A John Mayer story
John Mayer had Very Strange Habits. He dabbled in Combing Strange Ingredients to Make a Sandwich, enjoyed a good round of Saying the Word 'Penis' Instead of Singing the Correct Lyrics to a Song, and was most proud of his work in Talking About Himself in Third Person. Indeed, John Mayer was an odd duck.
And that's why I went to Virgin Megastore to buy my own CDs. For some reason I hadn't expected anyone to recognize me. And had I thought of that, I surely wouldn't have expected them to think that it was weird to purchase my own music. I mean, what the hell, am I NOT supposed to like my music? In fact, I HAVE to like it or else I never would have spent so much time on it. Yeah, what do you think about THAT, huh?
And so when some twentty-something college co-ed raised her eyebrow and asked me in a tone that suggested that she most certainly did not approve of my actions, if I was John Mayer and was I buying my own albums?, I was caught completely unaware. Damn college students and their educated, nosy, unpolite questions. Didn't she have any respect for her elders? Go back to the kitchen where you belong, bitch. Bake me a pie, goddammit. And knit me some socks.
Needless to say, I scrambled out of there pretty fucking quickly, pausing merely for seconds when I passed the nudie magazine section and not even looking if they had the new Jenna Jameson DVD. By the time I made it back to my appartment I was practically on the verge of having a heart-attack. Running has never been my forte and running with a bag full of CDs and constantly looking behind you in case someone is following looks mighty suspicious. It was only my smashing good looks that saved me from being arrested by an over zealous NYC cop, matter of fact. I shouldn't diss the police department though, I'm going to need them someday when that sniper finally takes a shot.