jessikast: “I
voted for Palpatine!”

     Saundan turns to go and stops where the wookiees are 
     huddled.

                            SAUNDAN
                    (to Malla)
               Malla.

                    (to Itchy)
               Itchy, please...

     Itchy hands him the bag that he brought Lumpy's gift in
     earlier.

                            IMPERIAL OFFICER

               Alright, finish the search of the 
               residence.

     The Imperial officer snaps his fingers at his troops. 
     Saundan who is just about gone turns back into the house.

                            SAUNDAN

               Oh, I almost forgot. I want to leave you 
               my card in case you need any of uh, oh...

     A stormtrooper stops him with his blaster pointed at his
     face. Saundan turns to leave again.
 
                            SAUNDAN
               Okay, I'm leaving.

                            IMPERIAL OFFICER
               Investigate the upper area. Check for 
               any Rebel material. Anything to connect 
               this household with the Alliance.

darthsappho (as Officer): “Check for Michael Moore films.”

laputain: Don't
the Stormtroopers know what to search for?

jessikast: Don't check the lower area, it's not suitable for children.

     Saundan again heads back into the house.

                            SAUNDAN
               Oh, don't forget about those protective 
               cases for your identification card. I 
               gotta good item... 

     The stormtrooper again stops Saundan with his blaster.

                            SAUNDAN
               That's it, I'm gone.

     Saundan finally leaves.

                            IMPERIAL OFFICER

               Finish the search of the house. We have 
               other areas to cover today.

     The officer points his hand in a stormtrooper's face.

                            IMPERIAL OFFICER
                    (to stormtrooper)

               You! Take the upper area.

laputain: That
stormtrooper has to search the upper area because he's a Jew?!?

     Lumpy tries to stop the stormtrooper from going upstairs 
     but is violently pushed aside by him. Malla jumps to her
     son's aid only to be stopped by the other stormtrooper's
     blaster in her face. The officer pushes the blaster away 

     from Malla.

                            IMPERIAL OFFICER
               Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uhh... We don't want 
               to have to hurt anyone. That's not what 
               we're here for.

     The officer snaps his fingers at the stormtrooper to 
     dismiss him. The stormtrooper walks away.

darthsappho:
Campest Nazi ever!

 
                            IMPERIAL OFFICER
               But, when my men get angry I can't always 
               control them. We are going to continue 

               our search. Now keep him quiet and I'll 
               forget this ever happened.

jessikast: Good imperial, bad imperial.

     Malla takes Lumpy over to a table and chair. There is a 
     small yellow box and pair of headphones on it. Lumpy sits
     down and puts on the headphones. He then presses a button.

     Strange lettering appear on the small screen. 

darthsappho: Now
you're playing Simon.

Lumpy looks
     around to see if anyone is watching him. He sees a
     stormtrooper and a guard going up the staircase. Lumpy 
     pushes a button on the box and a cartoon starts on the

     screen.

34.  EXT. SPACE - ASTEROID FIELD

     The camera goes through an asteroid field until it comes 
     to a stop on a Rebel base. A large portal is in the side 
     of the station. Through it is seen a bustle of activity 
     going on inside. 

                            CAPTAIN KAZAN
                    (voice over)
               Starlog 3-24-1 from the bridge of the 
               cruiser RS Reekvange, captain Kazan 
               reporting. We are awaiting the return of 
               captain Han Solo and his first mate, 

               Chewbacca. Who are long overdue on a 
               delicate mission to acquire the mystical 
               talisman, which has been sought by our 
               forces and the Empire.

laputain: The Rebellion makes cartoons about their anti-government missions?!?

35.  INT. REBEL BASE - CONTROL ROOM

     Luke, Leia, C-3PO, and Rebel General are looking out the
     portal into the asteroid field. Artoo rolls down a ramp 
     and whistles at Threepio.

                            THREEPIO
                    (to Artoo)

               The talisman - it makes things invisible, 
               I think.

     Artoo beeps another question.

                            THREEPIO
               Yes, even you. Which I think might be an

               improvement.

darthsappho:
3PO's even gayer as a cartoon.

