I Chose Right - Ben and John Barrowman - Morning After Part 2
|
|||||||||||
January 30th, 2006
| ||||||
| {Players Only - January 16, 2006} Takes place immediately after this. "Want some help?" John asks, once he's feeling more himself. "I'm sorry, I just have to remember I'm not at my best yet and to make sure I'm as okay as I can be." He's trying to think of something to say to Ben that isn't about all the multitudes of things they have to talk about. "If you want to start on your world-famous pancakes, feel free." Ben bites his bottom lip as he takes a moment to consider just how much he should say before they really begin talking. "You should take care of yourself better. Take your pills when you're supposed to and not overdo. Although I'm probably the reason you didn't get your pills on time and that you're overdoing." he pauses only for a moment before he has to ask. "The doctor did say it was okay for you to have sex, right?" "World-famous?" John laughs at that, before sobering. "I know, I've never been good at taking care of myself. Remember I tried to ignore when I started feeling sick. I just..." he sighs. "I'm used to dealing by myself." He looks up at Ben. "You may be why I'm overdoing but I don't regret it. And yes, I asked about sex. He... did say maybe vanilla would be good for a while, though. I just was trying to..." he sighs. "I'm not very good at this." Ben sighs and puts down the knife he was using to cut up the fruit with. He walks over to John and grabbing his shoulders, forces him to sit down at the table. "I'm making the pancakes and all of breakfast. You can sit there and look gorgeous and talk if you want. Nothing more strenuous then that today. When do you need to take your pills? I'll make sure you get them and probably at least one nap today, maybe more. Also, no more sex today." Ben considers for a minute. "Ben, it's not that serious," John says, but he does sit down. "The schedule is every six hours, but I can take longer if I am sleeping - it just means I generally feel a little dizzy before I take the pill after I wake up. I'm not an invalid, Ben, and I don't want to be treated like one. I'll let you read the medical report and tell you a bit more after we eat. And I'm willing to negotiate on sex. Maybe." He sits down at the table and looks at John seriously. "I know you're not an invalid, but you said yourself that you generally don't take good care of yourself either. If that's the case, maybe you need someone who will take care of you and make sure you do get better so you don't collapse again." "We can negotiate the sex, but I'm still not sure. You said the doctor mentioned only vanilla sex and I don't want you to go outside of that just because you think you need to satisfy me or something. Because I'll be satisfied even sitting here and talking to you." "Maybe I do," John nods. "It wasn't entirely my fault, but that's something I really want to save for after I eat. But you're right. And I like that you want to take care of me," John smiles. "That's something I want made clear. I don't see you as a slave, but as..." he hesitates but it's the easiest way to put it, "a lover." "Vanilla sex is okay, but I'll set your mind at ease first. We might just kiss all day. I wouldn't mind that. Kissing and touching." John smiles. "I wasn't even thinking about being your slave or anything except someone who cares for you." Ben admits with a wry grin. "If I'd been thinking like a slave, I certainly wouldn't have tried to order you around like I did. I'm really not that submissive of a person. If it comes right down to it, I'm used to being in charge and delegating more then doing things myself. It‘s just when it comes to sex I‘ve always really enjoyed bottoming. Plus, I like the pain/pleasure mix you can get from being submissive. I‘m just starting to realize being dominant sometimes may have it‘s advantages as well." "Kissing is definitely something I enjoy so I wouldn't have a hard time with it at all. Okay, maybe a little bit but I probably need to work on my control anyway." he smiles. "That's really good. I actually don't like people who are submissive all the time, there's something that... kind of creeps me out about making every single decision for another person. I don't mind if you order me around a little, but don't be surprised if I put a halt to it, either. I'm kind of the same. I haven't had anyone to take care of me, not the way you seem to want to, except my parents and it's... not the same at all. And I hope you would have a hard time," he puns. "Is my wanting to take care of you going to be a problem?" he asks a little worried. "I can certainly try to stop the impulse but it really is something that just sort of happens. And I'd hope my wanting to take care of you is nothing like your parents. I certainly don't have any feelings for you that a parent should have for a child." He rolls his eyes at the pun. "You can check on whether or not I'm having a hard time after we‘ve eaten and you‘re feeling better. Until then, it's off limits." Ben figures that's a great way to get him to eat and take it easy. Luckily in this instance he has no problems with using sex as a weapon. "Not a problem in the least," John says. "You'll just have to put up with me getting used to it, but I think I can do that very easily. And no, trust me, it's not like my parents. I'd like you to meet them soon, too. If you'd like to." He's very casual about it, it's something he would expect of someone who was, well, more than his previous lovers. Ben looks down at his hands which are clenched fairly tightly. He focuses until he relaxes them and then looks up. "If you'd like me to meet your parents, that would be cool." he says with the slightest of smiles. "They are probably amazing people to have such a wonderful son.” "They're amazing. I've been out since I was twenty-two