8
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS AND ALL THROUGH THE MEME, ALL THE MICE WERE A STIRR'N AND IT WASN'T A DREAM.
"LET'S PLAY SPIN THE BOTTLE!" SAID LOVE MOUSE, HER CHEEKS A'GLOW WITH DELIGHT.
"NO ONE SPINS BOTTLES LIKE GASTON JOSH HARTNETT!" SAID JOSH HARTNETT ON HIS TWELFTH DRINK OF THE NIGHT.
BY THE BAR TEA!MOUSE WHIPPED A DRINK!
"I LOVE YOU GUYS, BUT I'M STARTING TO THINK," DOVE!MOUSE UNWRAPPED ANOTHER CHOCOLATE AND WHAT DID SHE SEE?
"IT'S THE SPIRIT OF GIVING AND LOVE ALWAYS COMES FREE!"
"WHO WRITES THIS TRIPE?" DOVE!MOUSE ASKED, CHUCKING THE CANDY TO THE FLOOR.
"I DON'T KNOW," SAID A MOUSE. "BUT IT'S PROBABLY A WHORE."
"HAVE SOME SCOTCH LADEN TEA, IT WILL CHEER YOU RIGHT UP!"
"TRUFOX," SAID DOVE!MOUSE. "BOTTOMS UP!"
THEY DRANK AND THEY PARTIED UNTIL WHO SHOULD ARRIVE; FOODPORN!MOUSE, A CART OF CAKES BY HER SIDE.
"I KNEW YOU'D COME!" SAID LOVE!MOUSE. "I DIDN'T DESPAIR!"
"OF COURSE I'D SHOW," FOODPORN!MOUSE ANSWERED. "HAVE A CHOCOLATE ÉCLAIR."
THE PARTY CONTINUED WITH DRINKS AND BAR FIGHTS.
"HAVE A KITTEN!" SAID KITTEN SPAMMER. "IT WILL TOP OFF THE NIGHT!"
"WE NEED MUSIC!" SAID ONE MOUSE; "CLASSIC ROCK!" SAID ANOTHER.
"I DON'T KNOW," SAID A SKEPTIC. "ISN'T THAT STUFF FOR YOUR MOTHER?"
STONES!MOUSE LOOKED AGHAST, LIKE SHE COULDN'T BELIEVE!
SHE KNEW JUST WHO TO CALL, JUST WHAT THIS PARTY DID NEED.
KEITH RICHARDS APPEARED IN A BRIGHT YELLOW FLASH!
"I'M HERE TO PLAY MUSIC; GIVE NEW LIFE TO THIS BASH."
"THIS KINK IS OKAY!" SAID THE SKEPTIC AT LAST. "HIS MUSICS OKAY, AND HE'S GOT A NICE ASS!"
AT THE END OF THE NIGHT WAS THERE A TRUTH TO BE GLEANED? YES: EVERY THING'S BETTER IN THE SHAPE OF A PEEN.

As much fun as we know all you mouse partiers are having right now, we'd like to take a solemn moment to remind you of the mice out there who CAN'T party with us tonight. We speak of course of these poor mice. We're standing by their hospital bedsides as we type, and it doesn't look good. These unfortunate mice, they give so much and ask for so little...their one wish, the only thing they want in all the world...is as many of these as you can get your oblivious partier hands on (and maybe a fan letter or two if you're feeling generous). Email the marqueens with your donations! Thanks! We knew we could count on you!