting on me to keep me from getting up before 8.

atalantapendrag @ 2009-11-17T14:56:00

2009-11-17T20:56:45Z

FUCKING HACA>

Fucking bureaucracy. Fucking paperwork.

atalantapendrag @ 2009-11-16T14:08:00

2009-11-16T20:08:15Z

Sorry about the radio silence, guys. Stressed all to hell. Sleeping whenever I can. Have had to be awake today. Feel like 'm going to be sick. Big, stressy meeting tomorrow. This is not good.

Good mail day!

2009-11-12T21:12:11Z

Got a package from the ever-wonderful hcolleen. Several literal spoons (which I actually can use, and one of which is quite lovely) which made me smile and feel all warm and tickled inside. Also three pairs of pants, a pair of black jeans that probably won't fit for a while, an adorable pair of pinstripe pants that almost fit and probably will quite soon, and the pair I am wearing now.

The Old Navy size 18s I am wearing right now.

Size 18, motherfuckers. There's something to be said for this drugged-into-oblivion diet.

Also got the BPAL I ordered before the EMERGENCY MODE went into effect. Pink Snowballs is delicate and lovely, in the bottle at least it is vanilla-with-rose rather than rose-with-vanilla, which will make for a nice change if it stays true on my skin. And Mother Shub's Pfancy Pf-however-you-smell-it is one of those baked good foodies I like so much. Going by the descriptions I was pretty much playing it safe, but unless they turn nasty on my skin I am not disappointed.

And now I can sleep instead of just dozing!

yawnstreeeeetch

2009-11-12T13:22:04Z

doombuggie has started up a Facebook group petitioning for the soldiers injured and killed at Fort Hood to be awarded the Purple Heart. If it's your thing, check it out.

Yesterday I stirred out of bed to find out UPS had tried twice to deliver a package - yesterday would be the last attempt, yikes! hcolleen also said she'd sent me something and yep, there was a "tried to deliver" notice in my mailbox. So I set up redelivery on the post office site, and left the front door open (screen latched) to listen for UPS. I left the slip out signed when mid-afternoon doombuggie came by to take me to get my meds, and I thanked him by taking him to Frank. Sadly he was not impressed with his chili cheese dogs but I found the catfish bacon sausage to be yummy indeed. And I got a few cans of soup at Walgreens when I picked up my Effexor. UPS hadn't been yet when I got home, so I chilled/dozed on the futon for a bit until they showed with my clearance footie pajamas. Winters here are not long, but we get a few chilly nights and the insulation in most apartments sucks, so I really needed them. Plus, footie pajamas! With skulls!

Had a CnS in my inbox today, too. According to the PO, the BPAL Yules I ordered right before I found out the crunch was on should come today. So between that and my Mystery Box from hcolleen, it should be a good mail day!

Rewatching my way through Young Hercules, because I'm going to app Discord at hogwarts_hocus. Amazing how much HoYay they got away with on a supposed kids' show. I had forgotten just how blatant it was! Oh, I love my Dead Gay Shows.

Power-up attempted...

2009-11-09T08:36:38Z

I'll try to respond to some comments soon. I've been basically asleep since the concert.

Finally, the account of Thursday night!

2009-11-08T02:18:15Z

Yes, I have more or less slept since getting home from the concert.

Anyway.

Thursday afternoon I had my MHMR appointment, Sucked as usual. I was supposed to see the doctor but they fobbed me off onto a nurse. Grr. But I got home in plenty of time to take a nap before showtime.

Hitting Frank beforehand didn't work out :( Was looking forward to it, too.

But that was not the important part! doombuggie and I chattered on ride there, and I told him this would probably be the most fun I'd had since my RHPS days, and we discussed our mutual RHPS days a bit, and the possibility of investigating the current local cast, preferably with rehd_fawx.

We were early enough to get good parking, which is always nice. We hung around a bit, and then we went up to the merch table, cuz Voltaire was there! doombuggie bought a couple of CDs and had them signed, and I gave him, as I'd hoped to, the bottle ofConjure Oils La Calavera (which he sniffed and seemed to like... he also asked if I was the one who made it, which makes it two for two since Neil Gaiman asked if I wa a Labbie when I gave him a bottle of Shub... now I just need to find a goth icon to give a bottle of Arcana to) and got my copy of OH MY GOTH signed.