and they've never ever had a problem Though they don't know about the kink... I figure that's something they really don't need to know," John grins. "But they're wonderful and seriously, they will love you." “I hope so.” Ben says softly before switching conversation tracks. “You know, I don’t really have to go into the gallery today. I could take the day off so we could talk and stuff. I just don’t think I want to be away from you today.” "Sounds like a plan for the day, then," John nods. "And I don't think I want to even be separated for a day if we can help it. Lucky that I'm not working so I can take off whenever." "I can pretty much set my own schedule as well unless a problem comes up at one of the galleries that needs my attention." Ben offered. "I should get back to breakfast though. You definitely need to eat and get your strength back." "That sounds good. I'm sure things will be much more hectic when I'm up to going back to work, just to warn you. It's chaotic when I'm doing a stage show," John grins. "Wait until you've seen me with first night nerves. And second night. And fiftieth night. Okay. I'll make you a deal. You can do breakfast and I'll make the coffee. How much trouble can I get into putting cold water into the pot?" Ben looks at John with a slowly forming grin. "Do you really want me to answer that?" He laughs as he starts back making the fruit salad which was almost done before he had stopped earlier. "Did you want to talk now or after we eat?" he asks as he finishes the salad and begins the pancakes. "Are you one of those people who talk better over food or one of those that doesn't want to mess up food with serious conversation?" "Wouldn't have asked if I didn't want you to answer," John grins back at Ben. He gets up and switches on the coffee maker. "We can maybe start while we eat? We can do non-serious stuff while we eat and save the less fun stuff for later." "Okay, non-serious stuff huh." Ben grins as he looks around the kitchen. "I'll start, where do you keep your pans? Although maybe that's a serious subject. People can get pretty passionate about their cookware. Should I maybe go less serious? I know, what's your sign Baby?" he asks with a well performed leer. That makes John laugh "Pans are in the cupboard next to the stove. And I'm not very passionate about them, I'm afraid. As for my sign, I'm a fish. Pisces. March 11. What's your sign?" he asks, actually curious. "I am actually a Leo having been born on August 15." he smiled. "I'm not quite sure, do Leo and Pisces normally get along?" Ben grabbed a pan out of the cupboard John pointed to so he could cook the pancakes. "I have no idea," John admits. "I've never been into that kind of thing. But I would say this Leo and this Pisces are getting along famously." The coffee is almost ready and he gets out cream and sugar, in case Ben takes them. "And that smells great," he adds, even though the smell of cooking pancakes is very familiar. He realizes that now, they'll always make him remember Ben. Ben flips pancakes on both plates and brings them over to the table and sets them down before going back to the fridge and grabbing syrup. "Well it's not gourmet, but I figured anything too elaborate could easily flop since my mind isn't exactly on cooking." he says as he sits down at the table. "The coffee smells incredible as well and really the caffeine is the most important part of the meal." "Mmm," John is too hungry to do anything but taste at first. "Good," he says between bites. After a few moments, he's sated for the time being and he can get back to thinking. "So. I guess I asked you to live with me. And yes, this is not that serious. In relative terms." He grins. "Bet you didn't think that would be one of the non-serious topics." "No." Ben says a little bit shakily, putting down his fork so he didn't drop it. "I don't think I would've put the topic of my moving in with you as a non-serious topic. I'll try to trust you on this one though." He takes a large drink of coffee, hoping the caffeine would kick in quickly. "So you asked me to live with you . . . " "It's just less... difficult than medical talk," John admits. "And less weird than kink talk over food. I'm not into the food and sex combination a lot, though sometimes it's okay," he says. "And I'm as shocked as you are. We’ve only known each other a couple of weeks. But it... I'm going with my instincts and every instinct I have is telling me this is right, Ben." "Yeah, my instincts are saying the same thing. It's kind of scary though. Okay, it's a lot scary to feel this much so soon." Ben admits, playing with his food now more then eating it. "I've only been in one other real relationship where we lived together. It was when I was at Harvard and I thought he was the one. Maybe he could have been, but my family found out I was gay and things just disintegrated. So he went his way and I went mine and we didn't meet up again for another ten plus years. I don't want to mess up with you like I did with him. My family won't be an issue this time, but I don't want anything else to be an issue either." He takes a sip of coffee before looking up with a grin. "And how's that for non-serious?" "It is a lot scary," John agrees. "Almost terrifying. Especially when I've never been in a real relationship, not like this. Not living together this way. And yet, it's right. I know it's right." He shakes his head. "So many families have problems with gay children. Like it really makes a difference if you love someone But I do know how lucky I was that my own parents felt that way. And I'm sorry you couldn't make things work with this guy, even though if you had we wouldn't be having this conversation." John laughs. "I think that makes sense. And yeah. Relatively non-serious." "Despite the fact that we just met a couple weeks ago and that it scares me more then I