Mon, Nov. 15th, 2004, 11:37 am
Gundam Wing Fanfic

I participated in the Gundam Wing Smutathon and ended up writing my first yuri. Well, it's sort of yuri. It's sort of yaoi, too.

I would love feedback on this, especially on characterization. This is my first time writing more than half of the characters. Plus, thar be porn at that thar link!

Enjoy.
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Mon, Nov. 15th, 2004 06:16 pm (UTC)
[info]loki

GW smut? *RUNSOMG*
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Mon, Nov. 15th, 2004 06:48 pm (UTC)
[info]deoridhe

OMG GIVE ME FEDBACK HO!
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Mon, Nov. 15th, 2004 06:53 pm (UTC)
[info]loki

Aww, poor Relena :D. This was pretty well written, though your description gets a bit muddy sometimes, like here:

...her feet clumsy in the darkness, and her foot caught on something and sent it skidding across the floor to hit the opposite wall with a thump. It reads like her *foot* goes flying across the floor, not whatever it was she kicked.

Pervy!Dorothy was fun to read, so good job!
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Mon, Nov. 15th, 2004 07:02 pm (UTC)
[info]deoridhe

Mmm, I had worried about that while I was writing it.

*makes notes for uber re-write in a month*
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Mon, Nov. 15th, 2004 07:13 pm (UTC)
[info]khym_chanur: "So educational"

Who's that in your icon, and why is so happy to be wearing a bra over his T-shirt?
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Mon, Nov. 15th, 2004 07:17 pm (UTC)
[info]deoridhe: Re: "So educational"

He's the main character of the anime Golden Boy. It's an ecchi, fanservicy, and hysterically funny story about the guy who goes around on his bike working at random places and perving over the women around him. His keyword is "So~ educa~tional!!!"

In that episode, he found his way into the girls changing room and was... ah... getting close to them in a private way. *coughs*
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