The Chronicles Of DistractoGirl

5:23am: So, I finally figured out the ‘sunsets and palm trees’ precognitions I was having…
Mr “I can’t do anything without my tacky, tacky costume shop outfits” has been on holiday. I know because I premembered him putting his new costume on (a full on carrot costume – jeez does this guy have *any* taste?) and the remnants of his holiday were all around, definitely holiday merchandise. Anyway, the stupid prem’ didn’t show me where he was gonna hit so I had to use some underground sources that were really underground. I ended up behind the door from James Bond’s Die Another Day on London Bridge (I think) and let me tell you, boy was that place over represented in the film. Not only is it not a secret entrance to the underground but neither is it clean, sanitary or easy to get out of. I managed to rip my costume and spook three Japanese tourists who were passing. Luckily they just thought I was a nut job, and not someone who needed locking away (funny the difference there, no?) and left me to swear and curse my way to where the imagination-challenged villain had just left. Which means that not only did I not get my man, but because I was wearing a ‘costume’ (yes this is a bloody costume, because costumes cost hundreds of pounds a year in repairs and cleaning) I nearly got arrested. Luckily I saw it coming (nothing supernatural I just knew what was going to happen) and managed to extract myself before too many questions were asked, although they took my address so I shall have to fix the loose fixing on my revolving wall before I go to bed tonight, just in case. I don’t want it swinging open while one of the bumbling plods is rummaging through my makeup drawer.

Cat and Sathan were growing restless today so I took Cat for a walk and Sathan decided to tag along too. I think Cat is having a very bad effect on my dear old puss, because she keeps chasing squirrels. Is this normal pussycat behaviour I wonder, or has she just got confused by my misdirectional animal names? Of course once again my prem’s let me down and I got caught in a wonderfully heavy and long thunderstorm which drenched me, and caused Sathan to turn into a seal/otter hybrid!

On the plus side I met a very nice looking man at work today, he’s tall, dark and very nice looking, I think he’s an actor or something, because he came in dressed as if he’d just finished rhapsodising about a visionary dagger or something. We talked for a while about obscure religions and why modern religion is far too heavy for the modern day young person – mainly because there was a book on meditation in the real world on my counter. I’ve been trying everything to focus my ‘energies’ to ensure that I can control my premonitions instead of just receiving them whenever ‘the powers that be’ (sodding control freaks) wish me to. It was nice to have a normal conversation for once, one that had some friendly banter in it, that didn’t include the words ‘premonition’, ‘police’, ‘search warrant’ or ‘justice league’, strangely enough it did include the words ‘handcuffs’, ‘rope’, and ‘leather’. Oh, well, I suppose that’s the price I pay for running around the city wearing leather/lycra and trying to save the day.

That’s about it. See you when the world is safe again!

10:09pm: Oooh.
So I've had a relatively quiet recent past. No Fancy-dress robberies and I finished up all the copying and was rewarded by a week long rest, with pay because apparently I'm being promoted and therefore they have to pay me up to a certain amount or they can't promote me. I don't understand it, except it means more money to me! So I spent the week re-seaming my DistractoGirl outfit, and updating my arsenal. Of course almost all of my arsenal is strictly illegal, I'm certain axes and my various (side-)arms would be removed every time my apartment has the police in it (which is remarkably often, they don't understand how I keep turning up at crime scenes), luckily I thought of that and had a very clever man I know make me a revolving fake wall in the bathroom. Which I personally think is genius.

I'm really upset that my precognition seems to be completely off right at the moment, I haven't had anything useful, simple images of sunsets and various pretty things of beaches and palm trees. I wish I'd had something that could have helped *anyone* especially that poor woman in Surrey. I don't know what the controllers of the universe are doing but they seem to be trying to drive me crazy by removing my ability to help. *sigh*

12:19am: So yesterday was my day off from 'Jane's job' and I forgot to switch 'Jane's phone' off, so the consequence was that for the first ten minutes of my day I had to put up with a ringing phone - I couldn't just switch it off in the middle of them ringing, it would have been suspicious. Of course I am mean so I didn't have any qualms about leaving it ringing while I got into the shower and had a long scrub while the phone provided my background music, not particularly good background music when mixed with what I usually listen to in the shower but I was willing to put up with that! I had planned a nice quiet day out with Cat and then coming home to curl up with Sathan and that Terry Pratchett that I bought myself for Easter. I took Cat out to the park and we had a lovely morning, playing fetch and generally having a good dog/owner relationship. On the way home Cat met another Labrador and had a sniffing match right next to an ice-cream van, so who could resist so much temptation, I let Cat do his thing and I got myself a 99 with two flakes, and meandered slowly home with my gorgeous dog attempting to lick all the drops of ice-cream that dripped onto the floor. That's a point; today was surprisingly hot for an April day.