     A red colored alien with a headset is sitting at a
     communications console. He is a communications officer. 
     On the monitor, a blip is headed towards their base in 
     the asteroid field.

                            COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER
               We've picked up something.

                            LUKE
               It's the Millennium Falcon.

                            COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER

               They're coming out of lightspeed. I can't 
               make contact.

                            REBEL GENERAL
               Try a lower channel.

laputain: Did
Carrie Fisher draw this while stoned?

jessikast:
Luke's eyes are so weird. And R2 and 3PO are very curvy for robots.

     The radar display fades and a view of the cockpit of the
     Falcon is shown. Chewie is seated and Han can be seen 
     hanging upside down in the background.

                            COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER
                    (into headset)

               Falcon, do you copy? Come in Falcon.

                            LUKE
               It's Chewie. But where's Han?

                            LEIA
               That's him! Hanging upside down!

                            COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER
                    (to Rebel General)
               I can't make radio contact.

                            REBEL GENERAL
               He's on a collision course. Princess, 

               we're in mortal danger from our own 
               forces.

                            COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER
                    (into headset)
               Falcon, do you copy?

                            REBEL GENERAL
               This is madness.

                            LUKE
               You're right General. I can't understand 
               what Chewbacca's doing.

darthsappho: He's doing the Time Warp again!

                            LEIA
               Whatever he's doing, there must be a 
               reason. Hold your fire.

                            COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER
                    (to Rebel General)

               We've lost all contact, sir.

     The monitor with Chewie on it goes to static.

36.  EXT. SPACE - ASTEROID FIELD

     The Falcon is headed straight for the Rebel base.

                            REBEL GENERAL

                    (voice over)
               Standby. The Falcon is near impact.

     The Falcon changes direction at the last minute and 
     speeds away from the base.

37.  INT. REBEL BASE - CONTROL ROOM

                            LUKE
               I'm going after them.

                            LEIA
               Luke, take Artoo with you.

     Artoo whistles.

                            LUKE
                    (to Threepio)
               What'd he say?

                            THREEPIO
               If something has happened to captain Solo 

               and Chewbacca is alone, you will need me 
               to interpret.

laputain (as Leia): “Yeah, take 3PO too. He pisses me off.”

38.  EXT. SPACE

     A Y-wing flies through the asteroid filed and follows the
     Falcon. The Falcon fires several shots at the Y-wing but

     miss.

39.  INT. Y-WING - COCKPIT

     Luke and Threepio are both seated in the cockpit. Laser 
     blasts flash past the canopy of the fighter.

                            THREEPIO

               Sir, he's firing on us.

                            LUKE
               I know, but I don't think he means to hit 
               us. Chewie's a better shot than that.

40.  EXT. SPACE

jessikast: All in
English... only one Wookie... best bit so far!

     The Falcon accelerates and speeds away from the pursuing 
     Y-wing.

                            THREEPIO
                    (voice over)
               Look, he's speeding up. We're losing him.

                            LUKE
                    (voice over)
               Not for long.

41.  INT. Y-WING - COCKPIT

     Luke holds his headset microphone closer to his mouth and

     speaks into it.

                            LUKE
                    (into headset)
               This is Y-4 to base. He's heading 
               straight for a moon in the Panos system.

laputain: A moon
in the Pants system?

darthsappho:
“I feel a great disturbance in the Pants.”

42.  EXT. MOON - OCEAN - DAY

     The Falcon flies into a red jelly-like ocean. It goes 
     under the surface and pops back up on balloons.

jessikast: It
must be jelly cause jam don't shake like that.

43.  EXT. SPACE

     The Y-wing is headed for the same moon that the Falcon 
     landed on. The Y-wing is shaking from entering the moon's
     atmosphere.
   
                            LUKE
                    (voice over)

               Hang on Artoo.

44.  INT. Y-WING COCKPIT

     The cockpit of the ship is shaking violently.

                            THREEPIO
               What about me? I'm going to shake apart!