can express, what I'm feeling for you right now feels important and like it could really be something. Me even being here instead of running away because I was freaked out should tell you how important it is.” Ben says. "Everything's scary. If it didn't feel so right, though, we wouldn't still be here," John says, and he has to touch Ben, to anchor them, so he brushes his fingers softly over Ben's cheek, grinning a little at the feel of the stubble. "And you and I are my number one priority also. It does feel important and maybe bigger than it 'should' after knowing each other such a short time. But as long as we are as rational as possible - and I know sometimes that isn't very rational at all - I think we'll get through this." “Rational huh?” Ben asks with a grin. “I’ll do my best but I’m not making any promises. So what does this make us? I mean if I’m moving in with you and we’re each other’s number one priorities? When I introduce you to my friends and the people at my galleries, what do I tell them you are to me?” "I... hadn't thought of that," John says. "Does the word lover scare you? It's just the word that fits in my mind when I think of you, but if it makes you freak out, I'll find something else to use for us. It was the first word that came to mind, though." "Lover does seem to fit, doesn't it?" Ben asks with a smile. "It doesn't scare me anymore then the rest of this so let's go with that for now." He stares into his coffee cup for a moment thinking seriously about everything. "What about the rest? Do you want to meet my friends and co-workers or is this something we're keeping to ourselves?" "I'd like to meet your friends and co-workers, very much," John says. "We're both out, so it's not really like anyone can make us into a scandal. Though being discreet is never a bad idea unless you want to get plastered all over the papers. I can live with that, but it's not my favorite thing in the world. But I certainly don't want to hide, either." He figures that he might as well open it all up. "How... exclusive do you see this being?" “No, I don’t want to get plastered all over the papers if we can avoid it. There’s really only a couple of people I even care about introducing you to. My gallery managers and a couple of artists that I’m close to.” Ben says thoughtfully. “As for exclusivity, I’m not planning on seeing anyone else, but if you want to I’d understand. I would appreciate it if you’d tell me about it first though so I won’t see you and be shocked.” John nods. "Other than my parents and Elaine and maybe a couple other people, I'm pretty much the same. Not close to a lot of people." He thinks about what Ben said. "I don't want to see anyone else right now. I'm definitely not planning on it at all. So there won't be anything to tell you about." It's a strange relief to think that, to know he doesn't want anyone else. “Okay, that’s good then.” Ben says, a little bit nervous about just how relieved he is to hear that John isn’t planning on seeing other people. “I’m glad I won’t have to worry about you going out to clubs just to pick up other men.” He knows Ben was a little shy about compliments when they met before, but before he can think, or censor himself, the words come out. "Why would I want to pick anyone up when I have the hottest man in the world in my arms and in my bed?” Ben does blush slightly at the compliment, but he also looks pleased. “No, the hottest man would be you. I’ll accept I might come in second though. Did you do that before though? Go to clubs and pick up men?” He’s not sure why he’s asking although he thinks jealousy definitely plays a part. "Close enough," John says, and he does like Ben's blush. "No, actually. I never did that. In the theatre, it's a cliché, but it really is very easy to find someone else who's gay. Much easier than picking men up at the clubs. Even if it was never quite what I was looking for, it was easier." Ben looks down into his coffee cup for a minute before looking back up. "You know, I almost went to some of those fetish bars several times. They seemed to be all over the place when I traveled, especially in a lot of the Asian countries. It always sounded like it could be a way to find someone who was into the lifestyle or at least try it out for a night. I just never quite got the courage to go into one. Like the theatre, the art world has it‘s share of people who are gay, but I never really felt comfortable doing anything with people I worked with." John shudders as Ben mentions the Asian countries. Sure, most of the stories are urban legends, but... "Thank god you didn't. I know it's probably an urban legend but I've heard some dreadful stories. People torn apart by whips is... the mildest. As for people I worked with, it was like, you went out one night, or morning more likely if it was during a show, got drunk, ended up in bed, and if you liked each other out of bed, stayed a 'couple' for the show's run. And that was it, no more, even if one of you might have been interested in more." "I always thought the stories about the Asian fetish clubs were just urban legend. If there's a possibility that it's fact though I'm glad I stayed away. Perhaps if I ever do decide to try them I better stick to the US and maybe London." he smiled. "I have to admit they are a little intriguing to think about, but it probably wouldn't hold up in reality. That or I'd be too embarrassed to appreciate the club or the people in it. Besides, I’ve got you. I have no reason to need those kinds of clubs unless you’re going with me. It sounds impersonal and kind of sad, having that kind of relationship with people especially if you’re working with them closely.” "I'm sure most of the stories are urban legend, but... there's a few I've had some verification of. And yes, I think if you wanted to, that might be for the best. Or, just trust me. I know