ebbrowning

Storytime...
The Tale of Crystal Gee.
By ebbrowning

Once upon a time there was a maiden who lived near the wondrous land of Splooge. She was named Crystal, for she was transparent and had many sides, and also because she was prone to break into nasty, sharp pieces if she was put under any kind of pressure.

One day Crystal heard a great Epic tale that concerned the doings of Habbyts, and she became most fond of two of the characters. The very idea of them gave her heart no rest. She desired to make their acquaintance so much that it dwelled heavily upon her mind.

She hired a nanny of great strength and loyalty to watch over her young daughter whilst she labored to make a living at a nearby inn, but mostly so she might spend copious hours drawing pictures of the comely Habbyts she loved so. (This poor neglected daughter may have had a father, but no mention is ever made of him, so we shall chalk her presence up to an Immaculate Contraption and leave it at that.)

Crystal purchased an Analytical Engine to assist her in the rendering of sketches/photographs and discovered that she could magically place her image with those she so desired. Thus she did so, and told great stories about personally knowing the Habbyts to assuage her loneliness.

Her skill at such Art was not great, but she proudly showed the false pictures as her ‘sketches’ to many and claimed also that she rendered Habbyts as fine art with her own hands in a little blank book. She then suggested, in the public house one night, that the Habbyts did know her well, and did secretly come to her abode and linger there and make merry. Wise Matrons from the Land of Splooge did hear these tales, and did happen upon these false images and renderings and did wonder at these stories of Crystal. Then they did laugh at the obvious Photoshopped quality of the ‘ART’ and the outrageously false tales, and they did mock Crystal in her simplemindedness. .

Crystal did become much angered, and did claim even more violently that the Habbyts DID visit her, and send her tender gifts, and praise her fine work to the sky. Crystal dutifully produced, as proof, things the Habbyts did sign with their very hands, verily did the Nanny come forth and assure the Matrons from the Land of Splooge that Crystal was truthful and not full of the droppings of male cattle are found upon the ground. Others did say it was so, but the Matrons did see it was Crystal herself in various disguises and did mock her even more than they had before. Crystal did then cry her little book was stolen from her and that she could not so prove that work was really hers.

One wise Matron did shew that the original picture that Crystal claimed as her own was not Crystal’s at all. Further, she did shew this to all the Matrons in the Land of Splooge. Thus Crystal was caught in many falsehoods and though she did stomp her feet, and throw crockery and loudly protest, yet Crystal did know she was caught in a lie. Crystal hotly insisted that the Matrons in the Land of Splooge were but nasty Witches, who were cruel and evil and did not love their family, and as such, they would not know Art if it bit them upon their pale, flabby hindquarters.

Finally, Crystal could stand the pointing, the mocking (and the irrefutable evidence that she was spreading falsehoods about Habbyts) no more. She did humbly apologize and crawl off to her LJ to lick her wounds. She did no longer protest that the sketches was hers alone by her fair hand, but did dutifully give Photoshop credit where it was due and also busied herself writing boyonboy fanfic and publishing her badly spelled tales in the lands of Arda and Elljay.

However, her reputation was in ruins and the tales of her lies did spread across the land. Many thought she should have sensibly moved to another place, or at least changes her name, and let the scandal die a quick death. But Crystal keep her name and did stay near the land of Splooge, even though there was an encampment of Matrons nearby who did keep an eye on hers in case Crystal did try to spread false tales or steal work form others again. (This she did try, but was always quickly caught and STILL she did claim persecution, and so despite her trials she proved she had not really learned her lesson and so the Matrons stand guard to this day.)

And the Habbyts? The real Habbyts did doth shake their curly heads and wonder at it all, and verily, they did nod and agree that the Fandom of the Habbyts was the most addled and verily, the most disturbing place in the Kindom of Fandom, even more so than that of the Fandom of Potter, which as we all know, is a very scary place indeed.

Lest We Forget To Wank
http://www.journalfen.net/community/fandom_wank/374922.html