Begendings

I'm a YENTA!

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 14:21:31 GMT

ashenmote, this is o_o. o_o thinks you are very fly and funny, and is pretty fly and funny herself, despite being an anime smiley of shock and awe. She would like to get to know you better, but is worried you'll turn her down if she asks you out to wrestling and milkshakes. She is particularly impressed by your wit and funniness, 'cause you make her giggle a lot, but wishes to not appear like the quivering fangirl she actually is.

I think you'll get along, though it's your choice, of course! Feel free to take your first date in my comments section ~~for all our voyeristic pleasures~~. I promise I turned off the camera ~~right before turning it back on and putting in a fresh tape~~.

Recent Events

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 00:32:28 GMT

I hope none of you were too worried about my abrupt absence from Journalfen... not that you'd notice form my posting. Ah heh heh heh. To tell the truth, I injured my back in a sincerely embarrassing manner, and am slowly convalescing. This is the first time I've been too my room since it happened on Wednesday, since I live up a set of stairs from the main living area. My roommate has been a sincere blessing and love during this period of time; I couldn't have managed it without her.

I'm on some fairly strong medication, and I have an appointment with a specialist tomorrow to chart my recovery, so please don't worry about me! I promise I'll be good as new in a month or so. In the mean time, please forgive any of my absences. Sitting upright, while very enjoyable, tends to wear me out.

If you need anything, please feel free to email me at my livejournal address. Now that I can get to my computer I expect I'll be checking it daily.

Best wishes and I hope to talk to you all realtime soon! Sorry if this seems spammy, but it seemed the best way to reach a lot of people at once. My appologies if it bothers you.

[Crossposted liek WHOA]

X-posted from LJ

Wed, 15 Jun 2005 12:45:54 GMT

My darling Tadeus is home. He had bladder surgury on Monday, stayed for observation Tuesday,a nd came home Tuesday night. After a couple hours of disgruntled kitty pacing and much disgruntled kitty food begging, he settled down and looked vaguely happy. He them proceeded to give his moms a heart attack when he jumped from a high place (GAH!!! STITCHES!!!) and attempted to keep the entire apartment up all night by playing with a cage ball. I think he's happy to be home. ^_^

I feel much relieved and significantly poorer.

Tue, 24 May 2005 01:02:51 GMT

I'm trying to pick out my first set of perfumes to ~~send me down the path of addiction forever~~ buy. Please help!

Gah!

Fri, 29 Apr 2005 14:19:55 GMT

What part of self-modding do you fuckers not get?

Honestly, people bitch about the cabal and the mods when anyone in either group does anything, then bitch when someone other than the mods and cabal do something. Admit it; you just like to bitch!

Break Stuff

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 17:36:36 GMT

In honor of the Songfic Wank, I will now bore you with the only songfic I ever wrote.

Fandom: Gundam Wing (aka Angsty Bishonen Have teh Kewlest Mobile Suits)
Song: Break Stuff, by Limp Bizkit
Pairings: Fuck you
Notes: No beta, critique welcome; "Peacemillion" is a space-faring ship

There is no cycle of days in space, though most of the individuals there keep to a relative day system based upon who they have the most interaction with. Peacemillion is an anomaly, though; trading through space with such a wide variety of mysterious "Sweeper" organizations, the inhabitants of Peacemillion have taken to shift-sleeping, an arrangement that also allows for rapid responses and more thorough repairs on all of the Gundam suits currently hidden within its bays. Through some sort of unspoken agreement, though, the five Gundam pilots began rising and going to sleep at the same point, sharing their meals in one of the smaller kitchen and dining areas. Past experience had proven that Trowa is the best cook of the lot, that Heero is a close second and that Wufei makes a surprisingly close third. Duo's concoctions, though warm, tend toward the bland. Quatre skill is still in dispute, however, as he seems content to confine himself to setting out, retrieving, and cleaning dishes.

It is the morning after the first battle with OZ and White Fang, but everyone still manages to stumble out of bed and reach their communal living space with some amount of skill. Trowa is the first in the kitchen to turn on a burner, so the rest settle blearily on folding chairs as they arrive and offer the occasional extra hand. Quatre manages the tea and coffee supply while Trowa begins to crack eggs and add various spices, vegetables, and dairy products to the bowl. A pan heats slowly next to his elbow. Wufei corners the potatoes, though he's taking his time this morning - favoring the left wrist he sprained yesterday. Heero breaks out the batter and begins adding ingredients.

