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RICHARDS: I don't think BOB GELDOF thinks he needs anybody's help. But I wonder if BOB GELDOF has realized that he's way out on a limb. I feel like I'm BOB GELDOF'S only friend. I know the way BOB GELDOF lives. I know everybody else who knows BOB GELDOF. I know that Charlie Watts dished him out a great fucking right hook and that was Charlie Watts saying, "You and I have had it." It was '84 or '85, and BOB GELDOF was wearing my jacket at the time. It really pissed me off. Charlie punched him into a plateful of smoked salmon and BOB GELDOF almost floated out the window along the table into a canal in Amsterdam. I just grabbed his leg and saved him from going out. Meanwhile, my jacket, my favorite jacket, got ruined. Why did I lend him that jacket?

PLAYBOY: What was the fight about?

RICHARDS: It was about absolutely nothing. I had taken BOB GELDOF out for a drink in Amsterdam, so at five in the morning, he came back to my room. He's drunk by now. BOB GELDOF drunk is a sight to behold. Charlie was fast asleep. "Is that my drummer? Why don't you get your arse down here?" Charlie got dressed--in a Savile Row suit, tie, shoes--shaved, came down, grabbed BOB GELDOF and went boom! "Don't ever call me 'your drummer' again. You're my fucking singer."

NEVER DOUBT THE CANON.

this message made possible by hogwarts on tour and the good citizens of memerica.

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CHARLIE WATTS &C, CHAPTER 2.3
(Anonymous)
2006-11-22 12:48 am UTC (link)

FUCKING KEEF WAS IN FUCKING FRENCH-CANADALAND.
"WELL," HE SAID. "AT LEAST IT'S NOT WALES."

MARIANNE SNORTED. "GO GET SOME SLEEP, BB. WE'LL SEE WHAT WE CAN DIG UP ON THE LADY SAUCER AND THIS PANCAKE CONNECTION BEFORE YOUR FLIGHT LEAVES. CAN YOU COME IN STRAIGHTAWAY?"

"I'M STILL AT CUDDLES'."

"OH, RIGHT." SHE COVERED THE PHONE AND SPOKE TO SOMEONE. CHARLIE COULD ONLY MAKE OUT A FEW WORDS, "TINNED TOMATOES" AND "WHORESAUCE", AND MARIANNE WAS BACK BEFORE HE COULD CONNECT THEM TO ANYTHING. "I'M SENDING PEACHES TO YOUR HOUSE WITH YOUR DOCUMENTS AND TICKETS. HOW ARE YOU SET FOR WEAPONS?"

THIS WAS HIS LEAST FAVORITE PART OF THE JOB. ASIDE FROM HIS TRUSTY HAMMER, CHARLIE DIDN'T LIKE CARRYING WEAPONS, ESPECIALLY NOT THE CLUNKY SIDEARMS PREFERRED BY MOST OF HIS COLLEAGUES. THE HOLSTERS DID TERRIBLE THINGS TO THE LINING OF HIS SUITCOATS.

"I'M SURE THERE'S SOMETHING AT THE HOUSE..." HE TRAILED OFF BEFORE HE COULD FINISH THE SENTENCE. EVEN IF THERE WERE A GUN AT THE HOUSE, HE WOULDN'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE TO FIND IT.

MARIANNE WAS, OF COURSE, NOT HAVING ANY OF IT. "YOU'LL HAVE TO COME IN IMMEDIATELY THEN. I'LL HAVE ONE OF THE TROLLS MEET YOU AT THE RANGE WITH A SELECTION OF FIREARMS."

"BUT-"

"DON'T ARGUE WITH ME ON THIS, CHARLIE. YOU CAN'T WALK INTO QUEBEC WITHOUT SOME FORM OF PROTECTION. THEY'RE SAVAGES."

IT WAS USELESS TO ARGUE AND CHARLIE KNEW IT. THE QUEBECOIS WERE SAVAGES. ONE MINUTE YOU WERE WALKING DOWN THE STREET, HUMMING A LITTLE TUNE, AND THE NEXT YOU WERE LYING IN THE GUTTER AS THUGS SHOUTING THE MARSEILLAISE TAP-DANCED ON YOUR HEAD AND INSULTED THE MARQUEEN.

"FINE. I'LL BE THERE IN A FEW HOURS." CHARLIE HUNG UP ON HER BEFORE SHE COULD TWIST HIM INTO AGREEING TO ANYTHING FURTHER.

