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February 8th, 2008
08:44 pm - Dominic Monaghan and Craig Parker
It had been a strange day. Dom had awoken alone, the other side of the bed cold and deserted. He'd risen, showered, eaten and spent most of the morning wandering around aimlessly. Well, driving aimlessly really, but the end result was the same. The houses had thinned, the yards growing larger and more spacious, well manicured. It was after making a random right turn, that Dominic realized he was somewhere near Marton's place, and therefore, near Craig. Ten minutes later saw him parking and making his way to the door. Knocking several times before he lost his resolve, the sandy haired man gazed out into the yard, liking the view; peaceful, almost beckoning for one to sit under a tree and just listen to the birds.
Craig was making himself a bit of lunch, Marton out of the house for a while. As much as he hated to admit it, he was glad for the time alone for a bit. Things with Marton had been...strained at best lately. He sighs, thinking on it and shakes his head. Hearing the knock though, his head tilts curiously. Wiping his hands on a towel, he heads out of the kitchen, still humming along to the radio. Opening the door, he does a double take when he sees Dominic, having not visited with the other man in quite some time. "Dominic!" he exclaims, grinning.
Tossing off one of his Cheshire-Cat grins, Dom leaps forward and hugs Craig. "Hey there Craigy!" Pushing himself an arms length away, Dominic eyes as much of Craig as he can see. "Damn, you're looking good."
Laughing softly, Craig returns the hug hard, ruffling Dominic's hair. "How the hell are you?" he asks. "You're looking pretty good yourself! Come in, come in!"
"Thanks. Nice place here, comfy." Following the taller man through the door, Dom nods. "Very nice indeed! So... what - is Marton home too?" Dominic half wishes Marton was, but then again, would be just as happy if he wasn't. He wants time alone with Craig.
"No, he's out..." Craig responds. "And thanks. I've done a bit of fixing up around the place. Marton has good taste and all, but he still needed a bit of help." Best to stay on safe subjects, and not how things had been lately between them. "So how are you?"
With a negligent shrug, Dom tried to carry off a relaxed smile. "Oh, you know. Busy but not." Turning in a small circle, he nods his head in silent agreement. "Really, very nice. So, do I get a tour?"
Craig regards Dom for a moment, trying to decide if he believes him, and then deciding it can wait until the tour and perhaps a drink or two have been completed. He grins and nods. "Yeah, come on I'll show you around then we can have a drink or four!"
Rubbing his hands, the shorter man bounces on the balls of his feet. "Now that's a great idea. Drinks." Holding out his arm for Craig to 'lead' him, Dominic grins disarmingly.
Taking Dom's arms, Craig gives him the grand tour of the place, including the nice deck in the backyard where they sometimes grill. It's where they end up actually, with beers in hand, despite the cool weather. Craig finds it refreshing.
"This is wonderful." Resting his arms on the top rail, Dom stares into the backyard, his look pensive... thoughtful. "So you and Marton like it here I guess. I'm mean, there are little touches all over that kind of remind me of either of you..." A self-depreciating smile, and Dom half-shrugs. "Sorry, kind of rambling."
"It's okay," Craig says, studying Dominic. Finally, he gets straight to the point. "Okay, what's going on?" he presses gently. "And don't say nothing."
At first Dom was going to toss off a flip answer, however, the words simply would not come. "Are you happy with Marton?" Turning so he now looked directly at Craig, Dom tries to keep his expression neutral. "I mean with the way you guys are..."
Craig blinks at the question, considering up until recently he had. "What do you mean the way we are exactly?" he asks instead, trying to figure out exactly what Dom was getting at.
"Your relationship, is it what you wanted? What you hoped for?" Looking past Craig's shoulder, Dom almost wishes he'd kept his mouth shut.
Craig opens his mouth to reply, then shuts it - debating on the truth, part of the truth or an out and out lie. He finally sighs. "It was...at first," he says, almost to himself.
Eyes darting back, Dominic stared at Craig. They'd been good friends while filming and had maintained contact over the years, but now the older man wore - or almost wore - a shielded expression. "What... was it the situation? I mean, not what you wanted or something else?" Always having been a tactile person, Dom stepped closer and placed his hand lightly behind Craig’s, the touch gentle. "If you'd rather not Craig, just tell me to shut up - okay?"
