Chirp Chirp

Dear Local Anonymous

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 09:03:02 GMT

You guys fucking suck! Compared to all the other towns/states, our organization is horrible! And to up and abandon three protest locations for consolidation in a far away location? Stupid! Not everyone can drive the two and a half hours away to protest en mass! Remember that guy in Tokyo? You don't need numbers. It's about a cause you dumbasses.

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 09:01:41 GMT

From this Illustrated Scientology Volunteer Minister's Handbook, I made this.

LOL @ ScienLOLogy

It's Official!

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 23:55:34 GMT

The Cult of Nice has taken over the wank comms.

Post Something!

Sun, 10 Feb 2008 08:40:58 GMT

Recently, you get dogpiled if you post "unfunny" wank in the regular wank comms. Fair enough, it's not funny, ok. But if you post wank from a wanky standard like Oh No They Didn't or Fandom Secrets, it's too easy. ...Ok? And in the meantime, there are huge lulls (no, not lulz, unfortunately none) between posts. So to fill in these gaps, what the hell are we supposed to post? I'd rather have five easy wanks from Fandom Secrets than week long gaps between wank posts. The traffic on the wank communities has been so slow lately. People are slacking! I'm bored. :(

Recycle, Reduce, Refuse!

Fri, 07 Jul 2006 21:34:20 GMT

So, now Fandom_Wank mods are allowed to repost 8 month old wank? Yay for kicking beaded horses. Buuuut, "newbies" can't point out for the 7 millionth time that its recycled wank. I don't care how many times it gets pointed out and re-pointed out, don't recycle and no one will make a peep. Try to pull a fast one and expect many someones to pipe up.

Newbie...how many years have I been on JF now? Two? Eh, it's always nice to recieve compliements about your age.

Now if only I could cure my foot in mouth disease. The random typos are getting on my nerves even. The "Crystan Wank" was not funny, but the "loose at spelling" was quite the laugh. I shall remember if fondly. Crickets aren't known for their spelling anyway. Do you know how hard it is to bounce on a keyboard hard enough to push letters?

Does Not Equal

Thu, 22 Jun 2006 05:57:45 GMT

More and more, as I read through wanks, I see anonymice going "JF doesn't think I exist! I'm _insertname_ on LJ."

Uh huh...kids, JF does not equal LJ. Journal Fen and Livejournal are two completely seperate sites. Of course JF is not going to acknowledge your LJ account, because on JF, it doesn't exist! Hello!

Crickets are not Furry

Thu, 11 May 2006 08:26:22 GMT

I just reported the wonderful Y-Gallery/Furry Wank. I was on Y-Gallery. Visited the front page, saw the announcement and in my little cricket heart a big old "Yes! Finally!" burst out. As you can guess, the cricket is not actually a furry of any persuasion. Despite refering to herself in third person and as a cricket, she's just a big human yaoi fangirl at heart.

Though, this does bring up a thought that's always lingered in the back of my mind when thinking of furries. Why are so many furries variations of cats (lions, tigers, leopards), dogs (wolves, foxes), and reptiles (lizards, dragons, dinosaurs). Where are the ham-hams, the fieldmice, and the cute little voles? Where are the scalies? Ya know, people who are fish. Better yet, is there a bug variant of the furries? I haven't seen any butterflies, ants, worms, or crickets! Why is it that everyone wants to be the big "cool" creatures?

Ah well, furries are something I just don't understand. I don't even pretend to understand. I can tell you that they boggle me. Boggle me! The whole "we're animals, but we like being human" thing does not compute. But to each their own. So, Yiff on furries...just not on Y-Gallery ok.

Where's the Wank

Fri, 17 Dec 2004 01:06:43 GMT

Maybe it's just me, but it seems like a lot of posts are appearing on the wank communities that just aren't wanky. Like the pikachu post. Not wanky! Obsessive, but not wanky. That's just no fun. Where is the wank?

You are Snacky!

Mon, 06 Dec 2004 08:41:12 GMT

You are Snacky! You are obsessed with high calorie,
low health food that make everyone who loves
you fat and ugly. You do this on purpose so you
won't stand out. You made up some
"law" a while back that gets quoted
now and then, and the fame has gone to your
head. You are just nice to people's faces and
rip them to shreds behind their backs, though
your razor wit has grown dull from overuse.

What Fandom Wank Baddie Are You? (Kabal Remix)
brought to you by Quizilla

Damn Media

Mon, 06 Dec 2004 07:48:09 GMT

The Media really pisses me off. Their emotional targeting systems are brutal. They target housewives with their laundry detergent ads making it seem as if one needs the brightest whites to be a good mother. It's just dirty. This ad popped up on my screen earlier.

That is absolute bullshit. Since when are people defined by what they wear? Yes, some people get wrapped up on fashion and "bling bling" as if it is the clothes that make the man, but it's not. Haven't they heard that it's what's on the inside that counts? People need to stop perpetuating these lies. Look where it's leading our society. Straight down the tubes.

The wank that keeps on giving?