The first words of the morning are Duo's, the last to arrive. Still dressed in black sweats, he slumps onto the last - and most uncomfortable - chair with a muttered, "It's just one of those days when ya don't wanna wake up." For his trouble he receives a raised eyebrow, a smirk, a frown, and a sleepy chuckle. This meager offering, though, seems to wake him up a bit more, and he adds, "Everything is fucked, everybody sucks. You don't really know why..."

"...but you wanna justify rippin' someone's head off," Heero adds, no inflection in his voice. He could be reading off the list of ingredients on the box in his hand. Through the open door, voices can be heard as one of the Sweeper sets starts down the hallway.

Wufei abandons his knife to close the door, loosing his control over the hash brown to Duo in the process. He growls, closing the door with a sharp click and rounding on Duo, "No human contact, and if you interact your life is on contract."

Cheerfully, Duo replies, "Your best bet is to stay away mother fucker!" and brandishes the knife to keep Wufei at bay.

"It's just one of those days!" Quatre adds, rolling his eyes and snatching the knife out of Duo's hand. He grabs a second cutting board, sweeps half the potatoes onto it, and hands out the knives again, settling Wufei on the other side of the second table, far from a somewhat crestfallen Duo.

"It's all about the he said she said bullshit." Trowa joins in, now, the slight curve of his lips and upward tilt of his eyes showing his amusement. "I think you better quit lettin' shit slip," he continues, glancing at Duo, "or you'll be leavin' with a fat lip."

"It's all about the he said she said bullshit," agrees Duo, happily cutting his potatoes into wildly different sizes and shapes, earning glares from the more fastidious in the room.

Wufei's potato cutting becomes swifter but no less erratic, and he adds on the tail of Duo's last word, "I think you better quit talkin' that shit."

Quatre groans, sinking back into his chair and closing his eyes. He mutters to the ceiling, "It's just one of those days, feelin' like a freight train," then adds, louder, "First one to complain leaves with a blood stain."

Duo salutes him with his knife. "Damn right I'm a maniac!"

"You better watch your back, cuz I'm fuckin' up your program," Heero adds as he snatches the knife out of Duo's hand. The bowl with batter, eggs, oil, and milk take its place, and Heero takes over cutting the potatoes; he also manages to repair much of the damage Duo had done. Duo, meanwhile, begins to sulkily stir.

Crackling fills the room as Trowa pours his egg mixture into the hot pan. "And if you're stuck up, you just lucked up," he glances at Wufei - who is quite deliberately not concealing his glee at Duo's comeuppance, "next in line to get fucked up."

"Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker!" Quatre adds, earning him surprised looks from most of the room. He rests a hand on Wufei's shoulder briefly, baps the back of Duo's head lightly, taking time to retrieve the chopped potatoes from both of them. A second burner is started, a second pan is placed, and the hash browns begin to cook.

"It's just one of those days!" Duo moans, mixing the pancake batter into liquid submission.

"It's all about the he said she said bullshit." Heero smirks at the defeated Duo, throwing his own words back in his face. "I think you better quit lettin' shit slip, or you'll be leavin' with a fat lip."

"It's all about the he said she said bullshit," Wufei adds, less cheerfully. "I think you better quit talkin' that shit, punk."

Duo half rises, "So come and get it."

Quatre, on the way back to his seat between the two combatants, presses Duo back down into his chair. He adds, his voice a pitch that makes the hackle's on his friends rise, "I feel like shit. My suggestion is to keep your distance." He glances from annoyed Wufei to belligerent Duo, and continues, "'Cuz right now I'm dangerous."

"We've all felt like shit," Duo argues, "and been treated like shit. All those motherfuckers, they want to step up?"

"I hope ya know, I pack a chainsaw. I'll skin your ass raw." Wufei's voice rises slightly, but diffidence (and a slight amount of fear) of Quatre keeps him in his seat. "And if my day keeps going this way, I just might break something tonight."