Laughing softly, Craig looks over at Dominic. "I haven't really talked to anyone about it," he admits. "I think I keep hoping if I don't talk about it that means it'll go away or improve or something, but it's not, not really." The man sighs, looking over at Dominic. "He's changed."
Dom did the first thing that came to his mind; he pulled Craig into a tight hug. "I'm sorry. Do you want to talk then? I'm a good listener..." Arms firmly around his friend's back, Dom soothingly rubbed Craig's shoulders.
Returning the hug tightly, Craig says nothing for a few long moments, finally pulling back and putting on one of his smiles. "But I think you came here to talk though..." he says, holding Dom at arm's length. "So you first."
"Yeah... ever notice how it's easier to talk about someone else’s concerns?" Moving toward the two-seater swing, Dom pulls Craig down to sit next to him. "I... Billy and I... You know I love him, right?"
"Known that for a while," Craig smiles softly, settling next to Dom, not saying more, letting his friend go on at his own pace, agreeing whole heartedly that it's easier to focus on other people's problems than your own.
"I..." He had to think, form what he wanted to say. He knew what was in his heart, but putting that into words... well, that was something else. "I want him to be my Sir... yeah, yeah - we're new to this, but..." Drawing his knees up, he wrapped his arms around them. "Thing is - he doesn't want to be... well, no, that's not fair." Staring at Craig, Dom chewed his lip before continuing. "He'd prefer to not be exclusive. See, I don't... well, not really, I don't have a problem with that. But, I'm afraid to tell him."
Listening to Dom, Craig rubs his back gently. "What are you afraid to tell him exactly? If you don't have an issue with the exclusivity thing, then that doesn't rule out him being your Sir, it's still possible..." He was trying to get his head around the exact issue so he could help Dominic.
"I don't think he wants it." Leaning in to the touch, Dom sighs. "In the beginning, he kind of told me I was pushing too much. I've stopped - well, think I have anyway. But... what if this is pushing too?"
"Have you sat down and asked him exactly what he wants?" Craig asks. "No assumptions, no guessing, just flat out ask him what he wants so that you know where you stand because holding you in limbo isn't fair either, but if you haven't asked..."
"He's not doing it deliberately... and no, I've not asked - ever hear the phrase *don't ask the question if you're afraid of the answer*?" Scrubbing fingers through his hair, Dom bounces his chin off his knees. "He hasn't said no... but - it's the way I'm reading the signs Craig... and I'm fucking afraid to ask!"
"I know, believe me I know..." Craig says softly. "But if you're miserable not knowing the answer and left with only assumptions...on some level wouldn't it be better to know?"
"I don't want to lose him... and fuck it all, I'm... I guess I'm willing to accept things on his terms... But sometimes, maybe I'm not." Face drawn and eyes haunted, Dom stared at Craig. "How do I ask? 'Hey Bills... you wanna collar me?' just doesn't sound like it'd work."
"And why not? It's honest and straightforward. And if you lose him because you speak your mind..." Craig shrugs. "Why shouldn't you be able to tell him whatever is on your mind? As friends and as lovers..." He ruffles Dom's hair affectionately.
"I'm afraid... for so many freakin' reasons Craig. I could lose him; I could scare him off... I could fuck up the friendship too..." Pulling the hand that just ruffled his hair toward him, Dom clasped their fingers together. "Is that what you did with Marton?"
Craig laughs softly when he asked if that's what he did with Marton. "Marton and I just sort of happened... but let's not talk about Marton and I just yet. And... there's always a risk Dom, but you're miserable."
"Not all the time." Came the instant reply. "When... when Billy and I do things together, it's great. And I'm happy for days... weeks sometimes. But then I go to Citadel and see others..."
"Talk to him," Craig presses gently. "Seriously... it's better to know than...not. Right?" He hugs Dom tightly.
Shifting closer, Dom buries his face in Craig’s neck and hold tight. "Do... am I pushing for too much?"
Holding Dom close, Craig strokes his back. "You're pushing for what you want, though you won't be pushing by simply trying to have a conversation with him."
"I've only ever talked to one other person about this... and when I wanted something, I ... well, we had to go to someone else. I can't lose him Craig, I love him too much. What do I do? How do I say that?" Dom so desperately wanted reassurance, wanted to know that he wasn't going to lose Billy over this. Not only his lover, but also his best friend.
