Well, I am now feeling considerably better and my first week of class is officially over. So, I have lots to talk about.

( I was down with the sickness, yo. How disturbing. )
( The English department believes firmly in the statement 'Rinse and repeat' )

Overall, I'm a little nervous about the semester--first one that's started slamming down the heavy work and eating all of my time. But it's only gonna get heavier! So, here's to a hopeful semester!

To all those looking for me, in case something comes up:

I'm sick. Between that and college, I'm pretty much going to be absent for a bit.

Das Mervin

Here's a sample from that fic I was poking about on. The last two sections are the parts that just make me very uncomfortable. However, as stated before--in Sands's defense, he's completely and totally IC. But it's just too....eh, unlike the rest of the fic to fit. The majority of the fic is much lighter, and the bolded parts are way, way, way too sinister to fit into the fic. I don't want it to seem like a Rose Potter torture fest for the fun of it. I had my "shoot Rose in the face" fic already. Just...DAMMIT. *is aggravated*

( Cut for length. )

IC, not explicit, but shitfiresonofabitch, that is not amusing. We take grim amusement in humiliating Rose and killing her off in amusing fashions, but I simply do not like TORTURING her for the sake of amusement. That's simply not FUNNY to me, and the fic is SUPPOSED to be funny. And an unpleasant torture fic is hardly a nice thing to begin with!

What to do. What to do. *flounces off to eat a bacon, egg, and cheese croissant*

Don't you hate it when you're writing a fic that's supposed to be silly and goofy with maybe a little serious bit at the first turns into something that creeps you the hell out?

Fuck you, Sands, you shitty little psycho. I can't post that on the STFU, people will think I'm a sick person, even if it is totally and completely IC.

The Elder Wand.

Voldemort wanted it, and he wanted it very badly. His wand and Harry’s had twin cores, and as Dumbledore said, instead of trying to discover why his wand and Harry’s had such a strange connection, one that not even Ollivander understood, he sought out more power—a more powerful wand. Surely that is what could undo his enemies. The twin cores link was an inconvenience to Voldemort, one that he could not tolerate if he was to destroy Harry Potter once and for all.

Harry Potter, on the other hand, seized upon this connection. It was a serious advantage—he didn’t quite understand it, but he knew it was something that could aide him in battle. Priori Incantatem—he had defeated Voldemort with his courage, and his ferocious power of love, and his acceptance of death. He would not give up his Phoenix feather wand for anything, and when it is accidentally broken, he can’t help but feel angry towards Hermione. It makes him feel helpless, and no other wand—even the Elder Wand—makes him feel safe unless it is his Phoenix wand. The Phoenix wand is also a connection of sorts back to Dumbledore. It’s core is from Fawkes’s tail, a very powerful phoenix who gave only two feathers willingly to Ollivander—he respects that his wand is almost a sort of honor.

Let us go back to “Rose Potter and the Goblet of Fire.”

I need a wand that can fight Voldemort properly…the Priori Incantatem effect saved my life…but it would just be an annoyance in the future.

—Rose Potter, “Rose Potter and the Goblet of Fire”

The wand he eventually matched me with though, he brought forwards, carrying it in an almost reverent way.

“Try this one,” said Mr Ollivander, his voice breathless for some reason.

I picked up the wand in my hand.

The very shop rattled around us as if a small earthquake was happening. I gasped as I felt the currents of magic swirl around me in a whirlwind that whipped my hair wildly about. The wand in my hand began to glow a pure white that I had to avert my eyes from. I felt something huge erupt from me and it banished anything that wasn’t tied down securely, away from me. And just as suddenly it all stopped.

Ollivander it seemed hadn’t flinched at all as I reorientated myself, by leaning against the counter.

“You would do me a favour Miss Potter, and the magical world a favour by using this wand as your primary wand from now on,” said Mr Ollivander his eyes blazing, as he pulled out another dragonhide wand holster for me to place it in.

“Why?” I said breathlessly.

“This wand was turned by my great-grandfather; he made it for some reason that is still unknown to my family today, for this wand, the rest of the family believed, would never be sold,” said Mr Ollivander, handing me the wand holster that I strapped to my left forearm, while my phoenix feather wand was on my right.

“Thirteen inches, solid, made from the very rare bark of the Lignus Vitae Tree, with the core of a dragon whisker,” explained Mr Ollivander. By then my jaw was on the floor.

“How did he get access to a Tree of Life?” I gasped. “They are tended to by the druids and none of them are allowed to be touched, even by us.”