45.  INT. REBEL BASE - CONTROL ROOM

     Leia and the communications officer are at the comm unit.
     Luke's transmissions are being monitored by them.

                            LUKE
                    (over speaker)

               We're approaching the water planet. We're 
               following Han and Chewie...

     The message is cut off by static.

                            COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER
               We've lost them.

46.  EXT. MOON - OCEAN - DAY

     The Y-wing is headed for the ocean.

                            LUKE
               Hang on, Threepio. We're going in.

                            THREEPIO

               Are you sure this is the best way, sir?

     The Y-wing bounces on the surface of the water several 
     times before coming to a rest. Artoo whistles and 
     balloons inflate to keep the ship above water.

47.  INT. Y-WING - COCKPIT

     Threepio is in the back seat upside down. Luke who wound 
     up under the dashboard, sits up.

                            THREEPIO
               Master Luke, sir, are you all right?

                            LUKE

               Yes. How 'bout Artoo?

     Artoo whistles that he is. Luke pushes a button on the
     dashboard and it beeps.

                            LUKE
               Our comlinks are out. We can't contact the 

               base.

48.  EXT. MOON - OCEAN - DAY

     The Y-wing is floating on the ocean. The cockpit hatch 
     opens.

                            THREEPIO

               Where are you going, sir?

     Luke stands up and looks around with his macrobinoculars.

                            LUKE
               To see if I can locate the Falcon by 
               visual sighting. Maybe it's close by.

     A large creature has risen up from the water behind the 
     Y-wing and roars. Luke drops his macrobinoculars and 
     pulls out his blaster. He fires on the creature and hits 
     it in the head. The creature just licks his licks as if 
     it liked being shot.

laputain: Cecil
the Sea-Sick Sea-Serpent in... a George Lucas Car-TOOOOOOON!

 
                            LUKE
                    (to Artoo)
               Artoo, stand by to fire the ejection pod.

     The creature reaches its long neck down and takes a bite 
     out of the rear of the ship.

darthsappho: Mmm! Y-Wing! Them's good eatin'!

                            THREEPIO
               And hurry Artoo or we'll be desert soon.

     The front of the ship detaches and speeds away. The 
     creature is hit by a ray that makes it dive into the 

     ocean. The ray came from a forked rifle held by Boba Fett. 
     He is seated in a saddle on another of the creatures.

jessikast (as
Fett): “Hello, boys. Feeling a little inadequate?”

                            THREEPIO
               What is it, master Luke?

                            LUKE
               I'm not sure.
                    (to Boba)
               You saved my life. Thank you.

                            BOBA FETT
               You are alone?

                            LUKE
               I have two droids. We've come in search 
               of a ship that crashed near here.

                            BOBA FETT
               Maybe I can help you. I am Boba Fett. 

darthsappho: Wet dream to all fanboys!

			The 
               ship you seek is nearby.

                            LUKE
               Are the Imperial troops near this planet?

                            BOBA FETT
               They are here, friend and growing more 
               powerful.

laputain: They're eating their spinach.

                            LUKE

               How far away?

     The creature that Boba is riding licks what remains of 
     Luke's Y-wing. Boba smacks the creature with his rifle.

jessikast: Poor pink... thing.

                            BOBA FETT

                    (to creature)
               Settle down.
                    (to Luke)
               All they do is eat.

               Luke pulls out a ration pack.

                            LUKE
               This is all we have but uh, he's welcome 
               to it.

     The creature wraps it tongue around the pack and pulls it 
     out of Luke's hands and into its mouth. It chews it and 
     then swallows.

                            BOBA FETT
               You are foolish to waste your kindness on 
               this dumb creature. No lower life form is 
               worth going hungry for, friend. I take it 
               you have no love of the Empire.

                            LUKE
               I don't.

                            BOBA FETT
               Well, neither do I. It will be easy to 
               find the ship you seek. Follow me, 
               friend.

     He hits his mount with his rifle and the creature begins 
     to move.

darthsappho: Boba stole that weapon from Marvin the Martian.