When I got home I was just locking the door behind me when I premembered that I was about to go and see if the string of burglaries were all perpetrated by Bunny-man, who I still don't have an identity for, although I know that he's never disguised as the same thing twice. Also he hasn't hit anywhere that is more than a day's travel away from London. If this man is actually living in London and carrying out these robberies I am going to kick his arse so bad he'll not be able to bend down in the shower when I let him go to jail.

Anyway, my precognition was extremely precise when it came to the position of the crime - it actually showed a street sign and a postcode! So I knew that I would be able to get there within a matter of hours and be there long before the criminal arrived. I hope that this guy is just an opportunist who's taken advantage of slight police stupidity, and not a super villain who is trying to gather enough money to source his new attack on the world. Of course knowing my luck it'll be the second one and I'll have to ask Superman and the insufferably stuck-up men of the Justice League of America. Who at the moment seem to think that Britain needs a helping hand when it comes to superheroes. I'll do my best to try and sort it out on my own first. No need to go worrying the Americans when little old me can take care of it.

So I went to the scene of the crime, and hung about trying not to look too obvious about being some random dressed in lycra/cotton mix. Bunny-man turned up and threatened and stole, all dressed as... wait for it... Batman. The guy robbed a bank dressed in a generic Batman costume. I was beside myself with the hilarity. And then I realised what I was doing there and managed a take down. It took some pretty nifty footwork, I'll tell you, he's quite a mover is old Fancy-Dress-Man. I got him finally by astral projecting all over the place so that he was nice and dizzy and confused, then sneaking up behind him and cuffing one of his hands to mine. I dragged him outside and called the police from my DG-phone (black and red, totally goes with my costume!) and waited. The police eventually turned up, having originally thinking I was hoaxing them, only realising when they got three similar phone calls that it might just be the real thing. They got here and I handed the guy over, intending to take his mask off as they hustled him away, but one of them dragged me to the side and the other sped off in the panda. Yeah, I think the guy has a couple of lackeys with a beaten up panda car. I didn't expect that. Although it would explain the handcuff thing, and that he disappears without trace. The second cop took off down an alley and by the time I caught up with where I thought he had gone there was a crowd of drama students, which he would have blended in with really well. Bugger. Now I have to get another lead and actually go to the police before the event. Not that they'll believe me, I can't exactly say "I know because I've already seen it once today!"

Time for sleep I think - today was a wonderfully full day at work. I had to copy a whole ward's worth of files because somehow the filing office misplaced them. I just hope that I don't premember something I have to do before I go to bed.

11:04pm: Just another day in Dulls-ville!
Ok. The Justice League have yet to get back to me about Bunny-man, so I can assume that he's nothing particularly serious, although the police still haven't caught him, and I know those cuffs weren't the easily breakable kind. In fact I was reassured about that fact by my particularly reputable hand-cuff maker, who now thinks I'm an extremely kinky girl because that is the second set of cuffs I've bought from him in as many days! Oh well, I'll just have to hope that the next pair get used at a time when I'm DistractoGirl, instead of being just Jane. Anyway, I'm worried that Bunny-man wasn't just a random burglar; I think he might have been the guy who has been behind all these petty store thefts. They haven't seemed like anything but I've been listening to my police scanner and if you add up all the amounts stolen there's some serious cash going missing. It's almost as bad as that 'Entrapment' film with Catherine Zeta-Jones, where they steal a couple of pence from each bank account and end up with millions. Added up, the total of the petty robberies is getting up to hundreds of thousands, and unfortunately the police aren't that bright at conversing with each other and realising that there is a pattern forming. So of course DistractoGirl is going to have to go to the next place in the pattern - if I can work out where that is, there are about four off-licenses in that area and all of them have cash out every night within the criminal's time frame! That'll be another late night for me, so far this week I've been into work every morning before 8am, and then home at 6pm. Then I've either been out following up vague premembered stuff or I've been called to work the 8pm til 3am shift. I'm glad I've got that extra stamina from the necklace, because I wouldn't survive on just coffee.

It's my day off tomorrow, and I'm going to turn my Jane-mobile off so that work can't call me in, I haven't had a day off in weeks, so they can call a temp in of something, they're not paying me for tomorrow and I am going to sleep and try to put off saving the world for a day. I get this funny feeling that I'm going to remember saying that and have a *headdesk* moment, simply because I never could plan a day off, and public duty says that I can't possibly switch my DG phone off.

Last night I turned up early for a shift that everyone knew I wasn't supposed to have, so I had to pretend to be visiting someone - luckily the girl I saved in the street robbery (as Jane, I passed it off as a bit of luck that I tripped the guy...) was in our hospital so I ran through and checked on her before I got my uniform on and took care of all the people who were expecting Kathy on the front desk. Doug was awfully sweet all last night, because he's the only security guard on duty inside the hospital on the night shift he gets lonely, so he normally hangs out in the lobby with the receptionist, in this case me! He kept bringing me my high-octane coffee, which just about got me through the night.