of a few places that are safe," he says. He wonders if he should just mention Citadel now and be done with it, but it's still not really the right time. He thinks he'll know when it is, so he lets the thought pass out of his mind. "You do have me, and I have you," John smiles. "It was, very impersonal. That's why I stopped it, that and advice from a good friend. It wasn't always sad, but often enough that it eventually got too much. And I'm glad it did, it let me open up to this, with you." “I do trust you. I hope you know that.” Ben says softly with a smile. “I’m glad you had a good friend who gave you such advise, especially since it led to you finding me or me finding you. Either way, I’m glad we have a chance to open up to each other. If you ever introduce me to your friend, remind me to thank them for whatever they said.” "I'm definitely going to be introducing you to her," John smiles. "Her name is Elaine Paige, and I'm sure you've heard of her. We've known each other a long time, she's like family to me. We did a concert together on Christmas Eve, or rather I was her guest. And what she said was pretty much find someone outside of the business. Which turns out to be the best advice anyone ever gave me." "It's difficult to not know who Elaine Paige is, even for someone like me who is not as aware of performers as I should be." Ben smiled, remembering the night they met when he was stressing over whether John was a huge star and if he'd be offended at Ben not knowing who he was. "I look forward to meeting her and all your friends. I‘m certainly glad she gave you such good advise though." "I'm glad too," John replies. "And of course, she'll take advantage of that, you know. Probably tell you all kinds of things about me. I'm not sure I should be in the room for that." "I really can't wait to meet Elaine then. Perhaps if I ask nice enough she'll tell me the things you don’t want me to know?" Ben grinned wickedly. "Those are always the most interesting after all. It‘s up to you if you want to leave us alone to discuss you of course." "I'm sure if you just ask her in that soft, pleading voice, she'll tell you what I got up to behind the scenery flats," John grins back. "And I'll see how I feel at the time. I can always correct, after all..." “Yes you can. I’ll even pretend to believe your side of the story is the truth instead of hers.” Ben teased. “Because, after all. I know you’d never get into any kind of mischief.” "Of course I wouldn't," John nods, keeping a straight face. "Never, ever. I was a choir boy until I met you." He blesses his acting skills for the ability not to laugh. “I’m sure you were.” Ben says laughing. Unfortunately he doesn’t have the acting skills to fall back upon. “All choir boys are into bondage and domination after all.” "I've heard some of them do," John laughs, letting the mask fall. "But I'm not really into the idea of religious scenes. Mind you, I've never actually tried it..." “It’s probably a good thing I’m not into the idea of religious scenes either. Actually it’s good I’m not really religious at all since I’m not sure I can ever look at a choir boy in the same way again.” Ben quipped. "Well, it's not like there aren't plenty of other scenes to play with," John grins a bit, thinking. "And I would hope you wouldn't. I am very proud of my corrupting skills." “I’ll look forward to those other scenes to play with. Something tells me I’m going to enjoy them a great deal. Now that you’ve corrupted me and I’m not the innocent thing I was when we met.” Now it’s Ben’s turn to fight laughter. "Ever wanted to be a fraternity boy? Or maybe a harem boy?" John says, thinking of possible scenarios. "And I haven't even begun to corrupt you..." “I could tell you I was a fraternity boy, but I’d be lying. I never got into that in school. Wouldn’t mind trying it now, although the harem boy sounds appealing as well.” Ben grins. “I’m really looking forward to being corrupted more by you.” "Well, there's all kinds of things we can do," John nods. "Lots of things we could try. I'm wondering what to try first, really..." he laughs. "Be careful what you wish for, Ben..." Through the laughter, a serious thought emerges. "You know... if we're going to be exclusive..." “Something tells me I’m not going to regret wishing for anything I can get with you.” Ben reassures him. “If we’re going to be exclusive? What?” "This is good," John nods. "Well... if we're not going to be with anyone else... we could consider not using condoms." This is almost more overwhelming than suggesting that they live together for John. To say Ben is shocked would be a gross understatement. “You know, I’ve never actually had sex without a condom.” he admits softly. “We’d have to get thoroughly tested before hand, I wouldn’t want to take the chance of getting you sick with something I wasn’t aware I even had. I’ve only been with one other person in the past year so that’s not so much a worry.” He’s definitely not ruling it out. Just the thought of the kind of intimacy not using a condom implies is very appealing but also very scary. "I haven't either," John says, looking at Ben. "It's a little scary, isn't it? And yes, I absolutely agree, I wouldn't want to get you sick that way either. It's the same for me, and even though I've always used them, it's just... I need to be sure. But I think... I want this, Ben. I want that to be... our first time. We can't be each other's first, but this can be what we share for the first time." After thinking about it a moment, Ben nods. “I want that too. I already know you’re going to be my first for several things on the kinky side, but this would mean so much more.” He takes a deep breath and nods again. “I’ll get an appointment as soon as I can to see a doctor then. Might as well do the whole check-up thing as well as the blood tests, it’s been awhile anyway and