49.  INT. Y-WING - COCKPIT

                            THREEPIO

               Don't you think it might be imprudent to 
               trust him so quickly, sir?

                            LUKE
               He's our only chance. And, besides he 
               seems like a friend.

     Artoo beeps.

                            THREEPIO
               Indeed, friend is merely a term that is 
               often misused.

50.  EXT. MOON - OCEAN - DAY

     Luke's Y-wing follows Boba Fett across the ocean. Several
     moons can be seen in the sky.

                            LUKE
                    (voice over)
               Did Artoo say that?

                            THREEPIO
               Words to that affect.

     We then see the Millennium Falcon floating on its 
     balloons.

51.  INT. MILLENNIUM FALCON

     Chewie is holding the glowing talisman in his hands. Luke 
     is standing a doorway.

                            LUKE
               Chewie, you've got the talisman. What's 
               wrong?

     Chewie growls.

                            LUKE
               No, don't destroy it! 

     Chewie drops the talisman out of a porthole. Luke glows 
     and then slumps to the floor.

                            LUKE
               The talisman...

     Boba sees Luke on the ground and fires a rope from his 
     wrist at Chewie. The rope wraps itself around Chewie.

                            THREEPIO

               Boba Fett, no! He's a friend. Don't hurt 
               him, Boba Fett.

laputain: Please! Boba! Don't hurt em!

                            BOBA FETT
               What did he do to Luke?

     Boba releases the rope that is holding Chewie. Artoo
     whistles.

                            THREEPIO
               He didn't do anything. R2-D2 has detected
               contamination. 

     Chewie picks up Luke and carries him down a corridor. 
     Everyone follows him.

                            THREEPIO
               It must have come from the talisman.

     Artoo whistles.

                            THREEPIO
               Artoo says it's some kind of sleeping 
               virus that only affects humans.

laputain: Wait, isn't Boba Fett a human? I thought he was Tem Morrison's kid.

     Chewie growls and then hangs Luke upside down next to Han.

                            THREEPIO
               He says the only way to keep them alive is 
               to let the blood rush to their heads.

                            BOBA FETT
               I know this sleeping virus the Empire 

               uses on its enemies. They have a remedy 
               for it in the city. I could get some for 
               you.

     Chewie growls.

                            THREEPIO

               I'm afraid, Chewbacca insists on going 
               with you.

                            BOBA FETT
               You'll only get in the way. But, if you 
               must. Come on.

52.  EXT. MOON - OCEAN NEAR CITY - DAY

     Chewie and Boba ride his creature towards the city.

darthsappho:
Hentai tentacle porn!

 When 
     they arrive, they climb up into the city through a duct.

53.  EXT. CITY - STREET - DAY

     Boba Fett and Chewie are standing in a doorway of a 
     building. There are many aliens around - either walking 
     or standing.

                            BOBA FETT
               You stay here while I get the serum.

     Chewie growls.

                            BOBA FETT
               I said stay, friend. Luke trusted me and 
               I'm your only chance of getting out of 
               here alive. Do you understand me?

     Chewie growls that he does. Boba walks away from Chewie 
     and walks the streets past many exotic aliens. He sees a 
     shop with a sign advertising the serum.

                            CAPTAIN KAZAN
                    (voice over)

               Starlog update: although Boba Fett 
               quickly located the serum for the 
               sleeping virus - we had no idea of his 
               real plan.

     Boba goes to a public communications unit and inserts a 
     card into it. Darth Vader appears on the monitor.

                            BOBA FETT
               I have made contact with the Rebels and 
               all is proceeding as you wish, Darth 
               Vader.

54.  INT. WOOKIEE HOME - MAIN LIVING AREA

     At this revelation, Lumpy has a fit and starts howling. 

jessikast (as Lumpy): “NooooOOOOoooo!”

     The Imperial officer hears him howling and walks over to 
     him. 

darthsappho (as
Lumpy): “I'm just watching a cartoon that anti-government
insurgents made about my father. Oops.”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

(jessikast
explains her theory about how this movie is entirely composed of
scenes from the cutting room floor of a porn movie. Just about every
scene looks like the setup for a sex scene.)

laputain:
Eww. That trooper's all up in Lumpy's personal space.