I'm meant to be going to visit the British branch of the Justice League tomorrow, but that can wait until my next day off, I'll get Superman to give them my excuse, the girls there are far too easy to persuade when you turn up wearing your undies over your tights. Thank 'whoever' that I realised that this wasn't a prerequisite of the superhero uniform and stuck to my original designs!

Ok, gotta go, I plan to get some sleep before I premember that I'm supposed to be saving someone in Green Street Green in the morning.

7:47am: Dulls-ville For DG.
So here it is. I've resorted to the Internet to keep my secret. Even though that would seem like a contradiction, since the Internet is a world-wide thing that everybody reads. Somehow I don't reckon that that will be a problem. Nobody will believe that DistractoGirl is anything but the warped writings of a comic-book wannabe. So, what? So, I'm a superhero with time on my hands. Here at work I have unlimited access to the Internet, and I spend my entire day sitting at the computer. So I have no doubt that this will become a regular thing. I'll probably update without anything interesting to say!

So today was a typical day. Got up. Fed animals, walked the dog, save the bank clerk from being shot in the head by a trigger happy burglar, tried to get out of the bet I made about the battle between Supergirl and Superman. Bugger, he's going to claim that money and I'm gonna be more in debt, maybe I should have let the damn guy cut me in on the bank robbery. No, mustn't turn all evil, I've read what happens to superheroes who turn evil. They get their asses kicked big time. Since I enjoy kicking ass I shall have to settle for being broke and having the moral high ground. The view's good from up here.

So I was minding my own business at the bank today, well I was trying so very hard not to yell at the clerk actually, he decided that today was the day that the red-head was dumb and needed to be told about twenty times that her overdraft is at it's limit. Of course I wasn't trying to take money off my overdraft, I was trying to put money in, but would he listen? Course not! Anyway, I'm sitting there trying to butt in on the hour-long ramble about the damn overdraft and the world goes all grey and swimmy. Typical, I get a pre-thought at the precise moment I don't need one. Of course this one is kinda important since a guy in a bunny mask is shooting the idiot in front of me in the head. I kid you not, I saved the clerk from a guy in a bunny mask. I know it's Easter, but really, robbing a store in a bunny outfit? *Sigh* It wasn't even a decent save, all it took was me projecting behind the 'rabbit' and tapping him on the shoulder. He turned around and I was able to take the gun out of his hand. I didn't even get to change into my DG outfit, I just made sure no one was looking (they weren't – they had their noses pressed into the carpet) and concentrated.

So, that was my day. I hope I don't premember anyone else I have to save today, I'm exhausted and I still have to take Sathan to the vet and take Cat for a walk. I'm worried though, Bunny-man seemed far too easy to get rid of. I think he might have been a diversion. I might have to have a word with the Justice League, see if they have any info about a guy in a bunny suit. Especially one who appears to be able to disappear at random.

Oh bloody hell, I just premembered that I have to go into work - the night secretary is going to call in sick. ARGH, at least I can earn the money to pay Superman off. *growl*

This calls for coffee.

3:17am: The Beginning
Jane Laker was an ordinary 20-something. She enjoyed going out with her friends, drinking, shopping, bitching and gossiping. She had her fair share of interesting encounters that she revelled in sharing with her loyal friends. Unfortunately there was one encounter in her past that she would never be able to share with anyone. The people around her were too vunerable to find out about her secret, although a few times it had been touch and go whether she had allowed them to find out or not.

The story of this encounter is a long one, and for reasons of speed it will never be fully recounted. It is enough to say that Jane Laker had gained a terrible secret at the tender age of seventeen, while on a camping trip with her explorer father in the un-chartered territory deep in the Amazon rainforest. Having been travelling for days and not come across any signs of human life Jane was determined to convince her father to turn back. Then something incredible happened. Jane met an old tribal woman who took her on a strange journey. Jane would never describe what went on during that journey to anyone. Nor would she disclose the nature or origin of the pendant that she now wore loosely around her neck. The pendant appears to be made of some kind of light gold with a roughly cut ruby stone set in the middle. Asked years later by many friends where she got it Jane had a tendency to change the subject or mutter something about it being a family heirloom.

During the four years that followed her gaining the pendant, she attempted to carry on with her life. Having finished school and honed her newly acquired skills, she now works at an office as a secretary. She also lives a second life, a carefully hidden, but very selfless life. The pendant given to her in the depths of the Amazon rainforest had given her abilities that no girl in her position has had to handle before. Having discovered her abilities and realised that she could use them either for the benefit or the detriment of the world around her, she decided that she would take on the responsibility of attempting to save the world. She designed a costume, honed her skills and learnt several martial arts.
( She became DistractoGirl. )
Now, we join her shortly before her Twenty-First birthday, and here the story will continue.

8:33pm: