And now, it's time for everyone's favorite party game, NAME THAT TOOL!
This game will go for three rounds, with each round worth one point. Ready?

Round one: "I am a thin piece of metal with a hexagonal cross section and a right angle bend. I fit snugly into a bolt which has a hexgonal hole in it, where, by benefit of mechanical advantage, I make it a hundred times easier to turn said bolt. Who am I?"

(Audience shouts in unison: "NAME THAT TOOL!")

Round two: "I am a broad sheet of metal with lots and lots of tiny little teeth. I'm quite good at cutting wood, and if you flex me in just the right way, or hit me with soft hammers, I make very interesting sounds. (I have musical aspirations, too.) Who am I?"

(Audience shouts in unison: "NAME THAT TOOL!")

Round three: "I think rape is a great thing -- after all, ugly women need lovin', too. Also, I think that fathers are horribly slighted by a woman's 'right to choose.' Hell, I think women should go back into the kitchen, and I'm angry that no woman has ever made me some pie yet. But hey, as unfair as it is that I can't get any, at least I have moronic editorial staff who will stand behind me no matter how much of a dumbass I'm being. Who am I?"

(Audience shouts in unison, much angrier this time, some of them holding up nooses: "NAME THAT TOOL!")

Yes, I'm still trying to catch up on all the wank I've missed. One of my colleagues is on vacation at the moment, so I've been at work more, and missing my wank fix.