Wed, 18 Aug 2004 06:31:31 GMT

So I am yet again thrust into the spotlight as it were. First LJDrama, then I get a coveted F_W post. What next, do I get a medal? I want a medal. How about a crown? I demand a crown! ;)

Well, I can just imagine how well this is going to go over. Can't wait to see what's in my mailbox tomorrow. Thanks guys! :o

Int3rw3b C3l3brity!!1!

Fri, 13 Aug 2004 04:47:42 GMT

Like OMG! I'm a real Interw3b celebrity!!11!!1

Why?

Well, a post in OTF Wank is about Nicky. Nicky is a favorite "victim" of LJ Drama. He has a whole section devoted to him.

Nicky is very homophobic and vocal about his hatred for gays. So a thread starts about what he would do if someone slashed a character based off of him. This leads to a comment about slashing Nicky with LJDrama's other favorite looney toon, Mediacrat of "I'm rich and I'm beautiful" fame.

Plot bunnies are very evil creatures. Those comments lead to my posting The Story of TRU LUV!!!. It's spur of the moment and badly written on purpose, which is harder to do than it looks, but it amuses some folks because someone posts it on LJ Drama here.

So there you have it, I'm internet famous. And someone even had my internet babies! I feel so special!

Now to sit back and wait for the shit to hit the fan.

TRU LUV!!!111!

Thu, 12 Aug 2004 08:09:07 GMT

I need to scrub my brain. A wank about the infamous Nicky, oft times "victim" of LJDrama is wanked on. llama_treats comments that someone should slash Nicky and Mediacrat. This piece of ~~drivel~~ artistic prose was born. Probably the only "prose" I'll stick up here. But here you are, Nicky/Mediacrat...

A Story of True Love

Nicky looked up as a body eclipsed the spare luminescence that lit his art. His ebon eyes raked, like sharp blades, over the figure before him. Who dared to disrupt his delicate creative process?

Adonis.

A Greek God, stood in golden flesh before his dilated eyes. His heart palpitated wildly in his chest cavity as if he were running a marathon to announce to his country, "Nike". His palms grew unexpectedly slick as he drank in the mysterious visitor like a tropical drink with a cherry and a pink umbrella on top.

"Who...who are you?" He asked, voice wavering, uncertain like a blushing virgin; though he wasn't, his virility was famed. Women swooned when they viewed his Hagrid-like figure gliding through dark alleys. Everyone knew that he was anatomically consistent, yet suddenly, his voice stuttered when confronted by the vision before him.

"I'm rich, and I'm beautiful." Came the soft lispy reply. It curled through the air like the bar smog and hung in a fog around his ears, ringing like small silver bells of the solstice.

Nicky caught his breathe at the musical sound, reminiscent of a sweet voiced eunuch. He opened his mouth to reply, but found that his mouth was like a desert; absent of all moisture, just arid. Endless sand and not a sound to be heard but his quite breath. Exhaling.

"Can you tell me where I can find the best place in town? I want to purchase a fine bottle of wine." The bright shade before him peered down curiously, his eyes bright like shining stars gone supernova.

Nicky's dark eyes traveled around the shadow packed bar, wondering how the angel before him had fallen into the squalid dirty hole of humanity.

"There's wine here," he quickly replied, not willing to let the heavenly creature from his sight.

"Is it any good?"

"We can find out together," Nicky said, gesturing to the cushioned stool that spewed forth its innards in colorless piles of cotton like so many sheep jumping over fences.

The incubus in human flesh glanced at the papers spread like abandoned feathers across the table and the man behind them. Long hair, black as a dying night. A beard reminiscent of a wicked villain, dark and greasy as it hung limply under his chin.

"What are you doing?" The fairy creature gestured to the thin sheets of dead trees littered with words, scrawled like insects swarming across the pages.

"I'm spilling my soul. This ink is my blood as I try to exercise the demons in my head. I am creating written art, flowing, dark, inky art." Nicky replied, hoping to capture this fae one's interest with his dark gothic mystique.

"I'm a model-photographer. My name is Grayden." The bright one offered Nicky his hand. Nicky stared at the perfectly formed fingers held out to him like some sacrifice to please the gods. He took it, grasping the equally clammy skin and grasping it close. Their hands seemed to burn one another, causing some dark stirrings to coil in his stomach. It was in that moment that a most unholy union was born. Cats yowled in agony and dogs howled in horror as they foresaw the future. The interweb would tremble before them when finally confronted with their true love.

Nicky + Mediacrat = OTP!

I need to bleach out my brain now.

P.S. Who knew it was so much work to turn out such utter shite. I was wracking my brains for so many over the top adjectives. Who knew that bad writers worked so hard to put out such crap?

Banned!

Sun, 08 Aug 2004 13:54:22 GMT

Like OMG! I'm sooooo going to cry! I can't believe it. I've been banned from thebookyoucrew. All because I dared to make a comment. Oh! Oh woe is me! Banned! And I didn't even get to post my list ot 20 literary greats! They will never know the greatness that is The Hacker Grammar Guide!

Though they should considering the appalling grammatacal horrors that happen in that little den of circle jerk and wank. I just think they need a new hobby to draw their heads out of their asses. I hear Oprah's Book Club is always looking for new sheep.

