Joe Flanigan and David Hewlett. The dangers of trusting a labrador retriever...
[Takes place not so very long after Joe and David get the gay bunnies, when Mars is still a puppy]

As soon as Joe comes in the door, Max comes running in from the kitchen and plops his little furry self down on Joe's feet. We need to talk.

"We do? What's up, buddy?" Joe asks, settling down closer and scritching Max behind the ears.

First, you need to know that it wasn't Mars's fault. He's just a puppy, Joe. Just a puppy!

Uh oh. "Okay... it wasn't Mars's fault," Joe repeats. "You better tell me though, so we can see if we can fix it."

Strider talked him into it. And I tried to stop them, Joe, I did, I tried to stop them!

"I'm sure you did, buddy," Joe says. "You're good like that." If a massive tattletale. "So come on--tell me what happened."

It's a good thing you're home first. Max gets up and starts walking to the back of the house, to Joe and David's office. Where dogs and cats are Not Allowed.

Joe follows along, raising an eyebrow when the get close. "Max... what's the rule about the office?"

Max's whole body droops, not just his tail. We don't go in the office, Joe. But... but Strider did, and he talked Mars into it, and...

And there are bits of magazine everywhere. It appears to be just about every magazine that Joe or David ever collected. Shredded. All over the office.

He blinks a few times and just stares. "Oh. My. God."

Max jumps up and puts his cold wet little nose against Joe's hand. It's not Mars's fault, Joe.

"David is going to completely snap," Joe murmurs, still looking around the room. "Who did the shredding, buddy?"

Max gets down and sits on the floor. He bumps up against Joe's leg. Strider. And Mars.

"Uh huh. STRIDER! Get in here!"

Max lies down on on Joe's feet. Maybe that'll keep Joe from getting mad. Max is a very, very good boy.

A moment later, Strider wanders in lazily. Is it dinner? I'm hungry.

"Really? I would have thought all the paper would have you completely full," Joe says, hands on his hips.

Strider sits down and scratches at his neck. I didn't do it.

"Like it wasn't you who shredded the pile of newspapers for recycling that we had out in the yard, right?"

Not sure what you're talking about. Strider yawns dramatically.

"Okay, you are seriously nothing like your namesake. Tolkien would be disappointed. Outside," Joe says, pointing toward the door.

Are we going for a walk? Strider gets up, stretches, and starts to wander very slowly through the house.

"You're going outside until you can learn to behave properly, or stop lying. Preferably both, but I'm not all that hopeful," Joe says grimly, opening the door to the yard. "Out."

You're no fun sometimes. And out he goes.

Max whines pitifully from behind Joe. He hates it when people are mad.

Joe closes the door and hides a sigh, dropping down to stroke Max's ears. "It's okay, Max. You didn't do anything bad. Do you know where Mars is?"

He's sleeping in his bed.

"Got it. Hey... why don't you go wait for David. He could probably use some attention when he gets home, huh?"

You're not mad at me? Max twists his head around so he can lick Joe's hand.

"No, bud. I'm not mad at you. It's okay," Joe promises. "I'll clean it up after I talk to Mars."

If you're sure. I'll go wait for David. Max licks Joe's hand again, then hurries off to wait by the front door.

Joe sighs once Max heads off, then goes to find Mars, settling down beside his bed. "Hey there," he says gently. "I think we need to talk."

Mars's eyes blink open. Hi. He moves so that he can rest his chin on Joe's lap. His eyes start to close again.

"Hey, Mars," Joe says, stroking his head. "I gotta ask you something, okay? All that paper in the office, did you eat any of it? Or just play with it?"

Ate some. Played with it. Strider said it was okay.

"How's your tummy feeling?" Joe asks, reaching down carefully and running his hand over Mars's stomach. "Any pain... anything feeling sharp?" The paper isn't a huge concern, but if he swallowed staples, there could be problems.

Don't feel so good.

"Poor guy," Joe says, making himself stay calm so Mars didn't get upset. "Tell me what it feels like... okay? Like you ate too much grass and need to be sick, or does it feel like it actually hurts? Like if you stepped on something sharp?"

Mars looks up at him. Hurts, Joe.

Shit. "Okay... you're gonna be fine, Mars. I think we should just go back to the office and check you out so I can make you feel better. That sound okay?"

You always make me feel better.

And that right there sort of broke Joe's heart. "I'm gonna go put some blankets in the cab of the truck and come back for you. You just stay put. I promise, I won't be gone long."

From the front of the house, Joe can finally hear David calling out, "Honey? Why won't Max let me in?"

"Hang on--I'll be right there," Joe calls, stroking Mars's head one more time, then heading for the door. "I told him to give you some attention when you got home," Joe says, trying to figure out how to tell David what was going on without freaking him out. "Look... I need to take Mars back to the office. He ate some paper, and his stomach's hurting. It's probably nothing, but I think we need to get it checked out."

David blinks. "How did he get his paws on some paper?"

"Magazines, actually," Joe says. "I can explain, but... I should really get him to the office. You can come, or I can call you later, but I should really get going."

"Magazines? What? Has--has everyone eaten yet? Should I feed everybody and join you at the office?"

"Yeah... yeah, probably a good idea," Joe nods. "Just... don't go into our office. Okay?"

David looks at him a brief moment, then sighs. "Magazines, huh?"

"Yeah. Max told me all about it. He's gonna be okay, baby--I just need to check him out. Okay?" Joe repeats, turning to the closet beside the door and finding some old blankets.

"Oh my god. Okay. All right. I won't panic. I swear I won't panic. I'm going to go feed animals." David starts to move down the hallway, then he turns back to Joe. "Is Strider responsible for this?"

"Not according to Strider, who is to stay in the backyard until further notice," Joe says over his shoulder.

David sighs heavily. Typical.

*

"Is he okay?" David feels like he's spent a lot of time sitting at Joe's computer, playing solitaire, over the years. And a lot of time jumping up, demanding to know if one of their animals was okay.

"He's gonna be fine," Joe says, looking tired as he goes over and hugs David. "I think he's learned an important lesson about eating magazines, and trusting Strider."

David groans and wraps his arms around Joe's shoulders. "That dog does not live up to his namesake, you know."

"Yeah, I told him that too," Joe agrees, holding on nice and tightly. "Mars is fine. He's gonna be sore for a few days, and I'm gonna keep him here over night and sedated, then watch him tomorrow, just to make sure I didn't miss anything. Maybe after that he can come to the shop with you so he's close."

David closes his eyes. "Okay. Sounds good. That damn lab..."

"I know, I know... Angel and Riley would have been appalled," Joe sighs.

"I love him to death, Joe, and I want to sell him to gypsies."

"Spoken like a true owner of a labrador retriever," Joe says, swaying David back and forth a little. "I don't think he expected Mars would eat as much of the magazines as he did. He just likes shredding them. And he thought he could blame going into our office on Mars, because he's little."

"And I just bet Max was beside himself."

"He was there telling me we had to talk before I could even take my shoes off," Joe nods. "Telling me that it wasn't Mars's fault, and I couldn't blame him."

"He worries too much," David says with a little smile.

"I can't imagine where he gets that from," Joe deadpans. "He'll be worried though, especially when we don't bring Mars home tonight. Poor guy."

"We'll talk to him and I might be forced to give him one and a half cookies tonight."

"He'll be okay. Mars being actually sick might even get to Strider, a little bit."

"I really hope so." David leans up on his toes, kisses Joe again, and then runs his fingers through Joe's hair. "Ready to go home to the kids?"

"Yeah," Joe says, nodding back at David. "Do you want to see him before you go? He's sedated, so he won't know you're there, so it's really your call.

David frowns and fidgets. "What if I do something embarrassing like cry?"

"No one'd be there to see you but me, and I don't think it's embarrassing at all," Joe assures him. "But he'll come home tomorrow, and he is going to be fine, I promise."

"Then I'll go say goodnight to him."

"Okay," Joe says, reaching out for David's hand. "Come on back and say goodnight."

It's a quiet little affair, and David manages not to cry at all as he leans down and kisses Mars's head and wishes him a good night. He squeezes Joe's hand and lets Joe lead him out to their cars, and tells him he'll see him at home.

They pull into the driveway one after the other, and David immediately takes Joe's hand again to head into the house. "I was thinking," he says.

"Tell me what you've been thinking about?" Joe asks, keeping his keys in his free hand so he can open the door.

"That tub of Oreo ice cream in the freezer." David grins.

"I like where this is going already."

When they get into the house, Max bounces up from the mat in front of the door and prances in a little circle. He's so anxious, all he can manage is Mars? Mars! Mars?.

Joe drops down in front of him immediately, trying to get him to stay still long enough that he can pet him. "Mars has to stay at the clinic for the night, Max--but he's going to be okay. I promise."

David crouches down, too, and reaches out to run his hand down Max's back. The poor sheltie is just vibrating with anxiety. "Hey, bud, it's gonna be okay. There's no need to be so worked up. Everything's going to be just fine."

Mars? Max looks between Joe and David, then goes to David and puts his feet up on David's chest. Mars is okay?

"David saw him too, and I took really good care of him," Joe says, stroking his fur. "He needs to stay the night so he can rest."

Max drags his tongue all the way up the side of David's face, then jumps off him again. Okay. Okay. He's okay. He's still kind of shaking.

David bites his lip. Max is getting highly nervous in his old age.

"He's gonna be just fine," Joe tells him again. "Poor Max. You were worried, weren't you?"

So worried. And Strider barked for half an hour and then Pixel went outside and suddenly he didn't want to bark anymore. And I can't find my red ball.

"We'll find your red ball," Joe says, scritching his ears. "And I'm sure Pixel and Strider had a good talk."

David's pretty sure that Pixel put the fear of god into Strider, but he's not about to say that out loud. "Why don't you two go find that ball," he suggests as he gets to his feet, "and I'll make a couple of sandwiches and get the ice cream from the deep freeze."

"I think that sounds like a good idea," Joe agrees. "Max? Lets find that ball of yours, and then you can tell everyone that Mars is gonna be just fine." Since Max probably has everyone good and worked up now.

*

Max and Pixel are dozing in front of the unlit fireplace; Strider is curled up on a bed in the corner; even the bunnies are fast asleep in their hutch. David snuggles in against Joe's side and hands him a bowl of ice cream. "I really need to rename those two," he says, indicating the rabbits with his spoon.

"Hmm?" Joe says, looking over at where David's pointing. "Ahhh. You can name them whatever you want. I don't think they're too set on their names."

David takes a bite of his ice cream and looks thoughtful a moment. Then he says, "Kirk and Spock."

"Kirk and Spock?" Joe looks at him and grins. "David... have you been spending time on the internet again?"

"I work in a computer store, Joe."

"You're spending time at work reading that? Justin would be shocked."

David laughs. "He probably wouldn't."

"Am I overestimating Justin's adorable purity? He just blushes so nicely," Joe says.

"He does. And he reads Xena/Gabrielle smut."

Joe gasps in mock horror.

"He does!"

"I don't know if I'll be able to look at him the same ever again!"

"Ah, you'll be fine."

"I don't know..." Joe teases. "But if you want to name them Kirk and Spock, I think it's perfect."

"Good," David says. "I think I shall do just that."

"So which one's Kirk and which one's Spock?"

"I don't know. I can't tell them apart."

"Okay..." Joe thinks about it for a moment. "Well, that one almost always bottoms," he says, pointing.

David grins evilly. "That one's Kirk."

"You think so, huh? And I thought I knew the depths of your science fiction thoughts..."

David smirks. "Oh, I think so. I really do."

"I will never watch Star Trek the same way again, "Joe vows.

"Come on, Joe. Kirk's skirt-chasing is totally overcompensating for his deep, deep desire to get thoroughly boned by Spock."

"Okay... I really can't argue that," Joe admits slowly.

David leans over and kisses his cheek. "I know."

"So who else is gay and I didn't know it?"

David considers this. "Artoo Detoo and See Threepio."

"Okay... I think even I can see that one. My gaydar sucks, David."

David laughs and kisses him. "It sucks a lot, but I love you."

"Thank god for Max and Pixel. That or you would have had to get very bold for me to notice. Probably something involving you getting naked and tugging at my pants," Joe sighs.

"Trust me, gorgeous--that wasn't far off."

"Oh yeah?" Joe turns so that he can see David a little better. "You were going to seduce me, were you? Tell me."

David blushes furiously. "Um, I'm not that sophisticated. On any level."

"So tell me what you were going to do," Joe coaxes, fluttering his lashes at David.

"Um... continue to ask you out until I got up the nerve to kiss you?"

"I think that's adorable," Joe says, leaning up and kissing him again. "Like you."

"You think I'm adorable? Did you hit your head?"

"I think you're adorable, sexy, charming, funny, wonderful, amazing, delightful, cute..."

David tries to hide behind his ice cream. "Stoppit," he says in a small voice.

"Did I mention sexy? I should have said it at least three times."

"Stoppit!"

Joe laughs and moves David's ice cream so he can kiss him again. "Okay. But I'm right."

"You're the sexy one in this relationship."

"Not with this hair I'm not."

"I love your hair!"

"Strider asked me how come he had to get brushed if I never used one," Joe confesses.

David giggles. Yes, giggles. Somewhat akin to a schoolgirl.

"And thank you for your support!"

"Oh, honey," David says, shaking his head. "You know I love your hair."

"Even if I look like a mangy dog?"

"You don't look like a mangy dog."

"You're saying that because you love me. And because I put out," Joe murmurs.

"Don't make me call Justin to have him tell you how hot you are."

"Justin has an opinion on my level of hotness?" Joe squeaks.

"Yes."

"I'm trying to remember all the times I've ever bent over in your shop."

David grins wickedly at him. "I'll never tell."

"You're evil." Joe pauses. "Oh, and sexy too."