Ben's legs instantly part further to allow John access. His hips push slightly onto the fingers inside of him. "John . . ." he breathes out softly.
"Yes, Ben. Need you now... always..." he whispers as he stretches him, another finger moving in easily. "So open for me."
"Yours." Ben breathes out as if it explains everything. In his mind it does. Any part of Ben that John wants will be freely given.
"Need you so much," John whispers, moving his fingers out of Ben, but quickly replacing them with his cock. He leans forward, the wax on Ben's body an interesting sensation against his skin. Hard where he should be feeling skin. He moves deeper into Ben, and leans up to kiss him.
"Oh." Ben sighs as John slides inside of him easier then ever before. Being filled only adds to the feelings of floating and pleasure that are encompassing him. When he feels John's lips against his own Ben opens to him, participating in a slow and dazed way.
"Perfect," John whispers as he starts to move. He's not going too hard right now, it feels right to take it slow but hot, Ben is so overloaded that it'll be more enjoyable for them both this way
Overloaded would be exactly what Ben would call it if he was capable of real thoughts. It truly feels as if his entire body is floating off with only John tethering him to reality.
"So good," John nibbles on Ben's ear a little as he moves in and out of him, the rhythm slow and steady and good, no, beyond good... amazing. "Love you so much, Ben."
"Love." Ben whispers in agreement. One word is all he can manage. His body is moving in concert with John without thought. He's so incredibly hard but at the same time it seems inconsequential compared to all the other feelings pushing him to dizzying heights.
That sense of deep connection, deeper than it's been before, is intensifying for John as he kisses Ben and feels himself getting closer. He strokes Ben's cock a few times, making sure not to dislodge the wax as much as he can. With a movement of his hand, he takes the cock ring off. "Come when you're ready," he whispers, his movements still slow and steady.
His body has been ready for awhile and takes over where his mind is unable to. Ben sighs as he comes, his body arching slightly upwards as if pushing the orgasm out even as his brain takes off into an area he's never been before.
A moment later, John comes, his body moving with Ben's, holding him close and kissing him, it's wonderful but it was almost more about the journey this time, though getting there was as wonderful as it always is. "Love you," he whispers again, words escaping him a little for now.
While he can hear John's words, Ben's mind is flying free so he can't return the sentiment even as he acknowledges to himself that his love for John has deepened even more with this experience. For now he enjoys the flight while a small part of him knows he'll eventually have to return to reality.
Knowing how far gone Ben is, John just unfastens the restraints and holds him close, not wanting him to fall and be alone, and even though he's not going anywhere he knows that touch is important at a time like this. Very important.
It's several minutes before Ben uses the feel of John's arms around him to slowly return. He doesn't recall John unfastening the restraints but is thankful that he can now wrap his arms around John like he's been wanting to do. For a moment he searches for words to express everything he felt but realizes quickly it's impossible. Instead, he settles for the primary thought going over and over in his mind. "I love you." he whispers roughly, just loud enough for John to hear.
"I love you," John answers, quietly. He knows how overwhelming this was for Ben, how much of himself he revealed tonight and he just wants him to know it's okay, and he tries to tell Ben that with his arms and his lips and his tone. "You are amazing."
He shakes his head slightly although it's more an effort to hopefully jolt his brain into working then denial of the compliment from John. "What exactly was that?" Ben asks in wonder. "I've never felt that way before. I swear I left the room for awhile there."
"That was subspace," John says, holding Ben a little more tightly. "It's the most amazing feeling, isn't it? When you are down that far, you just float out of your body." He carefully doesn't mention the only time he's been down that far, not wanting to bring bad memories into this. "Was it good?" He thinks he knows but he has to ask. To be sure.
"Yeah, it was amazing." Ben says softly, moving his head so he can look into John's eyes. "I would have done anything you asked me to do. It was like there was no pain or anything but you, what you wanted me to do and I swear I was flying." He lays his head down on John's chest before continuing. "Though it's scary too. I was completely dependant upon you taking care of me during it. I'm positive I couldn't have told you to stop even if something was truly hurting me."
"It's very scary," John nods, stroking Ben's hair "I know you would have done anything I asked, it was... wonderful. I was very careful with you and i always, always will be. And Ben, trust me. If it got to a point where I was hurting you beyond your pain limits, you'd be able to say, even so far away."
"It was wonderful because I trust you to make sure I'm okay." Ben agrees without lifting his head. "I'm really not sure I would've been able to say anything but I'll take your word for it. And I know you'll always be careful with me especially when I'm in a position like that." He lifts his head now to look into John's eyes again. "I'm sorry I wasn't so careful when you were in that position, that I didn't realize what was going on to protect you like I should have. I promise you, it won't happen again."
"Trust me, you would if it had got to the point of pain," John says. "I always will, Ben. I'm not letting this be anything but wonderful for you. Or at least as good as I can make it be."
Looking seriously into Ben's eyes, John wishes he hadn't brought this up right now, but as he has...
"You were when it was important," John answers. "And I know you won't let it happen again, now you know what I'll need."
"You are making it wonderful for me. You're introducing me to a world I always wanted to explore and you're doing it safely which I can't thank you enough for." Ben says softly. "You're also being incredibly generous in forgiving me for my mistakes. I do understand a lot more now. I think I will see the signs that you're in subspace now that I know what it feels like. I still don't think I'm ready to be on that side again but I do think tonight may have gotten me closer."
"I want it to be safe and good and right for you, Ben. Mine was... well, I was safe, but it wasn't like this..." John murmurs. "The only reason I'm really happy about my experience is that I can give it to you this way. And it was good. Just not... like this." He wonders if he's making any sense at all.
"Ben, we all make mistakes," he continues. "I wasn't hurt and I had you when I needed you the most that night. I'm glad you understand it now, though. I know, and I'm... not ready for you to be on that side until you're ready because things could go wrong if we rush things. But I'm glad you feel closer to it now."
"Someday I want to hear about your experience getting into all of this. The good and the bad you went through." Ben says. "Not today though. It's already been an emotional enough day for both of us to add that on top of would be too much I think."
"I'm glad I was there when you needed me most that night. Glad I only screwed up for a minute before I did what I should have done all along." Ben's voice still has traces of self-incrimination. "I'm sorry I can't be ready for that yet. I know you want someone who can dominate you as well." He takes a deep breath before continuing. "If you need that before I can give it to you, please promise me you'll find it from someone else who you can trust to give it to you safely."
"I want to tell you," John says, "but you're right about today. I'm sure we'll get around to that sometime but I am not ready for it today after everything else that’s happened. I might be up to cleaning you up and taking a shower or bath, but that's about the extent of it."
John wants to tell Ben he shouldn't feel so bad, but he knows Ben won't forgive himself until he tops John without incident and that won't happen until Ben is ready. "I understand that you can't be ready for it yet." He looks at Ben in shock. "I'm not going to be with anyone else. Ben... there's no one I could trust to give that to me who isn't you, not any more. If I have to wait, so be it. But I couldn't give myself that way to anyone who isn't you."
Ben is fairly certain his legs still won't support him if he tries to get to the shower or bath but isn't about to tell John that. He doesn't want to worry him especially since Ben will most likely be fine with just a little bit more time to recover. Although he would like to get the wax off eventually despite the fact the way it's pulling against his skin is a constant reminder of how much pleasure John brought him earlier. "Perhaps we can get up in a bit to clean up." he offers.
"I don't want you to be with anyone else. It would almost kill me if you were." Ben admits. "But I can't guarantee you when or if I'll be prepared to do that for you and I don't want you to suffer. I want what's best for you even if it means it hurts me."
"In a bit," John agrees. "You aren't ready to be upright yet. But in a while, you should be able to move. I should too..." he grins.
"I don't want anyone else. I couldn't, Ben. I'd feel the hurt I was causing you every time someone else touched me, and I don't want to hurt you in any way that I can prevent. And if that means I can never have that? I can accept it. I will admit I really do think it's a matter of time for you, though. And if it's a long time I can handle that too."
"You're right, I'm not ready to be up yet." Ben admits with a grin. "I was trying not to show it though."
"I have to admit I'm glad you don't want anyone else, but I would try to understand if that was what you needed." Ben says softly. "I'll do my best to be able to handle that for you. For both of us. I want to do whatever is necessary to make sure we're okay."
"It was more a case of putting two and two together and remembering how weak you make my knees with sex generally, plus the intensity of what we’ve just done," John says. "You didn't really show it..."
"I know you'd try," John says. "But there's so much to explore for us right now that I barely even think about you dominating me. I know that will likely change, but right now, I'm enjoying where we are too much to miss one aspect of being with you. If that changes, I'll let you know, and I want you to promise me that when or if your feelings on it change that you'll let me know. Until then, we'll work on where we are. It's more than enough."
"Thank you for trying to protect my macho image of myself." Ben smirks. "Although all you have to do is look at me and I'm weak in the knees. Sex just makes it worse. Amazing sex obviously makes me fly."
"It does feel like there's a lot to explore between us, sexual and otherwise." Ben agrees. "If you're okay with that for now, then that's good. I really will do my best to get to the point where I can dominate you again and hopefully do a much better job of it. I trust you to let me know if there's something you need that I'm not providing and I promise I'll do the same."
John laughs. "You have no idea how weak in the knees I get when you look at me, or after sex. I just make sure we relax enough for it to pass when it’s after sex. It's a pity the flying isn't literal, it would eliminate the need for walking."
"I thought you'd see it that way too," John nods. "I'm completely okay with it for now and if things change, we'll deal with it then. You're not to rush, that's all I ask, with anything. And I promise. I'll always talk to you."
"It's easier said then done, not rushing." Ben admits. "I want to be everything you want and need. I want to fulfill your every fantasy. I know that being dominated is something you want, one of your fantasies. So how can I not want to be that, do that, for you? How can I not want to push myself to do whatever is necessary to become what you need?"
"I know it can be difficult, sometimes I want to ask, so much," John admits, knowing honesty is all that will help them get through this. "And yes, that is one of my fantasies, but there are so very many..." he smiles. "That's what I want to be for you, everything you want and need. And I know you want to push it, but I don't want you to. I want you to be ready, because that is my fantasy, you dominating me when you are ready and able and it's a wonderful experience for us both. Not you rushing because you think I just want you to dominate."
"I just wish there was a class that taught you how to do all this stuff. Someone who could sit me down and say this is what you do or don't do so I could feel more capable of the trust you put in me." Ben says softly. "I want to be ready. I want to have enough confidence in myself to do what you did to me tonight. You're right though, if I rush it the whole experience won't be right for either of us."
Again, John thinks of Citadel. And again he realizes that now isn't the right time. But he knows now that it has to be soon. And he can at least sow the seeds. "After my birthday, I have something like that I want to share with you," John says. "I can't go into details now, but I think it will help. And I do trust you, Ben. I trust you with my love and my life, and I always will. You do need to be ready and I would die of pleasure if you did to me what I did to you tonight. When the time is right."
"Okay, after your birthday we'll talk about whatever you want." Ben says with a small nod. "I'm fairly certain we'll have sometime that will be perfect for whatever it is about." He's thinking about the trip and how he's hoping it will give them lots of time to sit and talk and get to know each other better. "I'll do my best to provide you with a night where you think you're going to die of pleasure. It won't be a repeat of tonight because I don't think that's possible, but hopefully I'll do as good of a job as you did."
"In a couple of days," John laughs softly, "everyone'll think I'm lying about my age for a year. Why is it that thirty-nine is the age that they think that about anyway? And yes, I'm sure we will find some time. Maybe we can take a weekend in the mountains soon, I'm definitely feeling like getting out of here for a while."
"You know, I really thought I was going to die of pleasure the first couple of times after the tests," John says. "Still do when I slide into you with no condom. And I think you'll do an amazing job when you do it."