that way we can be even more sure it’s safe.” "That's a very good idea," John says. He thinks he would have asked that if Ben hadn't suggested it. "And I can get the tests done at my check-up in a couple of days, that's no problem." “Something else we really should be discussing, your health.” Ben nods. “It worries me that you passed out yesterday in the gallery. What can I do to help you get better?” "Have you finished eating?" John asks, taking the last mouthful of his coffee. He'd been eating as they talked, and so had Ben, but he wasn't sure he was finished or not. "We could go into the living room and be more comfortable, if you have." “Yeah, I have.” Ben nodded. He’d managed to eat most of what he’d dished up which was more then he usually ate so he knew he’d be okay. “Let's go into the living room so you can more comfortable. Do you need anything? Pills? Drink? Pillows?" John smiles, liking how Ben is. "I think I'll be fine. There's pillows in there, I took my pill, don't need another for about five hours." He smiles, appreciating how much Ben wants to care for him. "Then lets go get you comfortable on the couch or something. The faster you relax somewhere the faster you get me to stop being a pest about you taking it easy." He stands up and then offers a hand to John to help him up and then conveniently forgets to let it go. “This way you can also tell me everything there is to know about you or at least as much as you want to tell me right now. I want to know it all.” "I like you being a pest," John says, and he raises their joined hands to his mouth to kiss them. "It makes me feel cared for, not annoyed." He starts walking out of the kitchen with Ben. "I want to know everything about you, too." They're in the living room and he lets Ben settle him on the couch. "Room for two if you don't think you'd get distracted," he offers. Ben studies John on the couch for a moment, contemplating how strong he thinks his resolve to talk is. Eventually he decides to take the chance and settles himself in as well. "There's not really that much to know about me. Generally I'm a boring guy." "I find that very difficult to believe," John replies. "You haven't bored me once yet, and believe me, it is long enough to know - I get bored very easily. Strangely enough, you've never bored me. I'll go first if you want. What would you like to know first?" "Tell me about your collapse. Maybe if I hear about it I can stop worrying it's going to happen again any minute." He requested softly. "Who's been taking care of you? Does the doctor think you'll make it back to full strength soon?" "Well, I can promise you it isn't going to happen again any minute," John pulls Ben close. "I promise you that. But I guess I haven't exactly been forthcoming with the details." He pauses, and kisses Ben softly, before beginning. "This last year was very busy for me. I did the TV series Doctor Who in Britain, then went to Hollywood to do a small - but important - role in the movie The Producers. Then I got the role of Ricardo in a revival of West Side Story on stage - it's the most physically demanding of the roles in that show. I went from one to the other in a matter of months, with very little rest in between. Plus I was promoting a CD in the little free time I had. The reason for this was that my agent wanted me to take advantage of the publicity for Dr Who," he says. "He didn't care that I was overworking, and I.." he hesitates, blushing. "I didn't realize I was. I'm used to a busy pace, Ben, and I like it that way. I just didn't realize I was as busy as I was. And then I started feeling not the best, but there was flu going around the company and I thought that's all it was. And unless you're dying, if you're in a theatrical show, you go on. I've been on stage with a fever of a hundred and two - not then, but before. And all I thought was wrong was that I was a little tired, maybe getting the flu. I ended up collapsing in the middle of one of the big numbers, almost breaking my leg. I woke up in hospital to the news that I'd exhausted myself that much. My leg healed pretty fast, that was just some wrenched muscles. Hurt like a son of a bitch, though. So all I had to do for a month was think about what I was doing with my life. I fired that bastard of an agent as soon as I was well enough to yell down the phone at my lawyer, and I decided that I was going to take a real rest. I had to turn down some work, but I figured my health was more important. The other thing I realized was that I was sick of the relationships - again, bad word, but none better comes to mind - that ended with the shows. And I figured out that the only way to find what I wanted was to look outside the business.” “That brings us up to six weeks ago, when I got out of hospital. Until a week before we met, I was staying with my parents, my mum wouldn't let me do anything else. I've come tot the point where I'm able to live on my own again - though I've got a housekeeper who doesn't live in who does the cooking I can't do, and I have eaten out a lot." He pauses again, giving Ben a chance to absorb the details. "And as for what the doctor says, he thinks I will be fully recovered very soon, probably at the end of January, maybe a little later. I actually have been playing the piano a little - and yes, I've checked that it's okay. I just do it until it feels like too much and I stop. I've practiced singing as well, though I'm not sure how I'm sounding. I can't even think of getting back to dancing until the doctor gives his okay - I wouldn't do that, because I could still hurt myself if I stretch the wrong way. And I did ask about sex, even though I didn't think I'd be doing anything more than masturbating, and he's in the kink lifestyle, so I could ask about that. Basically, as I said, fairly vanilla stuff is okay, anything more probably needs to wait, though there's still going to be plenty we can do to introduce you to kink. It's not all about physically demanding stuff. I could just fuck you with the blindfold on and that would be okay. Or fuck you tied up, even. It's just about me doing what I can, and making sure you enjoy it. So, that's basically it, unless there's anything I haven't covered that would help to set your mind at ease." Ben took a few minutes to absorb everything John said, going over it in his head. "I don't think I can imagine being so busy with work that you get that exhausted. In a way I really admire you that you have that much talent to do all of it, but at the same time I have the sudden urge to kill your agent from that time. I really hope any agent you have from now on will want the best for you and not just the best for his or her pocketbook." "I'm also hoping that you'll allow me to be involved in your life enough that I can step in before things get that bad again. I want to be in a real relationship with you where we take care of each other and support each other. I realize that my work isn't as exciting as yours, nor obviously as physically straining," he smiled and placed a soft kiss on John's cheek. "but there are times when it gets pretty intense if we have a major show at one of the galleries or something. At those times I'll probably be spending twenty hour days getting things done and I need to know you won't push yourself that hard again. I trust you won't though, because it seems like this was a wake up call for you." "Your health is more important to me then getting into kink right now. If all we can do is cuddle on this couch for the next month, then that's what we'll do. Yes, sex is important and wonderful, but it's you I'm here for and you I want. The sex is just a really big bonus." "It just sort of... happened," John admits. "I didn't realize it and if anyone should have..." He kisses Ben softly again. "He's ruined, because the publicity killed what career he had. I mean, he's not going to starve, but he's done in the business. Probably end up a sleazy PR type for an eight-grade company but I don't care. And agents are usually bastards, but I'll be very careful with my next choice." "I want you to step in, if you think it's necessary," John says. "I hope it won't be, but then again, I didn't think the first time would happen." He's glad Ben is on the same page as him. "I am so very glad I went out that night," he whispers softly. "And I will keep an eye on you as you will me, okay? I'm glad you trust me. I won't let it happen again if I have a say in it, believe me. And I'll be making sure you don't overdo either, even if you do have twenty hour days." "Then cuddling is definitely something I'm open for. The rest we can figure out as we go along, right?" John grins at Ben's words. "I just... I want you so much, Ben." Ben shrugs off John needing to be worried about him. "My twenty hour days aren't a problem. I only do them for a couple weeks at a time and I try to schedule it so I don't have multiple openings one after another." "I'm glad you went out that night too. I'm glad I decided to show up to see the art even if I hate big gatherings like that." he smiled happily. "I'm really glad you're open to cuddling because you definitely excel at the practice. You have to know I want you too, more then I've ever wanted anyone." "I'll still be looking out for you," John says. "I don't think I'm going to be able to keep from that. And I don't want to. But that's good. I'm going to have to ease back into my schedule and I think I'm going to have a less hectic one now, too." "I think it might have been the best decision I've made in a while," John smiles back at Ben, his eyes lighting up. "Cuddling is definitely something we are both good at. And yes. There's a heat between us, one I want to build to even greater heights." He wonders at that, more than anyone? But it's true for him as well. "I've never wanted to just... fuck someone like I do you, Ben. I mean, not that everything else isn't amazing and wonderful, but I could be buried inside you forever and I don't think it would be long enough." "I think I'd like it if you'd ease back your schedule. From the sounds of it, if you don't I won't get a chance to see you very often once you're back at work." Ben said as he lightly traced patterns on John's skin with the tip of his fingers. "I want you to do what makes you happy and it seems like that's your work, but I'm selfish enough to want you to spend time with me as well." "Well if you think we could survive with you buried inside of me forever, I'm all for it." he quipped before placing a kiss on John's neck right above the collarbone before nipping at the same spot. "You definitely feel incredible buried inside of me." "I'm starting to feel like I never want to work again, if it means I lose too much time with you," John replies. "I'm not serious, not completely, but I am very comfortable, there's no need for me to work for money at all, I only know I couldn't give it up completely. I miss it, Ben, so much. I want time with you so badly, though. There has to be a middle ground, right?" "And you feel just as incredible around me, not to mention inside me," John gasps, feeling Ben's teeth. "Oh, god..." He's very much enjoying the feel of Ben's teeth on his neck and hopes he'll continue. "We'll find the middle ground." Ben says looking up from where he was just about to repeat the bite. He licked the spot he'd bitten while keeping his eyes on John's face. His brain was rapidly getting distracted by John and all other thoughts disappearing. Ben bites down again in the same area. Ben has a brief thought that he should really ask John if he's into being bit as Ben is into doing it. The thought quickly disappears however when Ben rubs his body against John's and decides there are much better