The HMS Dark Unknown

8:57pm: I don't know where they are. :(
http://www.abominable.cc/2007/12/05/24/

I don't know what this is, but I feel like I might cry.

Also: I think I may love Candice Hern, and I haven't even read any of her books. A lot of what we assume to be Regency etiquette comes from Georgette Heyer books, and she was a true snob and the books reflect more of her attitudes than the Regency's.

5:15pm: Twilight
So I pretty much haven't been using this account since I unjoined F_W*, and I was reading around and I wondered: is there anyone who would enjoy a "Twilight cornfield" type of situation? Obviously it wouldn't be an F_W offshoot and therefore there would probably be some crossover and stuff, but the rules about trolling and such would still apply. Or just a generalized Twilight comm, somewhat like the STFU but with much less off-topicness and fic/meta - people might link, in addition to craziness with petitions/leaks/moviewank, entertaining mockery or discussions. What do you think?


* Which has really worked out well for me - not to be an Ataniell but it's really interesting to look at it from the outside as a previous insider

1:49pm: Trial
So my mom and I are avid fans of the Comics Curmudgeon, This Week in Milford, and related sites (Mary Worth and Me, the Luck of Dennis St Michel, &c.). And as a result of the Curmudgeon, I've started reading Apartment 3-G every day, partially to anticipate what he'll say about it and partially because I want to know what crazy drug-addled antics Alan will have and what Margo's going to do next. And then we just realized (like ten minutes ago, while we were making caramel shortbread) that there is no comic blog dedicated to Apartment 3-G, easily one of the most entertaining of the comics of its set (Mary Worth, Mark Trail, Judge Parker ... the drama ones that seem to be set in a weird mixtures of the 50s and the present).

We discussed two options, both of which are somewhat appealing (one is more appealing). One is that Tommie (either a crossdresser or just regular Tommie) writes down everything that happens; the other is that, like Dennis St Michel, Viscount Stokington, it's transposed into the past - in this case, the Edwardian era, or maybe the twenties.

(I'm just using links to the comics right now because I don't feel like bothering with Tinypic.)

( Take One )


( Take Two )

9:23am: Icon very appropriate
Mmmmm. Cleaned out my flist - defriended anyone who hasn't friended me back, because JF's small enough that if you're not going to friend me back I'm not going to bother hanging around after you (I think that's okay on LJ, in the case of people who have giant flists because of their fic or art - you have to start picking and choosing then). Also defriended people who defriended me*, because people who hang around after that seem a bit sad to me. Also unjoined FW and some of the related comms. I wonder if all of this will result in using this journal more or less.



*teeny note of butthurt: I always tell people on the meme to just go ahead and defriend people without bothering to explain why, so as to save drama and awkwardness, but I really wish someone had told me in this case.

10:22am: Fandom
I'm just so tired of fandom in general. Maybe it's just that in certain places I tend to see more quotes and things of people who just suck, but, god. I'm just sick of the woman-hating. This Sandy McCoy thing, which has such an undercurrent of "He should be dating me." Every new female character on Doctor Who making people go "meh" or "Mary Sue" because she has some kind of knowledge that's completely applicable to whatever the episode's about. Every female character getting picked to death, and everyone always deciding that she's either a stereotype of a housewife/emotional woman/cheerleader/mother/&c. or a Canon Sue, because god forbid a person love her kids or cry or love cheerleading, right?

It's the last one that really pisses me off. Do these people seriously not realize how ridiculous it is to insist that all female characters meet the same elusive and exacting standards? She has to physically kick ass, but not too much and not more than the main male character. She has to be good looking, but not beautiful - she can't have people actually notice she's pretty and she can't be secretly pretty. She can't have any special talents that are useful to the plot or she's a Mary Sue, she can't have any that aren't useful or she's still a Mary Sue, and if she doesn't have any special talents she's useless.

I think I make this same post every other month, but. It's still true.

