This, That, and a Bit of the Other
Private Entry

This is Karl, that is Elijah and the other is what was otherwise a perfectly reasonable life. When did things become so very strange? All I have ever wanted was peace, tranquility, a life of calm. Now all that there seems to be is confusion, mostly concerncing the afore mentioned people above.

Karl is... Karl is like a whirlwind in my life. He sweeps into my life and turns it upside down. When I'm near him its like being caught in the wake of storm. I'm powerless to fight against his pull, simply being near him destroys any willpower that I have. Never in my whole existance have I met anyone like him. Karl wakes up something in me that I have doubted ever existed.

Elijah, though, he is something so completely different. I've never known anyone like him, either. My heart beats so differently near him and every moment with him tugs me in ways that I haven't been in forever. Not since my former fiance` have I ever felt so strongly about a man. Spending time with him is incrediably relaxing, inspires all in me that I have ever wanted in this life.

This is where I am now. Karl who is a magnetic force in my life, a Polaris who draws me to him and makes me forget all reason and logic which governs my life. Elijah is the dawning of spring, soothing with his presence and brightening the world to me. There is nothing I would not give to be with either of them if only... If only to be with one I would not have to lose the other. The thought makes me cring and yet... and yet how can it be love? Only one can hold my heart to have it whole. Before I would have laughed to think it was possible to be in love with two people, two seperate people who are so very different. Yet it seems that this is the direction I am heading. They are tearing me apart when I am not with them but make me forget this mad dilemna when I am. What I would not give for a clear answer.

Sigh.

Here I am, falling in love in two seperate directions. My life has lost its focus. Where has my perspective gone?