The Drink Mixer of the Darkside

Here's what we've got so far:

Inspired by this.

What F_W Baddie Are You?

Snacky: You are obsessed with high calorie, low health food that make everyone who loves you fat and ugly. You do this on purpose so you won't stand out. You made up some "law" a while back that gets quoted now and then, and the fame has gone to your head. You are just nice to people's faces and rip them to shreds behind their backs, though your razor wit has grown dull from overuse.

Wankprophet: You are kinda clever. You know how to worm your way into favor with the people in power and then use that for your own advancement up the wank ladder. You are close enough to having unofficial mod status on f_w at present. You know how to pull people's strings pretty well. You'll say the right things at the right time to make yourself look good, but you can come down hard on people when you think you'll get away with it. Also, you're a bit of a shit-stirrer behind it all.

Esorlehcar: You are an overly verbose, unfunny, pseudo-intellectual cunt with a hugely overblown sense of your own importance who can't stop riding the one wank that got you attention. You think you are out on the front lines, saving fandom for all of us, but in reality everyone keeps trying to get away from your overwhelming Internet Funk.

Hugsnkisses: You are good at concealing your Evil Mastermind ways behind a mask of sweetness and light, but when the chips are down you're behind a lot of the trouble. You manipulate people into taking the fall for you and then hide behind your time zone differences in order to cover your behind. You don't really like hugs or kisses and are living a lie!

Backfromspace: You are a whiny, self-validating troll who uses passive-aggressive ploys to make people feel bad about questioning you. You insult other people in order to cover up your basic insecurity and kick puppies to make yourself feel like an important person.

MrBimble: You are the silent, never-seen, rarely-heard-from, member of the Cabal that wants to take over the world. People should remember that it's the quiet ones you should watch.

Sorchar: You don't even care about Fandom_Wank anymore. You'd rather stay in the good graces of your Cabal cronies than stand up for what's right. Also, you are not as funny as you think you are.

Funkyhelix: You are a caustic cunt who sucker punches with words, and then stands back clapping over a direct hit. You are the biggest uberbitch on the web, and eat the puppies that BackfromSpace kicks in baby sauce. You think you have a nice smile.

Shoiryu: You are annoying and unfunny, abuse capslock way too much and have horrible taste in movies and slash pairngs. Also, you're a dirty furry. A DIRTY FURRY! Your comments are wankier than the actual wank half the time! You're so self important, too. And jesus- get a clue, Shoi. Hugh Jackman is never going to fuck you.

Eljuno: You are a batfuck-crazy fascist indie-music RPS whore who acts all independant but is secretly in bed (metaphorically...we think) with any number of Harry Potter BNFs and can't live without constant attention. You have absolutely no shame about deleting comments or posts if they are typo-riddled or otherwise make you look bad. You are an unfunny and hypocritical wanker who sicks your friends on anyone who brings up trans issues in public. You're obsessed with the sexuality of bands because no one would fuck you, with or without a stolen dick.

Arkane156: You started it all.

Anatsuno: Everything is your fault. Whenever anyone tries to take the credit from you, the legions of your anti-fans will quickly correct them with the truth.

Deoridhe: You are not actually important, but you sucked up to the right people early on and they tolerate you for the blow jobs (which are mediocre but plentiful). You talk too much, make incredibly unfunny comments, and your icons are ugly and boring. You think people like you, but really they keep you around to be a punching bag. Everyone is laughing at you behind your back.

Bitchymouse: You are a whiny, passive aggressive bint who backstabs anyone who gets in your way. You have no real influence in Fandom Wank, but you strut around as if you are important and have gathered a rather pathetic lot of n00bs who sing your praises. You try to snark, and sometimes you can even be funny, but overall your pathetic need for praise is obvious to everyone.

Phosfate: You are a bully who makes fun of everybody and has quote unquote outrageous hobbies, such as coloring books. There's an LJ community dedicated to the love for you, so obviously that means they hate you, but suck up to you so they can be the next BNW.

Ashenmote: You begged to get listed because you feel (correctly) as though everone hates you and so want to be included.

Oulangi: You are obsessed with boobies and really bad porn. When you post wanks they have at least 25 links and footnotes, but nobody reads them because frankly they’re a little scared of the amount of research you do to satisfy your neurotic fixations. You are reviled by Rann and LNW right wingers and stalked by phoenix, but right now you’re wondering why this entry is so long and doesn’t have at least one Boobie! reference. Boobies! Happy now? Freak.

Apoplexia: You are a whiny bitch.

You are elfy! Always more sinned against than sinning, somehow you always manage to be at the centre of any given shitstorm. Terminally unable to STFU, you are constantly at (flame) war with trolls and n00bs alike. You are not above using your cabal connections to have those who look like being more popular and articulate than you banned. Nevertheless, you suck, yo!

Questions:

Your posts tend to be? very amusing and short bon mots, full of spelling
and grammatical errors, page long parodies and essays that make wizzard
nod off occassionally (:P), incredibly bitchy

Your take on the cabal? They are evil fuckers, They are evil fuckers but
I sekritly long to be a member, They are evil fuckers and I am a member,