5:11pm: :/
http://saeva.livejournal.com/128390.html?format=light

I am kind of uncomfortable with people ... how do you say it ... getting offended on other people's behalf without knowing how they feel about it. Especially as there are more important issues with "pimp", like minoukatze says in the comments (ie, the costumes and glorification), which do not overlap at all with the usage meaning "promote" (which seems to be entirely fannish).

6:48pm: This icon seemed less obnoxious when I made it a year ago
... I thought we were done with the boobie trains. :(

6:21pm: A male Rose Potter
So I found this epic badfic that seems like it's just a simple AU: what would have happened if Uncle Vernon had hit Harry instead of swinging and missing? But the answer turned out to be "he'd leave him for dead and run away, and then godlike beings would rescue Harry and buff him up and kill Uncle Vernon". And I can't stop reading it. It has that Rose Potter fatal flaw of people magically knowing about things they ought to do because the author's read all of the books, so Harry learns Occlumency with the Brotherhood, &c. and they find most of the Horcruxes by the time Harry's 14. Because Harry's so superpowered and awesome, the girl for him is of course Hermione, and therefore Ron sucks pretty hardcore and Ginny is a jealous, petty wench.

What's really got me hooked is that Draco (who is really dumb in this fic) finds a dagger, and he thinks it would be great to stab Harry or Hermione. Pansy realizes that is a special dagger, and stabs Hermione with it. Harry has to masturbate into a beaker (which will never not be funny) and claim Hermione as his property, and Pansy has to give up a quart of blood - but for Hermione to live for more than six months, she'd need all of Pansy's blood. Because the author has some truly disturbing ideas about the death penalty, this is up to Pansy's family, who decide to let her live.

Pansy is then sent to live with Babymort and be some kind of slave for him and any DEs who happen to be there, with a strongly implied rapey element. Draco is eventually carted off to somewhere distant (his parents used fertility drugs and had triplets, so they don't need him) and has to stay there by himself forever. The two are to get married at some point, and then go back to their shitty lives.

You guys, I really deeply want to read a fic about this Draco and this Pansy and how they miss each other and come to realize that they were real brats, but these people are so much worse, and then come back and kick everyone's ass and take over the world. Also with pining for each other. I think there's something wrong with me.

2:15pm: WRY
You know, I always find the whole "boobie trains" thing kind of offensive and objectifying*, but sometimes I really have to wonder why. In a post about objectifying women's breasts.


*and when I say this I mean "I used to find it vaguely amusing but I full-on hate them now"

11:08am: Really belatedly
I'm sort of belatedly reading John Granger's The Alchemist's Tale and wondering how on earth anyone could use this to support anything other than the canon ships.

“Alchemical sulfur” represents the masculine, impulsive, and red pole, while “quicksilver” or “alchemical mercury” represents the feminine and cool complement. Together and separately these reagents advance the base metal to gold. ... Together, and more obviously, in their disagreements and separation, Harry’s friendships with Ron and Hermione transform him from lead to gold. Sulfur and quicksilver are frequently called “the quarreling couple,” an apt name for Ron and Hermione.

To be honest, I think most of it's crap - it's not that she did these things because they're alchemical, they happen to be alchemical. I think the relationship between "what very often happens in books because it resonates with people or whatever" and "this is a special spiritual path so authors follow it woooo woooooo~!" gets kind of mixed. It seems like alchemy is because of what people write, and not the other way 'round, John.

( For example )

In short, what a crazypants.

6:53pm: I've finally gotten around to watching the second half of VMars, S3.

MAXWELL SHEFFIELD??? Why was I not informed.

2:07pm: Pretty
I find it a little mad that seriously everyone knows the VSD. Seriously everyone.

6:06pm: I'm calling the fic "Ginevra"
RRRRRRGH They let you get all the way to the episode before they tell you you need to be in the US to watch. Honestly. This is what drives people to the torrent sites.

( Oh well, I can work on my fic, then. )



To use the words of the Lovely Nos, it is a bit shit. But that's okay, because it's still better than what it's based on.