things to do at the moment. "There's plenty of time," John says, and then starts to concentrate on Ben again, on what he's doing. He reaches between them and strokes Ben's cock through the thin pants. "This is the acceptable touching, right?" Ben asks distractedly. "We agreed only certain touching was allowed. Please tell me this is among the acceptable stuff." "I think we said hands and faces," John says, but he doesn't stop. "Think we can stretch the point and say you have, er, two heads?" he's laughing a little. "Or we could just say it's okay to... expand our horizons of acceptability." "Always good to expand your horizons." he agrees, trailing his lips further down until he encounters John's shirt. Growling softly at the shirt for being in the way, he reaches down to the hem and pulls it up to free more area for exploring. John nods in agreement, not sure if Ben sees it and starts moving under his shirt, not taking it off but sliding his hands up the smooth skin of Ben's sides. Any less pressure and he'd be tickling but it's just firm enough to be above that. Ben moves against John's hands, trying to get more contact even as he works his ways down the skin in front of him. Every piece of skin is licked and sucked and nibbled in an effort to make his exploration thorough. "God!" John cries out, pressing his fingers into Ben's skin. He keeps thinking he should be more... anything, but he likes this and that's really what it's about. He moves enough to pull Ben's shirt off and his hands start moving faster, touching everywhere he can reach. Ben smiles against bared skin, pleased to hear John enjoying what he's doing. He shifts downward so he can pay appropriate attention to John's chest and stomach. While his mouth is busy, he starts working on getting John out of his pants. He has a goal in mind and is working towards it. "Yeah, more," John says, between moans, as Ben eases his pants down. "Take yours off too," he rasps, wanting to feel Ben as naked as he is. He arches as Ben finds another spot he didn't even know was sensitive until Ben licked it. Getting himself naked wasn't in his original plan, but Ben is more then willing to compromise if it'll make John happy. Once he has both their pants off he is then able to get to work at John's navel, sucking hard and leaving a mark to claim what he sees as his. "Ben..." John groans, one hand moving through Ben's hair, not directing, just wanting him to never stop. "More." He wants everything. "Please. Need..." he keeps thinking he should be more assertive, but damnit, he likes this too. It's not all about scening, especially now. "Feels good," he sighs. "I want to give you more." Ben whispers, looking up from his position now between John's legs and smiling with his lips already swollen from use and eyes flashing with pleasure. "I want to give you everything, starting with this ..." he trails off only to start using his mouth another way. Only a few seconds after trailing off his tongue is trailing slowly up the vein on the underside of John's cock as Ben's hands hold the hips under them steady. "Oh, fuck..." John whispers, his cock throbbing with the trail of Ben's tongue. And then he remembers. "Ben!" Urgently. "We haven't... condom!" He tries to get his mind in order, but it's not easy. Ben's rocking his equilibrium very well. He looks up, slightly disappointed at not being able to do this without the barrier between his mouth and the skin he so badly wants to taste. Reason works it's way into his dazed brain though and he nods. Bending down, he grabs the pants he was wearing and pulls a condom from where he'd slipped it before they left the bedroom just in case they weren't able to keep up with the no touching rule. He tears open the package and slides it down John's length, making sure to leave enough room at the tip and push the air out to lesson the chances of it breaking. Once he's done he immediately engulfs John's non-covered cock with his mouth. From experience, he knows the best way to deal with blow jobs with a condom is to get it covered in saliva so the taste of the latex isn't so bad. That it also involves having John's cock hitting the back of his throat and pressing downwards is also a wonderful bonus. He grins when he sees Ben take the condom out. "Your control must be about the same as mine," he laughs, but it turns into a long, deep moan. "Oh, fuck, yes..." he gasps as he feels Ben's mouth around him, and the condom isn't so bad, really. Not when he can still feel Ben's mouth, so very, very hot. Ben is not real thrilled with the condom but accepts the necessity. It doesn't stop him from wanting the bare flesh back under his mouth and the musky flavor that he wants to taste yet again. All thought leaves John's head as Ben swallows him down. Maybe soon he'll be able to feel him without the condom. He would have risked it, but he's seen too many people die from something they could have prevented and he wouldn't even consider doing that to Ben. So he just enjoys what Ben is doing, tossing his head back and just feeling, it's so damn good. Keeping one hand on John's hip to keep him from thrusting too much since his throat is still a bit scratchy from the night before, he moves the other hand down and trails his fingertips along John's scrotum. He cups the sac lightly in his hands and then rolls the balls within even as he lets John's cock slide back down his throat again and starts humming lightly. "Oh... oh Ben," John murmurs, inarticulately. Ben is very, very good at this. He tries to thrust up, but Ben's hand stops him, and it's almost annoying but then Ben starts humming and he doesn't even remember anything else. "Oh, fuck..." he moans. He's not going to last much longer. Pulling off until the tip of the cock is barely inside of his mouth, Ben uses the tip of his tongue to tease at the crown and slit through the