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Gray and Jesse Spencer. Feelings. (Players Only)
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July 12th, 2006 - 04:53 pm
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Matthew Gray Gubler and ![[info]](http://www.journalfen.net/img/userinfo.gif) jessespencer. Talking things out.
Will be cross-posted.
Players Only.
Jesse looks around his flat, the furnished place his parents keep in London simply to be able to have a place to go when they are in town. He uses it more than they do, always has, but especially since he's generally made the city his homebase. The place is dismal to him, though it is impeccably decorated by some firm years ago. There's no heart to it and until Gray, he'd never noticed.
Sighing, he tries to remember why he invited Gray here, to this dreary place. But, the reality is that Gray is expected any time now and there's nothing to be done about it now. Instead, Jesse checks the kitchen, makes sure there's beer and snacks, which of course the staff keeps stocked without his asking. Finally, he settles in his favorite chair, the large plush and butter soft leather one where he spends his time reading when he's at home.
Gray enters the posh place with a glance around, waving at the doorman before getting into the lift. He hums to himself, bag slung over his shoulder--containing the chocolate he had stopped and gotten--because you can never have enough chocolate. He's looking forward to tonight, though he's not sure exactly what about it has him feeling a bit giddy. Smiling, he moves out of the elevator as the doors ding open, rapping lightly on Jesse's door and waiting.
At the knock, Jesse springs up like a jack-in-the-box that has finally wound itself down. Chuckling at his own behavior, he pauses to take a couple of deep breaths before opening the door to let Gray in. Of course, his good intentions of being suave and cool go right out the window when he sees Gray and instead, he tugs his lover close and kisses him long and hard.
Pressing against Jesse, Gray kisses back hard, finally pulling back with a grin. "Well hello to you too," he states, licking his lips. "I brought chocolate!" Moving past the other young man, he tugs him after him.
Jesse lets himself be led, chuckling as Gray pulls him along. "Mmmm, chocolate is a good thing. I have real food too, if you want some. I am pretty sure the cook has stocked the freezer with oven style meals." He grins lopsidedly at Gray, well aware that he barely fends for himself.
"Stocked the freezer with oven style meals?" Gray repeats, shaking his head. "That's ...kinda creepy. Maybe we should just be really bad and order a pizza tonight instead."
"We can do that...we can do anything you want." Jesse walks them into the kitchen. "You want a drink? Something to go with that chocolate? Or shall we order dinner now?" He knows what he wants and it's none of the above, at least not just yet, but he's vowed to be good and not just jump Gray immediately. His lover means too much for him to give the wrong impression of why he wants Gray around. And really, it's not just for the hot sex.
"A drink sounds great, or two or five," Gray says, grin goofy. "And I think we should definitely order that pizza now. We can munch on chocolate in the mean time..." Moving around the kitchen, Gray pokes at this and that. "Are you sure you live here and this isn't just a decoy?"
Snorting, Jesse nods. "Promise. I just don't spend much time here." He shrugs. "Mum and Dad like things a certain way and keep staff on year round so they can stop in whenever they like." With a grin, he opens the fridge. "We have beer, more beer and a selection of alcohol in the liquor cabinet. Anything particular tickle your fancy?"
"Liquor, not beer, if it's being offered," Gray grins. "And god, I can't imagine everything having to be a certain way. I mean with some things I'm like that--'cause I'd lose my head if it weren't attached--but in general I live in a state of controlled, barely, chaos..."
"I learned early that Mom and Dad expected a certain level of things from me. In all things." Jesse sighs and tugs Gray into his arms for a kiss, for the grounding. "Being around you helps so much. And liquor it is." He hugs his lover tight before releasing him to lead him back into the living room and over to the bar. "We have most anything you can imagine back here."
"It does?" Gray asks, trailing after Jesse with a shy grin on his face. "I sometimes think my parents wish I hadn't been quite so smart, you know? On some levels it caused a lot of problems, and that I could pretty much pick up anything if left alone with it for a few moments. It was...intimidating for them. I think they wish I'd just been more...normal."
"It does." Jesse smiles at Gray and reaches out to touch him, tug him close. "I can imagine it would be intimidating to a parent, but I'm glad that you are as smart as you are." He wavers, unsure of himself or of them, but figures in the end it's something they need to talk about. "Let's get a drink and curl up on the couch...food later." Jesse mixes up a couple of drinks for them and hands one to Gray before he sinks into the leather couch and makes space for Gray to settle between his legs and against him.
Settling in happily, Gray snuggles close. "So you like me crazy smart?" he asks, giggling, sipping his drink as he leans against the other young man.
"I do. It makes you who you are and I like who you are." Jesse smiles, hiding it behind his glass as he sips at the fiery liquid with a sigh. The smell of Gray's hair tucked under his nose has Jesse nuzzling in close, breathing it in and brushing light, teasing kisses across his cheekbone.