4:27pm: You know, as much as I enjoy reading the comments of Mike Smith's HP reviews for the ridiculous people getting smacked down, I feel a bit bad (for him) that a good chunk of the people saying, "Yeah, go you!" are so dumb. For example, in the comments of this post are Madderbrad, Annearchy, Marianros (who calls Lily a "gold-digging bitch" and nobody disagrees with her), T0ra-chan, Aloysius Weasley, and Raven Feathers. I don't know, maybe this is sociopathic or something, it just seems like he deserves more people with sense and senses of humor because he has them. LOL SENSITIVE.

5:52pm: In the comments of the Scalzi post
If there's one thing I like to do, it's note things that make me angry.

Let’s call [slash] what it is. Fetishism. No different than Furries. And it should be treated as such.

( And beyond! )

PS: Never buy anything of Chris Byrne's. Or Ed Bartlett's, because he can't spell "copyright".

I cannot watch the leading-up-to or torture scenes in Pan's Labyrinth. DDDDDDDDDDDD:

8:37pm: I should be writing
In any event, the fact that absolutely none of them choose to stand and fight for Hogwarts makes it pretty clear that absolutely none of them value anything except their own interests. What I like is that this isn't regarded as evidence that all Slytherins are pussies, but that JK Rowling is prejudiced against Slytherins.

♥

3:54pm: My favorite list
Latest on my list of things I can't stand: people being derogatory about Austen and spelling her name wrong at the same time. Seriously, it just makes you look like an idiot. If you're being ranted at by HP fen who like Austen enough to know that she used "gotten", you probably aren't being flamed that badly.

IDKY I still have that comm on my flist. Occasionally something interesting comes up and I read all the comments and wish there were more, but most of the time it's either people going "oh, how stupid are those Americans," "I need to know a derogatory term for gay men in the (70s/90s - choose one depending on whether it's R/S or H/D)," or "I AM MORE BRITISH THAN YOU, OTHER BRITISH PERSON."

4:40pm: Still no word on the teacup
( Chapters Nine and Ten )

11:25am: HOE sux
( Chapters Seven and Eight )

9:16am: This sucks
Amazingly horrid or stupid things about Anise's D/G fic:
- Bellatrix naturally reverts back to her maiden name after her husband's killed
- There are bed elves
- And Goyle routinely kills them ... in bed
- Ginny taunts Draco into trying to rape her, and when he can't she goes catatonic
- The Death Eaters have massive amounts of prisoners on a train
- And Anise explains at the beginning of a chapter that this is because it's mobile - it's not as though they could use Portkeys to get the prisoners to a central location!
- Draco keeps trying to make himself think evil things, but fails out of repressed love for Ginny and not his innate loserness
- Draco routinely speaks with sophistication and rhetoric
- There are actual "rape squads", because the DEs don't have anything better to do
- And Draco is offended that Ginny doesn't trust him not to rape her just because he said he wouldn't
- Draco has these weird violent urges to rape Ginny
- She promises to show him her breasts and she likes it
- Draco has had sexytimes with his aunt D:
- Draco lets Ginny visit Ron, and he's angry that she's being kept by Ginny and is going to hurt her because she asks about Bellatrix having sex with him (Ron), and not glad she's safe or angry at Draco for keeping her
- Ron still comes off better than Draco, esp. after Draco starts torturing Hermione
- Draco is a satisfying and gentle lover

THIS IS SO NOT ROMANTIC OR ANYTHING OTHER THAN RAPEY. It could be sort of hot, in a faux BDSM way, but because I know Draco and Ginny are going to be in love and this is all from Draco's perspective - either make it about how the Dark Arts have corrupted him and made him a creepy little sociopath or have it from Ginny's PoV and leave us in doubt of all of his creepy thoughts so we can imagine it to be romantic.

And yet it's still not bad enough to be entertaining. :(

ETA: I skipped ahead to Draco's trial, and it finally got amusing - Hermione defends him and he jumps up and calls her a Mudblood bitch in the middle of court and then the chains wrap around him again and one hits his "razor sharp canine" (a Malfoy trait) and causes sparks.