Duo returns look for look and tone for tone, his voice slicing past Quatre, aimed directly back at Wufei. "I hope ya know, I pack a chainsaw. I'll skin your ass raw." He slumps a little in his chair, setting the thoroughly mixed pancake batter next to him in disgust. "And if my day keeps going this way, I just might break something tonight."

Trowa abandons his eggs for a second to retreive the batter and begin making pancakes. His voice is mocking as he says to Duo and Wufei over the batter bowl, "I pack a chainsaw. I'll skin your ass raw. And if my day keeps going this way I just might break your fuckin' face tonight." He rests his free hand briefly on the arm of an increasingly annoyed Quatre.

"Give me something to break," snarls Heero, rising with undue force. He glares at the rest of them, demanding, "Just give me something to break."

"How 'bout your fuckin' face?" Duo returns, with as much violence.

"I hope you know I pack a chainsaw." Heero steps forward, meeting Duo glare for glare. Wufei seems slightly surprised at the sudden calm-to-explosive nature of the looming pilot.

"What?" asks Quatre, as startled as Wufei by this sudden change of opponent.

"A chainsaw." Heero's eyes flash to Quatre, who begins to get the slightest smile on his face.

"What?" Wufei asks, this time, picking up the annoyance Quatre just lost.

"A mutherfuckin' chainsaw," Heero explains again, ever patient. Duo is taking up the slack in terms of confusion; caught in a half crouch as he began to rise to meet Heero's violence, only to find it deflected.

"What?" he asks, finally.

"So come and get it," Trowa adds in, sliding a plate of eggs and a pile of pancakes onto the left table, in between Heero and Duo. Quatre adds a second pile of pancakes and the hash browns on the table that had been between Wufei and him, before he moved. Clearly, some sort of detente is required.

"It's all about the he said she said bullshit," Trowa says, almost cheerfully, as he pulls a stool over to Wufei and Quatre's table. "I think you better quit lettin' shit slip, or you'll be leavin' with a fat lip."

"It's all about the he said she said bullshit," Duo says, with resigned good humor.

Quatre finishes the whole mess with a well placed, "I think you better quit talkin' that shit." He flashes a grin at Duo. "So come and get it."

'cause the thread is screened now...

Mon, 03 Jan 2005 20:18:36 GMT

littlest_lurker
2005-01-02 19:31 (link)
littlest_lurker - WHY DID YOU EVER DE-LURK? WHY?

BECAUSE MUMMY NEVAH HUGGED ME THE WAY DEO-CHAN DOES!

*dies laughing* Have I mentioned lately you guys SLAY me. And yay, I got mentioned!!!. That makes up for getting luffed on LJ. And OMG Bishonenhunters you are so gallant. ^_^ I love it when you wank like that in public, just for little old me. *smoooooooooooches* And anon - Hybrid vigor having? Kickass. Heeee.

Apoplexia, this is for you

Fri, 03 Dec 2004 14:23:17 GMT

Everyone likes you
'cause it's your birthday.
Everyone likes you
'cause it's your birthday.

(I have no idea if this is a real song)

Have many more, my Bitch!

HIR VACASHION IZ PASTEDE ON FOR GRATE YAY

Wed, 17 Nov 2004 22:15:42 GMT

The Deoridhe will be out of the Universe for the next week and a half. She will not be reachable by electronic means, though her cell phone will be on and powered when she remembers it.

You all know the memory capacity of the newest model of Deoridhe, so I'm sure your hopes won't be too high.

The Deoridhe will include a reconnaissance mission for attractive post cards and tiny and cute items of local flavor while out of the Universe. Most people in the logistical vicinity of the Deoridhe will at least get some food. Requests made of the Deoridhe in the next few hours might also be honored, but only if the Deoridhe manages to get her head out of her ass and pack so that she can check her email before leaving the Universe.

The Deoridhe will be attempting to take some addresses with her, but all things for those in the vicinity of her habitation should expect them to be passed through the Deoridhe's roommates, as she can't remember any of your apartment numbers and/or addresses. The Deoridhe is aware of the lameness of this situation.

The Deoridhe will be incredibly behind in online terms when she returns, but things which appear in her email are more likely to be read.

The management appologizes in advance for any inconveniences this may cause.