"Getting out of LA for a bit does sound really pleasant." Ben agrees with a small smirk. "We'll just have to think of something that accomplishes that for us. As for your age, I'll let you lie about it all you want. Although I thought it was twenty-nine everyone lies about? Maybe it's all the years right before you move to a new decade."
"Doing it without a condom really does make a huge difference." Ben says with a small nod. "It feels more intimate and like we're connected more." For a moment he imagines dominating John again and his skin flushes just a bit in arousal. "I'll definitely try to do an amazing job when I dominate you next."
"A trip, somewhere it's just us..." John smiles. "Not too far, though we are definitely going to England as soon as I'm up for that. And I'm sure we can figure something out. After all the excitement," he laughs, not expecting more than a pleasant, lazy day, "of my birthday maybe we can figure something out. I think you might be right. The nine just... sounds like you're compensating or something."
"I'm still surprised that it feels so different without the condom," John says. "Though I do agree that it feels more intimate and connected. Like... our emotions are more intimate as well as our bodies. And you always do an amazing job. No matter what we're doing sexually."
"England would be nice. I haven't been since right after we met and I only stayed in London two days before flying back." Ben says softly. "It would be nice to go and enjoy myself rather then doing a quick trip. I'm sure we can figure out something after the excitement of your birthday. In fact, I'm sure the perfect plan will come to mind."
"Our emotions do seem more connected now although I'm not sure how getting rid of a condom did that." Ben agrees. "I'm not going to complain though, I really like the way it feels being this connected to you." He blushes slightly at the compliment and can only hope with his head still laying on John that it won't be noticed.
"We probably passed each other in mid-air," John laughs a little. "I went for Christmas and stayed for New Year's, and a couple of days later I was back here, regretting that I'd let you go even then." He kisses Ben softly. "But yes, a longer trip would be nice. We could go up to Scotland too... I'd love to show you the country there."
"I don't think it's the condom, I think it's the freedom we have," John muses. "I like it too, very much, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world."
"I would have thought you'd spend Christmas and New Years with your parents but from the little I remember it was beautiful in London around that time." Ben says, smiling slightly at the kiss. "I'd love to see Scotland with you especially if it means I can get you into a kilt." he smirks.
"I like the freedom too." Ben says just above a whisper before nuzzling into John's neck.
"Actually I flew them over," John replies. "Though I didn't spend New Year's Eve with them..." he doesn't dwell on that, though. "It was beautiful," he says. "Snow and everything" He laughs. "I think you have something about me being in a kilt... I'll have to do that for you soon."
"The freedom is wonderful..." John moans softly at the touch.
"I do have a slight kink about you in a kilt, yes." Ben admits with a grin. "I saw a picture of you in one on the Internet and I've been intrigued ever since. It's your own fault for being so sexy really." He's not even going to mention New Years since anything he has to say would sound like he was an incredibly jealous idiot, which he is but he doesn't need to point out that fact anymore.
"You're wonderful." Ben smiles and nips slightly at John's neck.
"I had noticed," John has to admit, but he has no problem at all wearing a kilt for Ben. "And it's something I enjoy. Of course I wear it according to regulations, and you know what that means, yes?"
"I think you're pretty wonderful too...oh..." He sometimes wonders if he really will just combust one day from Ben's mouth.
"You know, I think perhaps I'd need a demonstration of those regulations. I'm really a visual learner so perhaps you'll have to show me what is proper?" Ben half asks with a teasing grin even as he nibbles further up John's neck. He's fairly certain he couldn't get hard again if his life depended on it but that certainly won't stop him from enjoying having his mouth on any part of John he can.
"I'm definitely going to have to show you," John nods. "Can't possibly get the right idea without me giving a... hands on demonstration." He has no idea how he's managing to keep a straight face while talking about this. "Oh... Ben... love that," he arches his neck a little, hoping Ben will continue.
"Love you." Ben whispers against John's neck before continuing his exploration upwards. He's slowly relearning every inch of John's neck again although it hasn't been that long since he did his last exploration. Perhaps because it is one of his own hot spots, Ben is addicted to using his lips, teeth and tongue on every part of the neck in front of him. "You can give me a hands on demonstration of whatever you want, whenever you want." he agrees.