condom. He almost smiles at the sounds John makes at his actions but he really is enjoying himself too much to let his attention get diverted for more then a second. Just when he thinks John is considering killing him in frustration for pulling off just before he could come, Ben slides his mouth back down again. This time he puts the hand which had been holding John's hips down on the couch under them for stability instead. Now that his throat has had a moment to adjust, Ben feels he'll be able to take whatever John wants. He's wondering why Ben chose to torture him, in between the moans and the whimpers and he hasn't whimpered in years but of course Ben can do that, Ben is Ben....and he is still sucking, just not where he was before and oh, that's good even while it's frustrating and.... "FUCK!" John yells out when Ben takes him in again and he can feel that there's no hand, that he can do what he wants and what he wants is to thrust into Ben's mouth, so he does. He's very close again, teetering on the knife edge. Ben moans low around John's cock at the feel of the other man thrusting into his mouth. At this point he's letting John control the depth and speed of his thrusts to get the most pleasure. Ben isn't completely idle though, his hips are thrusting into the cushions underneath him as he continues sucking trying to bring John the most pleasure possible. "Fuck yes, god, Ben, need..." John is losing it now, close to letting go, thrusting into that amazing mouth, so hot around him, feeling Ben's tongue and lips sucking him as he fucks Ben's mouth and it's amazing and he can feel his balls draw up and he stiffens, then feels his entire body come, from his hair to his toes and all culminating in his cock, spurting out come into the condom. "Oh...." Long, low moan as he falls back onto the couch. Ben swallows around John's cock as if the condom wasn't there and he was swallowing down the other man's release. He knows while he isn't getting to taste Ben like he wants, Ben is getting the massaging action of his throat milking the last of his ejection out of him. His hips aren't still as he now searches for his own release thrusting against the couch. "Get up here," John says, that commanding note in his voice. "Want to make you come," he says. "My hand..." He shakes his head a little, the post-orgasm lassitude making it a little hard for him to get the words out. "Want to kiss you too." Although he would be happy to continue thrusting against the couch knowing it won't take long, Ben moves upward as John ordered. He smiles slightly to see how dazed the other man still is after his orgasm. An orgasm that Ben brought about with his mouth and hands. His smiles grows a little wider at the thought before he whispers softly against John's ear. "Tell me what to do. Anything you ask, you know I'll do it for you." "I want you to kiss me again," John murmurs, his hand encircling Ben's cock and squeezing. "I want you to kiss me and come all over me..." he strokes, and waits for Ben's lips. Ben groans softly at the order but hastens to comply. The first brush is a bare brush of lips against lips, a tentative declaration of intent before the lips harden and the kiss is deepened. The hip thrusts he was doing against the couch moments before are now continued with John the recipient of his movements. Although John has just come, Ben angles to thrust against John's softening penis to give it further stimulation. He's not expecting any response, just wants to give his lover more pleasure. "Fuck, yes," John moans against Ben's lips, his hips thrusting back even though he's not getting hard again any time soon. But it still feels good and he keeps stroking with his hand, feeling Ben twitch under his fingers. "Good," he moans again, liking how Ben feels against him, and they've just got to try that when they're both hard.... Pulling back from John's lips, Ben pants for breath. "I'm so close." he whispers roughly. "You feel so good, taste so good." he continues to thrust for a couple more seconds before his entire body stiffens with his release. "John." he whimpers before allowing his head to drape down and rest on John's shoulder as he fights to get his equilibrium and breath back. Wrapping his arms around Ben, John settles back into the couch again, the pillows soft behind him. "I'm here," he whispers, kissing Ben's neck softly. It takes Ben a moment more to recover enough to think again. When he does, he realizes he's most likely crushing John and although he'd love to stay forever in his arms feeling safe and protected, he needs to protect John as well which means getting off of him. He places one more soft kiss on the lips he's rapidly becoming addicted to before sliding to the side. John's immediate response is to pull Ben as tight against his side as he can. "Don't want to let you go," he says, softly. He's not going to fall asleep again, but he can't think of anything he'd rather do right now than continue to hold Ben until something else becomes necessary. Ben wraps his arms tightly around John and holds tight. "You don't have to let go. I just didn't want to crush you." he says softly. "You doing okay? That wasn't too much for you was it?" "I'm good," John smiles, kissing Ben again softly. "I just think I'd better rest a bit, but we don't have to move for that. I'm okay, though. Better than okay, even..." He nodded and smiled slightly, placing a soft kiss against John's lips before speaking. "You rest then. I think we both could use a little rest and relaxation." he smiled, closing his eyes and purposefully breathing softly. He wasn't going to sleep, but being in John's arms felt too good not to savor. It was just the perfect morning and Ben was going to appreciate it while it lasted. | ||||||
comments: Leave a comment     |
I Chose Right - Ben and John Barrowman - Morning After Part 2
|
|||||||||||