Lumpy quickly pushes a button on the yellow box and 
     a game comes up.

                            IMPERIAL OFFICER
               What is it now? Oh is that all, just some 
               silly game.

     Lumpy shakes his head "yes." The officer walks away and
     leaves him alone. Lumpy pushes another button and the 

     cartoon comes back on.

jessikast: Back to the Rebel propaganda!

55.  INT. MILLENNIUM FALCON

     Threepio is checking Han and Luke with a strange device.

                            THREEPIO

               Yes, their metabolisms are slowing down. 
               I wonder what's keeping Chewbacca. Try to 
               find them on the viewscreen.

     Artoo plugs his "arm" into the viewscreen controls. 

laputain (as 3PO): “R2! Stop downloading porn!”

		Darth
     Vader appears on the monitor. 

                            THREEPIO
               Darth Vader!

darthsappho: You're kidding! I thought it was Krusty the Clown!

                            DARTH VADER
                    (on monitor)
               Good work, but I want them alive. Now that 
               you've got their trust, they may take you 
               to their new base.

     The viewscreen switches from Darth to Boba.

                            BOBA FETT
                    (on monitor)
               This time we'll get them all.

     The viewscreen switches back to Darth.

                            DARTH VADER
                    (on monitor)
               I see why they call you the best bounty 
               hunter in the galaxy.

                            THREEPIO

               Oh no! What will we do now?

56.  EXT. CITY - STREET - DAY

     A group of stormtroopers march by where Chewie is still
     hiding in the doorway. Boba Fett returns.

                            BOBA FETT

               I have the serum.

     Chewie sniffs the air as if he smells something. 

                            BOBA FETT
               We must leave quickly, friend.

57.  EXT. MOON - OCEAN - DAY

     Boba Fett and Chewie flee the city on the creature. They 
     are followed by an Imperial gun boat manned by 
     stormtroopers. The boat fires on the creature carrying 
     Boba and Chewie and miss. Boba pulls out his blaster and 
     fires on the boat. He misses. Chewie takes the blaster 
     out of his hand and fires on the boat. He hits it and it

     explodes.

58.  INT. MILLENNIUM FALCON

     Han and Luke are both untied and conscious. They are 
     still groggy from the sleeping virus.

                            BOBA FETT

               Are you all right?

                            LUKE
               I'm not sure.

                            HAN 
               What happened?

laputain: Your face got stretched! Now you look like Keith Richards.

                            LUKE
               I don't know.

                            HAN
               Well, somebody must know something.

     Chewie growls.

jessikast (as Chewie) : “Hold me. I'm scared.”

                            HAN
               He says our friend Boba found serum for 
               the talisman virus.

                            LUKE
               Boba, you're a hero and a faithful friend. 

darthsappho: Luke
later fed his “faithful friend” to the Sarlaac.

               You must come back with us.

     Artoo goes nuts.

                            LUKE
                    (to Threepio)
               What's the matter with Artoo?

                            THREEPIO
               I'm afraid, sir, it's because you said 

               Boba is a friend and faithful ally. That 
               simply does not feed properly into 
               Artoo's information bank.

                            LUKE
               What are you talking about?

                            THREEPIO
               We intercepted a message between Boba and 
               Darth Vader, sir. Boba Fett is Darth 
               Vader's right hand man. I'm afraid this 
               whole adventure has been an Imperial plot.

                            BOBA FETT

               We'll meet again, friend.

     Boba walks toward a small panel with his blaster drawn. 
     He pushes a button on the panel and a hatch opens in the
     ceiling of the Falcon. He ignites his backpack and flies 
     out of the ship.

jessikast: Jet
packs are cool.

                            HAN 
               Well, trust a droid to get to the bottom 
               of things.

                            LUKE
               Boba sure fooled the rest of us.

darthsappho: Luke
is impressively gullible.

laputain:
When even 3PO is more clued up than you are, you've got problems.