Literary Wanky

Sat, 07 Aug 2004 08:14:59 GMT

People are always so wanky about what they know. So eager to proove themselves that they don't realize how bad they are. Yeah, I do it too. Everyone does. Some people need to chill, like these people.

Sympathy for the Devil

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 06:45:49 GMT

Apparently I got some really bad pic spam on my last essay post over in my livejournal. I didn't have computer access at the time, so I never saw it and LJ staff deleted the post. It was so bad though, that even one of my resident trolls offered their sympathies. How odd is that? What is this world coming to when your trolls feel sorry for you?

Almost Wank

Thu, 01 Jul 2004 21:45:53 GMT

Look, my little troll made my essay post an almost wank. It's only a few comments long, so it's almost wanky, but not quite.

Wed, 30 Jun 2004 22:51:05 GMT

So I wrote this lovely little essay/rant on writing Style and posted it over in my journal. My fingers are cold now. I'm too tired for wank. I think the world is ending.

Technical difficulties

Tue, 29 Jun 2004 21:31:10 GMT

Sometimes, computers are the devil. Technical difficulties have me sitting in the library next to a ten year old looking at porn. Xp I hope my computer gets better soon. :(

Purging

Mon, 28 Jun 2004 03:13:04 GMT

I got too much spunk in my nose when I took a dip in this pool of wank. I am going to purge my soul now. I have to admit, I was having a bit of fun arguing with ickle troll, but considering that my puppy has better powers of reason than she, it got old fast *sighs* Why must trolls ruin fun by turning out to be lame and useless? I mean, I don't even need to make fun of her anymore when she says "I'm right because I know I'm right." Sure, and the sky is green because I said so. I told myself I'd not reply to that troll anymore and so far I've held back, but oh, I want to leap forward and bury my teeth once more into that bitter flesh just to take her down a few notches. I don't know that it's worth the effort and I did provoke her a lot probably annoying some other people so I'll refrain for now, but oh so tempting.

Back in the Thick of Things

Sun, 27 Jun 2004 05:09:26 GMT

It's wanks like these that make me love F_W. It's sprung a few different discussions ranging from animals, member's puppies, sexuality and fangirls and it's just fun to play with. You post a comment, read the comments of others and generally have fun. Each time you refresh there's something new to comment on. It's pretty light, nice and fun. I'm having too much fun after being out for a while. Ah, wank, I love thee well.

Wank no fun?

Sat, 26 Jun 2004 06:08:20 GMT

Technical difficulties have been keeping me away for a while. I missed that whole deleting of F_W for whatever supposed lesson that was supposed to teach. Just dumb if you ask me, but then nobody did. *shrugs* I find my patience with some of the wank growing a bit thin. I have a relatively short attention span at times and do not like going through twenty something pages just to figure out what the hell is going on. Short and sweet are best. If I can grasp it easily without a novel sized background info, that's okay as well. I just find that I don't have a lot of energy for the wank. My end must be nearing. What's that song say? When masturbation's lost it's fun your screwed? Yeah, that's me, so screwed.

Let There be Memes

Tue, 15 Jun 2004 09:40:54 GMT

Because I am bored, let there be memes.

How to make a criticalcricket

Ingredients:

3 parts mercy

1 part self-sufficiency

5 parts instinct

Method:
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of lustfulness

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Mercy? I have no mercy *squashes badfic authors beneath her 6 inch stilleto heel*

LOOK OUT!
ïòð

criticalcricket is a radioactive squirrel!!

From Go-Quiz.com

Hey! That's a lie. Everyone knows that I'm a cricket.

Informationi

Critical Cricket is a restricted area. Authorised personel only

From Go-Quiz.com

We regret to announce the unpleasant expiration of Critical Cricket, who on the 5th of May of this year was meticulously completely consumed by a large rabid squirrel. This unfortunate incident occurred near an ant pile somewhere on Interstate 52. The deceased was reported to have shouted "Well, there goes the rest of my day..." just before expiring. Critical Cricket is survived by a goldfish. Funeral services will be held the 3rd of next month. - Random Obituary Generator of Doom

What the hell?

Enough of that.

The End.

Fri, 11 Jun 2004 05:13:17 GMT

I am too tired to slog through these sticky strands of wank as of late. Some of them are so complicated and so silly with all the children stirring the cauldrons with their inane comments. Not like the "adults" are much better. My lj seems to be collecting more "friends." I suppose I should get another essay finished. It's a toss up. I'm working on one about prostitution in fanfiction and brewing another one on Fanfiction as a valid creative outlet because all these wankers that keep saying "Fanfiction is uncreative" are really pissing on my cheerios.

Pro Scurvy

Wed, 09 Jun 2004 04:41:18 GMT

Pro Scurvy?

"Remember, Scurvy is NOT a disease. It is a lifestyle. Spread the truth!"

I'm thinking joke. I thought it the first time it got pointed out. Curious, I looked it up and that community is the first search result. Meaning, it pretty much doesn't exist on the rest of the web. So it's gotta be a joke right? C'mon, love the lemons, those pretty juice hot steamy boy sex...um, shiny yellow lemons. ;)