"Billy's more than your lover Dom, he's your friend - a damned good one you've had for a while. Give him a little more credit than to totally cut you off if you tell him how you feel. And tell him what you just told me, how you feel and that you're damned afraid of losing him. Be honest." Craig kisses Dom's temple.
Leaning into the touch, Dominic sighed before he spoke again. "You make it sound so easy. Probably is for you and Marton..." Turning his head so he could look out over the lawn, he sighed again. "How do you do it?"
"It's not easy for anyone Dommie, and wanting the same things doesn't mean we want the same things," he says vaguely.
Dominic thought over the words, arranging them and dissecting them, but they still left him confused. "I do understand that just because I want it doesn't mean Billy wants it... you mean like that?"
Craig chuckles. "I was talking about me right then actually," he admits quietly, shaking his head.
"Aw shit, sorry... here I am wrapped up in my own drama..." Cupping Craig's face, Dom leans closer and kisses him gently. "Sorry... Wanna talk about it?"
Sighing softly into the kiss, Craig sits back. "Yes... no... I don't know... I'm not sure what to say about it. Things have changed, I'm not sure why or how... if it's something I've done I bloody hell can't figure out what. And it's okay, I was trying to focus on your drama so I wouldn't have to focus on mine."
"Would be kind of moot if I focused on yours and you on mine... lets do yours..." Pressing his cheek to Craig's, Dominic slowly rubbed them together. "What's Marton said about things?"
"Not really what he says specifically...he's just changed. He's drinking a lot and he just gets so... melancholy and mean sometimes. I'm not sure what to do about it, if it's something I've done I'd try to fix it but I don't know what I could have done. It's not like he'll talk to me about it...it just ends up in a fight."
Dom pulled Craig to him, holding him tight. "He doesn't... uhm, hurt you, right? Scratch that... Talking doesn't help... Look, if you need it, I've the spare bedroom at my place. It's yours whenever you want it. Who knows, giving him some space may be what he needs." All the while, Dom had been rubbing Craig's back.
"No," Craig says, though to what exactly he's not sure. He decides to clarify though, it's important to him that Dom not think Marton was beating on him or some such. "He doesn't hurt me, not like you mean. It's not that. And I appreciate it; I just have to figure out what I'm going to do. I wear his collar and I take that seriously..." He sighs, leaning into the touches on his back, taking comfort in the touch of a friend.
"Sounds like he needs to remember what that collar stands for then; Marton needs to remember that with it there's a certain amount of respect due you too." Cuddling closer, Dom enjoys the caring touches he and Craig share. "He needs to remember just exactly what it is you're giving him."
"I have to get to the bottom of what is making all this happen... I just have to be strong enough to hang on until that happens... I do love him, it's just getting hard to deal, you know?" Craig responds, settling in against Dominic.
"Comes down to the question; is he... is it worth the wait, worth the pain and hurt." Resting his cheek on Craig's head, Dominic rubs wherever his hands land, shoulder, arm, back. It doesn't matter, all that does matter is Craig, and through Craig, Marton.
"I guess that's the question we're both asking ourselves isn't it? After a fashion..." Craig squeezes Dominic close. "Thank you for listening."
"I know, at least for me, it won't ever happen. So what I do is completely in my hands. You however, are in a completely different situation. You have someone who... well, who can give you and is willing to give you what you want. Even if it isn't right at the moment..." What Dominic said came from his heart, it wasn't based in pity.
"Aww don't say that, Dom," Craig says, giving Dominic another squeeze. "You just never know... and I'm trying to be patient, I really am. But patience can only get so far...you know actions speaking louder and words and all that."
"True... so maybe you need to tie his ass up and beat some sense into him." Dom was only half joking though. "Look Craig, I don't like seeing you like this. Is there anything you haven't tried then?" Shifting slightly, he wound up pressed even closer to his friend, and enjoyed the comfort of being there.
"I just need some time to think and get my head together," Craig assures Dominic. "And...maybe he just needs time too."
"Time is a good thing, but not when in the end it has taken too long to resolve..."
"Pot, kettle," Craig chuckles, ruffling Dominic's hair. "Ahh, I've missed you, mate..."
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