[Unknown LJ tag]

Moments after that was taken, I got an unexpected Voltaire-hug! Of the friendly variety, not the creepy one. It was smile-making.

Waiting time. The very loud DJ music, bright spinning flashing lights, and smoke machines were far too much for me, and I mostly huddled up with my eyes closed so I wouldn't burn out.

doombuggie also greatly overestimated my ability to hold a conversation in a noisy club, which is pretty much nil.

Then we had the opening act. Oh lord! He played a keyboard with so much bass that the seat of my metal chair vibrated, which is the best that can be said of him. He had this wannabe-Nick-Cave thing going and sang as if he'd been gargling ground glass and lye, but his speaking voice was normal. He did a few 'oooooo I'm morbid' songs, and then...

"Beth" by Kiss. I thought we had reached the pinnacle, but he followed it with "Chim Chim Chiree" from Mary Poppins. Good thing I'd just hid the restroom or I might have wet myself. If this dude stuck to doing incongrous covers he could be the next Richard Cheese!

And then.

And then.

It was magic, completely magic. The man has astonishing stage presence, just a wonderful personality that shines through.

doombuggie went to do a little more circulation, and during 'BRAINS' a simply adorably pink-haired girl came up to compliment my barrettes. She asked where I got them and I let her know they'd been a Walgreens Halloween item. Poor dear looked so disappointed! Now, the thing about these barrettes... I had them both on one side because the way they were made, if you wear one on each side, one would be upside down. So it was an easy snap decision to pull one out and give it to her. I mean, this was a fifty cent barrette. The gleeful expression was worth much more than that, and she kissed me, too! And it gives each of us a nice little extra memory of an already awesome concert.

As I've said, Voltaire was busily being awesome, doing a lot of his classics and a few new ones. Each one had me enthralled.

And then...

Truly Voltaire is a Messenger of Fate, for he closed with this

I yelled "FUCK THE BACK ROW!" scary loud. And I tried to do a standing ovation, and I fell down.

Stone cold sober, folks. I'm just that cool.

And that is basically how it went.

So bad it's hysterical

2009-11-07T11:40:07Z

Still holding off on the concert report until I get the pics from doombuggie, but this is the opening act.

Yes, this song was performed. There was a cover of "Beth" by Kiss as well.

oh damn

2009-11-07T02:12:08Z

Can't seem to wake up.

Concert account will come when I get pix from doombuggie.

I sleep more.

Just WOW

2009-11-06T08:26:39Z

Concert was epic.

Voltaire is a Messenger of Fate.

More later.

Another "I should be in a better mood" post

2009-11-04T10:02:14Z

A few months ago I began to slide into a depressive episode. The kind that come from inside and not because something happened. I fought it tooth and nail and then that maintenance guy showed up with that questionnare about moving. And I guess I just lost it. I've been a wreck for weeks. doombuggie has been my lifeline. We chat on YM pretty much every day, and it's a rare week we don't hang out at least once.

Thursday I see the doctor. doombuggie suggested asking to have my Effexor dosage doubled, which was in line with my thoughts and will be mentioned. Also I will bring my Eee so I can show him that study about BuSpar ameliorating the sexual side effects of antidepressants, especially in women.

And of coure Thursday night is the Voltaire concert. That I want to go and feel able to is a very good sign; if near-suicidal depression is my current baseline, at least there can be some peaks as well as valleys. I told Jon tonight that if I start blowing off his invites altogether, get me to PES (the psych ER).

I managed not to self-injure, but it was alarming how much I missed the feeling of burning myself with a cigarette. I did chainsmoke shisha with the intention of making myself vomit, but I didn't.

Happier things! I have decided to apply Discord from the Xenaverse at hogwarts_hocus. I made the journal and some icons (I was shocked at how long it took to find good icon pics!) and was gonna work on the app but then I started feeling shitty.

Also, Ben & Jerry's Mission to Marzipan is yummy and fans of almond flavored ice cream should seek it out.

Meet Iris!

2009-11-04T00:11:44Z

So, as posted, I was distraught when Nanshe's vase broke. And one of my wonderful friends gave me the money for a new vase. And the awesome folks at Hookah-Shisha.com pointed me at another vase that would work.

I now have this vase in purple.

So I renamed her Iris, for the color and the mythological associations.

And Fumari's Mint Chocolate Chill is amazing</a>. Wonderful flavor, smooth, good clouds. No head buzz, but that is what Nakhla is for! I'll have to try more of their flavors.

Making myself be brave

2009-11-03T16:25:06Z

Yesterday I emailed a Section 8 apartment locator to ask for a list of complexes so I could start researching them. (No reply yet)

Earlyish this AM I sent a chatty email to an acquiantance I'd like to be better friends with.

A few minutes ago I called Animal Trustees of Austin to see if they had cat muzzles so I could get my super-skittish cat her rabies shot (the guy on the phone said they did).

Just now I called Petticoat Fair to see if they have the size and brand bra I wear, and how much they charged for it (they had it, but it'd be marginally cheaper to mailorder it).

There go my spoons for a while.

And on Thursday I need to explain to my pdoc that I want a medication because it might reduce the sexual side effects of Effexor. JOY. At least I can link him to the study.

I need a nap now.

Before I call it a night

2009-11-03T06:45:04Z

My hair is now this color.

So doombuggie and I met up tonight for our planned excursion. I was wearing my second-choice outfit for the Voltaire concert (first choice was my Pirate Moon shirt and black jeans). Well, second choice was a black tunic just shy of minidress length, a celtic knotwork belt (black with a silvertone buckle), and black leggings.

He was very vocal and vehement in his approval of this outfit. I seldom get this sort of reaction, so I will be wearing this, some little skull barrettes, my Saint Dymphna medal, some actual makeup, and BPAL's Bonfire Night, since it's on Guy Fawkes day. And if I get a chance, I will be giving Voltaire my bottle of Conjure Oils' La Calavera.

It was early enough for there to still be traffic so we stopped at Epoch for a round. We ran into Chrissie, which is always nice, and chatted for a bit over our beverages. She praised my outfit too. It's nice to be a regular at a coffeehouse. I hope my new apartment is very close to one, especially if it is Epoch.

After our soujourn with...I think we both had IBC root beer, actually? we went to Walmart. As hoped for I found everything I needed except jeans, but I did get a belt so I can hold them up even if they are too big. I had kind of a stress meltdown in Walmart though and wandered around in almost a fugue state for a while. Finally the haze cleared a little and I was able to finish my shopping but I feel really bad for keeping doombuggie waiting so long. Most Walmarts (I think the one near doombuggie's is the only one that doesn't, and that's because they try to make it as little like a Walmart as possible) make me start to get antsy after a while and panicky if I am there too long but I guess wandering around alone with a long shopping list in a moderately crowded Walmart pushed me too far. I still feel tweaky and out of sorts. But I managed to get the stuff I needed and not have a screaming fit or a visible crying jag or anything. I've been teetering on the edge for weeks anyway. It's only my dear friends (and if you are reading this and have even the slightest suspicion I may be addressing you, I am) that have given me enough up moments to keep me from slipping down the drain.

More good news

2009-11-02T23:31:06Z

Well, two bits. The new dye seems to have come out well, and I just got an email from Hookah-Shisha.com telling me the new vase for my hookah shipped today and should arrive tomorrow (it's great living in the same city as a kickass hookah retailer!). I had been considering asking nelliegoddess if she wanted to do a little thrifting, but waiting on a package Will be more fun, andif it comes early enough maybe I'll call anyway, or see if she wants to go Wednesday.

Me & doombuggie are gonna go to Walmart, I should make a list.

Friends make all the difference in the world.

2009-11-02T21:09:00Z

Was talking to doombuggie at an unholy hour of the morning. We discussed evening plans; Sally for new hair color since mine came out so shitty, and Walmart for trying on jeans.

The wonderfulness of friends starts early;hcolleen is hitting up a thrift store on half price day to look for jeans for me. *hug* You're a diamond, love!