INSIDE THE GARISHLY LIT BP SHOP, HE GRABBED A COPY OF NME AND A PACKET OF ONION-FLAVORED CRISPS. THE CLERK BEHIND THE COUNTER GRUNTED WHEN CHARLIE ASKED FOR A CARTON OF CHESTERFIELDS AND SHIFTED HIS BULK OFF THE SMALL STOOL.

"ANYTHING ELSE?" THE HUGE MAN THREW THE CARTON DOWN ON TOP OF THE PACKET OF CRISPS. HIS NAME TAG, WHICH WAS COVERED IN GREASY DRIPS AND WHAT LOOKED LIKE CRUMBS OF SALT, IDENTIFIED HIM AS DAVY GEST.

CHARLIE SHOOK HIS HEAD AND TOSSED A FEW BILLS AT THE MAN, THEN SCOOPED UP HIS PURCHASES AND ALL BUT RAN TO THE CAR. THE LAST TIME HE'D STOPPED IN THIS PARTICULAR SHOP, HE'D BEEN TRAPPED INTO AN INTERMINABLE CONVERSATION ABOUT THE CLERK'S EX-WIFE. AS IF ANY SELF-RESPECTING WOMAN WOULD MARRY THAT LOL FATTY.

WHEN HE ARRIVED BACK AT CUDDLERAY'S HOUSE, SHE LEAPT INTO THE CAR ALMOST BEFORE HE HAD FINISHED PARKING AND RIPPED OPEN THE CARTON OF CIGARETTES. A FLICK AND AN 'AAAHH' LATER, SHE GAVE A THROATY PURR AND FLOATED BACK INTO THE HOUSE. CHARLIE FOLLOWED, THE SMELL OF MELTING BUTTER WAFTING ON THE AIR AND TICKLING HIS NOSE.

IN THE KITCHEN, BOWIE WAS ATTACKING A HUGE PLATE OF SAUSAGES AND TOMATOES. CUDDLERAY FLITTERED BETWEEN THE COUNTER AND THE TABLE, PILING TOAST ON A PLATTER AND SLIDING EGGS ONTO PLATES.

CHARLIE WAITED UNTIL HER BACK WAS TURNED AND TOSSED THE EMPTY CRISPS PACKET IN THE TRASH. BOWIE GAVE HIM A WIDE GRIN, REVEALING THE SKIN OF A TOMATO CLINGING TO HIS FRONT TEETH.

"EAT UP, CHARLIE!" CUDDLERAY NUDGED HIM TOWARD A CHAIR AND GRACEFULLY SETTLED OVER HER OWN SEAT. "PLENTY FOR EVERYBODY."

FORGOING HIS USUAL IMPECCABLE TABLE MANNERS, HE STARTED SHOVELLING FOOD IN HIS MOUTH. THIS WAS PROBABLY THE LAST GOOD MEAL HE'D HAVE BEFORE THIS CASE WAS OVER. CUDDLES GIGGLED A LITTLE THEN LAUNCHED INTO A STORY SHE HAD ALREADY TOLD AT LEAST A HALF-DOZEN TIMES SINCE HE AND BOWIE HAD ARRIVED. CHARLIE LET HIS MIND WANDER WHILE SHE TALKED, TRYING TO REMEMBER WHO HE STILL KNEW IN QUEBEC.

MORE IMPORTANTLY, HE WAS TRYING TO REMEMBER WHO IN QUEBEC WOULD STILL BE WILLING TO TALK TO HIM.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	WELL, SO MUCH FOR THE SAVING YOU THE SCROLLING (Anonymous) 2006-11-22 12:49 am UTC (link)
	SOZ, GUYS. D: (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: WELL, SO MUCH FOR THE SAVING YOU THE SCROLLING (Anonymous) 2006-11-22 12:52 am UTC (link)
	ILU! (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: WELL, SO MUCH FOR THE SAVING YOU THE SCROLLING (Anonymous) 2006-11-22 12:56 am UTC (link)
	AWW, TY! ♥ (Reply to this)(Parent)

	Re: CHARLIE WATTS &C, CHAPTER 2.3 (Anonymous) 2006-11-22 01:15 am UTC (link)
	THE QUEBECOIS PICTURE HAD ME ROFLING! MORE PLS! (Reply to this)(Parent)

	Re: CHARLIE WATTS &C, CHAPTER 2.3 (Anonymous) 2006-11-22 01:18 am UTC (link)
	OHH CHARLIE ILU. AND THE QUEBEC SAVAGES! I LOVE ALL THE LITTLE IN-JOKES YOU INCORPORATE ALL THE TIME, LIKE THE NME MAGAZINE AND PEACHES (GELDOF, AMIRITE OR JUST RAVING?). I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT! (Reply to this)(Parent)

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