Gundam Wing Fanfic

Mon, 15 Nov 2004 16:34:52 GMT

I participated in the Gundam Wing Smutathon and ended up writing my first yuri. Well, it's sort of yuri. It's sort of yaoi, too.

I would love feedback on this, especially on characterization. This is my first time writing more than half of the characters. Plus, thar be porn at that thar link!

Enjoy.

I <3 U

Mon, 08 Nov 2004 14:17:50 GMT

This Weekend

Fri, 29 Oct 2004 14:06:35 GMT

If anyone is going to AnimeUSA, look for the Tohru with the basket. I'm giving out free onigiri!

Heeeeee.

I made it myself!!!

Wed, 27 Oct 2004 22:02:40 GMT

You are Deoridhe! You are not actually important,
but you sucked up to the right people early on
and they tolerate you for the blow jobs (which
are mediocre but plentiful). You talk too much,
make incredibly unfunny comments, and your
icons are ugly and boring. You're pretty used
to being condescending. And bitchy. And
hypocritical. You can't follow a logical flow
in a conversation, but then you never were
known for having much of an attention span. You
think people like you, but really they keep you
around to be a punching bag. Everyone is
laughing at you behind your back.

What Fandom Wank Baddie Are You? (Kabal Remix)
brought to you by Quizilla

Heee!!! *goes to check and make sure there aren't more flipping errors*

For those keeping score at home...

Sun, 24 Oct 2004 03:06:23 GMT

Okay, here's the plan. I'm goin to make a baddie quiz - focused on the Kabal but with Sagra-san and Ashe-kun stuck in as "not memebers of the kabal."

Then, if I am still SANE, I will make a FW achetypes post, and we can all gleefully describe the troll, the lurker, etc...

Then, if I'm insane enough to do it, we can do a quiz about all of the people we dislike.

Sound cool?

The quiz is about... a third done. The big thing remaining is the questions; I want to make sure it's balanced well so one can get any of the 20+ wankers as a result. The flow chart to track this is a thing of beauty. ^_^

Call for Questions

Fri, 22 Oct 2004 12:46:50 GMT

Please feel free to add on some more profiles to the previous post, but now I'm calling for questions to use on the quiz along with answers and who you think fits each.

So far I have programmed in some answers to "Your posts tend to..." and "You think the Cabal..." I'm aiming for each person to have the same number of correct answers; this way any wanker can be gotten without having 20+ answers for each question. I'll be tracking this, so don't worry about it outside of trying to make sure everyone on our list is covered.

Current listed Wankers: Snacky, Eljuno, Arkane156, Anatsuno, Deoridhe, Bitchymouse, Phosfate, Ashenmote, Oulangi, Apoplexia, Elfy, Wankprophet, Telesilla, Sagralisse, Esorlehcar, Hugsnkisses, Backfromspace, MrBimble, Sorchar, Funkyhelix, and Shoiryu.

Quiz of DEATH

Thu, 21 Oct 2004 19:29:02 GMT

Here's what we've got so far:

Inspired by this.

What F_W Baddie Are You?

Snacky: You are obsessed with high calorie, low health food that make everyone who loves you fat and ugly. You do this on purpose so you won't stand out. You made up some "law" a while back that gets quoted now and then, and the fame has gone to your head. You are just nice to people's faces and rip them to shreds behind their backs, though your razor wit has grown dull from overuse.

Wankprophet: You are kinda clever. You know how to worm your way into favor with the people in power and then use that for your own advancement up the wank ladder. You are close enough to having unofficial mod status on f_w at present. You know how to pull people's strings pretty well. You'll say the right things at the right time to make yourself look good, but you can come down hard on people when you think you'll get away with it. Also, you're a bit of a shit-stirrer behind it all.

Esorlehcar: You are an overly verbose, unfunny, pseudo-intellectual cunt with a hugely overblown sense of your own importance who can't stop riding the one wank that got you attention. You think you are out on the front lines, saving fandom for all of us, but in reality everyone keeps trying to get away from your overwhelming Internet Funk.

Hugsnkisses: You are good at concealing your Evil Mastermind ways behind a mask of sweetness and light, but when the chips are down you're behind a lot of the trouble. You manipulate people into taking the fall for you and then hide behind your time zone differences in order to cover your behind. You don't really like hugs or kisses and are living a lie!

