Let's play the blame game.
You know what I"m tired of?

Victim blaming. 'Oh why didn't she get herself out of that situation?' 'Why didn't she tell the guy off?'

As if it were quite that simple.

Why do people ask these questions? Why does anyone even wonder about the abused motivations?

Example. I lived with my now ex-husband for six years. Six years of hell. Did it start that way? Of course not. He was charming, loving, wonderful to me in the beginning. Then slowly he sabotaged my self esteem with little cutting comments. 'Oh, you missed a payment on the bills, guess I better take it over now'. Eventually these little cutting comments became larger and larger. You don't even /see/ the cage that's being built around you.

He moved me to PA, away from all my friends and family. Cut off contact with everyone who was 'giving me ideas' and even began limiting my online time. I wasn't allowed to go out with any work friends after work, even. Hell I wasn't supposed to /have/ friends. He probably wouldn't have let me work at all if he wasn't lazy and needed me to work so I could support his need of technological toys. (Because despite him taking over our finances, he never paid the real bills.)

I was so alone, so depressed, and I literally had no way out. I had no vehicle, I was sick and needed surgery, and his abuse was deepening by the day.

Anyone who asks me 'why didn't you just leave him'? Will get socked in the mouth so hard they'll shit out their teeth.

I finally did leave him. I woke up one morning and realized if I didn't get out he was going to kill me. If not physically, than spiritually and mentally.

But having /been/ there, I know what a dark black hole it is, and how hard it is to climb out of it. Rarely does the abuse begin all at once, it's far more gradual than that. Have it happen to someone who's a bit more timid or the quiet type who doesn't want to cause a stir? Bad mojo.

So to the victim blamers out there, go do some research and blame the person who deserves it, the abuser.