"Not right now, I’d spoil the line of the kilt," John laughs, looking down at his cock, which is hard again. "Oh god, Ben...." he murmurs, arching his neck so Ben can have better access to it. "Never knew my neck was such a hot spot until you..." Moaning as he feels Ben continue to touch him.
"Wouldn't spoil the lines at all." Ben says softly before sinking his teeth in with just a bit more pressure for a moment before laving it with his tongue. "If anything it would make the kilt a whole lot sexier." Since Ben is fairly certain it's not physically possible for him to get hard at this point it comes as a slight surprise that John is aroused. That doesn't mean Ben isn't ready and willing to do whatever John wants to deal with it. "What do you want Babe? What can I do for you and your hard cock?" he asks, sinking his teeth back in gently for a moment again before getting an answer.
"Well, that I can believe," John grins. "At least in your eyes, and they're all that matter to me." He moans softly, remembering that he had only come once earlier, and Ben had been twice, which has to be why he is hard again. "Your hand or your mouth would be wonderful," John murmurs. "Whichever you would prefer. I'm happy with either because I love your mouth, but if you use your hand I can kiss you, so it really is up to you..."
"Oh no, it's definitely up to you." Ben smirks even as he licks a little further down John's neck. "As long as I can use my mouth on your body somewhere I'll be happy. Just want to taste you, feel you, as you come undone."
"Oh, god, Ben, your mouth, please," John isn't quite begging. "On my cock, swallow me down, make me come apart that way, please." Okay, maybe he is begging now. "Want you to take my come down your throat and swallow me..."
"Yes Sir." Ben says softly, taking one last stinging bite out on John's neck before kissing it gently and moving down to his objective. He rubs his hands up and down the outside of John's thighs as he maneuvers himself downward to a comfortable position. Then in a teasing gesture, he blows cold air on the tip of John's cock for a moment before doing as he was bid and swallowing him down after a moment to adjust his gag reflex.
"Hey!" John protests, the word an involuntary response to the cold air but a moment later the cold is forgotten as the heat of Ben's mouth envelops him. "Oh, god, Ben..." he's so turned on from what he did to Ben earlier and the teasing bites have put him right on the edge. "Need..."
Ben pulls off and looks up at John's face. "What do you need Baby?" he asks softly, making sure to blow each breath onto John's wet cock to tantalize even though his mouth isn't connecting at the moment. "Just tell me what you want. You know I'll do it but you need to tell me."
"Just you," John moans. "Need your mouth, your hands. Want you to make me come apart. Fingers, mouth, anything..." he knows Ben isn't going to get hard again, so he asks for what he can give. "Fingers... tongue inside.." He just wants Ben right now and he's starting to think he's being teased. "Or do you want to stretch it out, tease me?" he grins.
"Not teasing." Ben says softly. "I'm just not going to do anything without you directing me. Tell me exactly what you want and I'll do it. But you've got to be specific." he smirks slightly. "I can make you come apart, we both know I can. I just want you to decide exactly how that's going to happen."
"Oh..." John nods. He thinks a moment, and smiles at Ben, caressing his hair. "I want you to suck me dry, Ben, make me feel like you're going to suck my brains out through my cock. And I want your fingers inside me. You know where the lube is," he smirks too. Ben had wanted specifics...
Ben smiles, glad John was willing to play along. He leans down and kisses John's thigh softly before crawling up to get the lube. While he's up there, Ben takes the chance to kiss John's mouth softly as well. It takes him only a minute more to get situated between John's legs and get lube onto his fingers. Glancing up at John he slowly slides two fingers inside at the same time he slides his mouth down John's cock.
The feeling of Ben's mouth and fingers moving in exactly the same rhythm is enough to make John cry out, arching his body up into the heat of Ben's mouth. The way Ben's mouth feels so hot, he's not anywhere near used to the feel of it on his bare cock and he hopes he never gets too used to it. "Ben," he moans softly, hands moving to rest in his hair, pushing just a little, directing him to more sensitive spots.
Smiling just a bit around John's cock, Ben allows his lovers hands to move him where he wants. While this is obviously something John is enjoying, Ben is sure having the opportunity to service the man he loves this way is even better for him. The heat and hardness of John's cock mingle with the tightness around his fingers and Ben swears he's getting a mental erection that will explode in his mind at any moment.
More soft moans and John doesn't know how he'll hold back much longer. He tightens around Ben's fingers and moves his hips a little, pushing further into Ben's mouth. "Love... love you," he moans. "Getting... oh... close, Ben." It's more a warning than anything, he feels like he's going to come enough to choke his lover.
Ben loves the sound of John's moans and the little movements of his body into Ben's touch. He wants to proclaim his love for John but the thought of stopping isn't to be born. Instead he puts all his feelings into the thrusting of his fingers, his tongue licking the vein on the bottom of John's erection and the suction as he takes John as deep as possible in his throat.
The movement of Ben's tongue is what finally, finally drives John over the edge, and he feels his orgasm move through every part of his body, centering in his cock as he cries out with all the pleasure Ben gives him. In the back of his mind is just how much he's enjoyed Ben this way, and the determination that they'll have to do this again but he's really too overwhelmed by the pleasure to think very clearly.
He continues swallowing around John's cock through his orgasm and for a few minutes afterwards, gradually lightening the suction to wean them both from the experience. Ben looks up once his mouth is again empty and gives John a smile of satisfaction. Seeing that John is still in the process of recovering, Ben slides off the bed and heads to the bathroom only to return a minute later with a wet cloth which he uses to wipe the sweat and stickiness from John's body.
"Mmmm," John sighs softly. "You're really good at all this," he murmurs. "Good at taking care of me." He moves his hand down to touch Ben's hair. "In every way..." He wants to get up, eventually, but he knows his legs wouldn't support him right now if he tried. But he has to clean Ben, get the wax off him and even though the cloth was good, he would like a shower himself. "Hey... when I can actually bring myself to get up, we need to take a shower, Babe," he says.
Ben looks down at his body and smirks. "Well at least one of us does. You're not too dirty if you want to just go to sleep. I on the other hand desperately need a shower. Well first I need to pick all of this off so I don't clog up the shower first." He's not about to complain about the wax starting to pull and sting just in case it discourages John from doing it again really soon.
"Not to mention it can start to hurt if you leave it on too long and even though I know just how much you like pain, I don't think it's the sort you want," John says. He's very experienced with wax play and knows how it goes after a while. "Plus, I happen to like showering with you," he grins wickedly.
"I like showering with you as well." Ben smiles. He grabs the nearest garbage can and sets it by the bed before sitting down to start picking off pieces of wax. Some come off easily but others require scrapping or pulling. More then once he bites into his lip to keep from showing his discomfort. "Thank you again for doing this. I knew I adored hot wax but I never knew it could feel that good."
"Like a hand?" John asks, and he notices the bites into Ben's lip but unfortunately he also knows there's not much to be done about the pain of getting wax off either. "You're welcome," he says. "I loved doing this with you. I feel closer to you every time we do something new. It's good."
"We should definitely do something new ten or twenty times a day then." Ben teases. Looking down at the progress he's made, Ben nods. "If you're not too tired or anything I'd love some help. You've probably had more experience at getting this off after all."
"If I were up to it, I'd say yes," John grins. "But we're taking it slow, out of necessity. Maybe a couple a day is doable?" He laughs and sits up. " Never too tired for you," he whispers as he starts gently pulling at some of the wax.
"I suppose I can control myself to just a couple a day." Ben says in mock seriousness. "It will perhaps be boring but what else can I do?" He tries hard but eventually a smile escapes despite his best effort. "You're too good to me." he whispers as he kisses John's neck softly before going back to picking off the wax.
"Well, it is much more fun when there's a lot of excitement," John nods. He laughs softly when Ben's deadpan effort fails. "I try to be, because I love you," John whispers. The freedom to say that, even more to feel it, makes him warm every time he says it. He continues helping Ben get the wax off, throwing it into the waste can.