"Well, good then," Gray says, nibbling lightly at Jesse's neck and just settling in--enjoying the quiet moment. He's impressed they haven't ripped one another's clothes off yet honestly, and he's glad.
Jesse purrs and wraps an arm tighter around Gray. This quiet, relaxed time is different and so cherished. There are things that should be said, but the saying could cause a rift and he's just not feeling brave enough to take that chance right now. He sighs softly and sips at his drink again.
"What was that?" Gray asks, shifting and looking at Jesse. "That wasn't a happy, content sigh."
Gray's look is intent, piercing even and Jesse smiles at him, holding back another sigh. He hadn't meant to give himself away and certainly not this early in the evening. "It's nothing, love. I'm just glad that you are here, that we can sit here and enjoy each other...not just have to play or jump right into bed." In an effort to distract his lover, Jesse dips his head in and kisses Gray, lightly and teasingly.
Pushing at Jesse and chuckling lightly, Gray shakes his head. "I'm not to be that easily deterred. If you're happy with it, why the sigh?"
"Because I don't want things to change. I want us to be here, like this." Jesse smiles wanly at Gray and tugs him in closer. "And, talking about it makes it something that can be an issue. And the last thing I want are issues with you."
"Don't want things to change how?" Gray asks, watching Jesse closely.
Shutters come down over his eyes, the emotion draining out to hide his fear. "I don't want to push you away, to lose you." Jesse sips at his drink, not meeting Gray's eyes, cursing the fact that he's left himself open to this vulnerability. It's been years and years since he's even thought of letting someone else have the power to hurt him.
"Well, if you keep hiding like this you're more likely to do it than just telling me what's on your mind," Gray says softly, noticing the immediate change. "I'm not always that great at reading people, you know..." Leaning forward, he kisses Jesse's chin. "Talk to me, please. You're freaking me out a little."
"I don't do this well." Jesse sighs and tilts his head into Gray's. "A long time ago I loved someone." He chuckles harshly and sips at his drink. "Really, I guess it was just a few years, though it seems much longer. He was my world, everything I ever wanted and when I told him he disappeared." Pain washes over him still and he closes his eyes.
Gray frowns, stroking his fingers over Jesse's brow, a soft, soothing touch. "I'm sorry," he says softly, though his heart has quickened a bit. Is Jesse about to say he loves him? Or is that assuming too much? "Well, no matter what you have to say, I've no intentions of disappearing on you Jesse."
He leans into the touches, the softness of it and turns to brush a kiss on Gray's hand before opening his eyes. They are slightly wet, luminous and he takes a deep breath. "You've got under my skin, turned me inside out." Jesse chuckles softly and reaches up to grab Gray's hand in his own. "I lo..." he stops and takes a breath. "I like you so much; I think I might even be falling in love with you...fast and completely unplanned." He goes quiet and turns to kiss Gray, a light brushing of lips over lips. "I don't want to lose you because of it...scare you away."
Blushing, Gray doesn't say anything for a moment, but there is a small smile on his lips. "You aren't going to have to worry about scaring me away," he states finally, stroking Jesse's face and then feathering his fingers back through the other young man's hair. "Because I've been feeling the same way and wasn't sure what to do about it."
Jesse leans into the touches, sighing quietly and letting his eyes drop shut. "I...I can't tell you how glad I am to hear that." Chuckling softly in relief, he opens his eyes and leans in to kiss Gray. "It'd tear a piece out of me if I lost you."
"You're not going to," Gray assures him. "This is all a little new for me too...relationships, if that's what this is?"
"Relationship." Jesse stops and pulls back to look at Gray. "Yeah, I guess it is." A beaming smile breaks out across his face and he squeezes his lover tight. "I...I've never had anything like this before, but I want you and I want it to work."
"Mmm so do I..." Gray purrs. "Does this mean we can't play with others though?" The young man pouts a bit.
"Not at all...at least, not unless that is what you want." Jesse's brows furrow. He'd not thought in those terms about the whole thing and as far as he is concerned his feelings for Gray have nothing to do with the playing and the fun they have with other people. Gray's question, however, causes him to pause and worry that his lover might not feel the same. Biting at his lip, he looks at Gray with a raised eyebrow.
"No, that's not what I want," Gray assures Jesse. "I like playing too much..." He smiles, kissing his lover lightly. "I just wanted to make sure it wasn't what you wanted...”
Jesse smiles at the kiss and deepens it. "I agree that playing is way too much fun to give up." He sighs inwardly and another piece of his hardened shell cracks. This is just another reason why he's falling in love with Gray; they are compatible in so many ways. "Our feelings have nothing to do with casual encounters and everything to do with who we are when we are together."
Giggling softly, Gray nuzzles closer. "I like who we are when we're together..." He waggles his eyebrows teasingly.