“I must admit, Miss Potter, I have no idea how he managed it, not to mention getting a workable whisker from a dragon without getting himself burnt to death,” said Ollivander, “it is something of a family mystery.”

“How much?” I said in a daze.

“I can part with that for no less than a hundred Galleons, it’s one of a kind, Miss Potter,” said Ollivander, I agreed and handed him the money. “There is something I think I should tell you Miss Potter, the new wand you possess now, only one other wizard has had such a wand in the history of the family business, and our oral history goes back to 304 B.C. Miss Potter.”

“Who was it?” I asked, almost afraid to find out.

“Why…a rather charming young chap; by the name of Merlin,” said Ollivander, smiling rather creepily.

So, the STFU had a troll. A real one, too--it was mostly aimed at bara, though. *shakes head* And it was signing things Caina. I think it wanted to insult us and start a flamewar between the STFU and her. Unfortunately, the huge, "AND I'M DEFINITELY CAINA, OH, BOY, I'M CAINA, I'M SO CAINA IT'S ALMOST UNBELIEVABLE" gave it away (not to mention the IP).

Deleted everything--fifteen comments, I think. Between ten and fifteen, anyway.

Get Your Cyborg Name

ikuko

I could not resist. It was too good.

( 15 Icons, a couple not work safe. SPOILERS FOR DEATHLY HALLOWS )

Dammit, I hate it when I make a mess.

*bitchslap* Listen, you dirty little entitlement whores, JKR owes you NOTHING.

Let's repeat that, complete with that nice little bitchslap.

*bitchslap* JKR OWES YOU NOTHING.

How many other books have you never bought because you didn't like the content, you little arsewipe, huh? I like Hunter S. Thompson's books, and I'm looking to expand my collection. If you don't like Thompson's books, I don't think you buy them, do you? If you do, you need to be bitchslapped again (I volunteer for this no doubt very trying but highly satisfactory job). And guess what? I like the Star Trek: Deep Space Nine fandom. The series finale? Left more to be desired, in my opinion. I had dedicated several years and almost every single weeknight at 11:00 p.m. to Star Tree: DS9. While it wasn't necessarily money (I wasn't exactly paying the cable bill, considering I was a child), I was giving up TIME that could've been spent sleeping, due to the fact that I had school in the morning. I'd been grounded for sneaking episodes.

Am I going to expect them to give me an answer for ending it like that? Do I expect an answer for killing off one of my favorite characters? Do I expect an answer for tantalizing me with my first ever ship, Kira/Odo, and then SNATCHING IT straight from my grip? Because, in many ways, my delicate little flower of a Harmonian, I was just like you with that Kira/Odo ship.

But I don't expect a GODDAMNED THING from the writers. They didn't FORCE me to watch it. They didn't FORCE me to enjoy it. They didn't FORCE me to now own every episode ever, to go with all the VHS tapes I'd bought to record it when VHS was the big wonder of the world.

Ever stop and think about the Sirius fans, you buttnugget? Do they deserve Sirius back? Do they deserve an explanation to why she killed him off? Oh, and what about the fans who really wanted a lot of slash pairings to happen in OotP, HBP? With the exception of certain circles of R/S fans, slashers are some pretty relaxed people, considering there are more of them then you'd care to admit and JKR has never ONCE addressed them--even acknowledged their presence. Oh, wait, I've heard your opinions on slashers--"They don't count." And that in and of itself is enough to completely kill your argument, Veruca. To say another person's ship doesn't count to help validate your own, whether it be Harry/Draco or Hermione/Ginny (Hey, Harry/Ron and Hermione/Ginny are nice pairings I could definitely live with), pretty much says that JKR doesn't owe you a thing, and that nobody involved in Harry Potter owes you a thing, except the guy who checked your book out for you. He'll return your money for you and wish you a pleasant day.

What's sad about that rant? It's nothing that hasn't been said already. AND THEY STILL DON'T GET IT.



And now, if someone would please pass me a mop, and a bucket, and many towels, and some tissue.... *blushes and runs to hide* That was bad, dudes. Anyone care to spank me for that, feel free.

It's here. Damn. *starts dutifully cleaning up after self* When I rant, I get incoherent. Needed Hyde here, to make sure I didn't say anything stupid. Damn. Hope I can appropriate explain myself to anyone who asks. That just pissed me off something fierce, to see some little bitch saying, "I BOUGHT a book, she OWES me!!!"

My God.

Three hours and fifteen minutes.

I think I'm gonna wet myself from excitement.

THREE FUCKING DAYS LEFT, I'D REMAINED COMPLETELY SPOILER FREE TO THE POINT WHERE THERE ARE THREE FUCKING DAYS LEFT AND THEN SOMEONE HAS TO GO AND DO THAT KIND OF SHIT TO ME ARGH FUCK GODDAMMIT LOTS MORE CURSING GOES HERE FURY ANGER DIE *ded*

Seriously, though. That wasn't cool, yo. So mad to the point my face is red and I want to cause bodily harm to your person.

It's just around the corner. Gonna see OotP tonight. W00t!

It's fun being a slasher.

[46] Harry Potter icons
[14] Charlie and the Chocolate Factory icons
[6] Pirates of the Caribbean icons
[4] Once Upon a Time in Mexico icons
[7] Harry Potter banners
[2] Once Upon a Time in Mexico banners
[1] Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End banner

Warning—foul language and innuendo.

*Comment if you take.
*You must credit.
*Textless icons are not bases.
*ABSOLUTELY NO HOTLINKING.

Previews:



All graphics here at mervin_graphics

As per usual, here's a test run--but also think of it as a sample of things to come. This is the fic I and a couple of others are sporking.

Oh, you think I’m exaggerating, don’t you? Heh. Since when have I ever exaggerated the badness of a fic, I ask?

Story Title: The Sweat of a Gladiator. No, not Russel Crowe. Although he would greatly improve the situation, and I don’t even like him.
Fandom: Harry Potter. Unfortunately.
Culprit Author’s Name: canoncansodoff. The stage has been set, ladies and gentlemen.
Summary: Harry and Hermione would give up their lives to save Ron’s in a heartbeat, but would they be willing to give up their virginities?

Your virginity is a greater sacrifice than your life? It’s Hogwarts Exposed all over again.

Full Name: Well…everybody, really. Main ones though are definitely Harry Potter and Hermione Granger, the nasty bitches.
Full Species: I have no idea what these creatures are.
Hair Color(s): Hermione: “a mass of brown curly hair” and “A cascade of sun-kissed brown curls settled out around a deeply-tanned face that was accented by black wrap-around Oakleys.” Harry’s is just “wild” and “messy.”
Eye color: Who cares about eye color when there are spankings to be had?
Scary Sue: …Voldemort, really. He never makes an appearance, but he’s hardly a villain, considering the whole of Hogwarts can do nothing but make spanking clubs and Harry, Ron, and Hermione can take a break from their Horcrux hunt and vacation on beaches while Hermione struts about in nothing but a barely-there bikini bottom, showing off her pubic hair to Harry in front of Ron while she was still dating him.
Suewarts Houses: Qanonreip.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Hermione has several new piercings. That’s it.
Special Possessions: They have a lot. Harry and Hermione both have nagahide leather jackets—Naga being the snake-beasts that inhabit the world of Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne. I can’t make this up, people. Hermione has herself a big black dildo that is the exact shape and size of Harry’s little buddy, along with what is called a “pleasure strip.” Summed up simply, it’s a replica of her own vagina, placed over her real vagina, which is a convenient way for Harry to have sex with her whenever he likes and not have her all-precious virginity removed. More on that later.

Annoying Origin: All right. Let’s get into this.

Ron fell into a vat of green poison while on the Horcrux hunt. He did this because he is stupid. Slughorn identifies the poison (author never bothers to tell us what it is, so I’m going to assume it was Mountain Dew), and the only cure is a very rare and illegal root. In order to get it, they decide to do business with an old hag, who wants double-pure sweat in exchange for the root. What is double-pure sweat, you ask? “Double pure means that the sweat is collected by a second virgin female while the warrior deflowers the first.” Meaning Harry has to have sex with Hermione—who is, of course, a virgin while Ginny is so totally not—and Luna gets to scrape sweat off of his ass with a golden knife. And there you have it. Again—do you really think I could dream this up?
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: They are all claiming to be them.
Annoying Special Abilities: Annoying the ever-living crap out of me and making me want to kill things, how ‘bout?
Other Annoying Traits: Here’s an example of an annoying trait—Hermione, Tonks, and Mrs. Granger go condom shopping for the big ritual, and they turn it into a day trip. Walking there, giggling girlishly, talking about their various sexapades, spending a long loooooooong time talking about condom brands and types, and basically wasting the few hours that they think Ron has before he bites it (not knowing that Harry has bartered for the root so they can spend more time on the deflowering and get more people involved and turn Hogwarts into a sex castle to give sweat to a hag). When they get back, panicking because there is only thirty minutes left, Hermione thinks that Harry screwed Luna and got someone else to collect the sweat so they could save Ron’s life (since they pissed away all their time condom shopping and having girls’ day out). Only then does she worry, cry, get upset, and run off to be depressed.