Backfromspace: You are a whiny, self-validating troll who uses passive-aggressive ploys to make people feel bad about questioning you. You insult other people in order to cover up your basic insecurity and kick puppies to make yourself feel like an important person.

MrBimble: You are the silent, never-seen, rarely-heard-from, member of the Cabal that wants to take over the world. People should remember that it's the quiet ones you should watch.

Sorchar: You don't even care about Fandom_Wank anymore. You'd rather stay in the good graces of your Cabal cronies than stand up for what's right. Also, you are not as funny as you think you are.

Funkyhelix: You are a caustic cunt who sucker punches with words, and then stands back clapping over a direct hit. You are the biggest uberbitch on the web, and eat the puppies that BackfromSpace kicks in baby sauce. You think you have a nice smile.

Shoiryu: You are annoying and unfunny, abuse capslock way too much and have horrible taste in movies and slash pairngs. Also, you're a dirty furry. A DIRTY FURRY! Your comments are wankier than the actual wank half the time! You're so self important, too. And jesus- get a clue, Shoi. Hugh Jackman is never going to fuck you.

Eljuno: You are a batfuck-crazy fascist indie-music RPS whore who acts all independant but is secretly in bed (metaphorically...we think) with any number of Harry Potter BNFs and can't live without constant attention. You have absolutely no shame about deleting comments or posts if they are typo-riddled or otherwise make you look bad. You are an unfunny and hypocritical wanker who sicks your friends on anyone who brings up trans issues in public. You're obsessed with the sexuality of bands because no one would fuck you, with or without a stolen dick.

Arkane156: You started it all.

Anatsuno: Everything is your fault. Whenever anyone tries to take the credit from you, the legions of your anti-fans will quickly correct them with the truth.

Deoridhe: You are not actually important, but you sucked up to the right people early on and they tolerate you for the blow jobs (which are mediocre but plentiful). You talk too much, make incredibly unfunny comments, and your icons are ugly and boring. You think people like you, but really they keep you around to be a punching bag. Everyone is laughing at you behind your back.

Bitchymouse: You are a whiny, passive aggressive bint who backstabs anyone who gets in your way. You have no real influence in Fandom Wank, but you strut around as if you are important and have gathered a rather pathetic lot of n00bs who sing your praises. You try to snark, and sometimes you can even be funny, but overall your pathetic need for praise is obvious to everyone.

Phosfate: You are a bully who makes fun of everybody and has quote unquote outrageous hobbies, such as coloring books. There's an LJ community dedicated to the love for you, so obviously that means they hate you, but suck up to you so they can be the next BNW.

Ashenmote: You begged to get listed because you feel (correctly) as though everone hates you and so want to be included.

Oulangi: You are obsessed with boobies and really bad porn. When you post wanks they have at least 25 links and footnotes, but nobody reads them because frankly they’re a little scared of the amount of research you do to satisfy your neurotic fixations. You are reviled by Rann and LNW right wingers and stalked by phoenix, but right now you’re wondering why this entry is so long and doesn’t have at least one Boobie! reference. Boobies! Happy now? Freak.

Apoplexia: You are a whiny bitch.

You are elfy! Always more sinned against than sinning, somehow you always manage to be at the centre of any given shitstorm. Terminally unable to STFU, you are constantly at (flame) war with trolls and n00bs alike. You are not above using your cabal connections to have those who look like being more popular and articulate than you banned. Nevertheless, you suck, yo!

Questions:

Your posts tend to be? very amusing and short bon mots, full of spelling
and grammatical errors, page long parodies and essays that make wizzard
nod off occassionally (:P), incredibly bitchy

Your take on the cabal? They are evil fuckers, They are evil fuckers but
I sekritly long to be a member, They are evil fuckers and I am a member,

Trust on the Internet

Thu, 21 Oct 2004 17:29:31 GMT

One of the comments that struck me in the recent kerfluffle was one about people not "trusting" the Mods to not censor people.

Now, censorship is usually understood of in a government or institutional context - like a school - where The Powers That Be remove references to things they want to cover up. Think letters sent in the military with words blacked out.