"So do I, love...so do I." Jesse laughs at Gray's antics, turning to kiss his lover's mouth soundly and tightens his arms around Gray. "I'm glad that we can make the time together, to be like this together."
"So am I...I'm going to miss you while I'm gone..." Gray murmurs.
Wrinkling his nose, Jesse huffs out a breath. "Same here. I'd..." He stops, hesitating to offer, to have Gray feel as though he has to accommodate a new lover in his world. "I'd be willing to meet you somewhere during the time you're gone. If you have time off and if you want, that is." Tossing back the rest of his drink, Jesse grimaces and wishes he could take back those needy words.
"You'd do that?" Gray inquires, smiling. "If you're willing to come to Turkey, I'm sure I could get away for a few days here or there...go into Ankara. It's a very metropolitan city..." Nearly vibrating with excitement now, Gray is beaming, plans already flying through his head.
"More than willing to do that." He makes a mental note of Ankara and decides that he needs to do some research, pamper his lover after he comes off the dig. "I wouldn't care if it were a tent on the side of the road." Jesse blushes but it is the truth and he's vowed that he has to work on telling Gray things.
"Well, even if you came out to the dig, it wouldn't be a tent on the side of the road per se," Gray grins, shaking his head at Jesse and then kissing him deeply. "This is a very unexpected, happy surprise."
Jesse chuckles as well. "I'm glad that it makes you happy. I think I'd go into serious withdrawal if you were gone for too long." Winking at Gray, he slides a soft kiss over his lips. "I was thinking that maybe when you are all done, we could spend a week on the Mediterranean on my family yacht." With a grin, Jesse quirks his eyebrow at Gray.
"Now that sounds completely decadent," Gray comments, grinning a bit as he considers. "And like it might be just the ticket before classes start and to unwind. Assuming your family isn't on the family yacht?"
"They won't be by that point...though I will call ahead and make sure." Jesse grins at the idea of trolling the seas and stopping in at tiny islands with Gray. All the privacy in the world to just play and be. "Some day, maybe you'll meet them, though I only see them for holidays and when I am under strict orders for having caused a ruckus somewhere." He chuckles and wraps his arms and legs around Gray. "I like getting into trouble, in case you hadn't noticed."
"I can tell..." Gray presses against Jesse. "And I have a feeling your parents wouldn't approve of me anyway..." Kissing his lover's throat, Gray nips gently. "I am liking the idea of this yacht trip more and more though...can you handle the thing on your own? I'm afraid I wouldn't know where to start with sailing a yacht...you do sail those right?"
"They are sailed and no, I can't handle it on my own. We have a crew that sails the thing and we generally run amok on it as we will." He groans and tilts his head, offering up his throat. "I'm glad that you are liking the idea. It'll be fun, just the two of us with the sun and water and doing whatever we want for as long as you can spare time away." Jesse takes Gray's drink from his hand and puts it on the side table, turning his lover across his lap to delve into a thorough kiss.
Giggling as he's moved, Gray wraps his arms around Jesse's neck. "We're sailing on a yacht with a crew?" he asks when the kiss breaks.
"Yup, a full crew to keep us moving about while we do whatever it is we feel like doing." He chuckles and nuzzles at Gray. "Though, really it's only a few people who are there...maybe four or so." Jesse is quite used to that and though he would hate to admit it, might be hard-pressed to really have to fend for himself.
"How many people does it actually take to run a yacht?" Gray inquires curiously. "Is it something you could teach me and we could...maybe do together some time?"
"The yacht definitely requires more than two people, but my family has a couple of sailboats in different ports and the two of us could easily do something like that." Jesse beams, glad that Gray is interested in these things and that he would want to go with him sometime. "We'll have to figure out a time when that works out."
"I think we should definitely do that...though we should maybe start with a day trip, to make sure I don't end up drowning us both...I'm not exactly mechanically inclined..."
"A day trip works. It'd give you a feel for it, the fun and the work of a boat." He turns Gray's face to his, nibbling at his lower lip before sliding his tongue between them to explore the dark cavern of his mouth. Groaning, Jesse shifts, arching his hips into his lover's body and grinding his hardening erection against his hip.
"Mmm...so...we've established we like having moments where we don't just fall into bed, so now that we've done that--is it okay if we fuck ourselves stupid? Just 'cause...?" Gray inquires, giggling, though the sound turns into a groan as his cock makes contact with the other young man's.
"God, yes please!" Jesse groans and shifts closer to Gray, arms and legs tangling a bit. With a sigh of frustration, he pushes Gray to stand up and follows him to his feet before tugging his lover as close as possible to kiss him senseless.
Giggling, Gray kisses back, rubbing wantonly against the other young man. "Take me to your bed," he rumbles.
With a laugh, Jesse scoops him into his arms and heads toward his room. It's not the easiest of things, but sometimes whimsy with your lover is exactly what the night calls for.
{Feedback welcome; Comments screened} |
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