Ron who?

*sigh*

Please include a small sample of the worst of the story:

( You know the hag is evil, because she talks in dirty innuendo! See, if she’d been speaking in blunt terms like Luna, she wouldn’t be evil. )

( Hermione takes a long time to make a replica of Harry’s penis out of a stapler, jerks Harry off, and has a heartfelt moment with Harry to save Ron’s life. Actually, he’s probably dead by this point. Let’s face facts. )

Somebody.

Anybody.

WHAT. IS. THIS?

If ANYBODY can drop me info on it that I don't already know about, PLEASE DO.

I MUST KNOW WHAT IT IS. AND I MUST HAVE IT.

This is, without a doubt, the stupidest, most ridiculous piece of shit that ever animated itself into an unholy, demon-like being and went under someone's house to fester for three weeks before the neighbors eventually complained about the smell and had to call Max Von Sydow to come exorcise it. The author's penname doesn't help matters any.

And yet, they will claim PortKey is better than all other fanfiction sites out there. That right there is something AFF.net would carry. ADULTFANFICTION.NET, PortKey. The Pit of the Pit. The ultimate in badfic. You have THAT on your superior fanfiction site. WITH ALMOST A THOUSAND GLOWING, SQUEEING REVIEWS.

Your Honor, I rest my case.

My GOD. *cracks knuckles* Sands, you'd better be ready. 'Cause we're going in for all seventeen chapters of stupid. And Raven, yes--I accept your offer, and may occasionally call upon you to guest spork with Sands and I. Because we may need it.

The stupid is burning me.

pstibbons is frickin' crazy.

Thank you, come again.

Is it just me, or are the Harmonians ramping up the batshit more and more the closer DH gets?

It's July 3rd (big booms tomorrow, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!). And we are having flooding? And it hasn't hit over a hundred yet degree-wise?! At least we aren't Kansas--major flooding, and on top of the flood waters, OIL. Flood waters hit some kind of refinery or storage plant. Apparently, the Midwest is now paying for all of its crimes, because where there aren't floods, there are fires.

I am knitting a new scarf--Hufflepuff this time. I have knitted four of those, none for myself. When am I gonna get to do that, anyway? *grouses*

Our man of the batshit, KeiranHalcyon, started a new fic. Unfortunately, this one is completely out of my jurisdiction--it's some kind of Buffy crossover.

Xata by keiranhalcyon2010 reviews
YAHF Xander dresses as our favorite Professor of Humanity. The consequences are like knocking over the single pebble that starts the avalanche of change not only for the Scoobies, but for the world.
Buffy X-overs - Fiction Rated: M - English - Sci-Fi/Supernatural - Chapters: 2 - Words: 17,679 - Reviews: 33 - Updated: 6-23-07 - Published: 6-21-07

I haven't tried reading it yet. I suppose I should...but I don't know the fandom. But the writing is unmistakably Halcyon--about FIFTY BAZILLION PAGES of description, a little bit of plot, ten different fandoms so his character can have a dozen different super powers, a dash of originality, and an entire episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer cribbed word for word, just changed to include his dinky avatar. Don't ever change, you prick.

Hyde and I are sporking Airhead again--it's actually quite nice. She's so....sweet. We've been doing Hogwarts Exposed and Rose Potter and Soulforger and nutjobs like that for so long, we forgot what it's like to just enjoy a fluffy, genuine Sparklypoo. She's so ineffectual, and she's not evil! Well, as a Sue, she's inherently evil, but she's not a mini!Voldemort, and she's soooooo stupid. *pleased* She's about to go full Star Wars: Episode III on us and nearly die of a broken heart when she and Neville have a "fight." I put that in quotations because it's not a fight. It isn't--don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Back to my icons and banners. Jack/Will is my ship in The Curse of the Black Pearl, I have decided. Just look at them.



And any man who can look like this in drag needs to die on general female principle.

Ooooooh, boy. I think I should spork the fic summaries the batshit Harmoanian the STFU spotlight is currently shining on has to offer--they are what makes her profile SO FUCKING LONG. Sands would get a big kick out of it. So would I, really.

Two chapters of Rose Potter left, and I can't seem to spork them. Goddammit.

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaay. Phew. Just made my first GAFF post. Hogwarts Exposed. Let's see how it went.