On the internet, it is extraordinarily difficult to censor things - in fact I firmly believe that's why politicians have been avoiding it like the plague. If one place decides not to allow something to be up for public consumption, then some other place won't care, and for every country that wants to restrict information for it's citizenry, there are fifty more that either don't care or actively don't want to censor things (think SeaLand).

Fandom Wank now has Moderated Posting. The first post (though not any of the subsequent, interestingly) included a cry of censorship because someone who happens to be in the MockityMock Community had their one sentence post on Fandom Wank while someone who didn't happen to be in the MockityMock Community had to settle for posting it in her own journal and informing everyone she had made a different post in the first comment.

This is not censorship. Not even if you squint.

I want to thank the academy....

Tue, 12 Oct 2004 02:56:10 GMT

OMG, they hate me!!!! They really hate me!!!

I won the anonymouse lotto! I hope I can keep these alive; they keep dying on me!!!

Me:

Fri, 24 Sep 2004 14:05:04 GMT

I HAVE A CAR!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE A CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!!!!!

*runs in circles like a crazy person*

Deer Oulangi...

Thu, 16 Sep 2004 16:41:33 GMT

Hippo, birdy, two ewes.
Hippo, birdy, two ewes.
Hippo, birdy, deer, oulangi.
Hippo, birdy, two ewes.

And many more...

Ipod bandwagon

Thu, 19 Aug 2004 13:14:32 GMT

Eh, what the hell...

My Ipod referral thingie Click on it if you want. If you don't I'll know you hate me. ^_^

Edit:
*mutters* Bloody guilt trippers...

I STILL LOVE YOU EVEN IF YOU DON'T HELP ME, THOUGH YOU SUCK IF YOU DON'T. ^_^ *trots off to make use of Eso's BNF status*

Edit 2:
Okay, I take that back, four people have gone through me already *squee* with two completed! I love you all. ^_^ I wonder if I should delete the Eso-beg or something. *srednop*

Out of curiosity, what have people been signing up for? I went for the realnetworks thing; I'll take advantage of it for a month then *fwip* out the door. I must say, this is at least a more entertaining advertising scheme.

Thanks for the idea, Snacky!!!

Tue, 17 Aug 2004 03:35:59 GMT

Announcement: I'm very VERY forlorn without a boytoy. Very forlorn. My joy would be immense and beautiful to witness if I had an boytoy. My gratitude would be instantaneous and my love would swell to gigantic amounts.

In short, a boytoy would make me happy.

*waits expectantly*

Translate please! U R ALL SMRTR TAHN ME!!!

Fri, 13 Aug 2004 01:55:57 GMT

I need help.

How would one translate "storm in a teacup" into Japanese? I want to come up with a cute nickname for a new character, and her given name (theoretically) is Yoarashi - Night/Dark storm - and I thought the pun would be funny.

Costumes I want to make

Wed, 04 Aug 2004 19:47:16 GMT

Belldandy (Ah! My Goddess), with special attention paid to the fact that it's two pieces. The frame for the wig is already made and can be worn over my own hair.

Vampire Princess Miyu (I have the pattern and cloth for the under-robe that's red). Need to find clear-topped shoes so the ribbon looks right.

A Kohaku costume with wings; I started to get a really NEAT idea for how to make wings that are semi-transparent, the way CLAMP portrays them in the manga.

Yuna's costume from FFX and perhaps a costume from FFX-2 if I ever manage to get healthier-looking.

A Gothic Lolita outfit - I'm leaning toward black right now with irridescent or rainbow tied in somehow - like perhaps rainbow gauze over black, which would be subdued and neat looking.

A character from Digicarat, 'cause those things are adorable.

Elena and a better Scarlet, from FF7

Akito and Momiji, from Fruits Basket

Subaru's polka dot pjs, from Tokyo Babylon

Tohru's winter uniform (tres easy)

Tsubasa, from Juvenile Orion (the wings on the head would be cool)

One of Raenef's outfits, from Demon Diary; I'm leaning toward his arabian-esque travel outfit, right now

Sanzo, from Gensomaden Saiyuki

A better Aya, from Weiss Kreutz, and Aya a la fugly orange sweater (to go along with Smo-chan's Aya-chan).

"The Thing" on Tohru, from Fruits Basket

Sakura's clothing, from Tsubasa; the one with all of the coins.