"Well I love you more." Ben smirks, peeling off the last piece of wax he can see. "Does it look like we got it all? I can't quite tell from feel if we did or not."
"Just a couple more pieces," John says, peeling the first off and wincing a little at how red Ben's skin is after he does. "That was a clingy piece, it must have really liked your skin. Can't say I blame it," and he leans down to lick softly at the redness.
"Mmm, I need to mention here that I enjoy your liking my skin more then I do the wax liking it." Ben says softly. "I love your mouth on my skin. The sting almost makes it even better because I'm more aware of what you're doing." he whispers as he leans into the touch slightly.
"That's good," John licks the spot again. He won't bite because the spot is very red and he doesn't want to hurt Ben. He pulls off the last splatter of wax and licks that spot, just as tenderly and gently. "You were so amazing, Ben. I don't think I could have taken all this... actually, I don't think I could take all this yet."
"Why not?" Ben asks curiously. It would definitely help in the future if he knew where John's limits were at with things like hot wax. "I thought it was incredible and if I thought I could handle it I'd be begging you to do it again right now."
"I... just haven't gone that far, as a submissive, yet," John replies. "The furthest I've been, you know about. But you... went so much deeper, to a place I've never even touched. I was a bit surprised that you went down so far, but I know, I do, that if it were ever to get too much, you'd let me know."
"It was easy to let myself go down that far because I knew you were there to make sure I was safe." Ben says softly. "It was one of my greatest fantasies and it was you doing it. I don't see how I couldn't go down easily. I would've let you know if it was too much though. I've already admitted it was a bit frightening to lose that much control but I do trust you so it's okay."
"I was there, and I always will be," John promises. He smiles. "I'm glad I could make that fantasy good for you, and that you could trust me to that level, it means a lot to me, just that you do trust me that much. It can be frightening," John hesitates, not sure he should bring the night Ben dominated him up, but it's his only point of reference. "That time, with you... I did get scared, but I think... if things had gone differently, I could have gone down lower, for you."
"I'm glad you didn't go lower that night since I didn't know what I was doing." Ben admits. "Not that I don't want you to experience that because I do. It's just when you do go that far down, I want to make sure you feel safe the entire time. Although it was less then a minute, I still wasn't there for you when you needed me that night and I'll always regret that."
"I don't think I fully understood how hard it was for you until tonight," John says. "I mean, intellectually, I had some idea, I've had partners who didn't react well, but... I just have to think how you could have had the same thing happen to you tonight, and if I'd made one move differently, you could have, and I realize just how very frightening it must have been. But it was just a moment, and even though you will probably regret it always, I hope eventually we'll get past it."
"I want to get past it, for both of us." Ben says. "You deserve the opportunity to experience what I did for yourself. I think tonight really did help me start getting past my fear of dominating you, but I'm also sure I have a long ways to go before I'm completely past it. Even then, I'm not sure if I'll ever be as comfortable dominating you as I am submitting to you."
"I want to experience it, a lot," John agrees. "But only if you're ready, and I am certain it's a long way off yet." He frowns. "You don't think you'll feel comfortable?"
"I think there will always be a part of my mind that is wondering if I can be enough for you. If I can protect you like I should, especially when you open yourself up that much." Ben says, biting his lip nervously. "I definitely want to reach that point with you where we can both enjoy that intimacy though."
"No one else could ever do for me what you do, Ben," John replies. "And you can protect me, I couldn't trust anyone else to do that for me, not ever again. I open myself up to you every time we're together, you know. And I believe that with time, we will be able to share everything, even if you prefer me to dominate you. I actually do, generally, prefer that myself. It's just... some of the time.... but you know this."
Ben smiles and nods just a bit. "We open up to each other." he says softly. "I hope you're right and we can reach that point. I want to feel comfortable dominating you at times although most of the time I do prefer to submit to you. I don't think I could do this with anyone else now. You've spoiled me for other people."
