More cracktasticness than you or your grandmother can handle!
(Please do not bring your grandmother.)
|Name:||The Fourth Impact|
|Bio:||Hear me mortals, for this I have |made up heard. The endtimes are written in the Dead Sea Scrolls that SEELE possesses. The Scroll of Perplexing Series Endings says in Chapter 4, Verses 16-20:
"...And he did return to his people to the them the news he had recieved from the Lord. He said to the multitudes, 'I come bearing bad news for thee. The Lord hath told me that Three Impacts shalt end the world, and one of such Impacts have already come to pass a long time ago." And the people didst weep. But then he said, 'But a also come bearing good news!' And the people said, 'Tell us this good news, so that it may end our sorrows for the moment.' And so he said, 'I hath saved myself a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.' And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals..."
Uh, I think I better skip ahead...
"...Now the Lord didst say, 'The world shalt come to an end after Three Impacts. Three shall be the number of the Impacts, and the number of the Impacts shall be Three. It shalt not end after Four Impacts, neither shalt it end after Two, for then the Second Impact must proceedeth to the Third. Five Impacts are right out. Once the number three, being the number of the Impacts, be reached, then there shalt be a Montage or a Coherent Ending, whichever Gainax decideth to do."
There you have it, folks. And you know what causes Third Impacts? All that tampering with the ozone layer! Well, maybe Angels have something to do with it too, but it's definitely the ozone layer that's the trouble! It's always the ozone layer.
There's two kinds of Third Impacts: Coherent and Montage of DOOM. Coherent is understandable, but has a very bad outcome. Everyone turns to jelly, and that's all she wrote. Montage is completely batshit insane, but I think there's a better outcome. You just see a bunch of random clips and that's it. But that one's a lot sneakier. You could go hours into a Montage Third Impact and not know it. People have been known to SLEEP through them! Best way to check if it's a Montage? Randomly say, "I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!" If nothing happens, you're okay. However, if you hear a jarring chord, three Spanish priests show up, and one of them says, "NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise! Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency! Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope! Our four... no...amongst our weapons...amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise... I'll come in again," you know you're in Impact country. Population: Montage of DOOM...and a tire.
Don't feel like messing with the Spanish Inquistion (and yes, they can be a pain)? Then try to buy a parrot. During a Third Imapct, the parrot should be dead, and you'll have a tough time returning it (they'll try to trade it in for a slug, too!). Don't feel like messing with that either? Well if a mysterious alien race of sentient French deserts (Blamonges) try to cheat their way into Wimbledon, you can be sure there's a Third Impact happening. In the meantime, try challenging those darn Blamonges! You might just win Wimbledon!
So there you have it! Coherent = jelly, montage = Wimbledon Championship. Which one would you prefer? Hey! That sounds like an analogy!
COHERENT : JELLY :: MONTAGE : ____
A. Black Beast of ARGH
C. Wimbledon Championship
Wow, I'm glad that wasn't on the SAT.
...Uh, what was I talking about again?
|Account Type:||Free Account|