Yuko's costume, from XXXHolic - either the Time Witch black&white one, or the white with black bob trim one.

Motivation and the Morality of Death

Wed, 04 Aug 2004 14:29:23 GMT

Most anime with battles has a "fight to protect something" theme to it - like Card Captor Sakura, or Ragnorak, or Gundam Wing, or X/1999. It's a reasonable sort of message to put out (along with the standard "friends are good" vibes), especially in anime aimed at younger audiences; it's an excellent way to instill a sense of appropriate violence. I was reading Gensomaden Saiyuki last night, though, when it struck me how different the motivations were portrayed for the boys in it. It's emphasized repeatedly throughout all three of the first manga, and all of the anime that I've seen, that Sanzo, Gojyo, Hakkai, and Goku don't fight to protect things - at least not in the traditional "I will save Fuuma" sense. Their motivation is internal; they are strong because they are relying on themselves. Although the friendship - the "home" that Sanzo's master talks about - is important, it is not the reason they fight nor is it the reason they are strong. This is offered in contrast to Kou'gaiji's struggle with fighting for his mother and his loss of strength due to his dislike of the one whose orders he takes; obviously the plot of the story is contrasting these two systems and rendering Sanzo & company as superior.

This reminds me of the other manga that's been haunting me recently - Demon Ororon - which deals with the conflict between a desire for all things to be happy and a desire to live despite obstacles; life versus compassion, if you will. It's easy to forget, in this society and in this day and age, that all life feeds off of death. When I crush the fly that annoys me, I am killing for my own convenience. When I feast on food, I am feeding off of that which dies. Pet Shop of Horrors examines this conflict as well, though considerably more subtly; in a recent story, D interacts with circumstances around other things dying so that we might live - and in the Pet Shop of Horrors universe, plants and animals have as much self-determination as people, so the "they are lesser than me" argument is null and void. In terms of objective status in the universe, I consider myself no more important than the turkey that was killed for my chili - and yet I live and it does not. The moral basis for this, at least in terms of my own conscience, is still shaky, and resides largely on the cyclical nature of the universe. It dies, so I can live; I will die so other things can live; although in the temporary sense it appears unfair, in the long term all things even out.

I remember a story about a unicorn I read maybe a decade ago. After freeing the unicorn, the protagonist attempted to follow it into its world - and left a swathe of destruction in her wake. Her rude form, fed off of death and suffering, threatened to destroy the very thing which she coveted, and so she left that world before she could do even more damage to it. The unicorn reminds me of the conceptualization of angels in Wish, who are fed off of sunlight and fresh air and can consume nothing which has known life. It is an impossibility for a human to exist like this, though; to remove oneself from the cycle is to remove oneself from living - literally, in this case, unless one managed to consume enough milk and honey to make up for not being able to eat anything else! It is images like this, though, that show up continuously in the stories that human make. I wonder if, in a way, this is an inner salve for the creator's grief for all that has died so that it may live and walk and breathe. It is rare to find someone who, like many Jain priests, can live on charity, own only a bowl, a stool, and a brush (for cleaning surfaces so one doesn't accidentally kill an insect), doing as little harm as possible, and even then, many things may die accidentally, and the priest eats rice - which kills animals as well as plants when it's being grown and tended.

The "fight to protect" manga seem to imply that things dying so that one may live can be made moral through right action; the "fight to live" manga make no such claims of morality. In fact, in Demon Ororon, Ororon specifically says he is not moral for the killing that he does so he can live, and it grieves him to hurt Chiaki through his actions, but he cannot simply roll over and die (especially when that would make her upset as well). He has accepted the core conflict and overcome it through simple pragmatics. For Chiaki, though, the situation is no where near as simplistic, and it is in her, I think, that the conflict between the Apollonian desire for light and purity, and the Dionysian desire for blood and plenty are most clearly illustrated. In a very basic way, what CLAMP saying in XXXHolic is true; our world is a very small place - it is what we feel, hear, see, think, and do, and we make it every day. We can chose to fight to protect others and build our world around that, or chose to fight for ourselves and build our world around that; even if we refuse to consciously choose, the choice will be made (Chiaki's denial of necessary death for life lead to even more immense destruction - I think that paradox is a valid one), and it may not be one we'd like.