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[27 Aug 2006|04:54am] |
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mood |
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Overwhelmed |
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music |
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Do What You Want by Ok Go |
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I move to Washington in less than a week. I am leaving everyone I love and everything I know so that he can follow his dreams. I am doing things I swore I would never do. I am doing things I desperately don't want to do. I will have no friends there. I'll have a crap job and a stupid apartment with two guys and three cats and I DO NOT THINK IT'S WORTH IT. I would give anything for him to be able to do this without me. I suck at making friends, I suck at surviving in new places, I hate cities. I hate depressing weather. I hate this whole fucking thing. Fuck. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
I wish I could say any of this on my other journal. I wish I could tell him honestly how much I hate this without him getting all guilty like I just fucking kicked his favorite puppy or something. FUCK.
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[16 Jan 2004|03:40am] |
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mood |
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Meek |
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music |
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If I Were Gay by Stephen Lynch |
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Slight advantage of this journal is, no one reads it.
The moments I hate most in life are the ones where I inadvertantly offend someone. I get in this mode where my brain thinks I have something rather important to say, and I say it, and inevitably it isn't important as much as ignorant. Worst of all is the way my brain hangs onto these moments.
Once, when I was about eleven, I said "I don't believe in all that Jesus crap" at a party my parents were throwing. Now, my parents run with a rather out-there crowd, and I just figured everyone there was pagan. Very wrong of me to assume, as I quickly found out, when the person next to me made mention of the fact that for *some* people (herself included) that "Jesus crap" is important. I was mortified. And still am every time I see her.
Of course, I find it highly ironic, since I'm now one of those people who believes in that "Jesus crap". Heh. I see now that I was terribly wrong in thought at that age. I guess I figured that if you believed in Jesus, you were cranky and uptight like my Grandma. To me, Jesus = stick-up-the-ass. And then I proved myself wrong.
I'm just glad that when these moments happen, where I stick both feet as far in my mouth as I can get them, that the people I do it to are so forgiving. I had another of those moments this morning, and I'm quite glad she let it drop, and even changed the subject for me.
Sandra
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| First post |
[09 Jan 2004|06:01pm] |
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mood |
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Mildly Amused |
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music |
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Never Is A Promise by Fiona Apple |
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I'm here. Thanks to the two-week, no code period. And I'm mainly just here for fandom_wank. If you want to really know me, check out my Livejournal.
On a side note, JournalFen has better moods than LJ.
Sandra
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