7:11pm: WHAT WHAT is especially appropriate
It was the sweetest taste the boy had every encountered. It was like tea with boatloads of sugar, or strawberries dipped in whipped cream. If there was a heaven, it could not be better than kissing Ginny’s butt.

And yes, that is literally kissing her butt.

“You sound so indifferent when you say that. But, well, it involves farting, defecating, and urinating, and I really don’t know if we’ve gone far enough in our relationship for that.”

“Ginny, I am your slave. Otherwise I would not be in this position right now. Do with me as you will.”

“If you say so. I guess I’ll try urinating first.” She leaned back a little, and then released the liquid she had formerly been holding in. It came down like a torrent into Draco’s mouth, hot, wet, and delicious like honey. Two minutes later, she had completed that part. Then she moved forward to her previous position, and farted.

Ginny had used to pride herself on being neat and had only farted once or twice before in her entire life, but over Christmas break she had eaten the right foods to prepare for this event. It was very satisfying to pass gas into the mouth of a loved one, especially a boy as handsome as Draco.

For his part, Malfoy was rather enjoying the fart, because he could not believe that a beautiful girl would condescend to do that to him. Ginny did it again, and again, and yet again. He felt like he was in perfect bliss; nothing could be better than this, kissing the butt of the girl one loves.

Too soon, it seemed, Ginny got off. “I won’t defecate on you today. The magazine I read said that it is unwise to do that unless you can urinate afterwards, because it leaves the boy’s throat dry. So, till next time, sweetums!”

...


“For a blood traitor, she’s not so bad,” Malfoy said, licking his lips. He had noticed that he suffered from fart paralysis for a few minutes after she got off, in which he was unable to move a muscle. Yet, he could not wait for a second engagement under Ginny’s wonderful butt.

12:20pm: a bit of a tantrum
from here.

Almost all the girls I have read about annoy the hell out of me (think Dane (or whatever her stupid name was) in Tamora Pierce's books). And the ones I do like are never girly girls. Pink is my least favourite colour and I have a lot of female friends who only ever wear trousers. They all play computer games and read sci-fi and are tough, proud people. Funnily enough a lot of my favourite authors are women- Catherine Jinks, Diana Wynne Jones, Ursula Le Guin, Susan Cooper (mention the movie and I kill you *burns the movie*) but the manga I read is shounen (boy's) manga like Full Metal Alchemist, Bleach and Naruto.

It is people like you who make it so every single heroine of a YA novel has to hate dresses and any sort of indoor activity, be plain-but-attractive, and just be tomboys in general, and the antagonist (or rival, even if she's not actively rivalling, you know, right?) is pretty and generally good at walking in heels and has breasts. You are making me lose faith in my hope that my generation will be able to move beyond "tomboys are the only good girls" to "any kind of girl can be good, and I'm not just going to write about ones who like to play baseball and soccer because my mother used to tell me to stop climbing trees and put on a dress".

ETA: Daine was hella hardcore, she lived with wolves! And most of Tamora Pierce's heroines are what she's saying she likes, wtf.

ETA2: Also, this is from a fandom community where I'm pretty sure it's mostly slash.

2:46pm: New icon!
I find it really funny that all of the uber-conservatives are complaining because she made the bestest wizard ever gay (thus encouraging children to be gay), and all of the slashfen/disgrunted former-HP-fen are complaining because she made the evil manipulative "nazi" gay (thus implying that bad people are gay).

And a blast from the past:
It's a proven fact that a single anal sex experience causes one to be homosexual. The hormones released by a sexual situation involving the anus being broached, are the same hormones found in large quantities in effeminate homosexual males. For example, when I was much younger I knew a young man who was for all intents and purposes, heterosexual. He was mugged, and involved in a rape situation involving a tent peg. This one event was enough to have him start on a road that eventually led to him becoming effeminate and gay.

9:53pm: I'm eating too much cookie dough
( The Mammoth Hunters )

( Avatar )

2:16pm: More Heroes stuff
I don't know, maybe everyone's seen this, but Heroes as HP characters. I don't know which makes me giggle more, Matt as Neville or Claude as Remus.