So since I was decidedly awake, I took the bus to Capitol Plaza. Got new hair dye at Sally's. Resisted temptation of eyeshadow. Went to Target to try on jeans. I'd say I am between an 18 and a 20 right now. Resisted temptation of cute-ish t-shirts that would be too young for me anyway. Looked at thehalf price Halloween goodies. Much temptation was resisted,incloding Jones Halloween LEs... it was the Candy Corn and Lemon Drop Deap flavors,which are pretty nasty. And I also held off on a little cat-sized pharaoh's hat, but that is mostly becauseonly Anya would stand for it and it wouldn't look right on her. I gave in on something useful and neat-looking, and got the same thing for doombuggie, because he's done so much for me. I also succumbed to a liter of pear soda.

Stopped at the bank on the way home. Got the past few months' bank statements for the Section 8 meeting, and a roll of quarters, since they're threatening to start charging a .25 cent fee for disabled passengers. Lovely, in a year with no COLA!

So I got home to check my email. I had sent a long chatty email to my mother, that had also had a question about family medical history, and her sole reply was a question about the Section 8 that proves she hasn't been paying attention. It is far from the first time she's done this, too. I just get the feeling that she doesn't really want to know me.

So I was feeling really down, and then I heard a thudding at the door. UPS! goddessgoddess's birthday gift has arrived! And it became very clear why it was backordered, because it was a twelve-pack of Jones D&D soda! Oh, my most darling goddessgoddess, you have no idea how much you rescued a day that had taken a sharp turn for the worse.

More wonderfulness from doombuggie, that I have been avoiding mentioning for fear of jinxing it; we're going to see Voltaire on Thursday! I am hoping to get my copy of OH MY GOTH signed. Part of the WalMart trip is to try to be sure I have something tolerable to wear.

Ok, gotta do a soap cap on my hair and try to get into as good a mood as I should be.

Gah.

2009-11-02T10:55:04Z

Finally got together the spoons to dye my hair with the Colorsilk Burgundy I had sitting around.

I am not pleased with the results :(

Well, doombuggie and I have plans to hit Walmart today. If he is amenable to it we can stop at a Sally's, or I can get something at WalMart that will have more color to it.

Hookah-Shisha.com ROCKS.

2009-11-02T04:38:31Z

A very dear friend PayPaled me the money to replace my hookah vase as a belated birthday present. God, I needed that lift today!

So I was looking at the small Mya base replacements. The connectors looked the same, and I wondered if any of the others would fit... so I pinged live chat (they have live chat until midnight, and are always very helpful!) to ask if any of the others fit. He said right away that he had a QT base with a Chic stem and it fit like a glove, and the glass was thicker too.

Also, it's $10 cheaper and comes in purple.

So instead of trying to scrape up the cheapest 50g of shisha to bring it the $1.05 over the $25 mark ($25 and up orders get free shipping in Austin), I was able to tack on a 100g of Fumari Mint Chocolate Chill, which I've been wanting to try.

Question: With a new vase, different shape and color no less, should I give it a new name?

SHOOT ME NOW

2009-11-01T01:30:51Z

I just knocked over my hookah. The vase, of course, shattered. I can replace it for $25, but I'm trying to SAVE money for this moving bullshit.

I can't deal with this.

And it was going so WELL.

2009-10-30T18:28:15Z

Last night with doombuggie was so pleasant. And as caffienated as I was (two Cokes at Jason's and a Mexican Coke at Epoch), I stayed up all night, and helped keep rehd_fawx company while waiting for moving time to start.

Then I got blindsided by some stress I wasn't expecting. My good mood was already mostly faded, and this just hit me like a nail-studded bat.

So I took enough Valium to (hopefully) keep me sleepy and out of trouble for today at least.

Well, here's a positive to the lack of appetite

2009-10-30T09:06:24Z

My beloved capris are officially too small. I mean, they literally fell off the other day.

But.

I used to have a belt like this. Exact same buckle, but the belt itself is black. Hasn't come close to fitting me in years. Like, the very idea was a sick joke.

A few minutes ago, I got it buckled around my waist (mostly because I was thinking over how I need a belt and eBay was failing me and I thought, what the hell). It wouldn't fit with a pair of jeans or anything, but I could probably rock it with a tunic.

Prolly gonna hit Walmart soon, try on some jeans. I am guessing I am an 18 or 20 right now. In jeans, anyway. Although I was able to wiggle into a G-cup tonight, too.