"We really do," John nods as well. "Even in the... non-kink aspect, I've opened up to you so very much, and I'm not scared to do that. I used to think I would be scared, but I'm not, with you. And haven't you figured out by now that I'm always right?" He winks just in case there is any doubt that he's joking, then turns serious again. "I really do think it's a matter of time, Ben. I know I keep saying that, but that's because I believe it. And I'm incredibly flattered to hear you say that. You've done the same for me. I think you really spoiled me the very first night we met, you know."
Ben nods in agreement. "Yeah, you know things about me that no one else does and something tells me that's only going to get more true as we go along. I feel like I could tell you almost anything and you would understand." He leans in and kisses John softly. "Yes dear, I have finally figured out that you're always right. It must be a truly tough cross to bear." he says at the same time he rolls his eyes. "Any spoiling that was done was done by you Sir."
"There's a lot you know about me that I wouldn't want anyone else to know about," John says. "Simple things, and more complicated ones too. How I like biting, no one knows how much I like that, because until you, no one ever did it the way you do it. And I think I would. I get you, Ben, and you get me." He laughs, after returning the kiss. "It's incredibly tough, you must know it by osmosis. And we probably spoiled each other..."
"You do get me and that makes me incredibly happy." Ben agrees. "I'm not spoiled though. Well, not much anyway. Okay, maybe some. More then a little. Possibly a lot."
"And you get me," John replies, then laughs. "We're both spoiled completely rotten by each other, you know, and I love that. It's like we can... let ourselves have this. Does that make sense?"
Ben nods with a smile. "This is our one true indulgence. The rest is eventually going to be work and obligations to others, but this between the two of us will always just be ours without feeling guilty about it."
"Yes," John nods. "And even when other things intrude on our lives, we'll be able to find time to come back to this, always," he murmurs. "Should we shower now? I think I can just about manage to get up," he grins. "With some help, maybe..."
"I realize you have a birthday coming up soon, but aren't you pushing the old man bit just a touch?" Ben teased. "Unless of course you wanted me to play the sweet and innocent schoolboy to your perverted old man." Even with the teasing, Ben stands up and puts a hand out to help John from the bed.
"More the totally exhausted sexually bit," John laughs. "And when I'm feeling more up to it, that might be rather fun..." Actually, so much fun that if he were capable of it, he'd probably be hard again now. He takes Ben's hand, but it's more to hold onto him than because he really needs it.
Well, yes, you're being up for it would be important to making it fun." Ben smirks, leading the way into the bathroom. "I guess we should work on your stamina if you're so exhausted." he says. Of course Ben is also totally spent sexually for the moment, but he isn't about to mention that out loud.
"You haven't seen me at full strength yet," John whispers in Ben's ear. "You may regret that when you do... or maybe it should be when we're both up to full strength, which unless my technique has failed totally, you are not right now." He smirks too. "I'm good, I know this."
"At least you're not lacking in the self-esteem category." Ben says with a grin. It's not a denial since Ben doesn't want to lie but it's also not an admittance that Ben is anything but at full strength. "Anyway, we need to get showered and get you to bed Old Man."
"I think you reiterating it over and over finally got through," John nods. He didn't quite expect Ben to admit anything, but the Old Man earns him a light spank. "Don't call me that, I'm only five years older than you are."
Ben jumps just a bit at the strike and grins even wider. "Truth hurt?" he asks teasingly. Although he's certainly not up for anything more energetic tonight, he'll never say no to John's hands on his body even if it is to spank him.
"Maybe a little," John smirks and does it again, only this time he lingers and caresses. "So, going to turn the water on, or am I going to keep spanking you all night?" Which wouldn't actually be such a bad idea. Except for the not being up to sex part.
"I suppose I'll turn on the water." Ben says, turning to do just that with just a small sigh letting John know he was enjoying the spank and the caress but recognized neither of them was up for more. "Shower and then sleep." he says as a yawn fights to be released.
"Sleep sounds like an excellent idea," John nods, stepping under the water and wrapping himself around Ben. "I think you wore me out, Babe." He's not unusually tired, but he closes his eyes as he rests his head on Ben's shoulder, letting the water beat down on them. Sleep isn't far away, he knows.